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02-28-05, 01:15 PM
One of my friends sent this to me, just had to share.
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words
Ø back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who> did....
>
> FIRST TESTIMONY:
>
> I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
> loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a
> blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
> didn't say a word...he knew better.
>
> SECOND TESTIMONY:
>
> I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
> unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
> After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
> good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
>
> Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think
> I like playing with men's balls."
>
> >
> THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall
> and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were
> looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any
> help.
>
> I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My
> sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red
> and walked away. To this day, my sister has never lets me forget.
>
> FOURTH TESTIMONY:
>
> While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
> decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to
> grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
> patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
> punished.
>
> To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in
> a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I
> will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
>
> The silence was deafening after this enlightening
> exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last
> of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The
> last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
>
> FIFTH TESTIMONY
>
> Have you ever asked your child a question too many
> times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
> was on him constantly.
>
> One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
> in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying
> my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
> seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to
> go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I
> kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any
> clothes with me."
>
> Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
> accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an
> accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,
> "Danny, did you have an accident?"
>
> This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent
> over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
>
> While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
> tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made
> me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
>
> LAST TESTIMONY:
>
> This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for
> 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the
> future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but
> don't get any... a true story.
>
> We had a female news anchor that, the day after it
> was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
> asked:
>
> "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
>
> Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the
> crew did too they were laughing so hard!
>
>
>
> Now, didn't that feel good?
>
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words
Ø back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who> did....
>
> FIRST TESTIMONY:
>
> I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
> loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a
> blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
> didn't say a word...he knew better.
>
> SECOND TESTIMONY:
>
> I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
> unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
> After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
> good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
>
> Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think
> I like playing with men's balls."
>
> >
> THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall
> and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were
> looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any
> help.
>
> I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My
> sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red
> and walked away. To this day, my sister has never lets me forget.
>
> FOURTH TESTIMONY:
>
> While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
> decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to
> grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
> patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
> punished.
>
> To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in
> a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I
> will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
>
> The silence was deafening after this enlightening
> exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last
> of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The
> last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
>
> FIFTH TESTIMONY
>
> Have you ever asked your child a question too many
> times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
> was on him constantly.
>
> One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
> in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying
> my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
> seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to
> go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I
> kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any
> clothes with me."
>
> Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
> accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an
> accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,
> "Danny, did you have an accident?"
>
> This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent
> over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
>
> While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
> tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made
> me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
>
> LAST TESTIMONY:
>
> This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for
> 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the
> future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but
> don't get any... a true story.
>
> We had a female news anchor that, the day after it
> was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
> asked:
>
> "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
>
> Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the
> crew did too they were laughing so hard!
>
>
>
> Now, didn't that feel good?
>