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  1. #1
    spookeaymarine.info Spookeay Bird's Avatar
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    Need advice with my husband.

    I am trying to get my husband into cycling. He's been as much as 500+ and now is about 380 to 450. I'm not sure. Also he's just turned 50. I'm trying to get him into cycling. I have built a bike I am sure will hold him but am having trouble getting him to give it a try. He keeps coming up with excuses as to why he can't start. He cant get his leg over the bar, he's afraid it will hurt his knees or he may destroy the bike. It's to the point I have just backed off about it. AM I the problem pushing the issue to hard or is there another reason he may be afraid of it that I don't understand?
    Any ideas or inspiration I can give him would be nice.

    Thanks, The Bird.
    Last edited by Spookeay Bird; 11-20-11 at 01:40 PM.

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  2. #2
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    Ultimately, he has to want it.

    Show him mour before and after thread, in particular, my pic set at the first post. <Maybe that'll help.
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

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  3. #3
    Senior Member rdtompki's Avatar
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    You're trying to do a very good thing encouraging your husband to exercise It sounds like he has already dropped considerable weight and I'm sure this has involved considerable support on your part. If his weight loss is ongoing you could hold off until he hits a weight that he feels might be more cycling compatible. Alternatively, if you're in a cycling club are there any Clyde men in the club who could stop by and give your husband encouragement?

    I'm sure you'll get several thoughtful responses from Clydes who can weigh in with their tips on how to help hubby overcome his reluctance. Also, let the readers know how long it's been since your husband has been on a bicycle.
    Rick T
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  4. #4
    spookeaymarine.info Spookeay Bird's Avatar
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    Thanks.. He was a teen last time he was on a bike. From what I understand his last bike was a Schwinn 10-SpD that had the seat post that was bent near the BB and went around the wheel like a moden Tri bike. He was ridiculed by the other kids that he had bent the bike from his weight. When he tried to explane it was made that way they just chided him more. I think this may be part of his fear. As for Weight loss He's up and down. When we got married he had gotten down to about 270 but has gone way back up. I have tried to show him some of the before and after photos here but he became defensive and said that he's working on getting his weight down his own way. Ok, but I think riding would help. I think it would be great for us to ride and I know to start him out slow. I am thinking 200 yards up the road and back the first few weeks to start... I am flexible and have his best at heart. We live in a rural area so I don't think the spectical on 2 wheels is the problem. Also I understand "He" has to want this. I was just looking for some ideas on what got you all to try the bike over other forms of workout. It feels to be his fear is not to exercise but it's the bike. But I could be wrong and maybe just don't understand something about him that he's not letting me in on in this subject.

    In order by year
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  5. #5
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    I would show him the before and after pics here. When I wanted to start riding, I did that and it really motivated me. I hooked up with a rider who started riding at 480 pounds and now he is 288. Its amazing.

    But I will tell you this.... too much pushing is can, sometimes, not be the best way to motivate. Men, like women, are complex and too much pushing can push the person away even more.

  6. #6
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    I love riding my bike more so then being at the gym. One reason is that I am outdoors. I can go anywhere and have fun doing it. Great for my legs and great for seeing the sites and being outdoors. He will be hooked once he starts.

    I still go to the gym... cant replace it but I love riding more then the gym.

  7. #7
    Senior Member phlydude's Avatar
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    How is his relationship with his primary doctor? Does he go? If not, will he go FOR you?

    If your doctor is a good one, he will encourage your hubby to lose weight...perhaps you can meet with the doc 1st and suggest some things for the doc to push?

    Ultimately, it is his decision to follow through but if you can have the discussion with him to try to get healthier for BOTH of you, then perhaps he will be willing to try harder.

    As far as biking is concerned, it has to be something he is willing to try on his own - forcing a stubborn person to try something that they don't want to do can only make it so that they want it less the more you push (living with a stubborn as a bull wife has taught me this one thing, if anything)
    ~Dennis
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  8. #8
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    phly: wow.... sounds like your wife and my wife might get along. That would be great and then we both could get passes to go out and ride!

