MsVicki
11-29-04, 02:18 PM
Santa is a plumber??
Jokes & Humor - Christmas is coming!
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randya
11-29-04, 04:16 PM
Ho Ho Ho!
Santa Claus
11-29-04, 07:10 PM
Santa is a plumber??
Oops, bad camera angle!
And randya, you are a very naughty boy. No goodies for you this Christmas!
Oops, bad camera angle!
And randya, you are a very naughty boy. No goodies for you this Christmas!
forum*rider
11-29-04, 08:02 PM
Ho Ho Ho!
disturbing to say the least :eek:
disturbing to say the least :eek:
Funkychicken
11-29-04, 08:34 PM
Ho Ho Ho!
touche.
touche.
MsVicki
12-05-04, 09:46 AM
This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. This won first prize.
Christmas With Louise
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of pantyhose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year, I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise". She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray.
I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."
"Who would play with something like that? " Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room.
But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise.
Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning.
Then she lurched from the pantyhose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants. Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.
Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies.
I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
Christmas With Louise
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of pantyhose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year, I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise". She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray.
I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."
"Who would play with something like that? " Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room.
But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise.
Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning.
Then she lurched from the pantyhose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants. Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.
Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies.
I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
beatle bailey
12-05-04, 11:48 AM
Do you really expect us to believe that story???
I have one similar to yours: Two old geezers went to a house of ill repute. One of the 'girls' saw them coming up the walk way, and went to the madame and told her that she did not want to mess with the two old goats, what should she do? The madame told her to put two inflatable dolls in two rooms and let the old boys have at 'em.
Later after the two geezers were done and walking away from the house, one said to the other: "Man the gal I had must have been dead, she just laid there, didn't do a thing!" The other old fart said: "well mine was a witch". "A witch" replied the other, "what do you mean?" "Well" answered the other guy "when I bit her on the tit, she farted and flew out the window".
I have one similar to yours: Two old geezers went to a house of ill repute. One of the 'girls' saw them coming up the walk way, and went to the madame and told her that she did not want to mess with the two old goats, what should she do? The madame told her to put two inflatable dolls in two rooms and let the old boys have at 'em.
Later after the two geezers were done and walking away from the house, one said to the other: "Man the gal I had must have been dead, she just laid there, didn't do a thing!" The other old fart said: "well mine was a witch". "A witch" replied the other, "what do you mean?" "Well" answered the other guy "when I bit her on the tit, she farted and flew out the window".
Sandra
12-05-04, 12:48 PM
Do you really expect us to believe that story???
I have one similar to yours: Two old geezers went to a house of ill repute. One of the 'girls' saw them coming up the walk way, and went to the madame and told her that she did not want to mess with the two old goats, what should she do? The madame told her to put two inflatable dolls in two rooms and let the old boys have at 'em.
Later after the two geezers were done and walking away from the house, one said to the other: "Man the gal I had must have been dead, she just laid there, didn't do a thing!" The other old fart said: "well mine was a witch". "A witch" replied the other, "what do you mean?" "Well" answered the other guy "when I bit her on the tit, she farted and flew out the window".
Actually, I think that Ms. Vicki said "This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. This won first prize." I doubt seriously that she cares if it is true or not. It is still HILARIOUS, unlike the joke that you posted.
I have one similar to yours: Two old geezers went to a house of ill repute. One of the 'girls' saw them coming up the walk way, and went to the madame and told her that she did not want to mess with the two old goats, what should she do? The madame told her to put two inflatable dolls in two rooms and let the old boys have at 'em.
Later after the two geezers were done and walking away from the house, one said to the other: "Man the gal I had must have been dead, she just laid there, didn't do a thing!" The other old fart said: "well mine was a witch". "A witch" replied the other, "what do you mean?" "Well" answered the other guy "when I bit her on the tit, she farted and flew out the window".
Actually, I think that Ms. Vicki said "This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. This won first prize." I doubt seriously that she cares if it is true or not. It is still HILARIOUS, unlike the joke that you posted.
Santa Claus
12-06-04, 08:18 AM
Shameful!
Santa Claus
12-06-04, 08:19 AM
History of eggnog?
