Fifty Plus (50+) - Is it time to hang it up?

Hi,

Here is the story...

I am 73 years old and my wife is afflicted with dementia and several
other infirmities and is no longer able to care for herself in any way.

I have a great helper that comes in for 32 hours a week to give
me a break *and* help care for my wife.

My problem with respect to bicycling is that if I have some kind
of accident and break *something* ( collarbone, hip, etc) then I
will not be able to care for her. i.e. get her out of bed, dressed, take
her to the bathroom ( and cleanups ),etc...

This would mean that I would likely have to place her in a nursing home and
I do not think this would be good for her in any way.

Has anyone here had to deal with this sort of problem or have a friend
in a similar situation?

Thanks

Jerry

PS: I am putting the bike on a trainer today...Daughter number 1 insists that
I continue exercising.

I agree with daughter number one.

Do get outside though, even if it's just for a walk or puttering around.

I'm with daughter # 1. Your health is extremely important to your wife. I know too well as my dad speeded his death by not caring for himself properly as my mom slipped further into Alzheimers. He ignored a problem and hid it from all of us (he did a pretty good job of hiding how bad mom had gotten as well). By ignoring it, he ended up in the hospital and never came out.

My wife is currently primary caregiver for her mom (dimentia) and I make sure she gets releived often to take care of herself and that includes exercise.

You need exercise for your physical and mental well being. You will be a much better caregiver if you remember to care for yourself as well.

If you're in reasonably good shape, doing short rides and not cycling downtown or in traffic, your chance of getting seriously hurt is really very low. I'd say the benefits to your mental and physical well-being outweigh this small risk. We're more likely to get hurt falling on a sidewalk in winter, or driving on a highway.

Keep exercising. The trainer is a good idea, but as others have suggested, do some outside walks.

Keep riding, but lower your exposure. Stick to MUP's and avoid vehicular traffic.

Yes some of us know where you are coming from. Still if you plan on staying around to care for your spouse exercise at our age is even more important. Injury can come at anytime and any place. If you are concerned about falling look into a recumbent trike but don't give up your time to get away and just be you or you won't last. Cycling is more that physical health it adds to mental health as well.

If riding your bike helps you maintain your mental and emotional health, don’t give it up, but like others have said, lower your exposure. You could just as easily trip and fall in your house and break something.
And, best wishes your way. My Dad has Alzheimer’s and it’s no picnic.

Ride anywhere. Consider a Trike with a highly visible orange flag.

I'm a sole bread-winner who works with his hands. If I get injured, no income.

So I ride carefully.

I'm going to join the "Ride the trainer" group. It may not feel 100% like riding outdoors, but the important thing is that you are riding and keeping yourself healthy and that is good for the both of you.

If you're in reasonably good shape, doing short rides and not cycling downtown or in traffic, your chance of getting seriously hurt is really very low. I'd say the benefits to your mental and physical well-being outweigh this small risk. We're more likely to get hurt falling on a sidewalk in winter, or driving on a highway.

I am pretty essential to my family in a variety of ways.

I have rather carefully assessed the dangers of various types and places of riding, and have purposefully lowered my risk to as low as I can get it.

One of my risks is lack of exercise, another is losing my mental health. I balance these against the low-level risks associated with the types of bicyling I do and keep on riding - but just as safely as possible.

One can have an accident anywhere. The more in shape one is the better to survive an injury or other problem. So, keep in shape, keep your mental health good, keep bicycling, even if short rides.

A friend of mine was in a very similar situation when he was 84. After someone else in our bicycle club had an accident on one of our rides he decided that he didn't want to accept the risk and quit riding.

But he joined a local hiking group instead. His wife has since passed away and he's still hiking regularly at 91.

I read The Art of Cycling to help me avoid injury: http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=the+art+of+cycling+robert+hurst&hl=en&prmd=imvnso&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.,cf.osb&biw=1249&bih=566&wrapid=tlif132337612326210&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=14429461730713518774&sa=X&ei=Cx7hTuO_F4fCgAer95DhBQ&ved=0CF0Q8wIwAA#

Robert explains the risks and how to lower the odds of having a fall or other issues. Cycling can be very safe.

