Foo - am i going to be single again?

if i tell my GF i'm losing my attraction to her because she's gaining weight? she's like my best friend now instead of the sexual queen she was when we first started dating. she works about 60-70 hours a week, so i can't really tell her to 'hit the gym', and i cannot get her to ride a bike at all with me. we did a little jogging last weekend, but i don't really enjoying doing that either. i still love her, of course, but i'm having trouble 'getting it up' so to speak so we need to resolve this somehow soon. i feel like such a shumck since she's been so good to me.

Tapeworm egg.

But seriously, not only is your relationship at risk, but her health as well. A 20 min. a day workout can almost always be squeezed into a busy schedule and will help a lot. How about small changes in the diet? A little calorie restriction can go a long way. I feel for you, that can quite a hazardous topic to bring up, but if you care about her enough you're going to have to do something.

Just my opinion here, but if you can't look at her and see how beautiful she is inside & out, then there is a bigger problem then just her weight.

If you truly & deeply love someone, then they are always beautiful and attractive to you no matter what!

if i tell my GF i'm losing my attraction to her because she's gaining weight? she's like my best friend now instead of the sexual queen she was when we first started dating. she works about 60-70 hours a week, so i can't really tell her to 'hit the gym', and i cannot get her to ride a bike at all with me. we did a little jogging last weekend, but i don't really enjoying doing that either. i still love her, of course, but i'm having trouble 'getting it up' so to speak so we need to resolve this somehow soon. i feel like such a shumck since she's been so good to me.


Try to set a good example. pamper her with some healthy food and workout clothes.
Make it as convenient as you can for her to exercise.
If she loves you and she's and hot and ready for you, you should be able to "get it up" for her.
Give her a chance.

What turtlegirl said. But, what's her diet like? Healthy eater? Good portions? Or does she eat a lot of unhealthy stuff in large amounts, and snack a lot?

So, she does not read this forum on a regular basis? Somehow, I don't think she is gonna like this thread.

LOL! no, she doesn't visit the forum, i'm 99.99% sure of that.

What turtlegirl said. But, what's her diet like? Healthy eater? Good portions? Or does she eat a lot of unhealthy stuff in large amounts, and snack a lot?

her job requires her to take clients out and socialize with them. it's a lot of parties, cocktails, snack food, fancy dinners, etc.. when we're together we eat good quality food, but she can out eat me most of the time. which isn't saying much, as i'm on the thin side myself.

Tell her, dude, it is important for her to know what is important to you regardless of how shallow (I'm not being mean, we are all shallow in some ways). If you turned to a lard butt I'm sure she would want to say something to you. If the relationship goes further it is important that she know your sexual health is related to her slim appearance.


she's like my best friend now instead of the sexual queen she was when we first started dating.

You must have gotten married :D

it appears your thread title predicts the inevitable :rolleyes:

Just my opinion here, but if you can't look at her and see how beautiful she is inside & out, then there is a bigger problem then just her weight.

If you truly & deeply love someone, then they are always beautiful and attractive to you no matter what!

bs. this ain't no friendship. you wanna bang a fat guy? doubt it.

borth parties should stay in shape as best as possible. this excludes the crippled.

Merton... lovin' ya. Always painfully honest, and you don't care how stupid you sound. I am totally lovin' ya... seriously. Get your butt up here to Chicago so I can whup you good, then shower you with some love! Friendship style, of course, in case you're wondering about bangin'. ;) :D

Anyway, for Tim, you would think there's more to a relationship than looks. I mean, what if she gets old and wrinkly? Are you going to complain because the looks go away too? What did you base this relationship on to begin with? It doesn't look like there's love involved, because if there was, you wouldn't care what she looked like, right?

If there is a lot of concern about her health, that's a totally different thing, though. I can say that it gets tough as a woman the older you get to keep your weight down. Naturally, our metabolism gets slower, and a lot of people do not know this, so what we did in our teens and early 20s for exercise and eating may have been nothing much, but at the same time, as we get older, it's just not enough anymore. Even if you know better, it still is difficult to control weight. It doesn't help she has to work so much, and it doesn't help that she has to socialize to that extent.