Santa Claus
12-06-04, 08:20 AM
Yikes!
Santa Claus
12-06-04, 08:21 AM
Poor Frosty!
Santa Claus
12-06-04, 08:22 AM
A flat!
MsVicki
12-08-04, 11:06 AM
Time once again to test your "naughty or nice" rating to see if ole Santa Claus will come and see you.
http://www.claus.com/naughtyornice/index.php
MsVicki
Nice, with a few exceptions. Needs to be nice to everyone not just friends.
Could try a little harder when things are tough.
Good sense of humor. Made list last year. Needs to be good all December.
Hmm, I guess I got TOLD!
;)
http://www.claus.com/naughtyornice/index.php
MsVicki
Nice, with a few exceptions. Needs to be nice to everyone not just friends.
Could try a little harder when things are tough.
Good sense of humor. Made list last year. Needs to be good all December.
Hmm, I guess I got TOLD!
;)
cyclingshane73
12-08-04, 12:30 PM
Overall, niceness outweighs naughtiness. Was good a lot last month! Politeness often good, but has room for improvement. Could help around house more instead of watching so much TV. Expected to move even higher up "nice" list.
WOW - How did it know???
WOW - How did it know???
MsVicki
12-08-04, 02:01 PM
Have you ever wondered who Santa thinks you are?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/derby/fun_stuff/christmas/santas_little_helper_names.shtml
Ms Vicki = Wriggley Christmas-cracker
http://www.bbc.co.uk/derby/fun_stuff/christmas/santas_little_helper_names.shtml
Ms Vicki = Wriggley Christmas-cracker
hi565
12-08-04, 02:04 PM
This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. This won first prize.
Christmas With Louise
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of pantyhose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year, I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise". She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray.
I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."
"Who would play with something like that? " Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room.
But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise.
Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning.
Then she lurched from the pantyhose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants. Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.
Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies.
I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
i got through about 4 lines and then realized how long it was and gave up, what happened in a sort wrap up? :)
Christmas With Louise
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of pantyhose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year, I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise". She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray.
I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."
"Who would play with something like that? " Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room.
But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise.
Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning.
Then she lurched from the pantyhose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants. Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.
Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies.
I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
i got through about 4 lines and then realized how long it was and gave up, what happened in a sort wrap up? :)
MsVicki
12-08-04, 02:08 PM
i got through about 4 lines and then realized how long it was and gave up, what happened in a sort wrap up? :)
Pity you gave up.....it is pretty funny stuff. Whatever happened to loving to read? :p
Pity you gave up.....it is pretty funny stuff. Whatever happened to loving to read? :p
hi565
12-08-04, 02:33 PM
When did i love to red when did that happen?
i guess ill have to readitnoww :o
i guess ill have to readitnoww :o
hi565
12-08-04, 02:38 PM
haha :roflmao:
thats pretty funny!
thats pretty funny!
cyclingshane73
12-08-04, 07:03 PM
Have you ever wondered who Santa thinks you are?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/derby/fun_stuff/christmas/santas_little_helper_names.shtml
Ms Vicki = Wriggley Christmas-cracker
cycingshane73 = Cutie Hot-Elf.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/derby/fun_stuff/christmas/santas_little_helper_names.shtml
Ms Vicki = Wriggley Christmas-cracker
cycingshane73 = Cutie Hot-Elf.
forum*rider
12-08-04, 08:21 PM
Man, santa told me I needed to brush my teeth more.....
iamlucky13
12-08-04, 09:54 PM
Naughty or nice (except for the smiling part, this is dead on :D)
iamlucky13 -
It was a pretty good year, wo we'll go for a "Nice" rating. A few naughty marks for excessive junk food, not going to bed on time and nearly forgetting someone's birthday. Really tried to keep up with household chores, though. Extra credit for smiling a lot. Is kind to senior citizens. Keep improving!
iamlucky13 -
It was a pretty good year, wo we'll go for a "Nice" rating. A few naughty marks for excessive junk food, not going to bed on time and nearly forgetting someone's birthday. Really tried to keep up with household chores, though. Extra credit for smiling a lot. Is kind to senior citizens. Keep improving!
hi565
12-09-04, 03:14 PM
what does it mean by sur name?
hi565
12-09-04, 03:16 PM
hahahahahaha :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:
my names lucky scrooge. Thats great
my names lucky scrooge. Thats great
Daotenac
12-10-04, 05:14 AM
MsVicki, Take thee not one bit of notice of the negative comments, the story was a good, short read.