I'm almost 3 decades younger, but my late return to cycling has yielded expected improvements in physical conditioning, as well as, tremendous unanticipated mental benefits. I'm sure your situation is taking a tremendous mental toll.

Think of regular exercise not as time off, but as a time to recharge, and be more effective in your role. As such, elimination shouldn't even be a consideration. However, if can understand perhaps limiting cycling to more protected areas. And, should the need arise, you could always go to tadpole configuration trike. I've seen many a younger character flying along is these beasts, although they sit rather low, and as such, I wouldn't ride one on a major route.

Your worry about leaving your wife without a caregiver is admirable but you can't avoid all risk. If something has changed to make biking more risky (e.g. balance problems) make changes, like a trike. Otherwise, it sounds like biking could be what saves you in this period of stress. Just take sensible precautions. Remember, you are more likely to have an accident driving to the grocery store or tripping on the front steps.

If it worries you, make arrangements for a backup in case you are laid up. You could be injured by all sorts of things besides cycling. Or you could get sick. Chances are your daughter or other children could step in and help for a while.

It's important for you to do something for yourself, and to keep your self in shape.

You need to keep riding. If danger is your consideration, then stick to the paths and mups. Look into some of the nice trikes that they have these days so that you can stay sporty. You need the exercise and you need the time outdoors.

Everyone is different. I would go nuts if I had to ride on a trainer. We live in the Arizona desert so I can ride year-round. I am very careful but you can trip over a rug in the hall way too. Its a hard choice and I wish you luck in it. For me, it would be outside ride time until I can't do it anymore.

Exactly what DnvrFox said above.

When my wife's father was in a similar situation, both his daughters were plain in expressing their hope and opinion that he continue his own life to the full extent possible.

What would happen if you got in a car accident? Fell down the stairs? Got hit by a car in the supermarket parking lot? and on and on. The only way you lose is if you change your lifestyle unnecessarily.

At some point, both you and your wife will benefit if she can be cared for in a Memory Care assisted living community.

Whatever you decide to do, yrrej, it will be the right thing.

Next time I hear some fool trying to sound macho while blabbering about sports, or politics, or the warfare he only watches on TV, I'll just quietly think to myself - I've seen "tough", buddy, and it ain't you. "Tough" means just trying to do what needs to be done when the time comes, as best you can.

I am a firm believer that exercise can reduce the effect of an accident (which you could have doing anything). Sedentary folks lose both muscle (affecting their stability and resilience) and bone, so even minor events can have life-changing effects. I enjoy cycling, but I do see that some of the risks I choose (like being speedy downhill) could catch up to me. I have started to enjoy rowing a lot, but don't get on the water often. Even so, I spend some time on my Waterrower (http://www.waterrower.com/)almost every day.

Good luck

-G

For your own health, both physical and mental, continue riding like you always have.
Someone is already helping 32 hours a week; great.
You can get hurt/incpacitated in hundreds of ways; so will you just curl up on the couch?
We are in our late 70s and continue riding . . . it is a great stress reliever!
Good luck.

Ride the trainer for exercise, go ride a bike path for a time-out. ps, You are a saint!

Keep riding as your daughter says. Once you quit doing things, you are on the down hill slide, and you know where that ends up. And you need to stay is good health for your wife.

Your worry about a broken collar bone could be fixed by going to a LWB recumbent. It is nearly impossible to go over the handlebars on on a LWB bent. They are just plain generally safer.

I would agree with others who have noted that there is risk in many things in life. And, I understand wanting to be available as a caregiver as long as possible. I think, however, that the respite and positive benefits of riding far out weigh the risks. If you burn yourself out, and caregiver burnout can happen even with lots of support from others, you'll be of little use to your wife. So, if the outside riding brings you even a small amount of joy or pleasure, I'd encourage you to do it when you can.

The answer is "no" it is not time to hang it up. It is time to heighten your awareness of risk management.

Has anyone here had to deal with this sort of problem or have a friend in a similar situation?No one else can or should speak for you nor your wife.

