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Clydesdales/Athenas (200+ lb / 91+ kg) Looking to lose that spare tire? Ideal weight 200+? Frustrated being a large cyclist in a sport geared for the ultra-light? Learn about the bikes and parts that can take the abuse of a heavier cyclist, how to keep your body going while losing the weight, and get support from others who've been successful.

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Old 02-08-09, 08:40 AM   #1
Neil_B
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Favorite Fat Jokes?

OK, all PC mavens stay away. For the rest of you, do you have any favorite fat jokes?

My own personal favorite is the claim a friend made that when I was 400 pounds I could be looked up on Google Earth. "Hey look, there's Neil!"

Then again, a friend got a good crack on me during my weight loss. I was excited about slipping below 320 pounds, and, excited by the sight of the scale reading, blurted out that I'd seen "something I never thought I'd see!"

"It's called a p*nis, Neil, every guy's got one."
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Old 02-08-09, 08:56 AM   #2
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your mamas so fat it takes a plane and two buses to get on her good side.
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Old 02-08-09, 11:49 AM   #3
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I was looking for a screamer or a moaner. I ended up with a sweater.
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Old 02-08-09, 12:26 PM   #4
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One of mine...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MD7urmuSeEg
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Old 02-08-09, 12:40 PM   #5
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You know Buffet is actually a acronym....
Big
Ugly
Fat
Folks
Eating
Together

Me and a co-worker crack on each other all the time about our weight...its all in good fun...
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Old 02-08-09, 02:57 PM   #6
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I like Peter's idiotic laughter when he sees the tv set, and his disappointment when the tv revolves out of his sight!
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Old 02-08-09, 03:10 PM   #7
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Not trying to be a stick in the mud but when I was a super clyde I used to laugh at myself and laugh along with all the jokes but they always struck a nerve somewhere down deep where I didn't like to talk about.

I've got some book around here somewhere I got a year or two ago from the chick on The Biggest Loser and one of her pet peeves was people joking on themselves and not maintaining a full time positive outlook. (a paraphrase at best).

Anyway I'm not trying to be a PITA and suppress a little harmless fun, really I'm not, but I always found it to be counter productive. But, maybe it's just me having no sense of humor.

People used to call me Big John and would say it in a manner in which they thought was funny with the big loud boisterous voice but I never thought it was funny.

Okay......bring on the jokes.

John
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Old 02-08-09, 04:03 PM   #8
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It's cool that heavy people can laugh along or at themselves but I just can't put up with others having fun at their expense. I knew a gal at work that was round in stature. She was very shy too, maybe aobut 30'ish. Just as she bought a pack of Twinkies from the vending machine, some roid abuser took it upon himself to embarrass her in front of a large crowd. He asked,"don't you think you've had enough of those already?". She nearly cried but instead went into an uncontrolled hysterical laugh!

That's when I was at my prime in pumping iron so I approached him and told him a POS I thought he was and asked why he didn't pick on someone like me that could defend themselves. "Why don't pick on someone that you know would beat your arse if you're such a tough guy instead of a defenseless woman" I asked. Then I proceeded to tell him that he ahd had more than his share of beans and tortillas himself.

He didn't know what to say but I can tell you roids don't make your bahlls bigger cause that day in front of a crowd, he had just shown he had none!

I just can't take someone making fun of a fat person. If you kid about yourself that's fine but if I see a moron attack you, I'll be the first to jump in and put a stop to it!
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Old 02-08-09, 04:29 PM   #9
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If this thread would have been posted anyplace but C&A, I would have never posted a joke. But, one has to figure that most of the people (myself included) are over weight that will be posting to this thread. I'm tipping the scales now at 280, and would defend anyone that was being mocked for being over weight.

Now if they would have started this thread in the Road bike forum, where most of them are probably 160 pounds soaking wet... them woulda been fighten words... So in some ways, much like race, or sex, or hair color, or religion, or nationality jokes... I think it depends on who is telling it, and who it's being told to, as to how offensive it may be. JMHO.

But, I found that Family Guy joke funny when I first saw it, and I still find it funny, and probably would whether I weigh 350 or 170.
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Old 02-08-09, 04:33 PM   #10
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*** looks in mirror *****
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you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way.
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Old 02-08-09, 04:35 PM   #11
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OK, I never saw that one. Pretty funny.
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you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way.
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Old 02-08-09, 05:50 PM   #12
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I've always been partial to the yo mama so fat jokes....



To The Historian - lol, I have a friend like that someplace in this crazy world.
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Old 02-08-09, 09:07 PM   #13
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Best one I've heard was the Yo Mama joke- "Yo Mama's so fat, that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!"
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Old 02-08-09, 09:39 PM   #14
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I like the yo mama so fat when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her.

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Old 02-08-09, 10:01 PM   #15
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Your Mama is so fat, she rolled over a dollar and squeezed out 4 quarters.
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Old 02-08-09, 11:09 PM   #16
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I like the yo mama so fat when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her.

