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View Poll Results: Which vintage bike would you choose in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse?

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  • Electroforged Schwinn

    17 17.17%
  • Non Suspension MTB

    55 55.56%
  • Vintage Road steel (531, Columbus, Etc)

    19 19.19%
  • Whatever I can find at wal mart

    2 2.02%
  • Old British 3 speed

    6 6.06%
  • Modern Carbon Fiber, as I want my brain to be eaten by zombies

    0 0%
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  1. #1
    Vello Kombi, baby Poguemahone's Avatar
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    Which vintage ride for the Zombie Apocalypse?

    Okay, another thread got me thinking: which vintage bike would you choose in the event of a Zombie attack? Obviously, you'd want a bike; a car would only attract mindless zombies, just like a shopping mall in Dawn of the Dead. Plus, you'd be silent. Even the Zombie Survival Guide admits this, and classifies the bike as the superior form of transport during a zombie apocalypse.

    Now Big Boss Man has argued for an electroforged Schwinn, with durability as his main criteria.

    Me, I think a vintage, no suspension MTB would be best, maybe re-rigged a bit with a different crank set up.

    Obviously, new bikes will not work in the event of a Zombie apocalypse. I mean, you might be able to brain a few zombies with the shards of your CF bike after it spontaneously self destructs, but what then? No, you need something properly sturdy.

    Please take this poll seriously, as it will help those in need make proper survival decisions in the future.
    "It's always darkest right before it goes completely black"

    Waste your money! Buy my comic book!

  2. #2
    Ellensburg, WA scozim's Avatar
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    I'll take the durability and flexibility of a non-suspension mtb. It seems like the zombies are already in my house every morning when it's time to get ready for school.
    1984 Gitane Sprint; 1984 Gitane Tour de France;1982 Trek 610; 1980's Univega Supra Sport (fixie); 1975 Teledyne Titan;1984 Peugeot PSV10N; 1968 Peugeot PL8; ;1982 Nishiki Marina 12; 1972 Peugeot PX-10; 1987 Trek 800 Antelope (touring/commuting set up); 1981 Trek 510; 1993 Trek 950 mtb; 1996 Klein Pulse II mtb; 1997 Klein Pulse Comp mtb; 1989 Peugeot Limestone hybrid (for touring); 1989 Spectrum Titanium

  3. #3
    RFC
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    I just want something that will allow me to mount a semi auto shotgun with a 50 round drum magazine.

  4. #4
    Ellensburg, WA scozim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RFC View Post
    I just want something that will allow me to mount a semi auto shotgun with a 50 round drum magazine.
    I used to have some brackets for atv's mounted on the handlebars of an old rigid mtb to hold my ***** during hunting season. Worked great. Although some kind of scabbard might work better.
    1984 Gitane Sprint; 1984 Gitane Tour de France;1982 Trek 610; 1980's Univega Supra Sport (fixie); 1975 Teledyne Titan;1984 Peugeot PSV10N; 1968 Peugeot PL8; ;1982 Nishiki Marina 12; 1972 Peugeot PX-10; 1987 Trek 800 Antelope (touring/commuting set up); 1981 Trek 510; 1993 Trek 950 mtb; 1996 Klein Pulse II mtb; 1997 Klein Pulse Comp mtb; 1989 Peugeot Limestone hybrid (for touring); 1989 Spectrum Titanium

  5. #5
    Since 1938... JunkYardBike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RFC View Post
    I just want something that will allow me to mount a semi auto shotgun with a 50 round drum magazine.
    I'm not really up to snuff on my zombie trivia, but aren't zombies already dead?

    I vote WallyWorld Schwinn, because isn't a Pacific Schwinn the bicycle equivalent of a zombie?

  6. #6
    Senior Member bobbycorno's Avatar
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    Vintage steel! Fight the undead with the undying!

    SP
    Bend, OR

  7. #7
    Vello Kombi, baby Poguemahone's Avatar
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    Richie here has clearly chosen the wrong bike, and as a consequence, will shortly be destroyed by zombies.

