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  1. #1
    Chubby super biker bdinger's Avatar
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    Beyond frustrated with all the giving up..

    Sorry for a bummer post, but I just have to vent. I'm so sick of seeing people start a weight loss program, then give up and gain it all back claiming it's "too hard", or not claiming anything. I have a couple of friends and family who did really awesome a couple of years ago, but now they're all back to their previous weights - or more. I guess I just don't get it, why put out the effort - monetary and personal wise - if all you are going to do is give up and gain it all back again?

    I see them all constantly doing the "diet of the week", they'll get serious about exercise or nutrition for some time. Then they'll blow it. You'll see them make blog posts about how awesome they are doing at the gym, how great they are eating, etc during the week. Then comes the weekend and they go out to eat, get drunk, and the next week make some post about how they're upset because they didn't lose any weight!

    Then there's the ones that just give up and never mention it. You see them ballooning back up, but they ignore the fact that it's happening. They eat, drink, and do all the previous behaviors. And finally, those who just don't care. The don't cares don't phase me, it's the other two categories that are really the worse.

    I guess compounding this is that some of them had some amazing success. I mean, at least three or four of them would have been "Biggest Loser" finalists due to their percentage of loss, but that's all gone away now. Now they're all back to the lifestyle that got them there.

    Me, I've lost over 200 pounds and kept it off - I'm still at my lowest weight in 10 years and NEVER am going back. This is what compounds the problem, as at gatherings everyone always applauds my work because it's obvious - most say they enjoy seeing me because I'm always smaller. I occasionally get "the look" from the others, and never do I get any applause from them. Regularly I have to restrain myself from yelling "YOU AREN'T GETTING PRAISE BECAUSE YOU ARE A OBESE DRUNK WHO CAN'T STICK TO ANYTHING!" but I know the deeper problems. I also have given up on lecturing, I won't do it, I won't "talk to someone" for anyone anymore. I also won't help get them on the bike. THEY HAVE TO DO IT THEMSELVES. I've done it all myself, granted I've had support but only from one person. IN reality, though, I could do it myself and do it myself.

    Anyway, that's my vent. I guess I'm just beyond frustrated at watching my friends and family kill themselves in front of my eyes.
    Last edited by bdinger; 05-14-08 at 08:43 AM.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by bdinger View Post
    Me, I've lost over 200 pounds and kept it off - I'm still at my lowest weight in 10 years and NEVER am going back. This is what compounds the problem, as at gatherings everyone always applauds my work because it's obvious - most say they enjoy seeing me because I'm always smaller.
    Congratulations, that has taken a great deal of effort and hard work as well a great lifestyle change on your part.

    The Lifestyle change is the part many do not understand. If small or normal through high school, then begin packing pounds in college or after marriage, that is a result of a lifestyle change, and to return to, or make a change after, you must make a new lifestyle change.

    You are the result of the choices you make. There is no reversing of the clock.

    If you want to get from point "A" to point "D", you must plot a course and follow it, visiting "B" maybe a option good or bad, it is your choice to pass through, the same with point "C". Knowing your own highs and lows, and working past them takes effort, not all are committed to complete the journey.

    Keep the faith, it is your journey, and who knows, your example, may motivate one some day, some way, just one, is better than none. Keep focus and pedal through the next hill top, enjoying each moment.
    All the best.

  3. #3
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    Ben, all I can say here is that they are responsible for making or not making sane choices in their lives, just like you are yours. To quote a platitude, "You can lead a horse to water......" Appropriate for Clyde's, I think

    What you cannot do is more than live your own life and make sure you are around for that wee little babe of yours later in life.
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

  4. #4
    kellyjdrummer
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    Weight loss diets do not work. Eating healthy foods, and exercise do. I know, my doctor just gave me the whole deal on my health, and it wasn't a pretty picture. She told me exactly the same, forget dieting, just eat right and exercise. Time to start logging more miles and stop drinking Dr. pepper.

  5. #5
    Needing more power Scotty riddei's Avatar
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    My father taught me not to judge others. He would never offer advice (you should do this, or that) unless that advice was sought. He never judged anyone else for what they accomplished, or did not. He was a simple guy, what you saw, was what you got.

