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  1. #26
    I'm a Cyclist! Missbumble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Beanz View Post
    Don't you just hate that!


    OK Mr B - I am grateful for you - I admit it! Making me laugh out loud!!! OK I edited the post... Both girls are intact!
    Last edited by Missbumble; 11-26-08 at 12:30 PM.

  2. #27
    Senior Member Fantasminha's Avatar
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    Spousal unit and I cycled over to see my 82-year old mom this summer. It took us an incredible 1.5 hours to go 13 miles because it was so freakin' hot... 106 that day so we had to stop a couple of times to pour water on our heads. My mom threw a fit--"you have a car, can't imagine why you want to make your life harder!" "Next time get here faster--I'll buy your gas!" (Can't you just hear it now?)

    I listened for a minute then took a hard line: I suppose you'd like for me to end up with a heart attack at 50 (like my dad did). If you don't like it (my commuting), I won't come to visit any more.

    I guess that won't work for your spousal unit, but with my mom I took it one objection at a time. She's wearing down. It's a process.

    Good luck with your wife! Try taking it one objection at a time.... it's all I've found that works.
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  3. #28
    Senior Member lil brown bat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by andrelam View Post
    I am suffering with the problem with my wife. God knows she needs to loose some serious weight. My wife it about 80 LBs over ideal weight. I always tell her that I don't care what she looks like, I just want her to be healthy and to ensure that she has a good chance of living a long and healthy life. She suffers from Asthma (not her fault), has had various knee reconstructions and therefore a week knee, and has injured her back before and finds it hard to walk long distances. She has been going to weight watchers and other programs over the years, but doesn't realy take it seriously. I've let her try all sorts of things, but am getting sick of buying books and let her attend classes. This may seem harsh, but I constantly find junk food wrappers in her car. When she makes diner, she doesn't hesitate to make a large plate of past with lots of cheese. She knows that is a horrible meal, but if I offer to make a salad on the side most of the time she'll refuse to eat it.
    I have to say, I read that and I hear the sound of thin ice cracking (particularly the bit about what you "let her" do). You may say she's making bad decisions about her body, and I wouldn't disagree, but it's her body and ultimately she's the boss of it, no matter that you're married. You'll go nowhere unless you proceed from that as a basic premise.

    What can you do about it? Well...not to put too fine a point on it, but whatever you're trying, it sounds like it's not only not working, it's backfiring. You need to establish some rapport with your wife before you can try to influence her direction, and you also need to accept that you may not be the person who should be trying to influence her in this way. She may need to get the lion's share of her support (and certainly her guidance) from someone with whom she does not have a close personal relationship. I work as a ski instructor, primarily teaching kids, and I can't tell you how many times I've had an angry and frustrated parent deposit their weepy and frustrated child in my class after having tried to teach the kid to ski. I have my theory about why you generally can't teach difficult lessons to (or learn difficult lessons from) people who are close to you...there are exceptions, but OTOH, tandem canoes aren't called "divorce boats" for nothing. If your primary care physician is also her primary care physician, you might try talking to him/her about your concerns and getting some advice. Nagging doesn't change hearts and minds (except to create resentment towards the nag), but a lot of people start making healthy decisions when they get "scared straight", or when someone who's a little more objective says, "You're gonna end up with diabetes and a heart attack if you don't clean up your act."
    You have the right to your own opinion. You don't have the right to your own facts.

  4. #29
    Full of Love and Meatloaf aidanpryde18's Avatar
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    My wife thinks I'm crazy as well. She does not like the fact that I commute to work by bike. She thinks it's too dangerous. and she especially hates the idea of my five year plan to ride from Louisville to Viginia Beach down the Trans-America Trail.

    But I am slowly working on her. I am getting her to ride some. I don't honestly believe that she will ever ride long distances with me, but at least if she rides some she will see that bikes and cars can get along nicely with each other, and its not as dangerous as it seems.

    The important thing in all of this is perspective. Let your significant other see through your eyes, and give them the same courtesy. Many times both sides will see that their objections are unfounded.

