Clydesdales/Athenas (200+ lb / 91+ kg) - No wonder I'm a clyde :-(

In addition to having diabetes, I also suffer from depression. Usually my meds can keep me on an even keel, but there are times, even with my meds, I really struggle with the depression.

The past five days have been one of those times. I've been angry at the world, and especially my wife, for no apparent reason. A couple of drinking glasses "mysteriously" traveled across a room and broken against a wall. Somehow a steak knife found its way into our air mattress, and if I had a dog, I'm sure I would have kick him (or her) a time or two.

The other thing that happens is that I eat. Granted, I eat more than I should even on my best days, but when I "get moody" (as my wife calls it), the eating really gets out of hand. This past Saturday, for example I overdid it at a pizza buffet, and I mean waaaaaay over did it. Sunday, I had 26 chicken nuggets and an entire (big) bag of BBQ chips just for dinner (won't mention lunch). Monday was two extra large cheese and pepperoni pizzas. Yesterday was just snack after snack after snack all day long and today (well, at least earlier today), 17 White Castle "sliders" found their way into me (and yes, I'm already paying for that stupidity).

Anyway, now I feel as if I'm almost back to normal (normal for me anyways) and the guilt is just about killing me. Yeah, guilt for pretty much everything that has happened, but especially for the pigging out like a crazy man.

I've talked to my doc about this before, and he's offered up a couple of solutions, but I've been too bull-headed to follow through with them. Now I'm thinking that maybe now is a good time to listen to my doc and do what he says. Guess I'll call tomorrow and try to get in as soon as I can.

There's a thread here in the clyde forum entitled 'change your thinking/change your behavior." Maybe it's time I do both.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent a little bit. They say confession is good for soul (well, at least Superman did in Superman 1); I think "they" may be right. I do feel a little better. G'night all.

how often does the depression get the upper hand?

I am sorry this all happened. I can relate to the eating though.

May I ask how you eat 2 entire extra large pizzas? Two slices for me hits the spot. Three makes me uneasy and groggy. Four makes me want to throw up for the next several hours.

It just seems to me physically impossible, or extremely physically uncomfortable; either way you seem to be punishing yourself. A word of caution; stop throwing things. It never serves a useful purpose, and can land you in jail if the wrong neighbor hears it and phones the 5-0; or if a household member feels threatened and calls them themselves.

IRR - no disrespect, but go back to your doctor and get into some therapy/counseling. Adjusting your meds, and being in the therapy might help you avoid the swings. Don't be bullheaded, just do it. What have you got to lose? Nada. And you stand to gain a lot if it works...being happier and at peace is priceless. Do it today.

I have a very close friend who's husband was severely Bi-Polar. I say "was" because he blew his brains out this past Christmas Eve. Had my friend been home, he most certainly would have taken her with him. He had a gun and two bullets. One of the bullets was in his brain, the other was on the coffee table with her name literally written on it. It was a tragedy that could have been avoided which makes it an even greater tragedy. He had meds that kept him "in Balance" and he refused to take them. He became extremely volatile and violent and now he's dead and she's a widow who's blaming herself because she "should have done something".

Indiana, I'm not going to butter nut you. Do what you're doctor suggests. What you're being is not "Bull Headed" what your being is selfish. You're not the only one suffering through this thing. Your family is suffering, too. Knowing that you have a situation that needs to be dealt with and refusing to deal with it is inexcusable. And you're too valuable as a human being for that. Fight the fight.

When I was younger, my moms boss suffered from depression. His name was Gary. Gary was a wonderful guy who taught me so much and taught me how to tie a tie. I have missed him a lot, still, though it was about 15 years ago.

All I'm going to say is that you have thrown up some real red flags. Get to your doctor and tell him/her EVERYTHING, don't sugar coat it. If you ever feel that you are in danger of harming yourself or anyone else, please, please call 911. Good luck and I hope you get the help you need.

I've talked to my doc about this before, and he's offered up a couple of solutions, but I've been too bull-headed to follow through with them. Now I'm thinking that maybe now is a good time to listen to my doc and do what he says. Guess I'll call tomorrow and try to get in as soon as I can.

