Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DC / Maryland suburbs
Bikes: Homebuilt tourer/commuter, modified-beyond-recognition 1990 Trek 1100, reasonably stock 2002-ish Gary Fisher Hoo Koo E Koo
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Welcome Steven! It sounds to me like you've tried the right things. Just a few more?
Did you let the penetrating oil soak in for several DAYS? Have you tried putting the stem in the vice, and then attempting to ROTATE the whole bike around it? As soon as you can get some rotational motion in the stem, it's as good as free, because you can start squirting oil down around the sides and before you know it you'll be able to pull it out.