Life is special. You need to remember your wife and what she would want you to do; and how much is she is OK with your cycling choices. Asking strangers on the Internet is OK. But you probably know that this is just a cop out and a way to cope with decision-making that you aren't ready to own.

Keep riding, but lower your exposure. Stick to MUP's and avoid vehicular traffic.

I'm not convinced that's lowering your exposure. I've had 4 bicycle accidents that ended with me in the back of an ambulance. 3 occured on MUPs, 1 on the road. The road accident, by the way, did not involve other vehicular traffic. The most serious bike injury that I'm aware of occured on the road but also did not involve motor vehicle traffic in any way.

I'm not convinced that's lowering your exposure. I've had 4 bicycle accidents that ended with me in the back of an ambulance. 3 occured on MUPs, 1 on the road. The road accident, by the way, did not involve other vehicular traffic. The most serious bike injury that I'm aware of occured on the road but also did not involve motor vehicle traffic in any way.

Some of the more crowded MUPs are not as safe as a quiet country road. So where a cyclist lives and rides can determine the best routes.

In NE Illinois, the MUPs in the Forest Reserves are the best bet by far.

..........One of my risks is lack of exercise, another is losing my mental health. I balance these against the low-level risks associated with the types of bicyling I do and keep on riding - but just as safely as possible............

Great comment! I do think that often times people underestimate how important those two things can be in a person’s life, regardless of age or life situation.

All situations are different; Rydabent, I hope you can find a way to keep the things you love in your life as you care for your wife..…Thinking of you.

You can't avoid the risk of living. What you *can* do is lower the risk of serious injury from a simple accident. Get a recumbent trike, or at least a recumbent such as a TourEasy which has a lower seat. That way, a fall won't have such serious consequences. Skin heals faster than bone, at any age. BTW, trikes can be quite sporty; so you don't have to get something that'll make you look old.

Hi,

Here is the story...

I am 73 years old and my wife is afflicted with dementia and several
other infirmities and is no longer able to care for herself in any way.

I have a great helper that comes in for 32 hours a week to give
me a break *and* help care for my wife.

My problem with respect to bicycling is that if I have some kind
of accident and break *something* ( collarbone, hip, etc) then I
will not be able to care for her. i.e. get her out of bed, dressed, take
her to the bathroom ( and cleanups ),etc...

This would mean that I would likely have to place her in a nursing home and
I do not think this would be good for her in any way.

Has anyone here had to deal with this sort of problem or have a friend
in a similar situation?

Thanks

Jerry

PS: I am putting the bike on a trainer today...Daughter number 1 insists that
I continue exercising.

Riding a trainer is a good ,and safer, way to ride while still caring for your wife.

Like it or not your Job #1 is managing your risk exposure to any sort of injury or illness for as long as you can so outdoor cycling is off the table for now.

You also need to make whatever provisions you can for your wife's care ,and your care, now while you are in control so that when that time comes it doesn't blindside you !!

Best of luck and ride safe.........

Your worry about a broken collar bone could be fixed by going to a LWB recumbent. It is nearly impossible to go over the handlebars on on a LWB bent. They are just plain generally safer.

Do you think?

I had several folks tell me recumbents are safer while I was in the hospital recovering from a broken hip. I broke my hip while riding with my wife on our Screamer recumbent tandem.

I'd stay on the bike in that situation.

One issue is that every activity carries risks. As far as I can tell, bike riding has similar risks to car driving. But you'll NEVER hear someone say, "I'm going to quit driving because if I had a wreck, I couldn't do thus-and-so". We just automatically assume that the driving must be done, and then deal with the consequences as they come along.

Realistically, at age 73, you could have a bike wreck, but you could just as easily have any number of other physical ailments that would limit your activities, too. As far as that goes, becoming more sedentary might actually increase your risks of not being able to care for someone, especially in the longer term.

When my wife fell gravely ill in the latter half of 2010, I kept riding (I know I did, because I just looked at my riding log). Not as often, not as much, but I kept riding (and I'm happy to report my wife is still around and feeling good).