  5. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missbumble View Post
    Hey Guys I want to respond to you all and especially to the OP - but first off I decided to repond to Andre's post. As a woman who has been 100 pounds overweight and lost all of it - and kept it off for 10+ years..then gained 80 over a period of time. I think I qualify to let you know the psyche of a fat woman. I have also started back on this road again - lost 40 and have 40 to go (Started at 225ish... and am looking aweosme now in a size 14....you'd never guess I weighed 180ish more like 160....) In any case I know what it is like to be 80 pounds overweight - since I began my latest weight loss journey in April with that much to lose.

    Your situation - weight you need to lose...and getting fitter does not compare at all to her issues. You are a man so lose quicker and are not very overweight - also the world does not treat you like a second class citizen as a slightly overwight male. So your wife imho suffers daily. She is treated yucky! (Not by yoiu by the world) and finds comfort in the food... a vicious cycle. She can only do this when she is ready. Often I am tempted to walk up to fat women and say .... come on over I can help! (I did do this after one charity ride and hopefully influenced a woman to make better choices). Anyway it has to be her choice. Not yours.

    You can tell her about me - Miss Bumble- who lost 100 pounds and kep it off for years and now has started a Biggest Loser Weight Loss Thread on your biking web site. We have one non-biker...and she could sneak in.. Maybe like Al Anon... A friend of a biker...

    That said - when she wants help - I'd be happy to help. I will speak to anyone about losing weight and motivation etc....

    Don't get fed up with all of her attempts... it's always the last program someone tries that works! When I lost the 100 pounds I was on a really strict regimen - 3 meals a day, no flour or sugar, and weighed and measured my meals. Now I have a much gentler program where I eat moderately (don't exclude any foods as a strict rule per se) - just try to not over do as much as before... It's a compromise plan...Try and shoot for losing one pound a week.

    Net net - 80 pounds overweight for a woman imho it's not about exercise as much as the obsession with food. I could get thin w/o exercising. But I have to change my eating behaviors in order to make a change and get thin. (The exercise, helps but it is the icing on the cake.)

    Anyhoo - Hang in there - PM If you want... and know your wife is suffering. It is horrible to be a fat person! Fat woman - I think is even harder. Since losing 40 pounds I am happier, and the world treats me differently.


    I have no answers- just wanted to respond. I wish I had a husband like you who cared that much!

    The Bee
    Thanks for that, Bee. You are so right on so many levels. For me, I was a chubby child up until I was 15, then slimmed down for a few years, up again, down again. Changes in the way I've been perceived are quite marked with the weight swings.

    This last one has been the hardest. Bad back and knees kept me from accomplishing much. Especially from the cycling I loved so much. Thankfully, I've discovered my trike and down 25 pounds.

  6. #31
    Senior Member Hammer02's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cod.peace View Post
    My wife is completely behind my biking to lose weight, improve my health, and avoid my twin family scourges of diabetes and cancer, or at least reduce the risk thereof. However, riding at my lunch hour is all she'll get behind. I've proposed a 17 mile ride to my in-law's after dropping off my car this coming weekend to avoid us taking 2 cars home from my in-law's place. My wife & her family (sort of a pile-on, you know?) are completely against this, claiming it's too dangerous and a terrible idea. I'll bring her around but it'll take a lot of energy.

    I just don't get it - what's the difference between 13 miles in the 'burbs (yesterday's ride) and 17 miles in the 'burbs, aside from distance? Has anyone else encountered this: fitness riding over short distances are ok, but actually cycling to get somewhere (or commuting, say) is considered nuts? Even when the distance and roads are the same!?

    It's frustrating, to say the least. I fully plan on starting to commute by bike once i feel I'm up to the 25 mile round trip. I will probably hold off til the end of winter on that, but it's definitely part of the master plan, along with signing up for the PMC next summer. I spent a good chunk of change on my bike, which I'm really starting to love to ride as my 'bent skills improve, and I plan on riding the **** out of it.
    Dude....no offense but step back and look at this.