If you're really concerned about her health, rather than give her a "you're too fat for me to be attracted to you anymore" speech, give her a "hey, I'm really concerned about your unhealthy lifestyle you're stuck in, and I really want to help you get healthier by getting you some help with eating right and trying to find time to fit in some exercise. Point out how women will tend to gain more weight as they get older, and fat in the midsection is a big indicator of heart attacks. Ask her if she's feeling tired lately. Tell her if she can drop some weight, she might not be so tired, since she won't be hauling around so much extra bodyfat. Tell her if she's having to buy new clothes because she's gained weight, imagine how much money she could save if she could just work to get the weight off. Then give her a good Christmas gift- like a 6 month membership to Curves (only 30 minutes per day, and it yields great results for inactive women who haven't done much for exercise). Then point her towards a good nutritionist that can help her with making good healthy food choices. Sometimes, just cutting back the calories can be all it takes to get the first 5- 10 pounds off, then exercise can do the rest of it. Don't be a bad boyfriend that just makes her feel bad about the weight... I know you are better than that.

Koffee

Merton... lovin' ya. Always painfully honest, and you don't care how stupid you sound. I am totally lovin' ya... seriously. Get your butt up here to Chicago so I can whup you good, then shower you with some love! Friendship style, of course, in case you're wondering about bangin'. ;) :D


aww man. just missed it. :(


anyway, it should be an acceptable concern. in a proper relationship you should be able to talk about each other being too fat safely, without the partner feeling hurt. now if the desire for thinness is unreasonable (like wanting her super model thing or her wanting you built like arnold) then get out. but if you just want the person to have a nice, in shape body so you can enjoy the physical pleasures of a relationship too, i think there is nothing wrong.

you can get this sort of thing. just make excercise something you enjoy together and be honest (but warm!!!) from the begining. also try to get someone that already likes to excercise the same way you do.

tell her that you miss riding with her. if she takes that to mean she's fat then she probably is. if she ain't you both need to go to the shrink to figure out how to get rid of her anxiety/depression/insecurity problem.

also, don't go after dieters. go after people who actually enjoy physical activity. one needs a well rounded life and a well rounded partner. you have the physical and the mental. they must both be taken care of. sex is just a natural part of a relationship. and fitness is a natural part of enjoying sex. (this idea does not extend to plastic surgery. not for anit aging, not for big boobs/wangs. it is about fitness. if you need that sorta thing then get outta there.)

also, you stay in shape for her, why ain't she doin the same for you?

aww man. just missed it. :(


anyway, it should be an acceptable concern. in a proper relationship you should be able to talk about each other being too fat safely, without the partner feeling hurt. now if the desire for thinness is unreasonable (like wanting her super model thing or her wanting you built like arnold) then get out. but if you just want the person to have a nice, in shape body so you can enjoy the physical pleasures of a relationship too, i think there is nothing wrong.

you can get this sort of thing. just make excercise something you enjoy together and be honest (but warm!!!) from the begining. also try to get someone that already likes to excercise the same way you do.

tell her that you miss riding with her. if she takes that to mean she's fat then she probably is. if she ain't you both need to go to the shrink to figure out how to get rid of her anxiety/depression/insecurity problem.

also, don't go after dieters. go after people who actually enjoy physical activity. one needs a well rounded life and a well rounded partner. you have the physical and the mental. they must both be taken care of. sex is just a natural part of a relationship. and fitness is a natural part of enjoying sex. (this idea does not extend to plastic surgery. not for anit aging, not for big boobs/wangs. it is about fitness. if you need that sorta thing then get outta there.)

also, you stay in shape for her, why ain't she doin the same for you?

So... where did you copy this from, Merton? Certainly doesn't sound like the Merton we've come to know and ridicule.

