Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DC / Maryland suburbs
Bikes: Homebuilt tourer/commuter, modified-beyond-recognition 1990 Trek 1100, reasonably stock 2002-ish Gary Fisher Hoo Koo E Koo
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The proper adjustment of any cup-and-cone bearing (e.g. a headset, hub, BB, or pedal bearing) is: no wobble, and as little friction as possible.
It sounds like your headset is a bit too loose. You should figure out how tight you can make it without feeling any friction (resistance to rotating it), and then back off maybe 1/8 turn.
Make sure you get the stem bolts very tight! You have a steel fork, so no worries about overtightening them. Loose stem bolts are the only thing I can think of that would be causing the headset to loosen...