    "It's always darkest right before it goes completely black"

    Waste your money! Buy my comic book!

  8. #8
    RFC
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    Quote Originally Posted by JunkYardBike View Post
    I'm not really up to snuff on my zombie trivia, but aren't zombies already dead?

    I vote WallyWorld Schwinn, because isn't a Pacific Schwinn the bicycle equivalent of a zombie?
    A common misconception. Zombies still have brain stem activity, so you need to either shoot them in the head or blow them to bits.

  9. #9
    Curmudgeon in Training 20grit's Avatar
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    Forget the semi-auto and the 870 wingmaster that BBM mentioned. I want an AA-12 mounted on the front of mine.

  10. #10
    Rustbelt Rider mkeller234's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poguemahone View Post
    Richie here has clearly chosen the wrong bike, and as a consequence, will shortly be destroyed by zombies.

    Lol, well he could throw the hot dog as a decoy. Maybe he could slice the zombies up with his diamond tipped antennae?

    Seriously though, that bike has obese American written all over it. Television, hotdog, popcorn, stereo AND phone...
    |^^^^^^^^^^^^^^| ||
    |......GO.BROWNS........| ||'|";, ___.
    |_..._..._______===|=||_|__|..., ] -
    "(@)'(@)"""''"**|(@)(@)*****''(@)

  11. #11
    Senior Member auchencrow's Avatar
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    I'd ride CF, because that way the Zombies would take me for just one more of them.
    - Auchen

  12. #12
    Don't be a "Drew" Muttleyone's Avatar
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    I'll have to vote with the mtn bike choice. I already have my bike to use when the zombie hoards start to roam. I just need to put some ammo boxes and few *** racks on it.


    Bring on the zombies,
    Mutt
    I love all my bikes because I have a heart of steel.

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  13. #13
    Don't be a "Drew" Muttleyone's Avatar
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    I think if we sent the zombies over to roadie forum and all their carbon/weight wiennie bikes, they would die from starvation.

    Mutt
    I love all my bikes because I have a heart of steel.

    '91/'92 Tommasini Velocista
    '88 Paramount Wheaties/Schwinn team bike
    '85 Paramount "wife's"
    '81 Miyata 1000
    '90 Miyata TripleCross
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    '73 Dawes Galaxy turned Scorcher

  14. #14
    Wood David Newton's Avatar
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    spec hard rock coaster2.jpg

    My apocalypse bike is already stored in my secured warehouse. I have food and water for one year, after that, it's off to the countryside.
    Last edited by David Newton; 12-09-10 at 10:10 AM.
    http://davidnewtonguitars.squarespace.com/

  15. #15
    Fat Guy on a Little Bike KonAaron Snake's Avatar
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    I'd actually go none of the above. I want a classic touring bike...essentially my Koga-Miyata...but with an IGH and generator hub on the front. I definitely want a GPS system so as to avoid getting stuck on a road that suddenly stops. Wide handlebars would be essential to keep the bag carrying the large *** and front low riders to carry an axe on one side and ***** on the other.

    Of the options above, I go rigid MTB and turn it into a tourer.

    I'm also wondering if the best frame might actually be titanium...it would be the most resistant to zombie blood corrosion.
    Last edited by KonAaron Snake; 12-09-10 at 10:23 AM.

  16. #16
    Dolce far niente bigbossman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 20grit View Post
    Forget the semi-auto and the 870 wingmaster that BBM mentioned.
    While I might concede a rigid mtb might be a better all-around choice (but a Varsity would be faster when fleeing), I'll stick with an 870 Wingmaster in riot configuration with a tube full of slugs. Why? Reliability. That AA-12 would be great - until it jammed or you lost your drum in the heat and thrill of sending those soulless ghouls to their final reward. I've never had a pump fail on me, or a SxS for that matter. But the SxS only has two rounds followed by the mandatory reload penalty.