And anyone who says looks don't count is kidding themselves. Attraction is based on a number of things, "inside and out". These forums and other are rife with stories of women *and* men whose self-esteem has been affected by overweight or obesity prior to taking up cycling. Those who have done something about it usually end up with stories of "hey, I'm dating again", and "I feel attractive to the opposite sex".

Even I sent some pictures to someone the other day, and thought: "Hmmm, I'm looking and feeling so much better having taken off 15kg since the beginning of the year".

And as to maintaining an attraction as we get wrinkly? Perfectly fine if you're doing it *together*. Ageing is one of those incremental things that we don't notice if we live with someone day by day.

it came out my ass. where the hell else would my typings come from? :D

Priceless MERTON, pricless!!!

ROTFLMAO

Priceless MERTON, pricless!!!

ROTFLMAO
Not fair Stacey. How dare you cut a man off in his prime!!!

it appears your thread title predicts the inevitable :rolleyes:

Yep.

Not fair Stacey. How dare you cut a man off in his prime!!!

who cut what off? O_o

Not fair Stacey. How dare you cut a man off in his prime!!!
Who? You or MERTON?

Life ain't fair :D

Even your own work is much too subtle for ya Stacey?

You missed out a vital "e" in the second priceless... poor Merton...

Even your own work is much too subtle for ya Stacey?

You missed out a vital "e" in the second priceless... poor Merton...

Slaps forehead!

wow, you're shallow!

Slaps forehead!
Don't you go back and edit it, now!

Just my opinion here, but if you can't look at her and see how beautiful she is inside & out, then there is a bigger problem then just her weight.

If you truly & deeply love someone, then they are always beautiful and attractive to you no matter what!

Bull@!^*.

If a person quits taking care of themselves and becomes overly involved in work they are not always beautiful, they are sloth and not keeping the relationship up.

We can all be pencil thin, but you can't work your self silly and eat to fill in the cracks and expect a relationship to work.

Break it down to her. It's not only for you, it's for your health.

And don't go talking about "oh it's the love".

My mom loved my dad until the day he died.. making a right angle on the couch nearly comotose.

Turtlegirl, live in your world, but reality is we are getting fatter and ovler involved with work to the point we... forget about loved ones and ourselves.

why does a lack of "vital e" cut me? you're wierd man.

L-e-t m-e s-p-e-l-l i-t o-u-t f-o-r y-o-u

Stacey said Priceless, Merton, pricless

If you look very, very carefully at the second reference to priceless, she missed out the first "e" which, if you read it phonetically, makes it pric(k)less.

Which is what it makes you... not intentionally.

It was a little play on words.

Can we resume normal service now?

you're wierd man.
Me weird? ME weird. Just look at your sig line, man, to see r-e-a-l-l-y weird!! :D

bah. unlike you i don't look for spelling errors. this means you are more neurotic than me and therefore wierder. :)

i before e except after c, in weird and lots of other examples.

I second the tape worm... Tim, you need to worm her.

if i tell my GF i'm losing my attraction to her because she's gaining weight? she's like my best friend now instead of the sexual queen she was when we first started dating. she works about 60-70 hours a week, so i can't really tell her to 'hit the gym', and i cannot get her to ride a bike at all with me. we did a little jogging last weekend, but i don't really enjoying doing that either. i still love her, of course, but i'm having trouble 'getting it up' so to speak so we need to resolve this somehow soon. i feel like such a shumck since she's been so good to me.

You need to go to the video store, look in that section in the back behind the beaded curtain.

aww man. just missed it. :(


anyway, it should be an acceptable concern. in a proper relationship you should be able to talk about each other being too fat safely, without the partner feeling hurt. now if the desire for thinness is unreasonable (like wanting her super model thing or her wanting you built like arnold) then get out. but if you just want the person to have a nice, in shape body so you can enjoy the physical pleasures of a relationship too, i think there is nothing wrong.

you can get this sort of thing. just make excercise something you enjoy together and be honest (but warm!!!) from the begining. also try to get someone that already likes to excercise the same way you do.

tell her that you miss riding with her. if she takes that to mean she's fat then she probably is. if she ain't you both need to go to the shrink to figure out how to get rid of her anxiety/depression/insecurity problem.

also, don't go after dieters. go after people who actually enjoy physical activity. one needs a well rounded life and a well rounded partner. you have the physical and the mental. they must both be taken care of. sex is just a natural part of a relationship. and fitness is a natural part of enjoying sex. (this idea does not extend to plastic surgery. not for anit aging, not for big boobs/wangs. it is about fitness. if you need that sorta thing then get outta there.)

also, you stay in shape for her, why ain't she doin the same for you?

