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  1. #1
    Neil_B
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    Favorite Fat Jokes?

    OK, all PC mavens stay away. For the rest of you, do you have any favorite fat jokes?

    My own personal favorite is the claim a friend made that when I was 400 pounds I could be looked up on Google Earth. "Hey look, there's Neil!"

    Then again, a friend got a good crack on me during my weight loss. I was excited about slipping below 320 pounds, and, excited by the sight of the scale reading, blurted out that I'd seen "something I never thought I'd see!"

    "It's called a p*nis, Neil, every guy's got one."

  2. #2
    Sledge Hammer FightingPanther's Avatar
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    your mamas so fat it takes a plane and two buses to get on her good side.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."
    Ralph Waldo Emerson

  3. #3
    invisible friend seenoweevil's Avatar
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    I was looking for a screamer or a moaner. I ended up with a sweater.
    Faster than a sundial.

  4. #4
    No I'm Not a Pirate! Bionicycle's Avatar
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    A bird can roost but on one branch, a mouse can drink not more than its fill from a river.

  5. #5
    Senior Member 4SEVEN3's Avatar
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    You know Buffet is actually a acronym....
    Big
    Ugly
    Fat
    Folks
    Eating
    Together

    Me and a co-worker crack on each other all the time about our weight...its all in good fun...
    John
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  6. #6
    Not safe for work cyclokitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicycle View Post
    I like Peter's idiotic laughter when he sees the tv set, and his disappointment when the tv revolves out of his sight!


  7. #7
    Each Drop of Sweat Counts
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    Not trying to be a stick in the mud but when I was a super clyde I used to laugh at myself and laugh along with all the jokes but they always struck a nerve somewhere down deep where I didn't like to talk about.

    I've got some book around here somewhere I got a year or two ago from the chick on The Biggest Loser and one of her pet peeves was people joking on themselves and not maintaining a full time positive outlook. (a paraphrase at best).

    Anyway I'm not trying to be a PITA and suppress a little harmless fun, really I'm not, but I always found it to be counter productive. But, maybe it's just me having no sense of humor.

    People used to call me Big John and would say it in a manner in which they thought was funny with the big loud boisterous voice but I never thought it was funny.

    Okay......bring on the jokes.

    John

  8. #8
    Banned. Mr. Beanz's Avatar
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    It's cool that heavy people can laugh along or at themselves but I just can't put up with others having fun at their expense. I knew a gal at work that was round in stature. She was very shy too, maybe aobut 30'ish. Just as she bought a pack of Twinkies from the vending machine, some roid abuser took it upon himself to embarrass her in front of a large crowd. He asked,"don't you think you've had enough of those already?". She nearly cried but instead went into an uncontrolled hysterical laugh!

    That's when I was at my prime in pumping iron so I approached him and told him a POS I thought he was and asked why he didn't pick on someone like me that could defend themselves. "Why don't pick on someone that you know would beat your arse if you're such a tough guy instead of a defenseless woman" I asked. Then I proceeded to tell him that he ahd had more than his share of beans and tortillas himself.

    He didn't know what to say but I can tell you roids don't make your bahlls bigger cause that day in front of a crowd, he had just shown he had none!

    I just can't take someone making fun of a fat person. If you kid about yourself that's fine but if I see a moron attack you, I'll be the first to jump in and put a stop to it!

  9. #9
    No I'm Not a Pirate! Bionicycle's Avatar
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    If this thread would have been posted anyplace but C&A, I would have never posted a joke. But, one has to figure that most of the people (myself included) are over weight that will be posting to this thread. I'm tipping the scales now at 280, and would defend anyone that was being mocked for being over weight.

    Now if they would have started this thread in the Road bike forum, where most of them are probably 160 pounds soaking wet... them woulda been fighten words... So in some ways, much like race, or sex, or hair color, or religion, or nationality jokes... I think it depends on who is telling it, and who it's being told to, as to how offensive it may be. JMHO.

    But, I found that Family Guy joke funny when I first saw it, and I still find it funny, and probably would whether I weigh 350 or 170.
    A bird can roost but on one branch, a mouse can drink not more than its fill from a river.

  10. #10
    Senior Member jaxgtr's Avatar
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    *** looks in mirror *****
    Brian | 2015 Cannondale Synapse Carbon 3 | 2014 Trek CrossRip Comp
    Quote Originally Posted by AEO View Post
    you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way.

  11. #11
    Senior Member jaxgtr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicycle View Post
    OK, I never saw that one. Pretty funny.
    Brian | 2015 Cannondale Synapse Carbon 3 | 2014 Trek CrossRip Comp
    Quote Originally Posted by AEO View Post
    you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way.

  12. #12
    Senior Member snowman40's Avatar
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    I've always been partial to the yo mama so fat jokes....



    To The Historian - lol, I have a friend like that someplace in this crazy world.

  13. #13
    Uber Goober StephenH's Avatar
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    Best one I've heard was the Yo Mama joke- "Yo Mama's so fat, that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!"
    "be careful this rando stuff is addictive and dan's the 'pusher'."

  14. #14
    Senior Member snowman40's Avatar
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    I like the yo mama so fat when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her.


  15. #15
    Senior Member mijome07's Avatar
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    Your Mama is so fat, she rolled over a dollar and squeezed out 4 quarters.

  16. #16
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by snowman40 View Post
    I like the yo mama so fat when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her.

