Foo - Is the 3 months of salary for an engagment ring rule pretax or after tax?

Cause I just got a new job and jeesh, three months salary pretax for a ring is nuts!

Buy the ring you can afford. You can always upgrade later when you buy the wedding band or even later yet for an anniversary gift.

It's not a rule, it's a scam pushed on people by diamond producers.

It's not a rule, it's a scam pushed on people by diamond producers.

You'd think sane people would go into marriage or the threat of marriage with the goal of saving money for the important things....like a home, food, clothing, kids, etc. But nooooooo, instead way too many spend like drunken sailors for baubles and parties and even go into debt for them! It's no way to start a marriage, especially in this economy.

Find a diamond broker, preferrably ones that works from a home office with little overhead. Do not buy retail. Tell the broker your budget and cuts that you like and go from there. I saved a ton of money going this way and my wife has a beautiful but simple ring with a much bigger and better quality diamond in it than I could have afforded had I gone retail.

It's not a rule, it's a scam pushed on people by diamond producers.

Yeah, DeBeers started that whole thing in 47 -"A Diamond Is Forever"

I paid about $250 for an engagement ring with 1/8 carat. Married 27 years and counting. The 3 month rule is bunk.

If the young man invests less than the cost of one of his game consoles, he's not a keeper.

I paid about $250 for an engagement ring with 1/8 carat. Married 27 years and counting. The 3 month rule is bunk.

Bingo!
Just my opinion here....but I would not want to marry a woman who thinks the ring size is that important. What's more important is the person and their beliefs about marriage, family, money....all the stuff you will be dealing with for the rest of your life.

I paid about $250 for an engagement ring with 1/8 carat. Married 27 years and counting. The 3 month rule is bunk.

+1. Bought and 1/8 carat chip and tiffany setting from a jeweler friend for about $200.00. Been married 20+ years.

Bingo!
Just my opinion here....but I would not want to marry a woman who thinks the ring size is that important. What's more important is the person and their beliefs about marriage, family, money....all the stuff you will be dealing with for the rest of your life.

See, size doesn't matter.

Effffff that.

I'd say skip the diamond & just save the money for your future together. Been married 29 years & I guess my engagement ring $$ is invested somewhere down the pasture....

Bingo!
Just my opinion here....but I would not want to marry a woman who thinks winky size is that important.

I'd say I can see why...but I can't...not without a magnifying glass.

OR - if you think she really needs a ring, ask your grandmother for hers?

^ ^ what all of them said. I knew my wife was a keeper when she refused to let me buy a real diamond for her ring. She didn't like supporting the industry. In the end I had a custom ring made for her with a high quality diamond simulant (http://betterthandiamond.com/), sapphires set in white gold. She gets a ton of compliments on it, I spent 1/10th of what the same ring would have with the same sized diamond, she's happy as can be, and I wouldn't have a coronary if something happened it the ring.

For many women, the diamond signifies the value the spouse places on her as an individual. The old "it cost a lot but she is worth it" thing. 3 months is bunk though. Buy what you can afford but buy decent quality over size. Bigger isn't better in diamonds unless you are compary like grades. If she thinks it is, move along, there is always another bus right around the corner.

Try estate sales as well. Take the stone and have it reset. Maybe even recut and reset. You don't think all the diamonds on the market are fresh from the ground do you?

Buy it right, buy it once.

My wife has a ring with a single sapphire in it. We spent $125 dollars on it. The sapphire was a gift from my father. If I had bought her a diamond ring with three months of my salary, I don't think our marriage would be any better for it. In fact, it might be worse off as we wouldn't have as much money saved.

Another one here who spent relatively little on a ring. It was still close to three months of my salary, but that is relatively little. :o

but seriously folks, that rule is just a benchmark. Some people will have way more to spend than that, most of us will not even have that much or wish to spend it on a ring. Ignore that rule imo.

If it is really important to your fiancee, then maybe three months is not so bad. It doesn't make her shallow or unworthy as a spouse...if she is demanding and petty about all things monetary, that's different.

I agree with others it's better to start your marriage as a team saving towards more important things (and take it from me, you can never save too much!!), but only you and your spouse know what matters most to you for your wedding. Just make sure it's what you want, not what your friends or Madison Ave. tell you to want.

