Foo - Girlfriend Pregnant with other guy's kid

I would do anything for this girl, I loved her, she made me a better person (more mature, better manners, more drive) I treated her like a princess
(I wouldn't have if she didn't appreciate it, and she showed it with a warm genuine smile that made me melt inside)

and what I thought was an unconditional love, is really being tested. She's the smartest woman I know, most respectable, UC Grad, motivated, and beautiful. (she's 9 years older than me, I'm 25, she's 34, and she holds her own against girls my age. She was miss teen america when she was 16, and has only gotten more attractive since)

My heart has sunk to my stomach, my hands are clammy, and I don't even know how to describe the way I'm feeling.

If she wants to run off with this guy and start a family, fine see ya later, good luck. (he's 38, has 3 kids, never married, but still lives with the baby momma)

If she wants to get an abortion, and give our relationship a 100%, I will be there

I can't be in this limbo, her being around with another guy is heart wrenching. Her having someone else's kid makes me feel like a chump and hurts my ego. It was hard when we first started dating when she explained that she was previously married to a portfolio manager, managing 100M in assets. Usually the firm charges 1-1.25% of that, and the manager gets .25-.40%. Of course a past marriage is a huge part of someone's life, I cringed hearing about those type of things, as time went on I realized she was never impressed by outward symbols of status, only someone who loved her for who she was.

Even though she became pregnant before we really started seeing each other, I know she saw him twice when we were seeing each other, even though it was strictly sexual. The first time it was when we were in limbo of being exclusive, and I think this was her way of testing how much I cared, then the second time I distanced myself.

She wanted to start a family, and move to London. I had planned to get a master's degree there to get a Visa (otherwise it's pretty hard to gain citizenship) , begin some sort of part time job and get my visa extended every 2 years. I'm a Swing trader/Day trader and can really work from anywhere. She can work at Morgan Stanley or Barclays (as she's worked there previously and left on great terms) to gain her citizenship. And I was ready for it all, I even put in my 30 day notice at my apartment, and I've started listing a lot of my possessions on ebay.

Normally I go on a nice long ride when I've got a lot on my mind, but I got hit by a car last week and dislocated my shoulder, and my bike is destroyed.

Sorry for the long post, I didn't know where else to turn at 3am :(

Are you serious?

I think you mean ex-girlfriend.

dude...run.
run like hell.
run till you can't run any further.....then run some more.

"Even though she became pregnant before we really started seeing each other"

And she's still pregnant. Ergo, you've only known each other a few months at the very most.

Not to be harsh, but it sounds like you're investing way more angst in this relationship than is justified. It also sounds like a classic case of Nice Guy Syndrome, to be honest.

dude...run.
run like hell.
run till you can't run any further.....then run some more.

+1
and don't look back.

Seriously, you should just leave her alone. I'm sure you have feelings for her but from how you've explained her actions...she doesn't seem to me, to be the type who deserves your affection.

Seriously, you should just leave her alone. I'm sure you have feelings for her but from how you've explained her actions...she doesn't seem to me, to be the type who deserves your affection.

Listen to Mango. She's right.

Couch

Seriously, you should just leave her alone. I'm sure you have feelings for her but from how you've explained her actions...she doesn't seem to me, to be the type who deserves your affection.

Yup. People who are worthy of your affection don't "test how much you care". That's a sign of someone who will make you absolutely miserable in both the short and long run.

Listen to Mango. She's right.

Couch

We really need Randomguy. He is an expert on crazy chicks, dating them, and screwing you up.

Yup. People who are worthy of your affection don't "test how much you care". That's a sign of someone who will make you absolutely miserable in both the short and long run.

+infinity

Yea. They banned him here years ago. They sent botto after him. He's a whinier version of EPG.

Couch

That needs to be fixed, I remember botto. :mad:

Dude, run. Don't look back.

** Patiently waiting for OP to rationalize staying with her.

Yea. They banned him here years ago. They sent botto after him. He's a whinier version of EPG.

Couch

Botto's over there?

Unless you are wearing her collar then let her go. There are many more Dommes you can submit to. :p

Seriously no go on that.

DTMFA.

She made you be a better person, fine. Be a better person for somebody that deserves it.