There's a thread here in the clyde forum entitled 'change your thinking/change your behavior." Maybe it's time I do both.



Admitting you need help is the first step. Good for you. Going to see the doc is a great idea. What time today is your appointment? ;)

All I'm going to say is that you have thrown up some real red flags. Get to your doctor and tell him/her EVERYTHING, don't sugar coat it. If you ever feel that you are in danger of harming yourself or anyone else, please, please call 911. Good luck and I hope you get the help you need.

+1. No one will win if the steak knife "finds it's way" into your wife. This is a cry for help that should be made to a professional, not strangers on the Internet.

I too have suffered with depression for years. Get to a GOOD psychiatrist. They are the experts on getting your meds "dialed in". It can make a huge difference. Follow all of their advice.

+1. No one will win if the steak knife "finds it's way" into your wife. This is a cry for help that should be made to a professional, not strangers on the Internet.

+2 - had a friend off himself last summer because of depression, came on fast and hard in his case. Left a wife and 3 kids, not something to be taken lightly.

I am sorry you are dealing with this stuff, it is really hard. It seems thought that you are headed in the right direction of seeing a need for help. Please take the next steps in getting the help you need and deserve.

Can’t really add much more to what’s already been said but I understand you wanting to vent. Sorry you’re having these problems.

On a soapbox for a bit…

I’m a diabetic too and I ignored it for the last 3 years. April of this year my fasting numbers were in the 370’s. I started to really research the disease and it scared the hell out of me.

That’s all it took. I made a choice to change, got back on my bike, hit the gym, and changed my eating and drinking habits. I’m not the paradigm of good behavior but I am in charge of me. I WILL fall off the wagon occasionally but that is still my choice.

Since April, I’ve got my fasting numbers in the upper 90’sand post meals are <120. Visited my doctor for something else last week andI told him I stopped taking the metformin…. He told me I should accept my condition since I won’t be able to beat this and won’t be able to lower my A1C… So now I’m even more motivated and he will be eating some major crow next month.

I don’t know you or your condition and I understand that depression can be a chronic condition that needs treatment… and your post may have been just the result of a bad day but… I think you should take charge… I read another post of yours and you basically said that you accept that you’re overweight and that you’re ok with that…I wonder if that is true.

I’ve had issues with depression as well but I will say thatsince I’ve taken control of my life and taken actions to get healthy, I feel great, haven’t been depressed as much (it’s gonna happen sometimes) and feel great about my odds.
Soapbox mode off…

Sorry, that took longer than I expected…

Overeating from depression is common. I do the same thing, and have been gaining weight again.

In addition to seeing your doctor, try riding more. You may find it to help your mood a bit.

how often does the depression get the upper hand?

I am sorry this all happened. I can relate to the eating though.

Thankfully, no more than 2 or 3 times a year. Haven't had an episode this bad in quite a while. Usually my "deep depression" is a watered down version of what I described.

May I ask how you eat 2 entire extra large pizzas? Two slices for me hits the spot. Three makes me uneasy and groggy. Four makes me want to throw up for the next several hours.

It just seems to me physically impossible, or extremely physically uncomfortable; either way you seem to be punishing yourself. A word of caution; stop throwing things. It never serves a useful purpose, and can land you in jail if the wrong neighbor hears it and phones the 5-0; or if a household member feels threatened and calls them themselves.

The two of them were not eaten all in one setting. That would be just about physically impossible. The first one was eaten pretty much all at once; gobbled down in a mad rush of hunger and desperation. Only a couple slices from the second pizza was eaten along with the first pizza. Stuck the rest in the fridge for about 90 minutes or so, then attacked the rest of it. Yes, I'll admit that I was uncomfortable after finishing off the second pizza, but with the state of mind I was in at the time, I really didn't let it worry me too much.

May I ask how you eat 2 entire extra large pizzas? Two slices for me hits the spot. Three makes me uneasy and groggy. Four makes me want to throw up for the next several hours.

