Foo - I have to get help for my anger

I just am not able to control my tempare i try so hard but soon as some one says something to me or yells stuff out of the car when i am on my bike i lose it like some damn idiot who cant control his emotions.so next week i have a dr appt and ill dicuss this at lengh.I feel like a loser ima grown man who acts like a teenager

Get a punching bag.

That may help

That may help

Yes it can, I've tried it to relieve stress.

May I ask how old you are?

30 something

Target shooting can be very relaxing.

And if that isn't enough, cars can make good targets. :innocent:

Laugh at them. Laughter is good medicine, and it might serve to make them feel like an ass.

First, great job on realizing you have a problem and being willing to find a solution for it. Many do not and live in denial for years. I am / was one of those people.

He who angers you controls you. You need to figure out why you are getting angry. Self worth, pride, shame, whatever and learn to deal with that issue. Going to take some soul searching and it could be painful. And it could be a chemical imbalance in your body, or a reaction to stress from outside pressures, such as family, job, finances, health.

I wish you much luck in finding the cause and for resolution. I had and still have issues in my life that I am learning to deal with that cause me to feel low self worth, shame and guilt and I will often get angry at myself and then transfer my anger to others. Almost cost me my marriage.

Feel free to PM me.

Bite me.

OK, so now how do you feel?

...soon as some one says something to me or yells stuff out of the car when i am on my bike...
"They'll get over it." Repeat that to yourself when it happens and don't worry about it. They're most likely upset about something trivial or completely unrelated. Once they pass you, they'll forget about you and be bitter about the next thing.

much good advice given above.Every day i say to self i wont react ill ignore them but i still end up reacting

much good advice given above.Every day i say to self i wont react ill ignore them but i still end up reacting

When on a bike, I have the same problem and I think it comes down to anger over possibility of them endangering my life. That's something I'm never going to get over, nor do I really want to.

Plus, it helps me click off the next several miles quicker.

sometimes people need to be yelled at. sometimes people earn a punch in the head. sometimes it's best to bite your lip and vent to your friends. there is no general rule that will guide you. if things go right you are happy. if things go wrong should you be just as happy? I am human, not machine, and not a Vulcan. if you piss me off you will hear about. if you do something nice for me, you will hear about it. I am not a tree. it gets tricky when there's a "match-up" cuz you could get dead. I've been practicing my survival skills since 5th grade. so far, so good despite a few bad judgement calls and lost fights. do the best you can man and don't let them drug you or make you feel quilty for reacting as a human.

sometimes people need to be yelled at. sometimes people earn a punch in the head. sometimes it's best to bite your lip and vent to your friends. there is no general rule that will guide you. if things go right you are happy. if things go wrong should you be just as happy? I am human, not machine, and not a Vulcan. if you piss me off you will hear about. if you do something nice for me, you will hear about it. I am not a tree. it gets tricky when there's a "match-up" cuz you could get dead. I've been practicing my survival skills since 5th grade. so far, so good despite a few bad judgement calls and lost fights. do the best you can man and don't let them drug you or make you feel quilty for reacting as a human.
Are you smoking pot right now?

One very good thing for curbing anger is meditation. It teaches you how to maintain your center even while an anger storm blows through your mind. You learn that you are not your anger. It's just a VIVID and FLUID hallucination. Anger is a temporary thought that comes and goes. Sacrificing that which is real and lasting for a temporary hallucination is self-defeating.

You can't just tell yourself that you will not be angry. You need to build up your spiritual core.

To start, find somewhere that you can sit quietly for 20 minutes each day. Focus on observing your breathing. Your mind will stray. When it does, just recenter on your breathing. Over time, you are more able to maintain your focus and you will be able to step back from your anger and not be contained within it. Like Neo, you will see the matrix of the anger, and you will see yourself there, and calm with the anger in front of you. The anger is no more you than the words you are reading at this moment. Meditation is similar to riding a bike, the more you ride, the stronger you are.