    But a mtb would be a better urban/rough road bike, I'm thinking.
    Last edited by bigbossman; 12-09-10 at 10:23 AM.
    "Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin, itís the triumphant twang of a bedspring."

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  17. #17
    You gonna eat that? Doohickie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poguemahone View Post
    Now Big Boss Man has argued for an electroforged Schwinn, with durability as his main criteria.
    Durability is an understatement. After a nuclear apocalypse, all that will remain will be roaches and Schwinn Varsities.
    I stop for people / whose right of way I honor / but not for no one.



    Originally Posted by bragi "However, it's never a good idea to overgeneralize."

  18. #18
    You gonna eat that? Doohickie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poguemahone View Post
    Richie here has clearly chosen the wrong bike, and as a consequence, will shortly be destroyed by zombies.

    Where's that kid's helmet?!
    I stop for people / whose right of way I honor / but not for no one.



    Originally Posted by bragi "However, it's never a good idea to overgeneralize."

  19. #19
    Rustbelt Rider mkeller234's Avatar
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    Haha, how about this one! I found it by searching google images.
    |^^^^^^^^^^^^^^| ||
    |......GO.BROWNS........| ||'|";, ___.
    |_..._..._______===|=||_|__|..., ] -
    "(@)'(@)"""''"**|(@)(@)*****''(@)

  20. #20
    Fat Guy on a Little Bike KonAaron Snake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doohickie View Post
    Durability is an understatement. After a nuclear apocalypse, all that will remain will be roaches and Schwinn Varsities.
    Gilbert Godfried and twinkies will also survive.

  21. #21
    Rustbelt Rider mkeller234's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doohickie View Post
    Wear's that kids helmet?!
    He couldn't afford one
    |^^^^^^^^^^^^^^| ||
    |......GO.BROWNS........| ||'|";, ___.
    |_..._..._______===|=||_|__|..., ] -
    "(@)'(@)"""''"**|(@)(@)*****''(@)

  22. #22
    Senior Member OzarkKing's Avatar
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    In another thread someone referred to my Mountain Cycle as MadMax-esque so it might work in a parallel post-apocalyptic world if I mount appropriate weaponry. I would prefer full suspension as (1). easier to roll over downed opponents and (2). more comfortable ride to the cabin in the woods/cave where I can hole up.

  23. #23
    Dolce far niente bigbossman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KonAaron Snake View Post
    I'd actually go none of the above. I want a classic touring bike...essentially my Koga-Miyata...but with an IGH and generator hub on the front. I definitely want a GPS system so as to avoid getting stuck on a road that suddenly stops. Wide handlebars would be essential to keep the bag carrying the large *** and front low riders to carry an axe on one side and ***** on the other.

    Of the options above, I go rigid MTB and turn it into a tourer.

    I'm also wondering if the best frame might actually be titanium...it would be the most resistant to zombie blood corrosion.

    Newb..... relying on sophisticated, unmaintained and degrading technology would not be a solid long-range survival technique.

    City boys.......
    "Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin, itís the triumphant twang of a bedspring."

    S. J. Perelman

  24. #24
    grad stud. dashuaigeh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doohickie View Post
    Durability is an understatement. After a nuclear apocalypse, all that will remain will be roaches and Schwinn Varsities.
    I almost did a spit-take. Can I request that I make this my signature? I'd go for the rigid MTB (quick acceleration with those 26 wheels, durable as hell, carry your guns and ammo on the back). I'm tempted to also try the 55 lbs single speed mentioned here. If it can survive war-torn Zimbabwe, it may be able to survive the zombie apocalypse too.

    And may I say this is possibly my favorite thread ever on C&V?

  25. #25
    Senior Member
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    I voted for the MTB also... and Mine's a Schwinn! Dual win!
    Quote Originally Posted by DX-MAN View Post
    it's 'leaving the scene of an accident' because no state government has passed a law against 'leaving the scene of an on-purpose'.

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