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02-02-05, 01:45 PM
I must give credit where it's due, I did not come up with these. They were posted on another board I frequent.
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first
eplies, "Yes,
I'm positive..."
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."
4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we
don't serve food in here."
6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"
9 . "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc
says It's Not Unusual."
10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I
don't
believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed
Daisy.
11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at either.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says
the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm
going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-
eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him $50 that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the
steaks
are too high."
15 . I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
16 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first
eplies, "Yes,
I'm positive..."
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."
4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we
don't serve food in here."
6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"
9 . "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc
says It's Not Unusual."
10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I
don't
believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed
Daisy.
11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at either.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says
the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm
going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-
eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him $50 that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the
steaks
are too high."
15 . I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
16 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.