OP - you mention you're 73. Is this perhaps your way of telling us your reflexes have slowed enough to endanger your safety on your bike? Then you don't need to have a completely dependent spouse to know it's time for you to hang it. That would be true if you were 37, too. And it would be true whether or not your wife is ill.

If you're in good enough shape to ride a bike, and you have the capacity to know when to pedal or brake, and the strength to do either, then it would be wrong to stop being a cyclist, if that's what you like to do.

If you fell off your bike, if you tripped on the front steps, if you were hit by lightning, or mugged at the market, or had a heart attack (you are 73) while watching t.v., and were incapacitated for a while, then you'd do as you've said, you'd give your wife care by letting her stay in a nursing facility until you recovered.

Meanwhile, I hope nothing would keep your kids from pitching in if you're incapacitated, for any reason.

Hi,

Here is the story...

I am 73 years old and my wife is afflicted with dementia and several
other infirmities and is no longer able to care for herself in any way.

I have a great helper that comes in for 32 hours a week to give
me a break *and* help care for my wife.

My problem with respect to bicycling is that if I have some kind
of accident and break *something* ( collarbone, hip, etc) then I
will not be able to care for her. i.e. get her out of bed, dressed, take
her to the bathroom ( and cleanups ),etc...

This would mean that I would likely have to place her in a nursing home and
I do not think this would be good for her in any way.

Has anyone here had to deal with this sort of problem or have a friend
in a similar situation?

Thanks

Jerry

PS: I am putting the bike on a trainer today...Daughter number 1 insists that
I continue exercising.

Your fears are realistic, but they're just fears.

Being solely responsible for the well being of your family or spouse is a huge burden and it can sometimes scare the crap out of one. I'm speaking from experience here having been the sole provider for my sick wife and three growing daughters.

The daughters have almost completely become self sustaining and the wife is still chugging along. I had many nightmarish fears of what would become of my family if I lost my ability to provide for them. The threats ranged from accidental physical disability or death on my part to job termination.

Between periods of panic like fear I tried to keep reminding myself that "Life is what happens while we're busy making our lifes plans". I was somehow able to live my life, and survive living my life, long enough to get my family to this point. Sometimes I was somewhat stoic and other times I was plain old terrified, but life happened and we've gotten this far.

Had I not persued my interests, my wife would have felt guilty for being the cause of my staying at home all the time. After all, we only get this one shot at living. Somehow we need to find the right balance so as to serve our own needs and desires without detracting form our family's or spouse's quality of life. It's a tough tightrope to balance on.

One thing I did do for my wife (and for my piece of mind)...I put together a three ring notebook for her to refer to if something were to happen to me. It includes papers explaining her rights as a surviving spouse to my Defined Pension Plan and health insurance, Life insurance, cemetery plot information, all the pertinent phone numbers, banking info, etc. There are even suggestions as to which relatives she should turn to for assistance and even shared living arrangements. This notebook I will keep updated even after I retire.

I can't offer any advise on what you should do, that ball is in your court and it's your decision how to live your life and care for your wife. What I can offer is the knowledge that many of us out here understand what you're facing. We've either have been or currently are in a similiar situation.

Best of luck to you both. I hope you are able to work out a path foreward that will satisfy both of your needs and still provide you both with as fullfilling a life as is posible.

Hi,

Here is the story...

I am 73 years old and my wife is afflicted with dementia and several
other infirmities and is no longer able to care for herself in any way.

I have a great helper that comes in for 32 hours a week to give
me a break *and* help care for my wife.

My problem with respect to bicycling is that if I have some kind
of accident and break *something* ( collarbone, hip, etc) then I
will not be able to care for her. i.e. get her out of bed, dressed, take
her to the bathroom ( and cleanups ),etc...

This would mean that I would likely have to place her in a nursing home and
I do not think this would be good for her in any way.

Has anyone here had to deal with this sort of problem or have a friend
in a similar situation?

Thanks

Jerry

PS: I am putting the bike on a trainer today...Daughter number 1 insists that
I continue exercising.

Switch to a recumbent trike, then. That way, you can still get in your ride time, and not risk a broken collarbone and/or hip. Having dealt with dementia in my family, you need the physical outlet to help you manage your stress levels and have a way to get out of the house. Being a primary caregiver is stressful.....as if I need to tell you this.