Spend only that amount which will not make you cry, after you lose the ring in the divorce and she sells it.

For many women, the diamond signifies the value the spouse places on her as an individual.
Such a very, very sad way to see things. :( Definitely not my type of woman. Etc...

Such a very, very sad way to see things. :( Definitely not my type of woman. Etc...

That doesn't make it untrue.

Yes it is nuts. It's just a marketing ploy. What chipcom said.

What I did was I got a nice diamond from my mother's estate and then went around till I found the proper ring to mount it in and only paid for the ring it went in. She got a beautiful custom ring unlike any other in the world, and I didn't have to pay too much.

If you just need to spend more, have a nice honeymoon instead.

Yes it is nuts. It's just a marketing ploy. What chipcom said.

What I did was I got a nice diamond from my mother's estate and then went around till I found the proper ring to mount it in and only paid for the ring it went in. She got a beautiful custom ring unlike any other in the world, and I didn't have to pay too much.

If you just need to spend more, have a nice honeymoon instead.

This

I think the significance of a wedding ring to many women goes far beyond mere advertising. Guys have lifelong fantasies too, even if Madison Avenue feeds into them and sticks their hands in our pockets.

But as this and other posts show, you can convey your caring in other ways than simply a dollar amount. I think putting the thought/effort in is what will really matter to any gal worth marrying and spending your life with.

15yrs here, no Engagement ring. We both have simple gold bands as wedding rings. I actually gave my wife my grandmother's ring. She lost it a week later. We filed an insurance claim, and just never got around to buying another one. The $ was better spent in other ways when we were young and poor. Now she doesn't want a diamond.

My first wife didn't get an engagement ring. We were young and poor. We each got a simple gold band. We were married 13 years.

My second wife bought her own engagement ring. Then she bought a replacement after we were married because she didn't like the first one. We were married less than two years before splitting up. Still not divorced, just living alone.

If I ever decided to get married again (fat chance) there will be no engagement ring.

Both of my wedding were inexpensive affairs. The divorces... not so much.

Go and watch Blood Diamond before you go ring shopping... it'll save you a ton! :thumb:

I remember 20 years ago the diamond advertisements were saying "a good rule of thumb is two months salary." Now they're saying three? Must be inflation.

I've never owned a car worth three months of my salary.

No engagement ring for me. Spent $150 each on custom rings for our first anniversary. For us, it is about the marriage. Jewelry is insignificant.

I sacrificed a lot of crack and spent three month's welfare checks on my wife's ring.

I didn't spend anywhere near the "three Months of Salary" on the engagement ring for my fiancee. I brought the ring after she said yes. I did pay the same amount as my most expensive bike did cost though (and told her that).

Buy what you can afford. She should value you for yourself not what you can buy.

Paid $235 for a .20 carat round cut set in 18k white gold. 12 years ago.

She lost it.

Went to go try and replace a couple years ago: $780. Not that it matters now.

This

I think the significance of a wedding ring to many women goes far beyond mere advertising. Guys have lifelong fantasies too, even if Madison Avenue feeds into them and sticks their hands in our pockets.

But as this and other posts show, you can convey your caring in other ways than simply a dollar amount. I think putting the thought/effort in is what will really matter to any gal worth marrying and spending your life with.

Yes, the ring is a very important symbol, and says a lot about how you feel about her. But throwing cash at the problem is not the answer. It's putting the effort at finding the right one, that seems to be as much a part of her as breathing. And it also reflects your circumstances at the time.

But at the same time, it's only a symbol. You are far better off making sure that you are starting off together with a solid basis of trust, honesty, consideration and financial sensibility.

What are the rings that you speak of??

No engagement ring. She paid like $100 for simple bands that we both lost during the past 12 years. I paid for the blood tests, certificate, and 'The Rev' and his chapel that we got married in. Went to the State Fair afterwards.

Not a big rock in my entire family. My marriage is the shortest at 12 years. Parents and grandparents both sies were over 50 and fit the old 'til death do us part'.

No engagement ring for me. I'd have to check on others. About 50% Church weddings, but not big buck affairs.

Mine, a small Chapel. Mom and dad in her parents back yard. Brother a Church wedding at the Church his wife attended, reception at her parents house, Sister in my maternal grandparents back yard, the same place mom and dad were married.

