Join Date: May 2005
Location: La La Land (We love it!)
Bikes: Gilmour road, Curtlo road; both steel (of course)
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Put her on the stand and watch how she uses the gears.
My wife had the same problem; turns out she would crank extra hard while shifting (she remembered the sales guy telling her to NEVER stop pedaling while shifting when she bought her first bike) and the extra force was binding the derailleur.
I had her pedal steadily while I shifted for her and she picked up "the feel" really fast.
As to the divorce part, ask Dr. Phil...
Today, I believe my jurisdiction ends here...