    Your wife won't let you ride your bike because it's too dangerous? Are you having flashbacks to when you were 10?

    I don't know whether I am more surprised that your wife is annoying enough to do this or that you are so weak that you are willing to actually take it.

    In the spirit of BF...HTFU and quick.


  7. #32
    Senior Member lil brown bat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hammer02 View Post
    Dude....no offense but step back and look at this.

    Your wife won't let you ride your bike because it's too dangerous? Are you having flashbacks to when you were 10?

    I don't know whether I am more surprised that your wife is annoying enough to do this or that you are so weak that you are willing to actually take it.

    In the spirit of BF...HTFU and quick.

    What is it with you guys? He said nothing about her "letting him" or "not letting him" do anything, just that she was against the idea. What's with the castration paranoia, for god's sake?
    You have the right to your own opinion. You don't have the right to your own facts.

  8. #33
    Not safe for work cyclokitty's Avatar
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    My family and friends are very supportive of my bike riding. My husband helped me pick out the bike and encouraged me to ride, my mom bought my bike and is impressed by the distances I've ridden (nothing huge, but 46.4 km is much better than sitting on the couch eating potato chips), and my best friend (who is no slouch athletically speaking) is also impressed by the improvement in my riding and physical fitness.

    If there is a complaint it's a concern for my safety when I'm on a ride. They worry mostly about others could do to me when I'm on a bike ride -- oh let's see... cars hitting me, crazed muggers lurking in bushes, wild hyenas, martians capturing for experiments etc etc. My mom makes me laugh when she asks why my dh doesn't walk with me when I ride my bike. I laugh and explain I'm not 3 years old on my tricycle. I like the mental picture of my husband having to drag my bike home while I dawdle along picking wildflowers and talking to my imaginary friend.

    The rewards for riding my bike? Over the last 4 seasons I've lost 60 lbs, have feeling in my feet again, normal looking ankles, energy, and no more asthma attacks. I think riding could be considered a win-win situation: I'm happier and healthier than I ever was, and my family and friends get a more active and healthier Cyclokitty!!


  9. #34
    Senior Member Hammer02's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lil brown bat View Post
    What is it with you guys? He said nothing about her "letting him" or "not letting him" do anything, just that she was against the idea. What's with the castration paranoia, for god's sake?
    The fact that he posted it at all means she won't let him.

    You need to HTFU too.....castration is bad.

  10. #35
    Senior Member jaxgtr's Avatar
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    No problems here. I did the same thing, except I rode to the in-law's house. It was 72 miles one way. Had dinner and then came back with the wife as I forgot my battery pack, otherwise I would have ridden home in the wee-early morning. It just gets real, real dark out there and did not feel it was safe and I also had to be somewhere by 10 am, so did not want to chance it.
    Brian | 2015 Cannondale Synapse Carbon 3 | 2014 Trek CrossRip Comp | 2013 Cannondale SuperSix (for sale)
    Quote Originally Posted by AEO View Post
    you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way.

  11. #36
    Its Freakin HammerTime!!! C_Heath's Avatar
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    Just do it. She be ok.

  12. #37
    Senior Member cod.peace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hammer02 View Post
    The fact that he posted it at all means she won't let him.

    You need to HTFU too.....castration is bad.
    The title of the thread is 'support' not 'permission,' just to clarify for your reading comprehension skills, which may be dulled by turkey consumption.
    old steel Specialized Hardrock

  13. #38
    Senior Member Hammer02's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cod.peace View Post
    The title of the thread is 'support' not 'permission,' just to clarify for your reading comprehension skills, which may be dulled by turkey consumption.
    If that makes you feel better.

    Did you ask your wife if you were allowed to post on here yet?


  14. #39
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    (Originally Posted by lil brown bat ) What is it with you guys? He said nothing about her "letting him" or "not letting him" do anything, just that she was against the idea. What's with the castration paranoia, for god's sake?