I join with the others in recommending a trike. There's no such thing as being completely safe, but a trike ridden modestly on a MUP or quiet streets is probably about as safe as it gets in the cycling world. I have to admit that my opinion is biased because I would hate to be stuck on a trainer and riding indoors for the rest of my life. Also agree that you need to optimize your own health so you can continue to support your wife. My grandmother tried to take on too much of the burden of caring for my grandfather, and her health suffered for it.

I join with the others in recommending a trike. There's no such thing as being completely safe, but a trike ridden modestly on a MUP or quiet streets is probably about as safe as it gets in the cycling world. I have to admit that my opinion is biased because I would hate to be stuck on a trainer and riding indoors for the rest of my life. Also agree that you need to optimize your own health so you can continue to support your wife. My grandmother tried to take on too much of the burden of caring for my grandfather, and her health suffered for it.

Finally a post that I can agree with.

You obviously have some doubts about the wisdom of continuing to bicycle or you wouldn't have posted. "If in doubt, don't." is frequently good advice.

On the other hand, if you're flying on an airplane with a small child and the oxygen masks drop down, the advice is to put your own mask on first. You can't care for the child if you are incapacitated yourself. It sounds to me like you're saying that bicycling has become an important part of maintaining your personal physical and mental well-being. Assuming that's the case, I'd look for an acceptable way to continue that if, for no other reason, so that you'll be able to continue careing for your wife.

I don't think you need to switch anything. Quite simply statistics will back us up here. You gain more from riding than you risk by not riding. It improves your health emotionally and physically. There are risks, yet while not so clear there are risks to not riding as well. Riding comes out positively versus not riding.

Now on the other hand it may just weigh too heavily on your mind. In that case, if you can substitute some other exercise that is even safer or you feel is safer that is the way to go. Hiking/waling is probably a good choice. All depends on whether you can 'get into it'.

Personally, indoor riding sucks, and big time. If forced by weather to do something indoors I much prefer a rowing machine. If weather is at all doable I dress for the weather and walk. My preference is biking, but hiking/walking I also very much enjoy. Indoors rowing is okay with me and only in the wettest/coldest times. Otherwise there might come a time when indoor biking, treadmill walking or such is needed by me. As you currently seem able to bike on the road I wouldn't sweat it much. Keep biking or find alternatives you enjoy. To stop doing something is false improvement of your odds.

I'm not in your situation and won't pretend I know how tough this on you. It is admirable that you put the concerns and needs of your wife first, but as said previously, the exercise benefits you and cycling is actually very safe, statistically. Yes we dwell on accidents and they get the attention but look at the number of people riding, the miles they ride and then the number of accidents.

If the trainer riding satisfies your need for exercise then go with it. However if a daily or so ride is what you crave I'd do this and take normal precautions such as helmet, lights when needed and even a safe bicycling course from the League of American Bicyclist. I think Lenny's use of a 3 ring binder with the important information is a good one. I am going to do this with my wife during the Christmas holidays. You could go over these things with your daughter and perhaps one other person you know and trust. We have this for my mom and mother-in-law and they make them feel better.

Best of luck and best wishes in caring for your wife. I'll have you and your family in my prayers. Please stick around 50+ and BF so we know you are doing alright.

Regards,
Bill

The trainer sounds like a good idea, but I agree with the folks here who say it's a good idea to get outside. It's one of the joys of cycling. I decided after last winter that I probably won't ride to work if there's snow on the ground. It's too risky--drivers panic when they encounter you, your reaction time is slower as you age. I'm using a trainer and may miss, cumulatively, a couple of weeks of outdoor riding this year. So, it may make sense in certain weather conditions to make some adjustments, but I'd hate to see you give up cycling completely. I'm 55 and it is encouraging to me when I read about folks older than I am who still cycle.

God be with you in your decision. My dad is in a fully locked unit in a different city. What you are doing for your beloved wife is noble. Asking the question the way you did shows great devotion. Stay healthy and try to grab some happiness for yourself from time to time.