:eek:

Wow, Merton! Who's using your account to post?

:D :lol:

I'm serious.

Koffee

Tim ... she knows things aren't great between you two ... that's partially why she's putting on the pounds. Air it out. If she's honest about her emotions, then there's a chance you can come to concensus and move the relationship forward. If not, then it's doomed.

-mark

I second the tape worm... Tim, you need to worm her.

Casually Pondering Tapeworms (http://journals.neebu.net/khuon/archives/2000_09.html)

If you truly & deeply love someone, then they are always beautiful and attractive to you no matter what!

Sorry, but that is bull. I'm sure for some people it is that way, but there are just some things that are apealing physically and some mentally. Sometimes they can ofset each other, but there is a certain amount of physical we all need.

Bull@!^*.

If a person quits taking care of themselves and becomes overly involved in work they are not always beautiful, they are sloth and not keeping the relationship up.

We can all be pencil thin, but you can't work your self silly and eat to fill in the cracks and expect a relationship to work.

Break it down to her. It's not only for you, it's for your health.

And don't go talking about "oh it's the love".

My mom loved my dad until the day he died.. making a right angle on the couch nearly comotose.

Turtlegirl, live in your world, but reality is we are getting fatter and ovler involved with work to the point we... forget about loved ones and ourselves.

I do live in the real world.
Did he once say that he was worried about her health? No, he just stated that he was not attracted to her anymore and she was gaining weight. If it was just him being worried about her health then great. Being healthly & fit is important, and if he does really love her then he should try to help her and hopefully things with them with be ok.

But I still say that his statement points to a deeper problem then just her weight.

People should love each other for who they are not just what they look like. It is a total package.

i still love her, of course, but i'm having trouble 'getting it up' so to speak so we need to resolve this somehow soon.

Take a hint from the "Wild Thing"! :)

http://www.bikegreenecounty.com/photos/Viagra.jpg

OK... your GF has got to get another job. Anybody who works 60-70 hours a week is crazy. Is the job worth her health and your relationship?

The male libido is 90% visual. Women seem to forget this. Lay it out to her in a nice way. Look through the help wanted adds with her.

If she gives you that 'don't you love me for who I am' crap, tell her you fell in love with somebody 20 lbs smaller.

If she is unwillling to do anything about it, drag up.

I mean, what if she gets old and wrinkly? Are you going to complain because the looks go away too?

BS. Would you bang an old wrinkly guy? doubt it.

sorry Merton, I couldn't resist :D

Sorry, but that is bull. I'm sure for some people it is that way, but there are just some things that are apealing physically and some mentally. Sometimes they can ofset each other, but there is a certain amount of physical we all need.
I agree, there does have to be physical attraction, he just doesn't see it with her anymore, thus the problem

i say if yer finances aren't invested with her, dump her if she doesn't start excercising. this is too inconvenient methinks.

BS. Would you bang an old wrinkly guy? doubt it.


If they grew old together, I don't doubt it.
Its all a matter of perspecive.

ever think that her weight gain and long work hours are
a way of pushing you away?

Marty

I do live in the real world.

Yeah but do you live in OUR real world?


Did he once say that he was worried about her health? .
He talks about taking her biking and running... Sounds like it to me...



Being healthly & fit is important, and if he does really love her then he should try to help her and hopefully things with them with be ok.