    Quote Originally Posted by Hammer02 View Post
    The fact that he posted it at all means she won't let him.

    You need to HTFU too.....castration is bad.
    I don't see anything about 'letting him' or 'not letting him' in the post either. Letting and supporting are two entirely different words with entirely different meanings. Substituting 'let' with 'support' changed the focus of this thread. Note that I did not say it improved the thread.

  15. #40
    I'm a Cyclist! Missbumble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wandalynn View Post
    I don't see anything about 'letting him' or 'not letting him' in the post either. Letting and supporting are two entirely different words with entirely different meanings. Substituting 'let' with 'support' changed the focus of this thread. Note that I did not say it improved the thread.
    Intersting Wanda- I did post on the thread what i hope is helpful words... but I do think the tone of the thread is not our usual group hug stuff which i really really like.. but if it helps people then it is good. I think the question really is did the OP get what he wanted by posting or did other people?? I Am not sure... I hope so. I know I spilled my guts but hopefully did not come off as being b#tchy.

    Sue
    Last edited by Missbumble; 11-27-08 at 12:16 PM.

  16. #41
    Senior Member jboyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missbumble View Post
    Intersting Wanda- I did post on the thread what i hope is helpful words... but I do think the tone of the thread is not our usual grou phug stuff which i really really like.. but if it helps people then it is good. I think the question really is did the OP get what he wanted by posting or did other people?? I Am not sure... I hope so. I know I spilled my guts but hopefully did not come off as being b#tchy.

    Sue
    I agree that the thread went a little negative, but maybe people are having some Thanksgiving cranky. Too much family, or not enough. I also agree that regardless of what we inject, if the OP received feedback that helps, then good on him.

    Jay
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  17. #42
    Senior Member Hammer02's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wandalynn View Post
    (Originally Posted by lil brown bat ) What is it with you guys? He said nothing about her "letting him" or "not letting him" do anything, just that she was against the idea. What's with the castration paranoia, for god's sake?




    I don't see anything about 'letting him' or 'not letting him' in the post either. Letting and supporting are two entirely different words with entirely different meanings. Substituting 'let' with 'support' changed the focus of this thread. Note that I did not say it improved the thread.
    You can't see air either...but it exists.

  18. #43
    Senior Member jaxgtr's Avatar
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    let dial it back a gear please.
    Brian | 2015 Cannondale Synapse Carbon 3 | 2014 Trek CrossRip Comp | 2013 Cannondale SuperSix (for sale)
    Quote Originally Posted by AEO View Post
    you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way.

  19. #44
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hammer02 View Post
    The fact that he posted it at all means she won't let him.

    You need to HTFU too.....castration is bad.
    This is getting terribly Freudian.

  20. #45
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missbumble View Post
    Intersting Wanda- I did post on the thread what i hope is helpful words... but I do think the tone of the thread is not our usual group hug stuff which i really really like.. but if it helps people then it is good. I think the question really is did the OP get what he wanted by posting or did other people?? I Am not sure... I hope so. I know I spilled my guts but hopefully did not come off as being b#tchy.

    Sue
    I wondered why they called you a B.

  21. #46
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by jaxgtr View Post
    let dial it back a gear please.
    Yep, too many guys bragging about how often they use the big ring.

  22. #47
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by lil brown bat View Post
    What is it with you guys? He said nothing about her "letting him" or "not letting him" do anything, just that she was against the idea. What's with the castration paranoia, for god's sake?
    I think you missed the smilie at the end of the post.

  23. #48
    Senior Member lil brown bat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Historian View Post
    I think you missed the smilie at the end of the post.
    I think you missed Hammer02's subsequent comments, as well as the ostensible meaning of that particular "smilie".
    You have the right to your own opinion. You don't have the right to your own facts.

  24. #49
    Senior Member Hammer02's Avatar
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    Lighten up people....geez.

  25. #50
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by lil brown bat View Post
    I think you missed Hammer02's subsequent comments, as well as the ostensible meaning of that particular "smilie".
    I think you take things far, far too seriously. As usual.

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