    Unfortunately, he died of alcoholic cirrhosis when he was 69. Some people asked me "why didn't you try to change him?". My answer, he would have rejected any and all attempts from others "telling him what he should, or shouldn't, do". He was a smart man, he knew what he was doing (somewhat). I miss him dearly, however I know in my heart that there was nothing I could have done or said that would have ultimately changed the outcome.

    He only quit smoking because it became prohibitively expensive on his fixed income.

    Moral of the story, is: live and let live. Sometimes it is difficult. If someone asks you for help, help them in the best way you can. If they don't ask for your help, let them lay in the bed they make for themselves.
    [SIGPIC]http://www.bikeforums.net/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=60371&dateline=1202849788[/SIGPIC]

  6. #6
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    Don't stress out about your friends and their decisions. Many people fine that stress makes weight loss difficult, so stop letting your friends effect your weight loss success.

    and tell them to stop drinking beer and start drinking straight vodka. Drunk faster and less calories

  7. #7
    Senior Member Wogster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bdinger View Post
    Sorry for a bummer post, but I just have to vent. I'm so sick of seeing people start a weight loss program, then give up and gain it all back claiming it's "too hard", or not claiming anything. I have a couple of friends and family who did really awesome a couple of years ago, but now they're all back to their previous weights - or more. I guess I just don't get it, why put out the effort - monetary and personal wise - if all you are going to do is give up and gain it all back again?

    I see them all constantly doing the "diet of the week", they'll get serious about exercise or nutrition for some time. Then they'll blow it. You'll see them make blog posts about how awesome they are doing at the gym, how great they are eating, etc during the week. Then comes the weekend and they go out to eat, get drunk, and the next week make some post about how they're upset because they didn't lose any weight!

    Then there's the ones that just give up and never mention it. You see them ballooning back up, but they ignore the fact that it's happening. They eat, drink, and do all the previous behaviors. And finally, those who just don't care. The don't cares don't phase me, it's the other two categories that are really the worse.

    I guess compounding this is that some of them had some amazing success. I mean, at least three or four of them would have been "Biggest Loser" finalists due to their percentage of loss, but that's all gone away now. Now they're all back to the lifestyle that got them there.

    Me, I've lost over 200 pounds and kept it off - I'm still at my lowest weight in 10 years and NEVER am going back. This is what compounds the problem, as at gatherings everyone always applauds my work because it's obvious - most say they enjoy seeing me because I'm always smaller. I occasionally get "the look" from the others, and never do I get any applause from them. Regularly I have to restrain myself from yelling "YOU AREN'T GETTING PRAISE BECAUSE YOU ARE A OBESE DRUNK WHO CAN'T STICK TO ANYTHING!" but I know the deeper problems. I also have given up on lecturing, I won't do it, I won't "talk to someone" for anyone anymore. I also won't help get them on the bike. THEY HAVE TO DO IT THEMSELVES. I've done it all myself, granted I've had support but only from one person. IN reality, though, I could do it myself and do it myself.

    Anyway, that's my vent. I guess I'm just beyond frustrated at watching my friends and family kill themselves in front of my eyes.
    I think the key in all this, is not so much that they give up, but they failed to make the necessary life style changes. Many people go at it with the idea they want to lose 20lbs, so they go on a diet, well that's the first mistake right there, often perpetrated by womens magazines. The goat cheese and watermelon diet, may work amazingly well, but eventually they realize their goal, now what. Well they go back to the way they ate before that caused them to gain the weight in the first place, so they gain it back, except they are now more acclimatised to it so they end up 20lbs heavier again, before they start the artichoke and banana diet, this continues ad nausium.