    Very nice. Continuing along the same vein and honoring Black History Month, here's Gary Marino's comment from his book Big and Tall Chronicles:


    "My clothes had more Xs on the label than a book on Malcom X."

  17. #17
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    When I first started loosing all my wieght I guy asked if it's true that when th ebelly gets samller the d*** gets longer, another guy overheard this and said yep his wife is smiling with 3" now. I laughed my a** off with that one. Your mamas butts so big she scratches it by reaching over her shoulder.
    Best thing about cycling is when I'm at work I'm thinking of cycling, when I'm cycling I'm thinking about cycling.

  18. #18
    Gears? CliftonGK1's Avatar
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    This really huge guy looses a ton of weight, but still has a bunch of extra skin so he calls a doctor and makes an appointment to get the excess removed. He bunches everything up underneath a hat, and gets down to the doctor's office. As he's signing in, the registration nurse asks him about the interesting birthmark on his forehead. He replies "That's not a birthmark, that's my belly button. What do you think of my tie?"

  19. #19
    Senior Member atcfoody's Avatar
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    Favorites I tell about myself:

    Round is a shape, therefor I am in shape.

    I have the law of Inertia on my side.

    A co-worker and I claim to be the "fat kids" in the department; he is the Micheline man, and I'm the Pillsbury Doughboy. Things often heard between us:
    "Bib, its Doughboy. Want to get some coffee?"
    and my favorite, yelled across 4 lanes of traffic and a parking lot "Hey Doughboy, wait up!"

    D
    Help me and team North UMC at the 2010 Pedal for Peace.

    Everything looks better on a full stomach.

    Doing the right thing and rocking the boat are often one in the same.

    Well, technically speaking, one needs 3 things to qualify for recumbent ownership: a beard, an aerobelly, and a technical degree or background.

  20. #20
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    My sis-in-law: "petflunky, you have a dicky-do"
    Me:"A what?"
    Her: " A dicky-do! Your belly sticks out further than your dicky-do!"

  21. #21
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    It never occurred to ask her why she was observing my ah, dicky-do.

  22. #22
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    I am the type to poke fun at myself all of the time . . .

    I am the type to poke fun at myself all of the time due to my weight. After riding my first charity ride (MS150) back in 2006, I came up with some awards and achievements for myself after the two-day, 150 mile event. These do not compare to the jokes, but here it goes anyway.

    Achievements and Awards won by me at the 2006 Charity Event:

    Voted “Rider Most Likely to Have to Pedal Really, Really, Really Hard and That is Just to Go Down Hill”

    Voted “Rider Most Likely to Have to Stop and Rest at the Halfway Point While Pedaling Over a Speed Bump”

    Winner of the "Hey, where did his seat go?" Contest

    1st Place in the “Dumb Enough to Attempt to Walk Down Stairs after Riding a Bike for 86 miles” Competition

    Only rider where lights started flashing and bells starting ringing when approaching railroad crossings

    Only rider referred to as "Peleton" when riding alone

    “2006 Favorite Rider” Due to Providing the Most Shade for the Other Riders

    Award for Riding a Bike at the Slowest Possible Speed Without Falling Over

    Only rider to get so hot that it increased global warming for 8 hours on Saturday and 6 hours on Sunday

    Only Rider to Inhale and Exhale So Deeply That it Almost Blew Out the Sun

    Only Rider to Inhale and Exhale So Deeply That it Altered the 5 day weather forecast

    Winner of the "Couldn't ride a wheelie if he wanted to" contest

    Nicknames: LIFO (Last In First Out), Low-Rider, Tsunami, Slug, Ocean Freight, Granny Gear

    Only rider to need stirrups to get on his bike

    Only rider to be accused of walking while standing to pedal his bike

    Only rider to be mistaken as "the last big hill to climb"

    2nd Place in the MS150 Mascot contest (Booooo). The judges told me afterwards that I would have won
    if the event was called the MS250 (Pounds)

    Rider who most needed a 2-seated bike with the seats side-by-side

    Winner of the "MS150 Blimp look-a-like" contest

    Only rider whose bike looks like a unicycle before he gets on, but looks like a two wheeler after he gets on

    Received the “Rider Who was Passed by the Most Cyclists” Award

    Had the Honor of Wearing the Inaugural MS150 “Wide Load” Bike Jersey

    Only Rider to Inhale and Exhale So Deeply that he got both of his lung's tangled up in the spokes of the front wheel

    Only rider who wished that port-a-johns came in a double wide version

    Only rider to cause the photographer to swich to his panoramic lens for pictures

    Only rider that did not have to use his brakes

    Only rider to not see his bike the whole ride

  23. #23
    Gears? CliftonGK1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by petflunky View Post
    My sis-in-law: "petflunky, you have a dicky-do"
    Me:"A what?"
    Her: " A dicky-do! Your belly sticks out further than your dicky-do!"
    Is that like Dunlop's Disorder?

  24. #24
    Senior? Member
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    It's similar, yes.

  25. #25
    Senior Member atcfoody's Avatar
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    Another favorite: They suffer from a chronic case of "furniture disease".
    Their chest sages into their drawers.

    D
    Help me and team North UMC at the 2010 Pedal for Peace.

    Everything looks better on a full stomach.

    Doing the right thing and rocking the boat are often one in the same.

    Well, technically speaking, one needs 3 things to qualify for recumbent ownership: a beard, an aerobelly, and a technical degree or background.

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