It just seems to me physically impossible, or extremely physically uncomfortable; either way you seem to be punishing yourself. A word of caution; stop throwing things. It never serves a useful purpose, and can land you in jail if the wrong neighbor hears it and phones the 5-0; or if a household member feels threatened and calls them themselves.


I am able even at my new reduced 218 lbs to easily eat a large pizza by myself. I wouldnt even miss a beat. Now I would be full and uncomfortable, but I could do it easy.

Not saying I have done this in a very long time, but I know without a doubt I could pull it off still.

Indiana, I highly recommend this site: http://bloodsugar101.com/. Also, I recommend Jenny Ruhl's book, Blood Sugar 101 (http://www.amazon.com/Blood-Sugar-101-About-Diabetes/dp/0964711613). It's a common misperception that people with blood sugar problems get their diabetes from overeating, when in fact their problems metabolizing glucose contribute to their overweight.

Let's face it, since Earl Butz changed the US Government's attitudes towards grains, especially corn, and all their sugar-laden byproducts, most people have jumped on the high carb, low fat (HCLF) bandwagon. This is fine for people without blood sugar problems, but a disaster for those with them. Most docs are also recommending the same diet to everyone, and add statins to the mix to mitigate non-existent cholesterol "problems."

Since you're a diabetic, you're probably already used to testing yourself. The whole approach used by Ruhl is to measure your blood 1 hour and 2 hours after your favorite meals, and develop a diet that is customized to YOU, based on avoiding the foods that cause your blood sugar to spike beyond 140. For some people, that means a ketogenic diet; others can handle 100 gm. or even 125 gm. of carbs per day. The most important thing is to avoid the really high spikes, i.e., anything above 140. That's when the damage occurs.

It would have been interesting to measure your blood sugar after that pizza, chicken nuggets, and chips dinner. I bet it was in the 160 to 180 range. It's no wonder you got depressed after that -- not because you screwed up, but because your body's inability to process all that sugar wreaked havoc with your sugar levels, causing you to be depressed and yes, ravenous for even more sugar.

Too often, people with blood sugar problems think it's just a matter of their "attitude," when in fact they have no clue what's happening to their metabolism because of their out of control blood sugar levels. Insofar as it is "attitude" it's a matter of doing some research and discovering what you can and can't eat in order to keep your sugar under control -- and that's a matter of understanding the mechanisms of glucose metabolism and then testing, testing, testing -- until you come up with a way of eating you can stick with the rest of your life.

Admitting you need help is the first step. Good for you. Going to see the doc is a great idea. What time today is your appointment? ;)

Actually, it's not until tomorrow. Since I no longer felt like I was a danger to myself or others, I didn't feel the need to get in "right away." Told the receptionist that tomorrow would be fine.

Can’t really add much more to what’s already been said but I understand you wanting to vent. Sorry you’re having these problems.

On a soapbox for a bit…

I’m a diabetic too and I ignored it for the last 3 years. April of this year my fasting numbers were in the 370’s. I started to really research the disease and it scared the hell out of me.

That’s all it took. I made a choice to change, got back on my bike, hit the gym, and changed my eating and drinking habits. I’m not the paradigm of good behavior but I am in charge of me. I WILL fall off the wagon occasionally but that is still my choice.

Since April, I’ve got my fasting numbers in the upper 90’sand post meals are <120. Visited my doctor for something else last week andI told him I stopped taking the metformin…. He told me I should accept my condition since I won’t be able to beat this and won’t be able to lower my A1C… So now I’m even more motivated and he will be eating some major crow next month.

I don’t know you or your condition and I understand that depression can be a chronic condition that needs treatment… and your post may have been just the result of a bad day but… I think you should take charge… I read another post of yours and you basically said that you accept that you’re overweight and that you’re ok with that…I wonder if that is true.

