General Cycling Discussion - Who rides with a GF/Wife?

I've got a great new woman in my life and - after taking her biking last weekend on a rental Fuji mtb - she now wants to buy the bike to ride with me on the weekends! :) I'm thrilled beyond words at this prospect and don't want to SCREW IT UP! Not only so that she'll continue to bike with me but so that I don't mess up the rest of our relationship with unrealistic cycling expectations, etc. So, I'm looking for advice from those of you who bike with your girlfriends or wives.

My GF is currently much slower than I am (as I'd hope since I've been riding regularly for 1.5 years now while this was her first time in a decade) and I know she'll slowly improve. Meanwhile, I'm fine with going on slower leisurely rides with her on the weekends while pushing it during the week. But what's the best way to gently encourage her to ride faster while keeping it fun and her interest peaked? Also, does anyone have examples of what NOT to do? :rolleyes: Thanks!

women are a pain in the butt! My last g/f wanted me to push her, but not too much. That's too annoying. Play it safe... go on every ride with her as if it's a recreational or recovery ride for you. Go on harder/faster rides with us.

Don't push her. If you want to encourage her, bring a surprise picnic along next time :)

Until she shows a serious desire, like buying body armor :D let her dictate the pace and all that.

I'm going to recommend a tandem.

If you are compatable, it'll be a good investment because you'll love it. If you aren't compatable, you'll find out fast. If trying to ride a tandem together reveals your incompatability, a tandem is cheaper than a divorce so it will still have been a good investment.

My gf is a triathlete & we ride together quite a bit. She's a little slower than me, but not much, so I pull most of the time. I do like riding solo too, so her being a tri person gives the added benefit of me being able to out alone when she's swimming or running.

Ok, so being a girl myself, go with what Lord Opie says. Just go her pace now. Most girls will quit if you push them too hard. Me on the other hand I have gotten so use to riding with men that I can beat the pants off of some of them. But I'm mostly talking about Mountain Biking, and not road. You will have to put in your rides alone to get the max out of it but to begin with be easy on her. You'll know when and if she is picking up pace!!! Good Luck

I rode flat trails with my ex-girlfriend. I encouraged her to ride as fast as she could and when she got tired we would turn around and I would tow her back by grabbing her belt at her hip.
She got a great workout and didn't have to worry about struggling on the return trip and I got a warm-up ride followed by a hard ride as I towed her back.
It was great fun for both of us.
Enjoy

Me on the other hand I have gotten so use to riding with men that I can beat the pants off of some of them.
If you weren't so married, I'd enjoy having my pants beaten off :D

Thanks for all the replies so far - they're very helpful. Everyone is pretty much confirming the way I thought I should go with this. I was already encouraged by our ride last week when she stood up and raced me up a short hill on the bike path! :D But otherwise I do plan to get my more "serious" rides in during the week and then just enjoy her company more than any workout during the weekend rides...

LordOpie - I'd very much enjoy riding with you and your group again - anything planned? ;)

I commend you, MMPC, on your efforts. Work with her and don't drop her. Keep the communication up if you are doing street riding (we're going to take a left at the next light), so she knows what to expect. Keep it fun and every one will be happy. I myself find tandems irritating if one is the stoker and the pair is very unevently matched. It's just boring, eh?

Ride with the girlfriend; leave the wife at home. :)

I'm lucky enough to have a wife who is generally *faster* than me! At least on the road bike. I seem to be a bit faster on the fully loaded commuter, but not enough to matter. She's a better runner, I'm a better snowboarder. Nice balance.

This sort of thing is pretty common with one partner being better/faster/worse/slower than the other.

The key is that they want to do something with you, and it should be obvious what you should do.

Save the speed for solo rodes.

I was already encouraged by our ride last week when she stood up and raced me up a short hill on the bike path! :D
ALWAYS lose the race, especially if she stands to hammer. For god's sake man, the view is worth 100x the victory. And if she asks if you let her win, say, "not exactly 'let', you distracted me."


LordOpie - I'd very much enjoy riding with you and your group again - anything planned? ;)
nothing specific. Snowy's getting her new ride next week or two, so we'll have a social ride to welcome her to pavement. Bring your g/f for that one.

