I know I should just let this roll off my back, but I'm feeling fat and stupid today.
On the way home I was pedaling slowly up an 8% grade when a few kids open the windows of their school bus and started hollering:
"just get off and walk, you can't make it!"
"you're so fat that bike is gonna break!"
"surprised you're not dead yet!"
at first I didn't react at all, and actually passed the bus later as it got stuck in traffic. but the rest of the way home I felt about two feet tall as I realized I'm in a real rut.
you would think that someone who rides 25-30 miles per day would be in great shape. and I'm certainly more fit than I was when I started, but I'm not much less fat. I lost 40# early on but have flatlined for the past year and even gained some back - this despite having clocked 5,000 miles. I'm sure people think "why is he still so fat if he rides so much?" one person actually asked me that question point-blank.
so this evening I had two different thoughts. one was that I'm just going to starve myself and drop the weight and SHOW THEM that I'm better than that. the other was that feeling of hopelessness that I'm stuck in a rut and can't get out.
you can guess which of those prevailed this evening as I consumed a few thousand sorry-for-myself calories.
tomorrow is, as they say, a new day but sometimes I wonder why I even bother commuting anymore. biking makes me really hungry, so I wonder whether I should take a break and go on a diet. if I lost 50-80# I would be much, much faster and enjoy the sport even more. and people wouldn't be playing the "fat card" so to speak.
enough babbling ... any suggestions on positively channeling embarrassment are most welcome