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Clydesdales/Athenas (200+ lb / 91+ kg) Looking to lose that spare tire? Ideal weight 200+? Frustrated being a large cyclist in a sport geared for the ultra-light? Learn about the bikes and parts that can take the abuse of a heavier cyclist, how to keep your body going while losing the weight, and get support from others who've been successful.

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Old 07-27-09, 12:46 PM   #1
Rollerdave
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Still here, still riding...

I'm not gone again, I got my Hardrock, and am riding it.

I'm just dealing with what looks like the end of my ten year relationship and am not posting much.

What would I say anyway? It's unspeakable.

RD
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Old 07-27-09, 02:07 PM   #2
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Dave

Transitions definitely SUCK!
The hardest part is just getting through them.
I'm glad that you seem to be bearing up under the pressure.
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Old 07-27-09, 02:09 PM   #3
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Dave

Transitions definitely SUCK!
The hardest part is just getting through them.
I'm glad that you seem to be bearing up under the pressure.
I read this and was like cool, he is a triathlete, then I read the first post Anyway, during times like these just keep doing the things that make you happy, especially riding your bike.
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Old 07-27-09, 03:05 PM   #4
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Sorry about the break up. That realy sucks. Bike therapy should help. Hang in there bro.
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Old 07-27-09, 03:45 PM   #5
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Hang in there, RD. My wife of five years walked out in January of this year, so I have some idea of what you're going through. I was pretty depressed for about six weeks, but eventually it clicked inside me (and this may still seem far off for you) that life was too short to waste any more of it by moping around and feeling sorry for myself. In all honesty, cycling did help me pull through--getting on that bike and riding put me in another place mentally, and I could just ride and ride and leave all the real-life stuff behind for a while (except for the angry days when each pedal stroke said "b****, b****, b****, b****, ..."). I still had to fake my smile for a while, but eventually that smile came naturally. Now, in hindsight, I can identify all the happy moments I've had since January that I would have missed had I stayed on that downward spiral.

Roll on, RD.
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Old 07-27-09, 03:59 PM   #6
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Thanks all!

I will definitely roll on, I AM "Roller" dave.

Its just that we are in a very uncertain phase right now, I mean if I knew what she was going to do, I could brace myself for it, but I don't think even SHE knows so it is this awful cycle of giving me a little hope, dashing it, repeat.

She's off for a week on a "camping trip" with "work friends" and who knows? That may be true.

But meanwhile no contact, and that usually means something bad, and I am taking the time to consolidate my position.

I'm packing things I know I want, getting the rest ready for thrift stores or craigslist.

Not her stuff tho, She will find everything that is hers here and treated respectfully.

Hard to be focused and purposeful when she keeps me wracked with uncertainty.

Well, I'm a roller so I guess I'll roll on.

RD
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Old 07-27-09, 04:44 PM   #7
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Hang in there. Like an old friend used to say: "s**t happens, then you die".
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Old 07-27-09, 04:55 PM   #8
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Dave,
Being the eternal optimist, all I can offer is the belief that things happen and for the best.
Chin up & "roll on" Roller Dave.
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Old 07-27-09, 10:40 PM   #9
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Hang in there, RollerDave! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
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Old 07-28-09, 01:01 AM   #10
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I've decided to intentionally visualize things just as she said, her coming back with pictures of just who she said would be there, and the notebook I gave her written in just like we said.

I'm choosing to visualize her going to counseling to work out our issues just like she said.

Easier on me, because the other way was tearing me up.

there IS reason to doubt, but I just don't know so I will just let go and wait.

There are STILL a couple worst-case scenarios that could go down, and I will initially brace for impact, but I'll do my best not to show it.

Thanks all.

RD
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Old 07-28-09, 12:05 PM   #11
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Went out for a mile ride this morning. It was nice just to settle into a cadence and think 'n pray.

I'm at another new low today, 378.6 from a starting weight of 500lbs estimated, 489 verified.

No surgery, no fad diets, just hard work.

I'll be back,

RD
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Old 07-28-09, 12:19 PM   #12
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Keep the chin up man, there is nothing worse than hanging on someone else's indecision.

At some point she has to **** or get off the pot though, excuse my language. You have to be ready to drop the hammer if it comes to that.

Good luck, and here's hoping that the right thing happens, whatever it is.
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Old 08-03-09, 03:24 AM   #13
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OK, an update for you all.

I talked to her tonight (finally) and we decided we are definitely finished with any romantic aspect of our relationship.

Knowing where I stand is so empowering!

I lost 20lbs in two weeks, barely slept, barely ate, and now I know where I stand and where I am going.