Very nice. Continuing along the same vein and honoring Black History Month, here's Gary Marino's comment from his book Big and Tall Chronicles:


"My clothes had more Xs on the label than a book on Malcom X."
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Old 02-08-09, 11:22 PM   #17
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When I first started loosing all my wieght I guy asked if it's true that when th ebelly gets samller the d*** gets longer, another guy overheard this and said yep his wife is smiling with 3" now. I laughed my a** off with that one. Your mamas butts so big she scratches it by reaching over her shoulder.
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Old 02-08-09, 11:43 PM   #18
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This really huge guy looses a ton of weight, but still has a bunch of extra skin so he calls a doctor and makes an appointment to get the excess removed. He bunches everything up underneath a hat, and gets down to the doctor's office. As he's signing in, the registration nurse asks him about the interesting birthmark on his forehead. He replies "That's not a birthmark, that's my belly button. What do you think of my tie?"
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Old 02-09-09, 08:24 AM   #19
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Favorites I tell about myself:

Round is a shape, therefor I am in shape.

I have the law of Inertia on my side.

A co-worker and I claim to be the "fat kids" in the department; he is the Micheline man, and I'm the Pillsbury Doughboy. Things often heard between us:
"Bib, its Doughboy. Want to get some coffee?"
and my favorite, yelled across 4 lanes of traffic and a parking lot "Hey Doughboy, wait up!"

D
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Old 02-09-09, 11:39 AM   #20
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My sis-in-law: "petflunky, you have a dicky-do"
Me:"A what?"
Her: " A dicky-do! Your belly sticks out further than your dicky-do!"
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Old 02-09-09, 11:40 AM   #21
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It never occurred to ask her why she was observing my ah, dicky-do.
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Old 02-09-09, 12:19 PM   #22
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I am the type to poke fun at myself all of the time . . .

I am the type to poke fun at myself all of the time due to my weight. After riding my first charity ride (MS150) back in 2006, I came up with some awards and achievements for myself after the two-day, 150 mile event. These do not compare to the jokes, but here it goes anyway.

Achievements and Awards won by me at the 2006 Charity Event:

Voted “Rider Most Likely to Have to Pedal Really, Really, Really Hard and That is Just to Go Down Hill”

Voted “Rider Most Likely to Have to Stop and Rest at the Halfway Point While Pedaling Over a Speed Bump”

Winner of the "Hey, where did his seat go?" Contest

1st Place in the “Dumb Enough to Attempt to Walk Down Stairs after Riding a Bike for 86 miles” Competition

Only rider where lights started flashing and bells starting ringing when approaching railroad crossings

Only rider referred to as "Peleton" when riding alone

“2006 Favorite Rider” Due to Providing the Most Shade for the Other Riders

Award for Riding a Bike at the Slowest Possible Speed Without Falling Over

Only rider to get so hot that it increased global warming for 8 hours on Saturday and 6 hours on Sunday

Only Rider to Inhale and Exhale So Deeply That it Almost Blew Out the Sun

Only Rider to Inhale and Exhale So Deeply That it Altered the 5 day weather forecast

Winner of the "Couldn't ride a wheelie if he wanted to" contest

Nicknames: LIFO (Last In First Out), Low-Rider, Tsunami, Slug, Ocean Freight, Granny Gear

Only rider to need stirrups to get on his bike

Only rider to be accused of walking while standing to pedal his bike

Only rider to be mistaken as "the last big hill to climb"

2nd Place in the MS150 Mascot contest (Booooo). The judges told me afterwards that I would have won
if the event was called the MS250 (Pounds)

Rider who most needed a 2-seated bike with the seats side-by-side

Winner of the "MS150 Blimp look-a-like" contest

Only rider whose bike looks like a unicycle before he gets on, but looks like a two wheeler after he gets on

Received the “Rider Who was Passed by the Most Cyclists” Award

Had the Honor of Wearing the Inaugural MS150 “Wide Load” Bike Jersey

Only Rider to Inhale and Exhale So Deeply that he got both of his lung's tangled up in the spokes of the front wheel

Only rider who wished that port-a-johns came in a double wide version

Only rider to cause the photographer to swich to his panoramic lens for pictures

Only rider that did not have to use his brakes

Only rider to not see his bike the whole ride
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Old 02-09-09, 12:19 PM   #23
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Quote:
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My sis-in-law: "petflunky, you have a dicky-do"
Me:"A what?"
Her: " A dicky-do! Your belly sticks out further than your dicky-do!"
Is that like Dunlop's Disorder?
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Old 02-09-09, 12:23 PM   #24
petflunky
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It's similar, yes.
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Old 02-09-09, 02:55 PM   #25
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Another favorite: They suffer from a chronic case of "furniture disease".
Their chest sages into their drawers.

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