For the last month and half I've been living a lie. Part of me was afraid to admit it because I am afraid of change. I also was afraid to say something and then have things go back to teh way they were. But, I can deny it no longer. I'm not a Clyde anymore. It started a while back when the scale said 199 (this is a Dr.'s office type scale that is calibrated daily) the next day I was at 202. I bounced around between 199 and 203 for a month and then I started losing again. The scale hasn't said 200 or more in over a month now and I've been 193 for a few days. It's weird really. I weighed 250 lbs for so long and I started losing weight a year ago. I stayed at 220-225 for quite a while. I've had many plateau weights througout the year, but it looks like I'm going down again.
I know I wasn't comfortable with myself at that weight and I know I'm on the right track to being healthy, but something feels wrong. It's like I'm losing a part of myself (no pun intended) with the weight. I feel better but I don't feel like me. I guess I'll get used to it but for now I'm still a bit confused when I look in the mirror and I get uncomfortable when people see me and comment on my weight loss. Part of me is proud and feels good about the accomplishment, but part of me just doesn't know how to take it. I've put new holes in my belt because I'm afraid to buy new clothes that fit right in case I gain it back, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to.
I haven't weighed 193 since my freshmen year of high school, and then, I was fat. Right now I've got a bit of a belly still, which is fine with me, but my whole body is different than it was then.
Thanks for letting me come clean. it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders...err stomach (ok, pun was intended there)
Thanks to everyone for the support, ideas, encouragment, and the willingness to share your own stories, thoughts and feelings making this a truly wonderful and safe place to share my own