A neice is getting married next may, at a vineyard. Not the church of that name, a real vineyard where they grow grapes to make into wine. (Wine tasting excursion excuse for me!).

1 month salary-good looks
1 month salary-good sex
1 month salary-she has a good job
3 months salary-for a triple play only

Here's a good perspective

http://www.nil2million.com/engagement-wedding/does-two-months-salary-on-an-engagement-ring-still-hold-true/

I work in the jewelry field, and I always remind people that buying a ring should be an act of Love and not one of Indebtedness. It is much better to buy something you can afford and have something left for real investments like a nice home ..... That being said, there seems to be a corelation between the uniqueness of the ring and the uniqueness of the woman. If you spend some time creating something custom or unusual, it can mean much more than the actual $$ value of the ring. Engagement rings are important symbols in our society, but their importance is often mistakenly evaluated by their value in dollars. Think outside the box and whenever possible, ask one of the woman's friends to "suss out" what she likes or is interested. Dont put everything (dollarwise) that you have into the stone- remember to make the metallic part of the ring something of durable quality and beautiful design.

Well, if you don't mind a little digging and you have the $7.00 admission you can always try here. What could be more romantic than getting the diamond straight from old Ma Nature her self?

Crater of Diamonds State Park (http://www.craterofdiamondsstatepark.com/)

http://www.texarkanagazette.com/content/uploads/pictures/2009/10/Royce%20Walker%20with%20diamond.jpg

The only wedding ring that counts is the one she puts in your nose.

When I asked my wife to marry me, and after she stopped crying... the first thing she said was that she did not want to waste money on an engagement ring... but that a custom built tandem would be a nice engagement present.

:)

Our marriage was a simple small affair and our rings are not even made of gold... we both liked the idea of titanium bands which we had custom made which costs much less.

Maybe Ms Kardashian knows the answer to this one?

I spent $2K on a 1c diamond. I haven't regretted it. I worked in the hay fields all summer and paid cash. We shopped around and found what she liked. I would recommed taking her with you to pick it out. 18yrs and still going.

Wedding rings. . yeah. . . $12 silver bands from Canada, but $40 each to have engraved.

She lost that, too.

No big deal. I lost mine, too after I stopped wearing it. Thought it was in my disc bag. Guess it fell out.

Our marriage was a simple small affair and our rings are not even made of gold... we both liked the idea of titanium bands which we had custom made which costs much less.

So no carbon fiber then.

Three months salary?

I'd be suspicious of a woman who thought spending a lot of money on a ring is a good idea.

Sounds like some messed up priorities.

Three months salary?

I'd be suspicious of a woman who thought spending a lot of money on a ring is a good idea.

Sounds like some messed up priorities.

My grandparents were married 56 years... they had nothing but a homestead when they got married and the thought of spending money they did not have on anything was a foreign idea.

My grandparents were married 56 years... they had nothing but a homestead when they got married and the thought of spending money they did not have on anything was a foreign idea.

I think if the OP is being pressured to show that he can spare 3 months salary to prove his love, he should instead start a savings account and save up 3 months worth of salary, then give the account to his fiancee.

At that point, if she's still obsessed with blowing vast amounts of money on a little band of obscenely overpriced metal with a chip of mineral, she can go ahead and do that.

It's a scam. You didn't say whether or not you were looking to get married, just if you needed 3 mos salary. As a girl, my advice is to take her with and let her pick out the ring within a budget you both agree on. Your biggest problem with be the guy that tries to sell you a ring as he'll want you to buy the most expensive ring he's got and try to convince her that a bigger ring means he loves you more. That's bullcrap and we all know it.

My ring is a simple 1/4 carat diamond. After 14 years of marriage, my DH purchased a wrap to go around it as I had no desire to "upgrade" despite the guy trying to push us on a bigger diamond ring.

We paid 50 dollars a piece for our bands 18 years ago. Same bands are several hundred dollars now. Ouch.

DON'T go into debt over a ring. Worst case scenario is divorce and you'd be stuck with a payments over a ring she has and you may never see again. Friend of ours spent 5,000 dollars on a ring and a couple of years later the marriage fell apart and he was still paying on the ring.

And no one said you had to have a diamond. Maybe there's something else she'd rather have.

Oh..never pay full price for a ring even if it's on sale. It's all a game and make sure you come out a winner.