Jokes & Humor - early contender for worst joke of 2005

An early contender for worst joke of the year .........

Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from the pub. It was
a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the
streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the
occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin.



Then suddenly he heard a strange noise....




BUMP........




BUMP........




Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain,
he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.




BUMP........




BUMP........




BUMP........




He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached
from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly.... it was
a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and
started walking briskly home.




BUMP........




BUMP........




BUMP........




He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster.........




BUMP........BUMP........




BUMP........BUMP........




BUMP........BUMP........




The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard
the coffin speed up after him......




BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...




BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...




BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...




He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .....




BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....




BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....




BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....




Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only
seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, His
hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the
front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his
comfy chair. Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way
through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the
coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued
its chase.....





BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...







BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...






BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...







BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...





In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take
him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........







BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...






BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP....






BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...





The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched
itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew
off its hinges..... The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to
approach the young terrified lad.





BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...






BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...






BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...





In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom
cabinet...... he grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the
coffin....... still it came ......






BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...






He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ....... still it
came......






BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...






He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ..... still it came......







BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...







He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........
















The coffin stopped.

Is it just me or are you overdoing it? :D

--J

May I please have my two minutes back :rolleyes:

haha.

Can't be the worst joke of 2005.

It's too old!

that was a lot of work for a little punchline

The one I heard like it, some 50 years ago is: an undertaker had parked the hearse on a hill in front of the church. When he went to open up the back door, the coffin rolled out and down the hill. The under taker was running fast trying to catch the coffin. Then the coffin turned the corner and crashed thru the front door of the local drug store, with the undertaker still in hot persuit. The druggist asked him: "can I help you sir"? to which the undertaker said: "ya, have you got anything to stop this coffin"?

:lol: :roflmao: :lol: :roflmao: :lol: :roflmao: :lol: :roflmao: :lol: ......













:o

How about the guy who was given 24 hours to live by his doctor.
He decides "Im not going to work on my last day on earth and goes to the bar and proceeds to get drunk. Later he sobers up and decides to home to his wife.
She, of course, is suprised that he is home in such a state, and at such a late hour asks "What's wrong dear".


He tells her and they cry together. Well, one thing leads to another and the old "amourous feelings" begin to rise in him.





He says, "Darling. Why don't we make love one last time before I go".





To which she says




"Are you kidding? I have to get up in the morning even if you don't have to"!

The one I heard like it, some 50 years ago is:

Hahaha.

I remember telling this one to my 6th grade class back in 1967 (I was a student).

The punch line was a bit different...

"...so I pulled out a cough drop and stopped the coffin!"

Hey, it's still a good Hallowe'en story! The kids haven't heard it!

Wow.

Ok here's my entry for worst joke of 2005:

Cowboy goes into the saloon and orders a beer. The saloon is all abuzz because of his clothing. Everything the old cowpoke is wearing is made of brown paper. His hat, his shirt, chaps, everything is made of brown paper. Well, the old cowpoke hangs around a while, but every time he moves, all that paper makes a bunch of noise. Crackles, rattles and such. Finally the bartender has had enough of the racket this cowboy and his paper clothing is making and sends for the sheriff.

Well, the old sheriff comes in and watches and listens for a while. Finally the cowboy gets up to leave and as he walks to the door, the noise from the paper just gets worse. At that, the sheriff walks up and says "Sorry son, but I'm afraid you're under arrest".

"What's the charge Sheriff?" the cowpoke asks.

(you ready for this?)

"Rustling"

Cute :)