Dude, run. Don't look back.

** Patiently waiting for OP to rationalize staying with her.

Miss Teen America 1995, Bethany?

Of course a past marriage is a huge part of someone's life,

Unless there are kids, there shouldn't be an issue.

This whole thing has disaster written all over it.

I can't be in this limbo

It's over. Move on. There, limbo is done. You can be sure as hell that if you cheated on her, she'd dump you without a second thought.

Hmmm...so this girl goes to bed with a guy who lives with his 3 babies Mama. She chooses to sleep with a cheating guy, gets knocked-up and then strings you along.
I say, get thee out of town, change your phone number and leave no forwarding address, cause that clown will try to pin that baby on you or tie you down.
She ain't nothing but heartache.
You don't have a whole lot invested in her, this was a "blossoming relationship", so cut your losses, lick your wounds, then get back up on your bike and ride another day.
You're young. You'll be over this in no time. 6 months from now, this won't even matter anymore.

I would do anything for this girl, I loved her, she made me a better person (more mature, better manners, more drive) I treated her like a princess
(I wouldn't have if she didn't appreciate it, and she showed it with a warm genuine smile that made me melt inside)

and what I thought was an unconditional love, is really being tested. She's the smartest woman I know, most respectable, UC Grad, motivated, and beautiful. (she's 9 years older than me, I'm 25, she's 34, and she holds her own against girls my age. She was miss teen america when she was 16, and has only gotten more attractive since)

My heart has sunk to my stomach, my hands are clammy, and I don't even know how to describe the way I'm feeling.

If she wants to run off with this guy and start a family, fine see ya later, good luck. (he's 38, has 3 kids, never married, but still lives with the baby momma)

If she wants to get an abortion, and give our relationship a 100%, I will be there

I can't be in this limbo, her being around with another guy is heart wrenching. Her having someone else's kid makes me feel like a chump and hurts my ego. It was hard when we first started dating when she explained that she was previously married to a portfolio manager, managing 100M in assets. Usually the firm charges 1-1.25% of that, and the manager gets .25-.40%. Of course a past marriage is a huge part of someone's life, I cringed hearing about those type of things, as time went on I realized she was never impressed by outward symbols of status, only someone who loved her for who she was.

Even though she became pregnant before we really started seeing each other, I know she saw him twice when we were seeing each other, even though it was strictly sexual. The first time it was when we were in limbo of being exclusive, and I think this was her way of testing how much I cared, then the second time I distanced myself.

She wanted to start a family, and move to London. I had planned to get a master's degree there to get a Visa (otherwise it's pretty hard to gain citizenship) , begin some sort of part time job and get my visa extended every 2 years. I'm a Swing trader/Day trader and can really work from anywhere. She can work at Morgan Stanley or Barclays (as she's worked there previously and left on great terms) to gain her citizenship. And I was ready for it all, I even put in my 30 day notice at my apartment, and I've started listing a lot of my possessions on ebay.
Normally I go on a nice long ride when I've got a lot on my mind, but I got hit by a car last week and dislocated my shoulder, and my bike is destroyed.

Sorry for the long post, I didn't know where else to turn at 3am :(

She does seem to have more drive.
With a chump like you she'll def want to get an abortion. (and I'm sure you'll be there)
You are a chump. (as stated above)
Thats when you should have ran.
Which now make you a ****ing chump.
No, it was her way of testing to see just how much of a ****ing chump you are.
Which make you a ****ing stupid chump.
Which brings me to the conclusion that you deserve this girl and everything that happens to you as a result of your ****ing stupid chumpness.

wtf?? Follow all of the above excellant advice, move on and fahgettaboutit. You will thank yourself the rest of your life.

Have you considered getting pregnant as well to show her that two can play this game?

+infinity

and beyond

Hmmm...so this girl goes to bed with a guy who lives with his 3 babies Mama. She chooses to sleep with a cheating guy, gets knocked-up and then strings you along.
I say, get thee out of town, change your phone number and leave no forwarding address, cause that clown will try to pin that baby on you or tie you down.
She ain't nothing but heartache.
You don't have a whole lot invested in her, this was a "blossoming relationship", so cut your losses, lick your wounds, then get back up on your bike and ride another day.
You're young. You'll be over this in no time. 6 months from now, this won't even matter anymore.

