Jokes & Humor - Letters to Santa

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a
gud boy all yeer yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn
care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you can
learn to read and write?* I'm giving your older
brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I
ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't
they?
Santa


Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do?
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen
door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that
up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass
constantly?* It's time to give up that dream.* Let me
get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa


Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart
in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do
me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa


Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in
Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget
porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and
squeezing the a$$es of cocktail waitresses while
losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to
know.
Santa


Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know
when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde?
Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your
house.
Santa


Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
plea se PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging ***** may work with your folks, but
that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a
sweater again.
Santa


Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark, first! , stop c alling yourself "Marky", that's
why you're* getting you're ass whipped at school.
Second, you don't live in a house,you live in a
low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your
pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom
window.

I like the last one :roflmao:

Naughty, naughty boy...no new bike for you this year, Opie.

Naughty, naughty boy...no new bike for you this year, Opie.
That's cuz I refused to sit on your lap! :D

My favorite is still little Johnny's letter to Santa too bad I can't post it due to the foul language.

Do it, all that will happen is there will be stars. Then it will be a fun game of fill in the blanks. :)

Well I did a little edit on it

Little Johnny's Letter To Santa

Dear Santa, 26 Dec 2003

You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month! While filled with illusion I wrote you a letter and I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of rollerblades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year! Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, Santa, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't do for humanity! WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A ******* YO-YO, A STUPID *** WHISTLE, AND A PAIR OF SOCKS! WHAT THE **** WERE YOU THINKING, YOU FAT SON OF A *****? YOU'VE TAKEN ME FOR A SUCKER THE WHOLE ******* YEAR, TO COME OUT WITH SOME **** LIKE THIS UNDER THE **** TREE. AS IF YOU HADN'T ****** ME ENOUGH, YOU GAVE THAT LITTLE ******** ACROSS THE STREET SO MANY ******* TOYS, THAT HE CAN'T EVEN WALK INTO HIS **** HOUSE! PLEASE DON'T LET ME SEE YOU TRYING TO FIT YOUR BIG FAT *** DOWN MY CHIMNEY NEXT YEAR! I'LL **** YOU UP! I'LL THROW ROCKS AT THOSE STUPID *** REINDEERS OF YOURS, AND SCARE THEM THE **** AWAY, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WALK YOUR BIG FAT *** BACK TO THE NORTHPOLE, JUST LIKE I HAVE TO DO SINCE YOU DIDN'T GET ME THAT ******* BIKE, YOU PUNK *****!! YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA, **** YOU!! NEXT YEAR YOU'LL FIND OUT HOW BAD I CAN REALLY ******* BE...YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING ON A ************ FAR TOO LONG! SO WATCH YOUR BACK NEXT YEAR, YOU FAT **********!

Sincerely, Johnny

finding the uncut version shouldn't be hard with google