Books that have helped me are:

A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle

Your true home by Thich Nhat Hanh (pronounced Tik Nyat Hawn)

Be Here Now by Ram Dass

Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki


My first aid for anger is to go find a small stream and throw rocks at it. Having to control the rock breaks the anger, and nothing gets hurt. The crash of the rock into the water or onto the banks is a moment of zen. By the time my arm is hurting, I'm usually calmer.

And in dealing with cars... Let them get away before you cuss them out. That, or amp up the one-finger salute by 5 and give em the full hand and a smile. You know they're only doing it to get a rise out of you. It hurts them the most when you don't respond.

Id never want to hurt some one badly But i do admit i wouldn't mind kicking a few of there asses.Which realy makes me question my sanity . to want to hit some one because of words is stupid and thats how i am acting stupid

Id never want to hurt some one badly But i do admit i wouldn't mind kicking a few of there asses.Which realy makes me question my sanity . to want to hit some one because of words is stupid and thats how i am acting stupid
Get some therapy and maybe some drugs for your chemically imbalanced brain.

Carry a gun, you never know if the next guy you yell back at might be just like you.

Vehicle, versus cyclist with a gun. Still not good odds, which is why I always look for an exit route right after I yell. Being a MTB'er has it's advantages, even if I am on a road bike.

Vehicle, versus cyclist with a gun. Still not good odds, which is why I always look for an exit route right after I yell. Being a MTB'er has it's advantages, even if I am on a road bike.
Windchaser is probably getting yelled at by little kids and old ladies on the sidewalk.

Get some therapy and maybe some drugs for your chemically imbalanced brain.WEdnesday i have a appt
.Not looking forward to it lol

Vehicle, versus cyclist with a gun. Still not good odds, which is why I always look for an exit route right after I yell. Being a MTB'er has it's advantages, even if I am on a road bike.

You are also a water skier. Is your second option riding the roadie into a creek?

Windchaser is probably getting yelled at by little kids and old ladies on the sidewalk.Nope

You are also a water skier. Is your second option riding the roadie into a creek?

Wouldn't be the first time I've crossed a creek on a bike and certainly wouldn't be the last time either.

Id never want to hurt some one badly But i do admit i wouldn't mind kicking a few of there asses.Which realy makes me question my sanity . to want to hit some one because of words is stupid and thats how i am acting stupid

Yeah, but it's normal, not crazy. But it's cool that you are looking to step up. Many people don't ever see things that clearly.

Have some counselling to work out what it is that making you angry, those who pish you off when you are on your bike or whatever are the trigger but there is something going on that makes you flare up.

I am having counselling and anger is one issue I am discussing and it is helping.

Once you work out what the underlying issues are that cause your anger, then hopefully those who may have set you off before will just get laughed at instead.


Good luck with it anyhow, from one who knows:)

Lets avoid gun talk please, or I'll have to move the thread to Trollheim, or worse, P&R.

redirect your thoughts.

I just am not able to control my tempare i try so hard but soon as some one says something to me or yells stuff out of the car when i am on my bike i lose it like some damn idiot who cant control his emotions.so next week i have a dr appt and ill dicuss this at lengh.I feel like a loser ima grown man who acts like a teenager

Zoloft,Captain Morgan,and buy a girlfriend this weekend.

Lets avoid gun talk please, or I'll have to move the thread to Trollheim, or worse, P&R.

But guns are religious group or politically affiliated. :twitchy:

First, great job on realizing you have a problem and being willing to find a solution for it. Many do not and live in denial for years. I am / was one of those people.

He who angers you controls you. You need to figure out why you are getting angry. Self worth, pride, shame, whatever and learn to deal with that issue. Going to take some soul searching and it could be painful. And it could be a chemical imbalance in your body, or a reaction to stress from outside pressures, such as family, job, finances, health.


I totally agree with jsharr. It's a good idea to talk with someone that can help you see outside of the box you are seeing right now, so it's good that you're seeing a doctor about this. Journaling can help you figure out what the triggers are and can help you figure out how to deal with them. Like jsharr said the first step is admitting there is a problem, and if you continue to be totally honest with yourself you can figure out how work through this. We all develop different coping skills throughout life, and it can take a while to replace them with better ones. Be patient with yourself and keep working at it.

And be kind to yourself:)

They have meds for this sort of thing now.

