Jokes & Humor - Just Another Day at the Forum

Help! I'm buying a bike and I need advice
Is this a good model that's worth the price?
I'm new to riding so it must be steady
Oh, did I mention I bought it already?

What's the highest gear I should use?
What's that smell inside my shoes?
I heard about a new kind of light
It needs no battery - Does that sound right?

What's the best bike for me to buy?
If I run a red light, will I die?
What kind of food do you all eat?
Who makes the most comfortable seat?

How much do you think I should weigh?
How far does everyone ride each day?
Which brake lever should I use the most?
I think I bent my carbon seat post!

Should I stand on hills or should I sit?
What does it mean to "Google it"?
Does anyone know where to buy a trike?
Why do squirrels keep attacking my bike?

I pedal so fast I can't be drafted
Riding with others was fun while it lasted
I'm way out in front and all alone
Guess I've got too much testosterone

Do you like the taste of energy bars?
Why do I keep getting hit by cars?
Help! - there's a noise I cannot find
Oh, it was my knee - never mind

Is it OK to use automotive grease?
Watch out for the grammar police!
I rode all day and I'm not even sore
I just can't feel my legs anymore

I don't know the time of day
But I love to repeat what "experts" say
You should see my new bike - WOW!!
Look at me! I'm over 50 now

Why does cycling give me gas?
What the heck is Critical Mass?
Let me share my equipment lust
Another cyclist bites the dust

I saw it,too, the guy was dead
Oops! I hijacked my own thread!
So what does Bike Forums say to you?
Go ahead - Add a line or two!

Tom

All our hard work catalogged(SP?????) for future reference:D

What bike is good for a couple of G's?
I can hear "someone" now..."No AOL'ese please!"
Oh well, "they" will be fine, but I'm just testin',
2 b or knot 2 b, tht iz da' questin'

Flat proof tires I need
repeating myself but paying no mind
I fell, wanna see me bleed?
Will doing this make me go blind?

should I buy shimano or should I buy campy
whats the difference can anyone help me
a team shirt's the thing to make me go faster
but will they all just call me a bit of a poser

The smell from Slvoid's saddle is getting quite strong
better cycle upwind I had better not be wrong.
How cruel life can be, my bike's been stolen
shouldn't have left my garage door open

my kryptonite lock is all shiny and thick
but my bike is on offer to any kid with a bic
which pedal should I use and what sort of shoes
I am in a race tomorrow and I don't want to lose

now we even have, a womens only forum
no men allowed because we would bore them
too shocking and crass to be allowed in
I just have a brain the size of a pin.

got hit by a car, but I was prepared
with a camcorder duct taped on the top of my head
I did run a red light and rode the wrong way
but never mind that part, the driver must pay.

"you must get a HID", half the experts cry,
"a Rohloff, a shaft drive, a Schmidt hub - and why
not upgrade to a Brooks?" - "NO, you are all liars",
say the other half, "You really need airless, solid tyres."

--J

I've just turned thirteen and have no decorum
Perhaps I should consult the BMX forum

I've wasted my youth and my energy's spent
You'll see me next week on my shiny new 'bent

My Toyota hybrid sports a John Kerry sticker
My carbon frame race bike just gets tricker and tricker

If your're offended at all by these metric disasters
Let's hear some more verse from you poetic masters

This part's the best,
Better than all the rest!
Why is better why oh why?
The price is so high, that's why!

Oh no, I flew over the bars the other day,
The good thing is I landed in hay.
Oh no, I screwed up on a drop,
And I think I heard a really loud POP.

I need some new tube,
I need some new lube,
Where can I get it for cheap,
I don't want to pay a heap.