I'd go out and ride excpet I seem to have developed a need for Prep H....

Butt, it IS getting better.

RD
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Old 08-03-09, 03:49 AM   #14
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Dave, an ending only leads to a new beginning. The day is yours to make of it what you will.Best of luck and keep us updated on the Hardrock's miles!
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Old 08-03-09, 06:31 AM   #15
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Keep those wheels turning, Rollerdave!
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Old 08-03-09, 08:56 AM   #16
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Rollerdave, you are a remarkable person to stick to the riding and to lose as much weight as you have during such rough times. It says alot about the strong person that you are. I'm not sure I would have been quite as strong. Now that you know where you stand it gives you the chance to focus on a new phase in your life. Good luck and keep on Rolling!!!
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Old 08-03-09, 12:04 PM   #17
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You're working yourself into better shape, losing lots of weight and starting a new life as a single man. I see no downside. Watch out ladies!
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Old 08-03-09, 01:07 PM   #18
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I'm not gone again, I got my Hardrock, and am riding it.

I'm just dealing with what looks like the end of my ten year relationship and am not posting much.

What would I say anyway? It's unspeakable.

RD
Having done through a few "transitions" myself, including the end of a 10 year marriage, I can say it always looks bleak during the moment but after the dust settles and the resignation sets in that life is too short, it's time to move on, things start to look up again. I look back now and wonder what I was upset about in the first place. My life is so much better now; it wasn't particularly happy then but it took time to realize that.

Thank goodness you have a bike and can ride. It's one of the best stress relievers out there! Think bout joining a cycling club or meeting people to ride. I did so by hanging out where other cyclists congregate.

One word of advice: Don't think to yourself "well we can be friends". No really it doesn't work that way. Clean break. Move on. Look to start a new life. Think of it as a start of a new adventure! Take care.
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Old 08-03-09, 07:44 PM   #19
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Well, the only direction I know is forward.

I think the need for prep H is subsided enough I'll get back out on RoadHazard tonight.

Last night... oh boy was it something!

Even if WE are both being adult about it, her mom and sister are most assuredly NOT.

They've hated me intestinally for some time. Once she went to live there, they were barely able to conceal their glee and I find it a bit unseemly.

Her mom, we'll call her Red Queen, seems CONVINCED that i am very dangerous (ok, keep the muttering down, i know...)

So I go over there to talk and make sure where i stand, and Red Queen is shining floodlights on my truck from the porch, eavesdropping, basically being a total jerk. We drive off, because we have a lot to figure out and then the calls and texts begin flooding in.

"Is he going to bring you back alive???" "Do you want me to call the cop???" (as if there is but one, gads..)

So I drive back and park in front of the house again hoping it will make her leave us alone and then the sister drives up with like six to eight big guys...

They are milling about in the floodlit yard and its like midnight!

Finally the sister, We'll call her Jezebel, approaches the truck with one of the braver fellows and asks if Becky is alright. All I could do is shake my head at such stupidity. These morons really do not know me at all. idiots.

Beck says she's fine and the fellow actually has the nerve to say to me "I think you need to wrap this up, this is not the way to be having this discussion, in a truck at midnight"

I told him "I think you need to mind your own damned business, and who the hell are YOU to be telling ME how or where to be conducting ANY conversation, I think you need to STEP OFF!"

Jezebel says "Mom is really freaking out"

I reply, "Oh, and I haven't been freaking out for like a WEEK?!?!"

"That's not my problem, you are really creeping everybody out" she nasally drones at me.

"Well it sure the hell isn't MY problem, I am beyond caring what you and your mother think or want, We are sitting here in an unlocked truck with open windows having a civil discussion, if she wanted to get out, she could. Now why don't you run along now and have your mom open the garage, I am getting all my tools"

They go to relay the message to the Red Queen, and I say to Beck, "If you don't mind, even though we are about done i would like to just talk about 15 minutes more, I can't be having them thinking they have run me off"

She looks at me and says, "yeah, we gotta. See? it's much better that you never have to deal with these people again."

I agree, and ask if she is aware i am unarmed, she replies "yeah, i know you. I know you are." We chitchat a bit more, I give her a hug and some comfort, tell her it's ok and we'll both be fine, then she says "Its time, lets back up into the drive"

So I start the truck, ROFL you should have seen em! They must have thought I was gonna run off with her!

What am I? Some kind of Svengali? Geesh.

They were scurrying this way and that, plainly at a loss as to how to actually stop an Apostatruck once it's in motion. Clue: you can't.

So the truck backs into the drive, the garage door goes up, and my shoes hit the pavement.