^^This, along with all of the other posts. If she does keep this baby, she'll have Baby Daddy in her life for the next 18 years. How many times will she see him again "just for sex"?

Have you considered getting pregnant as well to show her that two can play this game?

This.

pictures of the "lady" in discussion. http://www.myspace.com/teenamerica/photos/244813#%7B%22ImageId%22%3A10063891%7D

Is this a troll? Meanwhile, on the Broken Hearts forums:



My wife left. She always wanted us to start a family and after years of trying she finally got pregnant. But now, she left. She's dating some day trader guy that's 10 years younger than me! And he's trying to convince her to KILL MAH BABY! WTF. I know she still has feeling for me because even tho she's dating the guy, she still comes to see me sometimes for strictly sexual purposes. If she leaves the other guy and keeps the baby, I'll commit to this relationship 100%! Is probably my fault. She used to be a beauty contest winner but when she started to age she felt sad. Trying to make her feel better, I got her a boob job and a face lift. Now she looks so young that 25 year old guys are giving me competition.


...and then... on the Gold-Digging Cougar Forums:



I'm living the life now. With these new boobs my ex-husband paid for, I have 25 year olds drooling all over me. However, alimony is running out soon. So I started dating the ex husband to keep him in hooked and I'm using the "I'm pregnant" trick to get more money out of him. I want to move to London but a 2 bedroom apartment there is about $9,000 dollars a month. I'm dating some market trading guy now, hopefully he will be able to afford me and off to London we go. He's kinda of a chump but I'm not planning on keeping him. As soon as I get to London I'll start dating some rich British bachelors and I'll dump the chump as soon as something better comes along. I'll probably tell him I'm pregnant from him too when I leave him, just for the fun.

I would do anything for this girl, I loved her, she made me a better person (more mature, better manners, more drive) I treated her like a princess
(I wouldn't have if she didn't appreciate it, and she showed it with a warm genuine smile that made me melt inside)

Yep, sounds like a great catch. She shows her appreciation by smiling at you while jumping into bed with someone else.


If she wants to get an abortion, and give our relationship a 100%, I will be there

I suspect she's already shown you how much she wants to give your relationship 100%.


I can't be in this limbo, her being around with another guy is heart wrenching. Her having someone else's kid makes me feel like a chump and hurts my ego. It was hard when we first started dating when she explained that she was previously married to a portfolio manager, managing 100M in assets. Usually the firm charges 1-1.25% of that, and the manager gets .25-.40%. Of course a past marriage is a huge part of someone's life, I cringed hearing about those type of things, as time went on I realized she was never impressed by outward symbols of status, only someone who loved her for who she was.

Even though she became pregnant before we really started seeing each other, I know she saw him twice when we were seeing each other, even though it was strictly sexual. The first time it was when we were in limbo of being exclusive, and I think this was her way of testing how much I cared, then the second time I distanced myself.

Sounds like she's saying the right things so you don't feel totally inadequate but then goes back to her previous man for a quick bit of hows-yer-father. Someone who tests how much you care isn't someone it's worth caring too much about. If she tests you once she'll test you again and again and again.

If you want out of the limbo you know where the door is, but you have to make that move. If you wait for her it seems there's a good chance she'll keep you hanging for as long as you're willing to hang.


She wanted to start a family, and move to London. I had planned to get a master's degree there to get a Visa (otherwise it's pretty hard to gain citizenship) , begin some sort of part time job and get my visa extended every 2 years. I'm a Swing trader/Day trader and can really work from anywhere. She can work at Morgan Stanley or Barclays (as she's worked there previously and left on great terms) to gain her citizenship. And I was ready for it all, I even put in my 30 day notice at my apartment, and I've started listing a lot of my possessions on ebay.

If possible now would probably be a Really Great Time to retract your notice and stop selling your stuff. Otherwise you'll find yourself with no home, no stuff and still no girlfriend.

Don't run, buy a bike and ride away.

Everyone's been there, and everyone agrees it's up to her. You need put ZERO effort into this. Experience finds you'll probably get your answer pretty quick. They eff up, and would rather jump ship than work to fix it. So don't you dare do the work for her. Her turn to become a better person.