I’ve had issues with depression as well but I will say thatsince I’ve taken control of my life and taken actions to get healthy, I feel great, haven’t been depressed as much (it’s gonna happen sometimes) and feel great about my odds.
Soapbox mode off…

Sorry, that took longer than I expected…

Thanks for the encouraging post. Congrats with your taking charge. Hopefully, after talking with my doc tomorrow, I'll be more in a take charge frame of mind as well.

May I ask how you eat 2 entire extra large pizzas? Two slices for me hits the spot. Three makes me uneasy and groggy. Four makes me want to throw up for the next several hours.

It just seems to me physically impossible, or extremely physically uncomfortable; either way you seem to be punishing yourself. A word of caution; stop throwing things. It never serves a useful purpose, and can land you in jail if the wrong neighbor hears it and phones the 5-0; or if a household member feels threatened and calls them themselves.

Its so easy for some of us. I used to eat a sheet of pizza, and that is about the size of 2 large pizzas, bread sticks and wash it down with a 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew. This would be done all while playing video games (about 2 hours). Now I can't let myself near a pizza, or else I will eat it all by myself. Pepperoni was and is my favorite pizza. But some of us find comfort in things others look at and say/JUDGE "OMG I can't believe he's eating all that". ( I am not saying you were judging)

When I ate like that it was because I felt empty inside and needed something to take my mind off of what I was feeling, and to try and fill that void. No matter how much I ate it was always empty. As of now biking helps me from feeling empty, as it takes my mind off of things.

IndianaRecRider (http://www.bikeforums.net/member.php/185073-IndianaRecRider) I wish you the best. Get all the help you need, and take all the time you need. Just get yourself to where you feel better. But when you feel better, don't stop, just keep going.

IndianaRecRider (http://www.bikeforums.net/member.php/185073-IndianaRecRider) I wish you the best. Get all the help you need, and take all the time you need. Just get yourself to where you feel better. But when you feel better, don't stop, just keep going.

very helpful responses sinister vs " I cant believe you ate that much" responses. If they guy is telling you he ate that much then he ate that much. Its not something a person is going to brag about and make up a story about. If you are lucky enough not to have that eating inclination ( I do) then show some respect at least.

Blood sugar and chemical imbalances can best be judged by professionals with your cooperation . Good luck with the Doctor . They have things now that work with your meds to make you feel more in control on the downswings, and even out the rough spots.

Please keep us updated.

Just as a quick follow-up, I did go to see my doctor yesterday and filled him in on all that went on earlier in the week. He made a couple of adjustments to my meds; strengthening the dose of one and easing up a little on the other. We're going to do some counseling to see if we can get to the bottom of my eating problem, and he's also arranged for me to start meeting with a dietician once every other week, at no cost to me.

So, hopefully this well keep me on that even keel I need to be on, and hopefully also help ease some of the fears my wife has concerning me.

:)

Not sure how to say this and have it do e off as positive as I mean it. Great job going to the doc and getting the mess revisited, bit p,ease don't forget it's only you who can make a serious change.


Several years ago, I drank too much, and acted like I did. Once I saw how my behavior was effecting my family I corrected it.

You can do the same...seems you have seen the Light as well.

Get whatever meds you are on adjusted right. Don't stop taking them even if you feel great. If they aren't working, try another med. You aren't weak if you ask for help. The hardest part is doing what will help make you a better person. I'm bipolar and w/o the meds I'd probably killed myself a long time ago. Well..that's what got me diagnosed. Depression sucks. Same with mania, but you have more fun until reality sets in. Obviously you can't be taking out your anger with a knife. My husband and I have an agreement that if I get mad that I just need to walk outside for a break and come back when I feel better. It's too easy to watch the walls close in on you when you're upset and turn into the incredible hulk scaring your family to death.

Once I've blown off steam after a couple of miles, I come back in and it's all good. Depression means everyone in your family is impacted one way or another and having a plan for an easy exit in my case with no questions asked or any accusations has saved my sanity. Get help and keep up on your meds. If you need some marriage counseling, get that as well.

Truthfully; I miss the manic episodes, but my family is more important. Having a "family plan" for my health has made a huge difference as well.