The crowd of guys was trying to be intimidating, but the all knew that the first to touch me would not survive to reminisce with the survivors even if I went down.

Nobody wants to be the first to get smacked down. Or shot dead... They had no idea I valued their lives enough to leave it at home. No death sentence for being young, stupid, or being told a bunch of crap about me by lying liars Red Queen and Jezebel. Not on my watch at least.

I was actually kind of flattered that these guys in their 20's were so patently terrified of just me!

I took pity on them, they wanted to be "helpful" to Red Queen and Jezebel, so I put em to work and made em dig all my my tools and ladders out of the darkened garage and load 'em in my truck.

They seemed much more at ease following clear orders.

Then the rain came down, I gave Beck a hug, turned my back, and trucked up.

I was on top of the world all the way home!

She was over this afternoon to get some clothes and things and I could see her eyes were different. There is a light in them again, and she smiles with them again.

I had forgotten how her eyes would light up a room, and if I have had any part in extinguishing that, I would rather let her go so it can shine again.

It was so natural between us again, just talking. i don't ever want to lose that again, and if we hadn't broke up or if we tried to get back together, we would both just turn into the same defensive bickering people we came to despise in each other and in ourselves.

I know this sounds like creamed corn, but i feel like I'm not so much losing a love as regaining a friend, and thank God for that!

I can handle the changes, I can handle the future, what I would hate to lose is the past I have with her, and if we got all ugly about it, the reality of it all would be in doubt.

We loved, it was real, we fell out of love, we move on.

Much better than none of it ever being real IMO.

YMMV.

RD
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Old 08-03-09, 08:10 PM   #20
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Well, the only direction I know is forward.

I think the need for prep H is subsided enough I'll get back out on RoadHazard tonight.

Last night... oh boy was it something!

Even if WE are both being adult about it, her mom and sister are most assuredly NOT.
Well, I hate to see a relationship head south, but, maybe it's time to move on. Sometimes the in-laws become the out-laws (marriage or no marriage). Expect to go through a mourning period, and a grief period. Maybe talk to someone, if you have any religious connections, that can be an excellent way to find someone to talk to.

Once that is dealt with, time to lose that extra 25 or 50lbs that you been wanting to, and see if you can find someone else, preferably someone who likes to ride
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Old 08-03-09, 08:42 PM   #21
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TY wogsterca,

yeah, I have been working with the pastoral staff at my church (Rockpoint Church, Lake Elmo, Mn) and they have helped me immensely, and put me in touch with some qualified therapists, i go in tomorrow for my first appt.

Hmmm, a new gal who likes to ride....

I hadn't considered that, what kind of new gal would I want?

Likes to ride, yeah... Artistic, likes to read books, work with her hands, explore knowledge and concepts...

We could cook healthy gourmet meals, discuss things, go for a ride, watch a movie...

She would have to be a Christian, and dislike some of the same things as me so my fragile male ego is not unduly threatened, lol.

I'll have to start a thread over on my other forum and see if I can't get my exes to come in and write me letters of recommendation!

Probably harder than making a bunch of big guys who are there to intimidate me load my truck.

RD
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Old 08-03-09, 08:42 PM   #22
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Dave, sorry to hear it is over, but now you can form some kind of new life. Keep on rollin RD
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Old 08-03-09, 09:22 PM   #23
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Dave, I learned through a similar situation that time will not stop. It hurts and emotions are so powerful they can break us, but then you find something inside of you that gets you through it, you are going through a really hard time and if you want to vent just PM me and I will send you my number. Good Luck buddy, and keep that Hardrock rollin'-James
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Old 08-05-09, 05:35 PM   #24
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I can't say this is the most fun I've had in life, but one has to notice that even as she was taking drastic steps towards the destruction of our relationship and moving on in a new direction...

She still made sure the money from our savings went to get me that bike, and still said how proud she is of my progress.

Well then, i MUST be doing good, I just gotta keep it up.

As it stands, there is NO POSSIBILITY of us getting back together, and I actually find comfort in the certainty. The mist has lifted, I can see my goal. It's kind of sad that it doesn't include her, but them's the breaks and it's HER loss, not mine. I'll find someone who is not materialistic, and who knows the meaning of monogamy.

As soon as we close on the sale of our house and I am sure everything of hers is out of here, I am heading up to Michigan for a little vacation and to scope the place out.

I'll start a new thread for suggestions where to ride and who to meet once I know a little more.
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Old 08-05-09, 07:48 PM   #25
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I am not sure how old you are, not that it really matters anyway, but it is very refreshing to see individuals who are so mature about the separation. It is so sad in a lot of ways, but you are so positive and that is a sure sign you will keep moving forward.
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