Yeah, hopefully things will work out as she (or men, men I think are more apt to get fat and lazy than women in my opinion) gains more weight, stress from work and becomes more un healthy and then depsondent that she's gained tooo much. And he'll be driven away because there's not much time to talk it out. If he hasn't made the decision, he should make the talk.



But I still say that his statement points to a deeper problem then just her weight.
Well, yeah. The over work issue is a problem.


People should love each other for who they are not just what they look like. It is a total package.

In a perfect world, sure. I'm not saying beauty is the end all be all. Because god help me, I'm one UGLY SOB. (See picture soon to be attached). But stay healthy, give time to spend with your spouse, listen to thier concerns, take care of eachother.

And honestly, really, don't turn to the internet for advice. Because prepubcent teens pop up and talk about "true love is blind" bs.
Get old, get bitter, and fall in love based on ideals not semantics.

If they grew old together, I don't doubt it.
Its all a matter of perspecive.

it was a goof

Doh!

I do live in the real world.
Did he once say that he was worried about her health? No, he just stated that he was not attracted to her anymore and she was gaining weight. If it was just him being worried about her health then great. Being healthly & fit is important, and if he does really love her then he should try to help her and hopefully things with them with be ok.

But I still say that his statement points to a deeper problem then just her weight.

People should love each other for who they are not just what they look like. It is a total package.

did he say he doesn't love her anymore? no. he said she was getting fat and he wasn't as turned on by her anymore. sorry, but for most people, fat is NOT attractive. you can love someone deeply, but that doesn't mean they're going to turn you on when they stop taking care of themselves and putting on the weight.

attraction is in very large part a visual thing, particularly for men. if he's not sexually attracted to a fat woman, that's just how it is...sorry, but that's reality. what turns us on turns us on, and what doesn't, doesn't. you can't convince yourself to be sexually attracted based on how things "should" be. if fat's a turn-off for him, it's a turn-off. period. doesn't mean he doesn't love her.

that's the real world.

People should love each other for who they are not just what they look like. It is a total package.
Part of who you are is caring about how you look. If you take a decent amount of interest in keepling clean, and somewhat healthy.. it shows and also works along with the relationships. I'm about the ugly duckling of the world, but keeping fit keeps me somewhat happy with myself. And before you can be happy in a relationship, you have to be happy with your self as well.

If only I could ride back into my hair.. ;)

And honestly, really, don't turn to the internet for advice. Because prepubcent teens pop up and talk about "true love is blind" bs.
Get old, get bitter, and fall in love based on ideals not semantics.[/QUOTE]


My my, whos the prepubescent one here? You should check your spelling. By the way I am over 30.
Did I say love is blind? NO. You guys take a simple opinion and just go nuts.
I am not even an that much of an idealist person. I was just trying to show him that it is probibly a deeper problem then how she looks, and maybe he should take some time to think about the relationship before he talks to her

if i tell my GF i'm losing my attraction to her because she's gaining weight? she's like my best friend now instead of the sexual queen she was when we first started dating. she works about 60-70 hours a week, so i can't really tell her to 'hit the gym', and i cannot get her to ride a bike at all with me. we did a little jogging last weekend, but i don't really enjoying doing that either. i still love her, of course, but i'm having trouble 'getting it up' so to speak so we need to resolve this somehow soon. i feel like such a shumck since she's been so good to me.
Are you sure it is the weight that is turning you off or is it that you have been together a long time and sometimes that happens for awhile, but then it kicks in again.
Before you do anything, think how you would feel right now if she was dating one of her clients on the side. Or how would you feel if she dumped you because you are getting her "needs" filled.
She knows she is gaining weight, most women are very aware of ever ounce they gain.

You either love her for all of her or you are ready to move on... Don't blame it all on the weight. You should talk to her about it but don't tell her it is her fault you cannot get it up.. Maybe lack of sex is making her eat:) If you really love her, ask her what her exercise of choice is and schedule that exercise at least 3 times a week with her.. You might not like her choice, but I am sure she goes compromises with some of your choices as well..

If your just ready to date someone new, then just be honest with her.