We so often compare our insides to the outsides of other people. I often think if you're not depressed or enraged, you're not paying attention. I was fortunate, because I was willing to admit I needed help, to stumble upon a decent therapist who recognized that in addtion to being depressed, I have ADD. I have the attention span of a gnat and my short term memory? Fahgettaboutit. But, there are lots of tools available for both conditions. it got better.

Now I'm dealing with T2 diabetes, as well. Ive adopted a low carb diet which has brought my numbers down significantly. The reason your doc didnt want to take you off metformin is because many people are not able to control diabetes on their own. Its not lack of willpower, its that the wrong food makes craving almost impossible to resist. You can stop craving. Check out marksdailyapple.com.

Really, your recovery is up to you. Good for you to vent in a place where lots of folks with lots of issues are trying to do better and be healthier. You're not alone. Not by a long shot.

The past five days have been one of those times. I've been angry at the world, and especially my wife, for no apparent reason. A couple of drinking glasses "mysteriously" traveled across a room and broken against a wall. Somehow a steak knife found its way into our air mattress, and if I had a dog, I'm sure I would have kick him (or her) a time or two.

Till you can get beyond this, can I suggest that you find somewhere to go and vent this? My favorite answer has been to throw rocks at a stream. I would do it until my arm hurt. The exercise tires me and cuts the edge and trying to aim the rocks breaks the angry train of thought. The stream provides a target where nothing gets hurt. They also tend to be places where I get a little privacy and solitude so I can unwind.

Hurtling glasses, stabbing knives, kicked dogs, one day the hurt is going to rebound on you. And it could affect your life for years to come.

May I also suggest the books of Eckhart Tolle, and taking up meditation to find your center in the cyclone of anger.

Weak people and cowards refuse to face their issues. You are neither of these. Keep at it, and will chime in with the rest to do what you need to to get right. I would suggest a good clinical psychologist or clinical psychiatrist as well, in addition to what you've done thus far, but it looks like you're headed toward that step as well.......OUTSTANDING!

I'm going to echo another posters comments about watching your carb intake. I have held steady around 265 to 275 for about 5 years since I quit smoking - prior to quitting I was 240lbs. Oh 6'2 in height.

Anyway - after seeing my friend drop almost 80 lbs on the atkins diet and keep most of it off 2 years later - I started looking into "low carb" diets. I stumbled across the Paleo "diet" and in turn something called Primal. I'm 2/3rds of the way through the book (Mark Sisson "Primal Living") and he makes a very, very compelling case for why we should be very carb aware and to be particularly leery of grain based carbs. Instead he advocates that you get your carbs through vegetables (and to a much lesser extent fruits) but to also get the bulk of your daily calories through protein. He discusses at length the effect processed carbs has on your body (the whole insulin/glucose roller coaster) and it made sense to me.

I'm 2 weeks into adopting this eating style. I've lost maybe 3 lbs but the real story is that cutting out the bad carbs my energy levels have gone up, I don't crash and begin craving more food after eating and I can actually skip a meal without wanting to hurt someone. Today I "slipped" and had a bagel with chicken salad for lunch. Within 30 minutes I felt bloated and almost anxious- an hour later I was "thinking" I should get something to eat.

Not saying this is the end all - be all but so far adopting a high protein/high fat low bad carb lifestyle is reaping dividends for me. I hope it continues.

Do a search - you'll find his blog - read some of the success stories - in particular there was/is an older gentleman in his 60's struggling with obesity and diabetes that adopted this lifestyle and has gotten off of most if not all of his meds. It was stories like that, that moved me to buy the book and devour the content on his blog.

A plus is that eating a high fat diet leads to a condition called satiety - ie: feeling full. Of course you can eat too much on any diet/lifestyle - just seems harder to do with this one.

Suffered from anxiety - so far no instances since going "primal". I truly believe that the insulin/glucose roller coaster that comes with eating a bad carb diet is behind a lot of the anxiety I was experiencing.

It sounds like you have acknowledged the need to change things up. That's often the hardest part. Good luck with whatever path you choose.