This is the trouble with some folks today they want everything in a tin or take away or instantly.
Laziness is never any good unless it is thouroughly carried out. (My Grandpa)
Thanks for a nice story, keep them coming.
Have a wonderful Christmas, don't forget the real reason why we celebrate the time of year, and be kind to everyone all year round, not just Christmas? Daotenac.
Insanity is hereditary, we get it from our kids?
Insanity has it's price - Please have exact change?
This is the trouble with some folks today they want everything in a tin or take away or instantly.
Laziness is never any good unless it is thouroughly carried out. (My Grandpa)
Thanks for a nice story, keep them coming.
Have a wonderful Christmas, don't forget the real reason why we celebrate the time of year, and be kind to everyone all year round, not just Christmas? Daotenac.
Insanity is hereditary, we get it from our kids?
Insanity has it's price - Please have exact change?
MsVicki
12-12-04, 09:57 AM
Ways To Confuse Santa Claus
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that
you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays.
Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and
wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney.
Refuse to let him leave because the party is in "his" honor.
While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he
comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last
payment, and take off.
Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa
arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well.
They always return to the scene of the crime."
Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and
corrections.
Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see
them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!"
and fire a gun.
Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with
unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the
house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been
"trampled." Threaten to sue.
Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This
neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that
you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays.
Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and
wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney.
Refuse to let him leave because the party is in "his" honor.
While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he
comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last
payment, and take off.
Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa
arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well.
They always return to the scene of the crime."
Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and
corrections.
Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see
them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!"
and fire a gun.
Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with
unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the
house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been
"trampled." Threaten to sue.
Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This
neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
AdrianB
12-12-04, 03:25 PM
These are great MsVicki. :)
hi565
12-12-04, 04:20 PM
:roflmao: :lol: Ms.vicki that was pretty funny!
MsVicki
12-12-04, 07:21 PM
Uh oh!
JavaMan
12-12-04, 09:00 PM
"Christmas with Louise" was great! It reminds me of James Thurber's style.
Tom
Tom
MsVicki
12-13-04, 08:54 AM
Santa's vengeance....
I guess he found out who had been naughty and not nice!
This is what you call getting even.
I guess he found out who had been naughty and not nice!
This is what you call getting even.
Santa Claus
12-13-04, 09:03 AM
Uh oh!
Hmm, I could have done without my sexual harassment trial being brought up here.
I think you have been very naughty this year, Ms. Vicki!
Hmm, I could have done without my sexual harassment trial being brought up here.
I think you have been very naughty this year, Ms. Vicki!
MsVicki
12-15-04, 09:45 PM
Pelt Buddy and the elves in a snowball fight.
http://www.elfdecoder.com/static_pages/snowball_fight.html
http://www.elfdecoder.com/static_pages/snowball_fight.html
Baz
12-17-04, 12:52 PM
Wow. I topped out the nice scale. Probably 'cause I always wear a costume when I abuse the elderly and homeless, and give an assumed name when Santa's agents ask who did it...
MsVicki
12-19-04, 12:11 PM
This was posted last Christmas. I just got it again in an email, and it made me laugh out loud once more.
Poor Santa!
Poor Santa!
MsVicki
12-21-04, 01:01 PM
The day the elves won the lottery...
Santa Claus
12-23-04, 10:53 PM
Catching a few zzzz's before the big night!
MsVicki
12-30-04, 09:36 AM
Where icicles really come from...
MsVicki
12-30-04, 09:41 AM
Poor Rudolph!
MsVicki
12-30-04, 09:47 AM
How to save yourself money at Christmas...
Santa Claus
12-30-04, 12:24 PM
I see you are starting early this year, MsVicki. You should top the naughty list by next December if you keep this up! Looks like I will have to contract with the coal miners again to have enough coal to leave for you next December 25th.
I ho-ho-hope you like them apples!
:mad:
I ho-ho-hope you like them apples!
:mad: