General Cycling Discussion - Friend who won't listen

I have a friend who got bit hard by the cycling bug this year, much to my surprise. I wholeheartedly support his new hobby/lifestyle change but he refuses to take any of my advice when it comes to spending money. I advised him not to buy a Walmart bike but he did so anyway and ended up realizing he made a mistake after trying a friend's real bike out. Now he has a better bike but won't let me help him with the most basic repairs. I offer to do it for him for free (because it's fun for me) and give him replacement parts from my collection but he insists on going to a bike shop for simple things. I won't pretend I never spent too much money at the bike shop in my more ignorant days, but I feel like I have come a long way in being a competent mechanic and resourceful at finding free or low cost replacement parts. I know there are plenty of honest bike shop employees who won't exploit people who don't know any better, but I also know people like him are the bread and butter of any bike shop and most will try to sell him something every step of the way. I don't want to start a debate on the value of local bike shops and the convenience/cost trade-off that most people are happy to live with, but one of the main reasons I enjoy cycling is that most people's repair needs can be met very cheaply outside of the retail establishment. How do I convince someone who doesn't know any better that he doesn't need to spend so much money on very simple repairs?

Don't waste your time.

can lead a horse to water ...

I agree with flippin, I wouldn't bother trying. Some people just have different outlooks on how to get things done, and they're probably not going to be changing those outlooks anytime soon.

Yes, he obviously doesn't want your help.

Enjoy riding with him, but everyone's going to pursue the hobby in their own way.

Doesn't sound like much of a friend. I would personally consider any 'friend' who rejected my help and input so wholly, disposable. But then, I'm a wrench, too....

"The art of giving advice to best friends is to make them believe that they thought of it themselves."

Yeah I kind of suspect that no matter how hard I try my words are falling on deaf ears. He also wants to buy a full carbon bike after going to a couple races with a different friend of his even though a racing bike is in no way suitable for his commuting/recreational needs.

You kinda sound like a busybody. Let him enjoy himself. Who the hell are you to declare what's suitable for him?

"The art of giving advice to best friends is to make them believe that they thought of it themselves."

Since you have already tried the normal approach of advising this^^ is the only other viable option. Should that fail then you must just accept that your friend is going to do things his way.

I understand it's his money to do with what he pleases but this guy has a history of making poor financial decisions in other aspects of his life and I'm just trying to save a friend from himself.

Some days you educate, other days you accommodate. Relax.

Yeah let him do what he wants, mind your own business and just ride.

You kinda sound like a busybody. Let him enjoy himself. Who the hell are you to declare what's suitable for him?

+1

Leave him be.

If you want to have blazing arguments about people who do things differently to you then join in a helmet thread. Or better yet, chainlube.

(Me - I only ever wear drylube on my head. Anyone who does different is a fool)

From Will Rogers...

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

If I bought a replacement bike, a brand new bike that's much better than the old one, it might just be under some kind of warranty and the bike shop might just do stuff to get it going right. Then after a year or so, the reality sets in and the short term warranty runs out. Small adjustments will need to be made so the shifting works better as the cables start to stretch.

When you ride with him, you can discuss bikes and repairs but don't speak about how much money you can save. Stay focused on the maintenance issue and the various solutions. And don't knock bike shops and how much they charge compared to what you can do it for. That part may be the thing he doesn't like to hear.

I have a friend who got bit hard by the cycling bug this year, much to my surprise. I wholeheartedly support his new hobby/lifestyle change but he refuses to take any of my advice when it comes to spending money. I advised him not to buy a Walmart bike but he did so anyway and ended up realizing he made a mistake after trying a friend's real bike out. Now he has a better bike but won't let me help him with the most basic repairs. I offer to do it for him for free (because it's fun for me) and give him replacement parts from my collection but he insists on going to a bike shop for simple things. I won't pretend I never spent too much money at the bike shop in my more ignorant days, but I feel like I have come a long way in being a competent mechanic and resourceful at finding free or low cost replacement parts. I know there are plenty of honest bike shop employees who won't exploit people who don't know any better, but I also know people like him are the bread and butter of any bike shop and most will try to sell him something every step of the way. I don't want to start a debate on the value of local bike shops and the convenience/cost trade-off that most people are happy to live with, but one of the main reasons I enjoy cycling is that most people's repair needs can be met very cheaply outside of the retail establishment. How do I convince someone who doesn't know any better that he doesn't need to spend so much money on very simple repairs?

Why is this your problem?

Seriously, you've made an offer, the offer has been declined, so let it go.

If nothing else he might be thinking about the warranty on his bike. When my bike was within its warranty period absolutely anything it needed went straight to the LBS, I didn't even want to twiddle with it. Now it's out of warranty I'm more inclined to fiddle with it myself.

Whatever his reasoning, it's his bike and his money so if he'd rather pay someone to fix it than have you fix it for free that's his choice to make.

+1

Leave him be.

If you want to have blazing arguments about people who do things differently to you then join in a helmet thread. Or better yet, chainlube.