You can set the tone at appreciative and enjoyable, or you can set it at faster and stronger, but you can't have both.

I follow my slower S.O. so she sets the pace, encourage frequently, and plan on a recovery or recreational style ride. Oh, and if you are taking any load, you take all of it. Equalizer...

I love it that she is interested at all.

oh yea, I'm so looking forward to riding with the group too!!!

Wow, such great advice from everyone - THANK YOU - please keep it coming! :D


I love it that she is interested at all.
Me too! :D



nothing specific. Snowy's getting her new ride next week or two, so we'll have a social ride to welcome her to pavement. Bring your g/f for that one.
Sounds great! I'll definitely plan on that.

Snowy, have I met you yet? :)

An aside, I met my girl while riding and she showed me how easy it is commuting.
Your GF sounds like she is fast, not a lolly gagger, which is good, some people just dont see that they can stretch it out and fly along on a bike. I have found that when I start to drop my GF, I shift into a lower gear (high cadence) and leave it there, so that I don't keep pulling away. Also, the honesty on the bike, about energy levels, how fast is fun, etc is honesty that is useful everywhere else in a relationship. Congrats and good luck.

My gf is a triathlete & we ride together quite a bit. She's a little slower than me, but not much, so I pull most of the time. I do like riding solo too, so her being a tri person gives the added benefit of me being able to out alone when she's swimming or running.

Same with me (except it's my spouse). We're in our 50's. In fact, she got me back into riding because she is mostly a runner and swimmer and wanted someone to train with. That said, I fely very comfortable getting back on a bike and am having a great time (and nearly as obsessed as everyone else on this forum).

She can usually beat me up hills, and I have my friend, gravity, on my side on the descents. I may be a little stronger on the flats, but our neighborhood is more "roller"-ish. We do more solo riding during the week (mostly due to our schedules), and try to ride together on the weekends. She does wimp out when the temperature goes below a certain point (usually 60), though.

Last September, we did a 4 day inn-to-inn tour in Vermont, and it worked out really well. We're looking forward to doing a century or two this summer.

Snowy, have I met you yet?


MMPC-Met me in person???? No? But I do live here in Denver, and I too have gotten interested in road biking. I currently mountain bike. I use to live in Lakewood. GOD I miss that place. Now living in Westminster. My husband is not into biking at all so I'm solo here.

i have longed to get my GF into riding, but she is consistantly opposed to it so i've given up on the dream. however, i wonder how much fun i would have riding so slowly to be honest. i usually don't like to wait for people, so maybe this is a blessing in disguise. bike riding is my great escape, and i think i want to keep it that way, at least for now.

We second the motion: TANDEM!
Celebrating 30 years of riding TWOgether this week!

When going on long rides with gear, make sure you make your load as heavy as possible and her load as light as possible. That will balance out your speeds and endurance levels a bit.

Celebrating 30 years of riding TWOgether this week!
oww! oww! I just got a cavity reading that!


:)

But what's the best way to gently encourage her to ride faster while keeping it fun and her interest peaked?

I'm surprised that no one has offered this suggestion: talk to her. Tell her what is it about cycling that you'd like to share with her and why. Ask what her expectations and interests are. Is she competitive and an athlete? Or a recreational "smell the roses" kinda person?

I'm also surprised that no wag here (and I would expect it to be a "he") has answered your question by saying that he rides with both his SO and his g/f.

In any event, I'm envious of you folks who ride together. My SO is chronically ill and disabled, so I am unable to share the joys of cycling with her. Even a tandem is out of the question: not only could she not pedal, but if we fell, she'd be at serious risk of severe injury. It's particularly depressing on a ride--winter, summer, doesn't matter--through beautiful country and I see things I'd like to point out and share. I've thought about taking a camera along on rides, but that seems an inadequate, 2-dimensional solution to a 3-dimensional view.

My girlfriend bought a bike at the beginning of last summer. I can count one one hand how many miles it has on it now. At least I didn't buy it for her.

Go somewhere fun and take the safest, easiest route you can. We hard core riders might not think much about climbing the local Alpe d'Huez while dodging traffic on a shoulderless road, but that'll scare the bejeezus out of a newbie.

And like others have said, take all the load. Carry the backpack, load up the panniers, pull a trailer if you have one.

