Foo - Someone threw dog poo on my front porch

So many questions...
What should I do with said poo?
Whose poo is it?
What is the airspeed velocity of unladen poo?

Was it flaming?

It was Indy.

Couch

That's what you get for ignoring him.

It was Indy.

Couch

But it wasn't dog poop. :eek: :innocent:

No flames. No corn. No detectable bouquet. Good consistency.

That's what you get for ignoring him.

Very rarely do I ignore Indy or anyone for that matter.

Couch

No flames. No corn. No detectable bouquet. Good consistency.

How much does it weigh?

How much does it weigh?

Weight unknown. Let's just say it's bigger than Bailey poo (2manybikes) and smaller than Winston poo (Doohickie).

Send it out for DNA testing and begin to collect samples from known doggies so you can return it to it's rightful owner.

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/06/10333638-dog-poop-dna-testing-raises-stench-with-renters?lite

Send it out for DNA testing and begin to collect samples from known doggies so you can return it to it's rightful owner.

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/06/10333638-dog-poop-dna-testing-raises-stench-with-renters?lite

I'd be more interested in the method of delivery. Trebuchet? Or perhaps delivered directly from the [ahem] source?

I'd be more interested in the method of delivery. Trebuchet? Or perhaps delivered directly from the [ahem] source?

Was it splattered on your step or nicely put on your porch? Was it steaming or cold? So many questions.

Perhaps the perpatrator used a trebuchet or more likely a ballista to launch the assumed canine at your domicile and the animal lost control of it's bowels either just prior to, at or immediately following impact. I would eliminate the catapult from your list of possible medieval siege weapons, as it is not possible to launch a dog from one, for obvious reasons. Have you angered any hordes lately?

No splatter effect. I didn't have a meat thermometer handy so I'll also it was ambient temp. Definitely canine, a healthy one.

Perhaps the perpatrator used a trebuchet or more likely a ballista to launch the assumed canine at your domicile and the animal lost control of it's bowels either just prior to, at or immediately following impact. I would eliminate the catapult from your list of possible medieval siege weapons, as it is not possible to launch a dog from one, for obvious reasons. Have you angered any hordes lately?

Well he does live in Wisconsin...perhaps it was thrown by a pitchfork?

It is probably the same dog that is pooping on his skis in his avatar. Maybe his skis were on his front porch as well?

Neighbors are peaceful, though I am the newb here. Perhaps I unknowingly flashed a gang sign.

I am ruling out shock & awe although the small airport is nearby. The spread pattern was too narrow.

When I used to own a house (and my yard was planted out nicely and carefully trimmed), there was an idiot who would just let his dog out - and it seemed like it would bee-line for my yard (dog had issues because sometimes he would start at one end of my front yard and continue the streak to the other side - also hitting my sidewalk), I was the angry woman who would shovel up the crap and walk it down and fling it on his house. I would see him at the bar and told him one night, he laughed (his house was a broken down mess anyway) and he said he wondered how his dog was able to take a poo that high on the house ...

So that's where it landed.
I think my new trebuchet may have set a new world's record.

FTR, I keep my pups in my meager yard (renting a house). One of mine has been pushing the limits with his #2's but I make a point to clean it up pronto if it's on the neighbor's turf.

So that's where it landed.
I think my new trebuchet may have set a new world's record.

I think you meant teleporter. Thanks for not including the flies.

Very rarely do I ignore Indy or anyone for that matter.

Couch

...until the restraining order is issued.

What did they put in the back yard?

I have no back yard. It's a weird triangular-shaped lot near the end of a cul de sac.

...until the restraining order is issued.

It could have been chicken poop, could it not?

It could have been chicken poop, could it not?

Said no corn, so prolly not.

I'm sure it's just your neighbors' way of saying they missed you and are SO glad you've come back to them.

It's just my way of saying I missed you and are SO glad you've come back.

Aw shucks.

Said no corn, so prolly not.

Maybe Doohickie filters the corn out?

Maybe Doohickie filters the corn out?

:innocent:

:innocent:

It's a bit early for corn, even in Texicopia.

Actually, no. The corn is already ripe and sweet around here.

Take the poo to the police - ask their ballistics expert to match the rifling marks to the offending dogs a*se.

Are you absolutely sure it was dog poop?

What did it taste like?

Take the poo to the police - ask their ballistics expert to match the rifling marks to the offending dogs a*se.

You may be onto something. I had no idea that dogs' asses were rifled. How and why would that have evolved?

Are you absolutely sure it was dog poop?

What did it taste like?

It looked like poo and quacked like poo. And I'm not a poo taste tester. My smaller dog on the other hand...:eek:

Wait a minute, aren't you chedarheads supposed to throw cheese to welcome the new neighbors?

No, you're thinking of weddings.

Maybe you did it in a blackout.

FTR, I keep my pups in my meager yard (renting a house). One of mine has been pushing the limits with his #2's but I make a point to clean it up pronto if it's on the neighbor's turf.

From the recent special delivery you must have neglected to remove some stray turds from your neighbors property.The next "brown notice" may be planted on your car windshield as a friendly reminder.

From the recent special delivery you must have neglected to remove some stray turds from your neighbors property.The next "brown notice" may be planted on your car windshield as a friendly reminder.

Are you suggesting that poo migrates?

Are you suggesting that poo migrates?

Possibly

Buy some of those gag plastic turds to leave on your front porch so the neighbors think someone else taught you a lesson that day before they deposit more crap.

Are you suggesting that poo migrates?
Perhaps it was carried by a swallow?

^^^That's Nasty.

I don't care.

That's naasty...

I think our good friend and esteemed associate, skijor, passed out cold from "exhaustion" leaving his poor clueless hound out in the vagaries of the Wisconsin spring.

Just my passing thought...

Well,I guess for now skijors guests will have to wear hip boots when they visit him.






squishy,squishy

Perhaps it was carried by a swallow?

A five ounce bird carry a one pound turd?

Ok so it appears that I've done enough poo penance. The turd fairy hasn't revisited. Yay!

It will happen when you least expect it.
Open the door and step out for the morning paper,wave to a non-responding neighbor with a scowl on his face.

Next thing your feet come out from under you only to have the fall broken by more dung.

I think I found the culprit. It was couch.

253255

It's been about a week.
Are you still getting the brown candygrams delivered on your front porch,(really need to post pictures of this event).