(Me - I only ever wear drylube on my head. Anyone who does different is a fool)

I find threading the chain through the gaps in my helmet is tricky. Not only that but it makes a nasty rattling sound, and I think parts of the helmet bounce against the ground when I ride. Should I be using a different type of helmet?

You should see how much free legal advice gets ignored. Almost always. Even the tightwads don't listen. So, get over it and move on. bk

"You can't save everyone" is advice that is not heeded by one who is commited to try saving everyone!

Keep trying to save your friend, don't give up. Make it your sole purpose in life to save this fool, it is your destiny!

been there. step back and watch the chaos.

you can't save anyone from themselves.

.... what? I wasn't paying attention ;)

hope they learn something new, each shop visit..

How do I convince someone who doesn't know any better?

I'm thinking you don't have any kids.

You kinda sound like a busybody. Let him enjoy himself. Who the hell are you to declare what's suitable for him?

^^^^ Hits Nail on The Head...

I understand it's his money to do with what he pleases but this guy has a history of making poor financial decisions in other aspects of his life and I'm just trying to save a friend from himself.

Visit a local homeless shelter and report back on how many lives you have saved.

I understand it's his money to do with what he pleases but this guy has a history of making poor financial decisions in other aspects of his life and I'm just trying to save a friend from himself.

It sounds like he doesn't want to be saved. And if you keep pushing you're going to start to sound a bit controlling.

Maybe he doesn't want to feel indebted to you for your free help.

I understand it's his money to do with what he pleases but this guy has a history of making poor financial decisions in other aspects of his life and I'm just trying to save a friend from himself.

A laudable aim for sure, but if he doesn't want to be saved there's nothing you can do. If he wants a full carbon bike bought with credit costing him 48.9% interest there's precisely nothing you can do to stop him from doing it.

Giving friendly advice is one thing. Hounding someone to accept your advice, however well-intentioned, is another thing entirely. From what you're saying it sounds like you've well and truly crossed the line.

can lead a horse to water ...

...but you can't get him to make a decent margarita?

I have a friend who got bit hard by the cycling bug this year, much to my surprise. I wholeheartedly support his new hobby/lifestyle change but he refuses to take any of my advice when it comes to spending money. I advised him not to buy a Walmart bike but he did so anyway and ended up realizing he made a mistake after trying a friend's real bike out. Now he has a better bike but won't let me help him with the most basic repairs. I offer to do it for him for free (because it's fun for me) and give him replacement parts from my collection but he insists on going to a bike shop for simple things. I won't pretend I never spent too much money at the bike shop in my more ignorant days, but I feel like I have come a long way in being a competent mechanic and resourceful at finding free or low cost replacement parts. I know there are plenty of honest bike shop employees who won't exploit people who don't know any better, but I also know people like him are the bread and butter of any bike shop and most will try to sell him something every step of the way. I don't want to start a debate on the value of local bike shops and the convenience/cost trade-off that most people are happy to live with, but one of the main reasons I enjoy cycling is that most people's repair needs can be met very cheaply outside of the retail establishment. How do I convince someone who doesn't know any better that he doesn't need to spend so much money on very simple repairs?

Bolding mine.

If he doesn't want your help don't push. My only question is have you told him the bolded part? There are some who do not like to impose or to owe someone. If he does not understand that for you working on bikes is fun then it maight make a difference. Or it might not.

....but he refuses to take any of my advice.....

Hmmm...... sounds like a younger me....I really do wish you luck on your endeavor to try and change your friend's thought process on how to spend his money.

Sneak into his garage at night while hes sleeping and repair his bike then.

Rebel has a point here, and you should review your own motives. If you have been brushed off more than once and are still pursuing it, the problem is yours. Move on before the guy sees you as the friend who won't stop nagging.

Besides, even if you do end up working on his bike, he still won't listen. He won't want to do timely maintenance because the parts cost too much, and besides; "it's not broken yet". Any suggestion for additional work becomes an argument. Soon you feel you're being "used" for free labor and free used parts. You become part of a strategy to keep it cheap or free. I know, I just extricated myself from this situation. Find someone who appreciates it to work with. bk

When offering advice on mechanics, its important to stay focused on the main issue, and not particularly on the economics of the deal. If I am constantly reminded of how things can be done cheaper, then that brings a whole different dynamics into the discussion. The listener/learner/newbie may not want to hear this.

Look how Sheldon Brown explains things.

let him enjoy the sport at his own pace. just back off a little and he will likely occasionally ask your opinion. but if you hit him hard with all this stuff he is just going to avoid the subject with you. so things he's gotta learn the hard way

This a$$hole of a friend probably thinks he can even do things that you don't approve of, like drinking and/or smoking and/or eating junk food. What a d!ck.

Be ready to take off his hands componentry he tires of. You would be lucky to have the same top tube length as he does.

How do I convince someone who doesn't know any better that he doesn't need to spend so much money on very simple repairs?

Lead by example only. Share your love of bicycling. Don't try to tell him what to do. He'll ask when he's ready. I imagine he feels intimidated by you.