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  1. #1
    Neil_B
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    The Further Adventures of Doug

    (Back in the snake den, Doug the Diamond Back Anacondasin Mamba is talking.... and talking.... and talking.... He corners another snake and stops him when he tries to slither away.)

    "So wait till I tell you what happened!"

    "Gee Doug, the wife was expecting me to bring home dinner, and I need to get a mouse quick."

    "Wait, this'll just take a minute. I was in vacation in Pennsyltucky-"

    "How did you get up there?"

    "I flew."

    "Sure, you sprouted wings."

    "No, I flew in an airplane."

    "Oh come on, tell me another one."

    "It's true. Haven't you heard that snakes can be on planes? Well anyway, I was vacationing in a place called the Pine Creek Gorge. It's got lots of nice rocks and flat, level gravel that we can sun ourselves on. So I was resting there, soaking up some rays, conditioning the new skin - I'd shed the old coat, and all of a sudden I feel some water land on me. I looked up to see if it was raining and I saw one of those strange big creatures on two wheels squirting water at me from his water bottle."

    "So what did you do?"

    "I showed him who was boss. I reared up and shook my rattle at him."

    "And what did he do?"

    "Well, I'd hoped he'd drop the water bottle and run away, but he didn't. He took out a camera and took photos of me. I was flattered of course, but I realized he may have had more water, so I slithered away. I kept shaking my rattle so he knew I was taking it easy on him. "

    "You were lucky. Those two-wheeled creatures are dangerous."

    "Yeah. We need to get them outlawed. You should contact all your relatives who are lawyers or work for the government."

  2. #2
    Senior Member Jtgyk's Avatar
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    I was wondering when Doug would show up again.
    Good thing you didn't throw your face at him.....he's pretty brutal.
    I knew the "water squirt" worked on dogs.......but snakes?
    (stroking his beard) hmmmm.
    Hey, I'm just this GUY...you know?
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  3. #3
    Tilting with windmills txvintage's Avatar
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    Careful, the consequences of Doug encounters can take days to show themselves. Heck, sometimes it can affect people who were not even there.

  4. #4
    Tilting with windmills txvintage's Avatar
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    Ya know, I'm thinking Doug would make a nice pair of boots.

  5. #5
    Subjectively Insane MilitantPotato's Avatar
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    Love reading these.

    I think I found the picture the two wheeled creature took.
    Attached Images Attached Images

  6. #6
    Senior Member ArtO's Avatar
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    This is pretty funny.
    Art

  7. #7
    Downtown Spanky Brown bautieri's Avatar
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  8. #8
    Neil_B
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    Here's Doug:



    It looks like he'd just shed his skin, which explains why he's so dark in color.

  9. #9
    Tilting with windmills txvintage's Avatar
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    I don't think that is Doug. It looks more like Doug's second cousin, who has a shady past. He probably had to use a different name because he's not supposed to leave the state without letting his probation officer know first.

    Seriously, I was not aware there were Rattlesnakes in Pennsylvania. The only thing I would spray at him would come from the business end of my Mossberg 500 combat shotgun.

  10. #10
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by txvintage View Post
    I don't think that is Doug. It looks more like Doug's second cousin, who has a shady past. He probably had to use a different name because he's not supposed to leave the state without letting his probation officer know first.

    Seriously, I was not aware there were Rattlesnakes in Pennsylvania. The only thing I would spray at him would come from the business end of my Mossberg 500 combat shotgun.
    http://www.dcnr.state.pa.us/FORESTRY...tlesnakes.aspx

    "Pennsylvania Department of Conservation and Natural Resources (DCNR) Bureau of Forestry's 2.1 million acres of State Forest lands provide the largest blocks of timber rattlesnake range remaining in the Northeastern states. .... The presence of timber rattlesnakes is one of the components that gives a wild flavor to State Forest land. The largest populations of timber rattlesnakes occur in the remote, heavily forested regions of Pennsylvania. "

  11. #11
    Tilting with windmills txvintage's Avatar
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  12. #12
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by txvintage View Post
    That's mean!

  13. #13
    Tilting with windmills txvintage's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Historian View Post
    That's mean!
    .........and they taste like chicken.

  14. #14
    Real Human Being wild animals's Avatar
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    Hahaha, they give it a "wild flavor."
    Go until you stop, then take a break.

  15. #15
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    Did you ever eat rattlesnake they say it tastes like chicken. ECB1

  16. #16
    Downtown Spanky Brown bautieri's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ECB1 View Post
    Did you ever eat rattlesnake they say it tastes like chicken. ECB1
    I have and honestly I didn't think it tasted like chicken. The taste was very mild, I thought it tasted more like a white fish than chicken. Bones are pretty similar to fish as well.

    Meh. So if everything tastes like chicken then what on earth does chicken taste like?

  17. #17
    Tilting with windmills txvintage's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bautieri View Post
    I have and honestly I didn't think it tasted like chicken. The taste was very mild, I thought it tasted more like a white fish than chicken. Bones are pretty similar to fish as well.

    Meh. So if everything tastes like chicken then what on earth does chicken taste like?
    Well, chiken tastes like chicken too, but who wants a pair of boots made out of chicken skin?

  18. #18
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by txvintage View Post
    Well, chicken tastes like chicken too, but who wants a pair of boots made out of chicken skin?
    That's horrible. Doug is a nice snake.

  19. #19
    Mystery Meat gitarzan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by txvintage View Post
    Well, chiken tastes like chicken too, but who wants a pair of boots made out of chicken skin?
    Think of them as little ostriches.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jseis View Post
    Is a ukulele player in a mandolin town and banned from all bars by the chief of police unless he leaves his strings and gravy at the front door.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Jtgyk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by txvintage View Post
    Well, chiken tastes like chicken too, but who wants a pair of boots made out of chicken skin?
    Of course, you know, Chicken is the new Ostrich.
    Hey, I'm just this GUY...you know?
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  21. #21
    foolishly delirious RatedZeroHero's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jtgyk View Post
    Of course, you know, Chicken is the new Ostrich.

    and the crowd goes wild!!!

    txvintage that done looks like Texas style justice done to them there snakes...

    Doug had a nice color he woud make a great pair of boots! perhaps a belt...

  22. #22
    Tilting with windmills txvintage's Avatar
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    Doug currently has a tactical advantage with my new found slow motion movement. I get anywhere near Dour right now and I'll be so cleaned out of water bottles I'll need a bail out all of my own.

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