And let her know how glad you are that she's riding with you.

I bought used cruisers (his and hers deal) last Valentines. She has only had a chance to ride hers twice. Each time I was actually surprised at her pace. I just can't wait til December, that is when she hopefully graduates. Then she would be able to ride more. Then from there I... er we will be looking into upgrading her bike.

One thing to make certain that she's aware of when you two ride together is that she sets the pace. Let her know you'll ride as fast or as slow as she wants to go. There's nothing worse than having to console your crying spouse/girlfriend on the side of the road during an organized ride because she got it into her head that you weren't having fun because you weren't riding fast enough.

i agree with what everone is saying, but wouldn't it be nice to meet someone who didn't need to be treated like a timid little rabbit? someone you wouldn't have to worry about leaving you if you go above 15 mph. the way everyone is talking it sounds more like handling a delicate egg that will break if you don't use extreme care. i don't condone being a jerk or a showoff but i wonder how great this cycling relationship is going to be if it warrents so much concern.

i don't condone being a jerk or a showoff but i wonder how great this cycling relationship is going to be if it warrents so much concern.
uhh, it's not a cycling relationship... it's a romantic relationship that has some cycling involved. Romance requires nuturing, cycling doesn't.

PS: Ladies, if you're wondering, I am available :D I come house broken with my own bikes and I even know how to fold a fitted sheet!

i agree with what everone is saying, but wouldn't it be nice to meet someone who didn't need to be treated like a timid little rabbit? someone you wouldn't have to worry about leaving you if you go above 15 mph. the way everyone is talking it sounds more like handling a delicate egg that will break if you don't use extreme care. i don't condone being a jerk or a showoff but i wonder how great this cycling relationship is going to be if it warrents so much concern.

Looks like you're going to be single for a while :)

Generally, in biking and in life, don't be an a$$hole. I had one of those for a BF when I was racing, and he was never satisfied with how I rode, and I was not slow. Just don't be a jerk, and things should be fine.

Looks like you're going to be single for a while :)

no, i'm not single. it's just i get a little tired of reading about how delicate some of these women are. i prefer women that are more capable is all. a little drive, determination, and maybe a little competitive streak is what i like.

Ride the same way with her as you would ride anyone social ride. Dropping her would be rude, share the pulling, mix it up a bit and complement her when her speed does improve or just pretend it does. They enjoy compliments I've found out. Just have fun. With time her speed will improve and if doesn't? say la vie

i agree with what everone is saying, but wouldn't it be nice to meet someone who didn't need to be treated like a timid little rabbit? someone you wouldn't have to worry about leaving you if you go above 15 mph. the way everyone is talking it sounds more like handling a delicate egg that will break if you don't use extreme care. i don't condone being a jerk or a showoff but i wonder how great this cycling relationship is going to be if it warrents so much concern.

In my case, I don't have a "cycling relationship." I have a marriage with an incredibly strong woman. While she's not my equal on a bike, she certainly is in many other aspects, if not my superior. She's also my best friend and if I want to encourage her to enjoy one of my passions, I'll be smart to make it as enjoyable as possible for her.

One rule of thumb-- always buy an equal or better bike for the wife/gf than your own.

Two: don't go for a tandem right off, and realize that some wives/gfs really don't like tandem stoking (despite how some love it...).

My current girlfriend rides a bit, we're thinking about getting her a roadie this spring.

Kind of a funny story: In college I had a girlfriend who'd never ridden and I bought her a mountain bike, and threw her, the bike and some gear in the truck and drove straight to a favorite trail. It was a moderately steep but very beautiful single track up in one of the canyons. I could see she was struggling in the beginning, but I didn't want to badger her so I just rode on. I stopped about a half hour into the ride or so to wait for her (hey, this was 17 years ago - I'm smarter/more sensitive now!) and she just never showed up. I finally just rode back down, and she was still near the bottom, just STANDING on the pedals, with a sad-but-determined look on her face. First thing she said was "I'm just not strong enough" and burst into tears. I took a look at her bike and saw the problem - poor thing . . . I hadn't taught her to shift, and she was pushing the big ring! Felt like SUCH an ass (probably because I'd been one).

