Jokes & Humor - Chuck Norris Jokes... GO!

If Chuck Norris has $5, and you have $5, Chuck Norris still has more money than you.

Chuck Norris created himself [and the Universe] by punching which produced the "big bang".

Chuck can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris wears Bruce lee pajamas.

When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norris

Chuck does not make push ups, he is bench pressing the Earth.

Chuck died long time ago, but the Death is afraid to tell him.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. But Chuck wears Jens Voigt pajamas.

Chuck Norris CAN divide by Zero.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

lmao they're all funny cuz they're true! keep em coming! I knew so many back in the day and now I can't even think of one!

Chuck Norris was once shot. The bullet died.

Chuck Norris is Darth Vader's father.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris counted all the way to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris's motorcycle is 4WD.

Youtube video of Chuck Norris reading Chuck Norris jokes.

It starts with a great one involving Lance Armstrong...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA_hMq-JUOE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZDoNbD6i8E&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvmEZiIX3Yg&feature=related

They replaced the Richter scale with a new one that is based on Chuck Norris' punch.
The big one that sinks California will be a 3.

Chuck Norris took a jewelry making class. He ground down the diamonds in his wife's earrings with his beard.

Chuck Norris' blood can be used for gunpowder.

Every time Chuck Norris cracks his knuckles there is an avalanche somewhere in the world.

http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php/255424-Chuck-Norris-Knock-Knock-Joke

http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php/255424-Chuck-Norris-Knock-Knock-Joke

From the middle of that list:

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. So is Eddy, The Badger and Sean. I think Jens can cut stainless steel...

Chuck Norris used to be a good actor. Now he's an insane secessionist that rambles inanely. Chuck Norris IS the joke.

Chuck Norris used to be a good actor. Now he's an insane secessionist that rambles inanely. Chuck Norris IS the joke.

I'm not sure I agree with yer premise. He could act? Pose maybe, but act?

http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php/255424-Chuck-Norris-Knock-Knock-Joke

The one about crop circles is still my favorite!

When God said "let there be light!", Chuck Norris said "say, please".

The universe is not expanding. It's trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Good actor? ...I think you mean cartoon character. I agree, he is the best Chuck Norris joke. Chuck and Lance, a perfect pair.

Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris, doesn't get his Trek warranty claim denied. :lol:

I was a big fan of Chuck when I was nine and a half.

It's true.

Chuck Norris challenged Zakk Wylde to a guitar duel once, now Chuck Norris plays bass.

Some people can ride their bikes with no handle bars. but chuck norris can ride his handlebars with no bike.

Chuck Norris causes pots to boil by thinking about watching them.

Chuck Norris once knocked out his opponent with a round house kick. ... He was sparring with his own shadow at the time.:eek:

1.Chuck Norris seems to be worried about the environment. His car is roundhouse kick powered.
2.An airplane needs no engine or propellers. Chuck Norris could send it flying with a roundhouse kick.
3.When he was a child, Chuck Norris used to throw Boeing 747's around as paper airplanes.(even though most real planes are actually made of aluminum).
4.Chuck Norris is the ultimate thread killer. He destroys a thread by roundhouse-kicking the original post, which makes the whole thread collapse. Internet scientists estimate that Chuck has murdered more than 2,000,000 threads over the Web.


(http://www.barbaraling.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/chuck-norris-2.jpg)

Gravity does not hold Chuck Norris down. The Earth comes up to meet him.

If Chuck Norris rode a RoadBike, he would do more damage to the peloton than... Pat McQuaid.

5.Chuck Norris doesn't need the ignition key to steal an automobile, he can just lift the car and carry it away.
6. We need no rockets to send things beyond the Earth's atmosphere, Chuck Norris could roundhouse kick a spacecraft into outer space.

One of my favourites...

As a mere teen Chuck Norris impregnated each and every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to baby boys who would grow up to become the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris and Ann Coulter meet in a dark alley in the
roughest part of town. Someone opens an alley door and
Ann's face is illuminated briefly.

Chuck Norris screams like a girl and runs away.

http://funny-pics-fun.com/wp-content/uploads/Demotivational-Posters-Babies-11.jpg

The Make a Wish Foundation's wish is to meet Chuck Norris in person.

When Alexander Graham Bell made the first phone call, Chuck Norris answered it.

Fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia, fear of small, confined spaces is called Claustrophobia and fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet he scares the crap out of it.

Check out the '70s movie "Breaker Breaker" if you want to see a real Chuck Norris joke.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

When Chuck Norris crosses the street the cars look both ways.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper inside

Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains undefeated.

-If they made a movie with Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated "R" for extreme violence.
-When Chuck Norris plays pac-man the ghosts stay in their box.
-Chuck Norris doesn't lay the butter on the bread, he lays the bread on the butter.
-While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
-Once a clown threw a pie at Chuck Norris' face. Since then, the clown had a red nose.
-A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him. That man was Stephen Hawking.
-Hiroshima wasn't nuked, Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked a grenade out of the Enola Gay.
-Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.
-When Chuck Norris shaves, he uses a new angle grinder every time.
-The planes in 9/11 were not hijacked. Chuck Norris was just playing with his old radio controller.

Chuck Norris uses the lethal injection to have a 5min nap

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

chuck norris jokes (http://chuck-norris-jokes.org)

When Chuck sees this thread he won't sue you. He will come to each of your homes and kick your asses.

All at the same time.

Chuck Norris woke up at 4:30 one morning and the moon squeeled "Oh crap! I'm late" and ducked!