Decisions, decisions ... :thumb:


pictures of the "lady" in discussion. http://www.myspace.com/teenamerica/photos/244813#%7B%22ImageId%22%3A10063891%7D

http://a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/96/6568181ef5bff5e367e3960051713824/l.jpg

You know, we ought to be able to pull up a list of Miss Teen Americas somewhere and guess who it is based off of the current age...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_Teen_America

oh snap, I got beaten to it. Darned internet.

Have you considered getting pregnant as well to show her that two can play this game?

This. Also, run.

But seriously, replace "chump" with "chimp" in all of the above mentions. It's great.

Decisions, decisions ... :thumb:



http://a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/96/6568181ef5bff5e367e3960051713824/l.jpg

I'd hit it.

It is one thing to become involved with someone who is pregnant before you met her and a bit more awkward when she becomes pregnant after you met for the first time but prior to any relationship. Difficult, but doable with the right mindset. It's something else entirely for her to continue having sexual relations with someone else after claiming to be exclusive with you...

This will not end well for you. PERIOD. Sever the ties now. Have a Paternity test done to establish that you are not in fact the father of the unborn child. Do not take her to prenatal visits or any other activity that could be construed as accepting a parental role.

You claim she's smart. Sounds like she's setting up to either a) head up diaper detail while she's out doing her own thing or b) come after you for child support for the better part of the next 2 decades.

You need to get a Schwinn Panther III

dude...run.
run like hell.
run till you can't run any further.....then run some more.

Concisely & elegantly put.

I've been in situations where my GF had a man in their past they couldn't forget. I was always being measured against this semi-mythical character. Guess who came in second, no matter?

Now you'll have a baby. All her attention is going to be for the little creature. For you nothing, from you everything. It's not your kid. Do not get sucked into someone else's soap opera.

You are only 25. She is at the age to settle down. Don't cheat yourself out of what sounds like the start of a great life!

"Even though she became pregnant before we really started seeing each other"

And she's still pregnant. Ergo, you've only known each other a few months at the very most.

Not to be harsh, but it sounds like you're investing way more angst in this relationship than is justified. It also sounds like a classic case of Nice Guy Syndrome, to be honest.

I've known her for almost 2 years, and have always enjoyed spending time around her and treated her well, she was just unavailable or dating someone else. (2 guys in the past 2 years) We started "dating" 2 months ago --> sleeping over, showers at each others place, out to eat, movies, plays, shopping, meet parents, etc..

But, I totally hear you on this one, neither of us knew she was pregnant until last night. When she found out she called me crying and freaking out. She is only the second girl I've ever treated so well because I thought she deserved it and the last one was 6 years ago. (I don't know how to say this without sounding like a complete scumbag, e-baller, but by no means is the following intended for self-promotion.) I've dated more women than I care to remember, I've had countless f-buddies, and meaningless sex.

In the past year it really hit me that I did not respect any of the women I was spending time with, I didn't enjoy spending time around them, and the only thing I wanted to do was go to sleep after having sex with them. When I met her I was pleasantly surprised, most women annoy the crap out of me, and smart women usually aren't super attractive.

I've known her for almost 2 years, and have always enjoyed spending time around her and treated her well, she was just unavailable or dating someone else. (2 guys in the past 2 years) We started "dating" 2 months ago --> sleeping over, showers at each others place, out to eat, movies, plays, shopping, meet parents, etc..

But, I totally hear you on this one, neither of us knew she was pregnant until last night. When she found out she called me crying and freaking out. She is only the second girl I've ever treated so well because I thought she deserved it and the last one was 6 years ago. (I don't know how to say this without sounding like a complete scumbag, e-baller, but by no means is the following intended for self-promotion.) I've dated more women than I care to remember, I've had countless f-buddies, and meaningless sex.

In the past year it really hit me that I did not respect any of the women I was spending time with, I didn't enjoy spending time around them, and the only thing I wanted to do was go to sleep after having sex with them. When I met her I was pleasantly surprised, most women annoy the crap out of me, and smart women usually aren't super attractive.

Got it, you are basically shallow.

On second thought, you two deserve each other.

I've known her for almost 2 years, and have always enjoyed spending time around her and treated her well, she was just unavailable or dating someone else. (2 guys in the past 2 years) We started "dating" 2 months ago --> sleeping over, showers at each others place, out to eat, movies, plays, shopping, meet parents, etc..

But, I totally hear you on this one, neither of us knew she was pregnant until last night. When she found out she called me crying and freaking out. She is only the second girl I've ever treated so well because I thought she deserved it and the last one was 6 years ago. (I don't know how to say this without sounding like a complete scumbag, e-baller, but by no means is the following intended for self-promotion.) I've dated more women than I care to remember, I've had countless f-buddies, and meaningless sex.

In the past year it really hit me that I did not respect any of the women I was spending time with, I didn't enjoy spending time around them, and the only thing I wanted to do was go to sleep after having sex with them. When I met her I was pleasantly surprised, most women annoy the crap out of me, and smart women usually aren't super attractive.

You sound like a real wanker, what goes around comes around.

Got it, you are basically shallow.

On second thought, you two deserve each other.

I rarely agree with Indy_Rider, but he's spot on in this case.

If you expect a longterm relationship with this woman though, it will be nothing but drama and pain from this point out. You may enjoy her company, but she's got a boatload of issues to work out. They are her issues, though, and not yours.

I've known her for almost 2 years, and have always enjoyed spending time around her and treated her well, she was just unavailable or dating someone else. (2 guys in the past 2 years) We started "dating" 2 months ago --> sleeping over, showers at each others place, out to eat, movies, plays, shopping, meet parents, etc..

But, I totally hear you on this one, neither of us knew she was pregnant until last night. When she found out she called me crying and freaking out. She is only the second girl I've ever treated so well because I thought she deserved it and the last one was 6 years ago. (I don't know how to say this without sounding like a complete scumbag, e-baller, but by no means is the following intended for self-promotion.) I've dated more women than I care to remember, I've had countless f-buddies, and meaningless sex.

In the past year it really hit me that I did not respect any of the women I was spending time with, I didn't enjoy spending time around them, and the only thing I wanted to do was go to sleep after having sex with them. When I met her I was pleasantly surprised, most women annoy the crap out of me, and smart women usually aren't super attractive.

This changes things a bit. How do you know it is the other guy's kid?? Insist on the paternity test. If it is yours, step up and take financial responsibilty for the child even if your relationship with the mother ends now.

But I think that this raises another question- was the conception preplanned by all parties?

We started "dating" 2 months ago



neither of us knew she was pregnant until last night.

I'm having trouble buying this story.

So really, both of you need to be sent to Siberia for reeducation. Or wherever Foo deems that reeducation should be done.

Seriously, you should just leave her alone. I'm sure you have feelings for her but from how you've explained her actions...she doesn't seem to me, to be the type who deserves your affection.

+1

I'm having trouble buying this story.


Both parties involved are idiots. Not that hard to buy.

Come on, intelligent beauty queen? :roflmao2:

Do yourself a favor and cut your losses now. One of the toughest things you'll ever do in life is come to grips with the fact that love on it's own isn't enough. Once you've experienced enough pain to know that simple fact then dating's all cake.

As for dating..

With dating you have 3 dates to figure out if a relationship could be long-term. If one person doesn't feel the same they'll stray and hook up with ex's. The problem is, and I've been on the receiving end of this so I know, if you don't have the balls to put your foot down then you've implied it's okay and they'll keep doing it.

It doesn't matter if you did or didn't think the relationship was monogamous before. What matters is that she's just not that into you.

Do yourself a few favors here... 1. Move on; 2. Start believing that you're worth not having to put up with crap like this; 3. Live by the 3 dates rule. If you don't know in 3 dates, if you're wishy-washy, or if it just seems like it will be only sex, go find someone else. There's plenty of people with long-term potential to screw.

IF



Sorry for the long post, I didn't know where else to turn at 3am :(

Have you considered getting pregnant as well to show her that two can play this game?

I like how you think! :lol:

Is this a troll? Meanwhile, on the Broken Hearts forums:



...and then... on the Gold-Digging Cougar Forums:


Listen to the Rube-ster. He knows drama.

smart women usually aren't super attractive.

are you f'ing shtting me? Dood, marry her, you deserve her.