WC, I feel for you. I was in a similar situation as you at that age. Some good advice given here. Introspection and examining your life is the path to peace. You'll want to be very aware of your emotional responses to external stimulii. Slow it down like watching a movie frame by frame. The rise to anger is actually comprised of many steps. Interrupting that path by removing just any one of the stepping stones along the way will stop it completely.

I recommend reading "Man's Quest for Meaning" by Victor Frankl.

Then examine these areas the next time you get upset:

1. What are your expectations in the encounter? Were they met?
2. What were your intentions? Did you achieve them?
3. Any undelivered communications ? Things that you wanted or needed to say that didn't get across?

Keep a journal of your upsets and write those points above down. You will start to see a pattern over time. Recognizing and seeing this pattern will give you power to alter the outcomes in future events. It will be a long journey, not something that happens overnight. There are also support group types of programmed that may help. Some are better than others. I wish you the best in your new future. :)

From someone who has struggled with some of the same issues and done the anger management thing...

First off, anger is not a primary emotion, it's a secondary emotion. If you look behind the anger, at the root of it, all of it, is fear. That's the primary emotion causing the anger. It fear that:
-you aren't going to get something that you think you deserve
-you are going to lose something important to you
-your security ( of some sort financial, physical, sexual, is being threatened)

So, the people that yell at you from the car? What's the fear? Well, they are threatening your physical well being. That's the fear. Makes sense. So now, when I get angry, I've trained myself to immediately stop and figure out where the fear is coming from so I can understand it, instead of just going into rage mode and making poor choices. Then I usually calm down.

I don't think it's abnormal to get angry. Anger is a valid emotion just like any other, it isn't "bad". It's what you do with that anger that matters. For me, I had to understand it to be able to develop appropriate coping methods.

First, great job on realizing you have a problem and being willing to find a solution for it. Many do not and live in denial for years. I am / was one of those people.

He who angers you controls you. You need to figure out why you are getting angry. Self worth, pride, shame, whatever and learn to deal with that issue. Going to take some soul searching and it could be painful. And it could be a chemical imbalance in your body, or a reaction to stress from outside pressures, such as family, job, finances, health.

I wish you much luck in finding the cause and for resolution. I had and still have issues in my life that I am learning to deal with that cause me to feel low self worth, shame and guilt and I will often get angry at myself and then transfer my anger to others. Almost cost me my marriage.

Feel free to PM me.
Wise words........

Bite Couch's leg. It seems to help Inge.

First off, anger is not a primary emotion, it's a secondary emotion....I don't think it's abnormal to get angry. Anger is a valid emotion just like any other, it isn't "bad". It's what you do with that anger that matters. For me, I had to understand it to be able to develop appropriate coping methods.

Ding! There's the crux of it all. So meditate and / or pray to relax - that will carry over to how you feel all day, practice mindfulness and start recognizing the primary emotions before something triggers a angry outburst, laugh - laugh at yourself. Find things to laugh about. Laugh at the stupid squirrel on the path, smile, affectionately call the squirrel a knucklehead and practice kind thoughts. Use a bell on your bike because it sounds silly and thank everyone who moves out of the way as if they did you a favor. Maybe drugs, but often that's a crutch. Maybe you need better quality sleep. Rest!

All those little things start adding up to an appreciation for each day, and that might help keep the violent anger at bay or at least help you get over each episode faster with less stress damage to your pysche and your body.

Here's something to consider although I don't want you to disregard all the other great suggestions. Consider taking a Magnesium supplement. Magnesium is a muscle relaxer and I find it relax's my mind as well. I know I'm Magnesium deficient and I supplement regularly. I'm trying to cut back my consumption and I find when I really haven't taken enough I get really stressed and angry. In my case I know what's going on and I take a magnesium pill. It calms me right down.

Your doctor isn't going to acknowledge that this is an issue or that it will work. Yet, before you let the doctor put you on some prescription drug do yourself a favour and try taking some Magnesium. Avoid suppliments with heavy magnesium or Magnesium oxide. They're laxatives. Find Magnesium orotate, citrate, chelated or something such.

Anthony