    The person who gets off this roller-coaster, is the one who makes the lifestyle change, which is a permanent change in eating habits, and activity level. it's not easy to do, even harder when you have some members of the household who need to lose a lot, and are generally inactive and others who need to lose only a little (or none) and are much more active. Many very overweight people don't want to be active, they love the idea of spending all of their non-working time sleeping or watching the TV. The idea of a 3 mile walk or a 30 mile bike ride is about as appealing as surgery without anesthesia.... They like diets, because they are temporary, the idea of never eating certain foods or never being stuffed to the gills again, are also unappealing, so they stay on the roller-coaster until they die.

  8. #8
    The Improbable Bulk Little Darwin's Avatar
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    It isn't always the case, but sometimes there might be more to the picture than you can see.

    I lost over 120 pounds, and have gained back about 75... I am in a place now, where I expect to start losing again.

    It is not that I don't know how to lose weight, nor that I don't want to, but I do have other issues.

    In my case, some of the people that think they are trying to help me are doing more harm than good... not that my weight gain is their fault, it is completely mine. But I am dealing with that with my psychologist, and will get to where I need to be, both physically and emotionally with a little time.

    Many people know at some level what they need to do, and want to do it, and still won't do it.

    There is very little for people like me that is more frustrating than to have someone tell me that since I understand the concepts of caloric intake versus usage, balanced diets, exercise, weight loss, health issues etc, that I should be thin... and I have no excuse. Well, there is the "Since you are fat, you can't know about proper diet..." and/or "Your opinion doesn't matter because you're fat" but that's another story...

    When someone is in a deep enough depression to know with every fiber of their being that eating the ice cream is killing them, and yet they don't care, frankly the last thing on their mind should be what other people think, it should be on their health... but sometimes we do care what people think, especially about what certain people think... and it doesn't help, it just drives us deeper into depression.

    You would probably think that the person you love more than life itself telling you that they won't be with you unless you lose weight would be motivation to lose weight... but if it drives one to depression, and you eat when depressed, it is self-defeating. I could continue this conversation into a downward spiral, but let's look at how even positive self talk sometimes fails for me.

    Last year, I scheduled several charity rides as motivation to ride more, and lose weight, I rode a total of about 50 miles. I did the same scheduling this year, and have so far ridden a total of 50 miles. Better than last year so far, and I am committed to a 2,000 mile year, but only time will tell if I will really do what I am truly committed to doing.

    Can I push myself to overcome physical issues? Yes I can. And I do... obviously not often enough. But, when emotional issues come up they are much harder for me to push through than the physical issues of weight, arthritis and asthma.

    I do not share any of this as an excuse, and it may not represent anyone but me. But I want everyone to consider that the person you are looking at may be having issues other than simply weight loss...
    Slow Ride Cyclists of NEPA

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    - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  9. #9
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    Wow--I know I am brand-new here, but I am really shocked at how judgemental you are being. First of all, these are THEIR decisions and it affects THEIR lives and health--not yours. I understand that these are friends and relatives so you will say it does affect your life, but that is only if you ALLOW it to. All these people know what they need to do to lose weight, but they are trapped in a cycle and, for one reason or the other, have not found their way out of it yet. For myself, the only way out has been gastric bypass surgery. For others maybe it is treating underlying depression, severing damaging relationships, tackling addictions, etc. The bottom line is people who are overweight are overweight for more than one reason and teasing out why they are overweight can be very difficult. It is not your place to judge, lecture, "talk to" or criticize these people. Be supportive of their efforts when you can and stop judging them when you can't.

  10. #10
    Genetics have failed me Scummer's Avatar
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    It's not so easy for people who are used to easily accessible food sources to control their habits.
    I can see this with my own in-laws as well. Food is being eaten, no matter if you are hungry or not. If food is available on the stove or in the fridge it will be eaten.
    It takes alot of self control, patience and confidence in your own abilities to shake those habits.

    But the main part of gaining weight is the lack of exercise. Too hard, too lazy, too whatever.

    And then I see the woman sitting one cube in front of me, always talking about dieting and loosing weight, but everyday she fills up her little basket with sweets (snickers, kitkat,candy, whatever). I came to believe she doesn't even realize it anymore what she's doing to herself. She clearly has a psychological issue with those sweets and she can't be helped unless she realizes herself what she's doing.

    As Tom said, you can lead a horse to the water.....
    Gelato aficionado.

  11. #11
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    First, congrats on your weight loss.

    But just because you have seen the light, you probably shouldn't look down on others for not being on your schedule. Relapses happen, but who does it serve for you to get irritated about it? Also, couldn't someone criticize you for reaching that weight in the first place? Let everyone go own their own journey, right or wrong.

    I get frustrated with people who feel the need to tell me (and others) how to live. whether it's weight, religion, or any other issue in my life....please just worry about yourself.

  12. #12
    kellyjdrummer
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilaccat3456 View Post
    Wow--I know I am brand-new here, but I am really shocked at how judgemental you are being. First of all, these are THEIR decisions and it affects THEIR lives and health--not yours. I understand that these are friends and relatives so you will say it does affect your life, but that is only if you ALLOW it to. All these people know what they need to do to lose weight, but they are trapped in a cycle and, for one reason or the other, have not found their way out of it yet. For myself, the only way out has been gastric bypass surgery. For others maybe it is treating underlying depression, severing damaging relationships, tackling addictions, etc. The bottom line is people who are overweight are overweight for more than one reason and teasing out why they are overweight can be very difficult. It is not your place to judge, lecture, "talk to" or criticize these people. Be supportive of their efforts when you can and stop judging them when you can't.
    Let me get this straight, if my wife is overweight and I know she can have a better life, and because I love her more than I love my own life, I am judging her by offering to help her lose weight for said reasons. That's just a bit skewed in it's essence.

  13. #13
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    Lilaccat, we aren't being judgemental. I also underwent bypass. It was a choice to use a tool, as it was your choice to do so. You also have the choice to address....or not, any other issues that affect how you deal with food.

    That said, I will support anyones efforts, but cannot be a crutch to them. They have to want it for themselves, and that's the harsh reality of the situation. I can offer all the support in the world, and if they backslide, there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop them, short of removing their free will and that wouldn't work either.

    Quote Originally Posted by lilaccat3456 View Post
    Wow--I know I am brand-new here, but I am really shocked at how judgemental you are being. First of all, these are THEIR decisions and it affects THEIR lives and health--not yours. I understand that these are friends and relatives so you will say it does affect your life, but that is only if you ALLOW it to. All these people know what they need to do to lose weight, but they are trapped in a cycle and, for one reason or the other, have not found their way out of it yet. For myself, the only way out has been gastric bypass surgery. For others maybe it is treating underlying depression, severing damaging relationships, tackling addictions, etc. The bottom line is people who are overweight are overweight for more than one reason and teasing out why they are overweight can be very difficult. It is not your place to judge, lecture, "talk to" or criticize these people. Be supportive of their efforts when you can and stop judging them when you can't.
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

  14. #14
    Senior Member badgermac's Avatar
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    You have to find the tool that works for you. I would never judge a surgery solution as better or worse than another. All solutions have their own risks. My 61-year-old father had the lap band put on and he's down 80 lbs. He needs to lose more or I suspect we wont' see him much beyond 65. I'm going the lifestyle route for now: personal trainer 3x a week, weight watchers, bike riding. We'll see how it works out. Just because someone had a lapband or bypass doesnt' mean it's over, as many know. Tom had to make major lifestyle changes in short order to adjust to his new reality. All solutions are hard. If they weren't we'd all be thin and all be riding 14-spoke carbon fiber bikes and weight 140 lbs

  15. #15
    Chubby super biker bdinger's Avatar
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    I understand that my post came off pretty... rough. Really, I hate to make it seem like I'm unsupportive, those who know me (outside of THAT circle) will tell you it's about the opposite of what I'm generally like. However things just basically got to me and I couldn't stand it anymore so I had to vent.

    My major problem is twofold. First, I'm sick of the dirty looks, the comments, and everything else related that they give when my weight loss is mentioned. That's probably the biggest thing, that at family gatherings and friend gatherings I have to feel like it needs to be kept quiet because of what they'll think or do. I don't want them having hurt feelings, but at the same time I'm sick of the dirty looks and comments! "Oh whatever, you can't come drinking because you have a family and need to ride your stupid bike in the morning. Whatever dude!" or "Come on fattie, it's just one piece of cake!"

    That ****, I swear, it grates on me. And THEY do it to ME. I've never said one bad thing about them, never. And I probably never will, but they've fallen so far into this that they continuously do it and feed each other.

    Second, I guess the point was missed, they have already "done it" once before and nothing is stopping them again, yet they are just lazy. And I'm also sick of being asked to "talk to them" about it. I understand there might be deeper issues, but here there isn't. Simply put, it's laziness. They could do it, they just won't.

    I have two people that I know would do it if they could, and therein is where my frustration lies. If those two had the ability the others do, they would do it in a heartbeat. But financial, social, and mental restraints are holding them back. Those two could fail at diets for every day for the next year, but if they asked to borrow my nicest bike I'd give it to them, in the hopes that it might help for even one day. I don't preach to them, ever, and I don't lead them anywhere. Nor do they impact me at all. I know one day they'll do it, but until then I can only offer support in quiet and non-judgemental ways.

    Again, I know it came off callous and evil, it wasn't meant that way. I'm just trying to say that I'm frustrated and hate having to hide my own achievements because of the failures of a self-loathing group of able individuals.

  16. #16
    Chubby super biker bdinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilaccat3456 View Post
    Wow--I know I am brand-new here, but I am really shocked at how judgemental you are being. First of all, these are THEIR decisions and it affects THEIR lives and health--not yours. I understand that these are friends and relatives so you will say it does affect your life, but that is only if you ALLOW it to. All these people know what they need to do to lose weight, but they are trapped in a cycle and, for one reason or the other, have not found their way out of it yet. For myself, the only way out has been gastric bypass surgery. For others maybe it is treating underlying depression, severing damaging relationships, tackling addictions, etc. The bottom line is people who are overweight are overweight for more than one reason and teasing out why they are overweight can be very difficult. It is not your place to judge, lecture, "talk to" or criticize these people. Be supportive of their efforts when you can and stop judging them when you can't.
    Please see my other general reply, but I also wanted to reply to you directly. I'd never criticize gastric bypass, I think that it's a great choice for many. Hell, I was within a day of going that route, had I failed at the other choice I had (to do a ultra-low calorie doctor-supervised diet) three years ago. In my mind you have to have a lot of cajones to allow yourself to go under the knife in general, but also for something like this.

    And I know others have issues, but these don't. The whole problem I have is that I'm frustrated in seeing them lose what they worked so hard to gain, and I'm sick of them criticizing me for continued success. That's the problem.

    Also.. keep it up! Tom, and a couple others in here, are living proof of how amazing transformations can happen with gastric bypass.

  17. #17
    The Improbable Bulk Little Darwin's Avatar
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    It sounds to me like a major part of your frustration is that you are being called on by some to be the ambassador for weight loss, and accused of others of taking a holier than thou attitude because you have made the choices of a healthy life style. You are between a rock and a hard place.

    I can see the additional frustration in that. And of seeing people that you (in theory, except for the frustration) care about not taking care of themselves in ways you know they are capable of doing for themselves.

    EDIT: I just reread your post... Where did I come up with the part about someone wantiong you to be an ambassador for weight loss???? Anyway, I still sense your frustration.
    Slow Ride Cyclists of NEPA

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  18. #18
    Senior Member Pinyon's Avatar
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    Lots of people that have weight problems also have major problems with emotional eating. They may not think that they do, but many people use food "to take the edge off" of emotional situations...to help them maintain a flat and even keel, so to speak. When people use food that way, it is almost purely a behavior issue. It would be simple if we were all rats in a cage, and all you had to do was put the right amount of food in the bowl every day, and not let the person eat until they spent x-amount of time on the treadmill.