. . . don't go for a tandem right off, and realize that some wives/gfs really don't like tandem stoking (despite how some love it...).

Yeah, you need to talk about it firs . . . er, never mind.

no, i'm not single. it's just i get a little tired of reading about how delicate some of these women are. i prefer women that are more capable is all. a little drive, determination, and maybe a little competitive streak is what i like.

Now you're making me feel "delicate". My spouse is a triathelete, runs lots faster than me, trains more than me, and is absolutely more competitive than me. I *might* have a chance against her in a road race.

...and I even know how to fold a fitted sheet!
Damn...you got me on that one.

On the serious note, my wife just started riding with me the last two weeks. She is riding on a borrowed hybrid to see if she likes it. I tried for a long time to get her to do it, but no luck. Then, one day she suggested we ride together with me pulling our four year old son on the trail-a-bike. It was cool!

Last time out, she got lucky enough to try another ladies road bike (a pretty nice Specialized Sequoia). When she got back, her face was flushed and she exclaimed "Wow, this thing is fast AND smooth!!!". Needless to say, we are seriously contemplating a roadie for her this summer. I couldn't be happier; now my son and wife like riding. Also, the extra weight from my son and the trail-a-bike definitely close the gap on our abilities.

By the way, she could probably smoke me in any other cardio related sport we could find, so it won't be too long before I am getting dropped... :rolleyes:

RT

Kind of a funny story: In college I had a girlfriend who'd never ridden and I bought her a mountain bike, and threw her, the bike and some gear in the truck and drove straight to a favorite trail. It was a moderately steep but very beautiful single track up in one of the canyons. I could see she was struggling in the beginning, but I didn't want to badger her so I just rode on. I stopped about a half hour into the ride or so to wait for her (hey, this was 17 years ago - I'm smarter/more sensitive now!) and she just never showed up. I finally just rode back down, and she was still near the bottom, just STANDING on the pedals, with a sad-but-determined look on her face. First thing she said was "I'm just not strong enough" and burst into tears. I took a look at her bike and saw the problem - poor thing . . . I hadn't taught her to shift, and she was pushing the big ring! Felt like SUCH an ass (probably because I'd been one).

Man, I don't know about you guys, but this story made me feel like an ass. I did something similar and now I'm losing my girl. Respect them while you have them guys. You'll never know how much you miss them until they're gone.

I bought my tandem before I met my wife… A bit presumptious maybe, but it worked! She rides occasionally, mostly multi use trails on the weekends, and the tandem allows us to stay together. Early in our relationship I bought her an $800 road bike that has an inch of dust and less than 100 miles. I’ve been considering putting a high rise stem and flat bar on it as she prefers her mountain bike (she actually uses this one) to her roadie, this would allow for an easier ride when we take individual bikes.

It took some convincing to get her on the tandem, then on our first ride her brother turned into us and we went down at 15mph. :eek: I got up and picked up my month old tandem, started checking it over… then realized that my new GF was still on the ground! :eek: :eek: :rolleyes: She broke her hand and had it cast… She wouldn’t go out without her hair and make-up done… so I quickly learned how to do both! That was 16 years ago! :D The only other mishap was when I wanted to see how fast we could go down the hill. The cyclometer said 49mph when she shoved her thumb-nails into my @$$, she ripped my shorts and broke skin! :eek: I guess she was serious when she told me to slow down! :p

I have taken my kids to practice on the tandem and we have a tandem trail-a-bike so we can get 4 of us in-line on 3 wheels. My vote is for the tandem!

I have taken my kids to practice on the tandem and we have a tandem trail-a-bike so we can get 4 of us in-line on 3 wheels. My vote is for the tandem!

I bet that's a sight!

Bringing your wife/GF on a bike ride is like bringing ants to a picnic. :D Seriously, I don't mind riding with my wife and occasionally get to do so, but we always have kids in tow. But "my ride" is my ride and i prefer to do it alone.

I started riding last summer and my wife bought a road bike a few weeks after I did. I was (and still am) in a hurry to get in riding shape, so it was frustrating to both of us as I tried to encourage her to try a little harder. She is pretty laid back and I couldn't tell if she was being lazy or riding up to her ability at the time. As things evolved, she'd drive to the local bike trail and I 'd ride from home. She could ride as long as she wanted to and then bail out so I could finish the ride as long and as fast as I wanted (or could). We are also fortunate to have a good bike trail on which I can pick up the pace and ride out for a while and she is quite comfortable riding on her own.I became more patient with her pace and found that a 15-20 mile warm up with her made the back side of my 40-50 mile rides very pleasant as I could finish strong. I also found that if another friend rode with us , my wife's performance picked up appreciably and, as I found in kayaking, advice often comes easier from someone other than your SO. Fortunately, many of our boating friends also ride so we had a built-in community within the biking set. She really enjoys her bike and rides on her own if I'm not around and has coworkers with whom she is able to get in some lunch rides. Don't push and you guys can enjoy your rides and each other. Good luck. JB

When my non-biker wife tried to get into cycling, we got a tandem so we could ride together. It worked, instead of riding at her speed (about 7 mph) we could ride together. We started at 12 mph and had progressed to almost 16 mph by the time she decided it was too much like work and started making excuses to stay home. This year she's promised to start doing more rides with one of the other women in the club, so I suspect I'll be 'invited' for a few of them. No way would I turn down the chance; I'll just time my training so those rides are on recovery days.

My girlfriend bought a bike at the beginning of last summer. I can count one one hand how many miles it has on it now. At least I didn't buy it for her.
That's my fear. There's probably no reason for having it already, but... Fortunately she's getting a great deal on the bike she's buying. That says something to me right there - it's her investment and her responsibility to use it. Meanwhile I'm buying her some acccessories (pedals, helmet, water bottle, etc.), but that's a small investment.

As for all of the great advice I'm getting here - it's greatly appreciated! :) I've had a few things confirmed and been given more to think about. Our first ride actually wasn't bad at all and she was surprised at how quickly we covered 10 miles. She was really feeling it at the end, however. Anyway, my plan right now is to let her set the pace - I discovered how important that was last weekend when I had to keep slowing down to wait for her and she commented on it. It seems much better to be behind and either increase my cadence or coast a lot more where she can't see and I can shout encouragement/compliments.

As for someone alluding to it being frustrating treating significant others like "fragile eggs," I suppose it's true to some extent, but I learned early on that if you really want a relationship to succeed, it takes effort. Until she improves (or even if she doesn't), I'm really not opposed to the slower rides. She's still sharing one of my passions, we're both getting good exercise in the fresh air and enjoying each others' company...

LordOpie - you can fold fitted sheets??? :eek: I want a demonstration...

Snowy - I look forward to meeting you in person then. Opie and his friends are great fun to ride with (if you haven't been before)...

My current girlfriend rides a bit, we're thinking about getting her a roadie this spring.

Kind of a funny story: In college I had a girlfriend who'd never ridden and I bought her a mountain bike, and threw her, the bike and some gear in the truck and drove straight to a favorite trail. It was a moderately steep but very beautiful single track up in one of the canyons. I could see she was struggling in the beginning, but I didn't want to badger her so I just rode on. I stopped about a half hour into the ride or so to wait for her (hey, this was 17 years ago - I'm smarter/more sensitive now!) and she just never showed up. I finally just rode back down, and she was still near the bottom, just STANDING on the pedals, with a sad-but-determined look on her face. First thing she said was "I'm just not strong enough" and burst into tears. I took a look at her bike and saw the problem - poor thing . . . I hadn't taught her to shift, and she was pushing the big ring! Felt like SUCH an ass (probably because I'd been one).

She should have just taken the truck and left you there. That's what I would have done.

Drop your griflriend at the next stoplight to show her how <i>uber</i> you are. Easy brownie points.

I ride with someone elses GF. Geez. I just don't think I am going to be any help . ;)

I do ride with my G/F sometimes. We just don't get along when we ride. She seems to think she not good enough for me. Because She has hard time riding MTB trails. She always makes comments about me riding with April (A GOOD FRIEND THATS ALL)

Yes a good friend, That I have hung out with sense the first grade! Shes been one of my best Friends for 30+ years. I don't see a problem with that.

My G/F always gets jealous when I go riding with her or do anything else with her.

It does piss me off! 30 plus years and nothing has happened between us and both of us have are own life outside of riding.

Sorry for the RANT.