    Except in closed and often commune-like authoritarian situations, people don't work that way. To change a basic behavior such as eating, you have to go at it from many angles to have success. There are emotional reasons that they eat that way, so you have to figure out what emotions that they are trying to stifle or enhance (reward-happy-feeding), and give them different emotional coping skills that THEY CAN USE EVERY SINGLE DAY FOREVER, for the weight to stay off. Even if you figure that out, there are no guarantees that people will stick to it. For someone that was obese for many years, it takes constant vigilance. Forever. That can get really old, sometimes, and it is very easy to slowly slip back into habits that don't take as much effort.

    I guess what I'm saying, is that for some people, constant high levels of blood sugar become very much like an addiction. And unlike drugs or alcohol, you have to eat every single day to stay alive. My dietician and doctor have both equated it with sex addiction, especially in the ways that they have to treat it and work with the people to get through it.

    Lots of tools out there, and not all of them work for everybody. Some people need a religious-type experience, or a life-changing "moment of clarity" to be able to "stay there". Other people can just be vigilant and pay attention. Some people's metabolism and digestive system require something as drastic as surgery. Whatever works, works. When it does not...well...we can pray or have a good thought for them. They sure as hell don't like going through it either.


  19. #19
    Chubby super biker bdinger's Avatar
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    I know the place you are in because, well, I've been there. It's the worst place of all, and pretty damned hard to get out of. So you, sir, I respect greatly for trying.

    I know it won't make any difference, maybe, but for me once I starting losing and being more active.. the depression went to the side. Today I call my bicycle my "two wheeled therapist", and it's completely true. My wife knows the signs, and many times she will outright tell me to go ride my bike. It's not because she wants to get rid of me, but because she knows if I do the gloominess will fade away. Since I've lost weight, and since I've started cycling a little side benefit has happened - I've not needed a therapist as my previous issues (depression and a hot temper) have all but disappeared.

    So there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it's a tough one. Keep trying, and if there's anything I can do to help, let me know. I'll break my "I don't want to help anymore!" thing this once .

    Quote Originally Posted by Little Darwin View Post
    It isn't always the case, but sometimes there might be more to the picture than you can see.

    I lost over 120 pounds, and have gained back about 75... I am in a place now, where I expect to start losing again.

    It is not that I don't know how to lose weight, nor that I don't want to, but I do have other issues.

    In my case, some of the people that think they are trying to help me are doing more harm than good... not that my weight gain is their fault, it is completely mine. But I am dealing with that with my psychologist, and will get to where I need to be, both physically and emotionally with a little time.

    Many people know at some level what they need to do, and want to do it, and still won't do it.

    There is very little for people like me that is more frustrating than to have someone tell me that since I understand the concepts of caloric intake versus usage, balanced diets, exercise, weight loss, health issues etc, that I should be thin... and I have no excuse. Well, there is the "Since you are fat, you can't know about proper diet..." and/or "Your opinion doesn't matter because you're fat" but that's another story...

    When someone is in a deep enough depression to know with every fiber of their being that eating the ice cream is killing them, and yet they don't care, frankly the last thing on their mind should be what other people think, it should be on their health... but sometimes we do care what people think, especially about what certain people think... and it doesn't help, it just drives us deeper into depression.

    You would probably think that the person you love more than life itself telling you that they won't be with you unless you lose weight would be motivation to lose weight... but if it drives one to depression, and you eat when depressed, it is self-defeating. I could continue this conversation into a downward spiral, but let's look at how even positive self talk sometimes fails for me.

    Last year, I scheduled several charity rides as motivation to ride more, and lose weight, I rode a total of about 50 miles. I did the same scheduling this year, and have so far ridden a total of 50 miles. Better than last year so far, and I am committed to a 2,000 mile year, but only time will tell if I will really do what I am truly committed to doing.

    Can I push myself to overcome physical issues? Yes I can. And I do... obviously not often enough. But, when emotional issues come up they are much harder for me to push through than the physical issues of weight, arthritis and asthma.

    I do not share any of this as an excuse, and it may not represent anyone but me. But I want everyone to consider that the person you are looking at may be having issues other than simply weight loss...

  20. #20
    Chubby super biker bdinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Darwin View Post
    It sounds to me like a major part of your frustration is that you are being called on by some to be the ambassador for weight loss, and accused of others of taking a holier than thou attitude because you have made the choices of a healthy life style. You are between a rock and a hard place.

    I can see the additional frustration in that. And of seeing people that you (in theory, except for the frustration) care about not taking care of themselves in ways you know they are capable of doing for themselves.

    EDIT: I just reread your post... Where did I come up with the part about someone wantiong you to be an ambassador for weight loss???? Anyway, I still sense your frustration.
    Yes! You hit it on the head! And you hit the other thing - the ambassador for weight loss - which is the thing I hinted towards. The constant "will you talk to him for me?" questions, which drive me crazy. The "how did you do it" I don't mind at all, ironically, because that I feel is jsut part of it. But the whole having to attempt to be the Mr Weight Loss USA ambassador to those who don't want/refuse/refute help I can't stand.

    Anyway, that basically hits it on the head.

  21. #21
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    bdinger: thanks for clarifying your opinions, that does sound bad . Again, congrats on what you've achieved, and don't let anyone get you down for it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bdinger View Post
    Sorry for a bummer post, but I just have to vent. I'm so sick of seeing people start a weight loss program, then give up and gain it all back claiming it's "too hard", or not claiming anything. I have a couple of friends and family who did really awesome a couple of years ago, but now they're all back to their previous weights - or more. I guess I just don't get it, why put out the effort - monetary and personal wise - if all you are going to do is give up and gain it all back again?

    I see them all constantly doing the "diet of the week", they'll get serious about exercise or nutrition for some time. Then they'll blow it. You'll see them make blog posts about how awesome they are doing at the gym, how great they are eating, etc during the week. Then comes the weekend and they go out to eat, get drunk, and the next week make some post about how they're upset because they didn't lose any weight!

    Then there's the ones that just give up and never mention it. You see them ballooning back up, but they ignore the fact that it's happening. They eat, drink, and do all the previous behaviors. And finally, those who just don't care. The don't cares don't phase me, it's the other two categories that are really the worse.

    I guess compounding this is that some of them had some amazing success. I mean, at least three or four of them would have been "Biggest Loser" finalists due to their percentage of loss, but that's all gone away now. Now they're all back to the lifestyle that got them there.

    Me, I've lost over 200 pounds and kept it off - I'm still at my lowest weight in 10 years and NEVER am going back. This is what compounds the problem, as at gatherings everyone always applauds my work because it's obvious - most say they enjoy seeing me because I'm always smaller. I occasionally get "the look" from the others, and never do I get any applause from them. Regularly I have to restrain myself from yelling "YOU AREN'T GETTING PRAISE BECAUSE YOU ARE A OBESE DRUNK WHO CAN'T STICK TO ANYTHING!" but I know the deeper problems. I also have given up on lecturing, I won't do it, I won't "talk to someone" for anyone anymore. I also won't help get them on the bike. THEY HAVE TO DO IT THEMSELVES. I've done it all myself, granted I've had support but only from one person. IN reality, though, I could do it myself and do it myself.

    Anyway, that's my vent. I guess I'm just beyond frustrated at watching my friends and family kill themselves in front of my eyes.
    Preach on brother!

    People backtrack for several reasons.

    a) They make a little progress and then "reward" themselves for it.

    b) They have so many people around them that hold their hand and tell them that it's ok to be the way they are, when in reality it's not. Ask their doctor or their lover.

    c) Anything that is worthwhile is hard, and weak people avoid hard work.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe View Post
    "You can lead a horse to water......" Appropriate for Clyde's, I think

    Actually you can force water into a horse. Be more creative.

  24. #24
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    Allow me my metaphors.

    It's about free will rather than the mechanical process of getting H2O inserted into a horse.
    Quote Originally Posted by Enthalpic View Post
    Actually you can force water into a horse. Be more creative.
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe View Post
    Allow me my metaphors.

    It's about free will rather than the mechanical process of getting H2O inserted into a horse.
    Well it's doesn't even need to be mechanical, just use some mental or biochemical trickery. It's fine if the horse thinks it's drinking on it's own accord.



    Bad tasting, but good medicine.

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