  9. #9
    You gonna eat that? Doohickie's Avatar
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    Set up a bike date... maybe park at one end of a park and have a bite to eat or some other activity scoped out at the other end. Point out that besides the health benefit you are trying to provide to him, you also want to spend time with him, and since you enjoy cycling you'd like to share that with him. It worked with my wife... kind of.... although she is no Athena. (She does have some other health issues though.)
    I stop for people / whose right of way I honor / but not for no one.



    Originally Posted by bragi "However, it's never a good idea to overgeneralize."

  10. #10
    Uber Goober StephenH's Avatar
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    Well, if we could nag each other into fitness, we'd all be perfect specimens.

    The problem is that you can encourage someone, but ultimately, you can't make them do something they don't care about doing. Even if someone WANTS to lose weight and be more fit, it is very difficult for them to do it, and if they don't especially care, it's just about impossible for somebody else to bring about a change in their lives.

    To actually lose weight bicycling, you have to keep at it pretty religiously, you have to ride when the weather is unpleasant, when it's dark, or whatever it takes. If you have a negative attitude, you can ALWAYS find reasons not to exercise (it's too dark, too cold, too windy, too hilly, too hot, you're too busy, too tired, and on and on). To do any good, you have to put those aside and just go do it anyway. Ultimately, a bicycle is a labor-saving implement (easier than walking the same distance) and to accomplish anything, you need to work at it, not just coast around and kick the pedals now and again. For maximum effect, you need to be watching what you eat, and if you tootle around the block every now and then, and then eat an extra PB&J when you're done, you won't lose an ounce.

    In my case, I have really really enjoyed cycing, and my wife has no interest in that or in much of anything else I do. The bright side is that I do get to ride with a number of other men and women around my age in the local club, and I really enjoy that. I made up my mind a long time ago that I was going to enjoy life, and if she wanted to sit around the house, that was her problem.
    "be careful this rando stuff is addictive and dan's the 'pusher'."

  11. #11
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spookeay Bird View Post
    Thanks.. He was a teen last time he was on a bike. From what I understand his last bike was a Schwinn 10-SpD that had the seat post that was bent near the BB and went around the wheel like a moden Tri bike. He was ridiculed by the other kids that he had bent the bike from his weight. When he tried to explane it was made that way they just chided him more. I think this may be part of his fear. As for Weight loss He's up and down. When we got married he had gotten down to about 270 but has gone way back up. I have tried to show him some of the before and after photos here but he became defensive and said that he's working on getting his weight down his own way. Ok, but I think riding would help. I think it would be great for us to ride and I know to start him out slow. I am thinking 200 yards up the road and back the first few weeks to start... I am flexible and have his best at heart. We live in a rural area so I don't think the spectical on 2 wheels is the problem. Also I understand "He" has to want this. I was just looking for some ideas on what got you all to try the bike over other forms of workout. It feels to be his fear is not to exercise but it's the bike. But I could be wrong and maybe just don't understand something about him that he's not letting me in on in this subject.
    Tom Stormcrowe nailed it. Perhaps he doesn't want to ride? Or, perhaps he doesn't want to lose weight?

    A person who is so massively obese in most cases didn't get that way because they drink one beer too many or a second helping. There is something in his head, in my opinion, that caused him to wall himself away in fat. He's the only one who can work to get whatever it is out. You can only help him; you can't do it for him.

    Your husband sounds a lot like me five years ago, when I was 400 pounds and living in denial. It took a hospital trip and a night in the cardiac ward to cause me to make a change. Decades of people telling me I should didn't do a darn thing but deepen my denial and sense of victimhood. I hope your husband makes a change without the sort of scare I had.

    BTW, if he wants to chat, he can send me a PM.

  12. #12
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    Bird,

    He will have to want to lose the weight.

    Like several here have and this man.

    http://www.bicycling.com/training-nu...ds-riding-bike
    Old steel makes me squeal!

  13. #13
    Senior Member goldfinch's Avatar
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    So, he doesn't want to bike. Is there something active that he enjoys that you could do together without making a big deal out of it?

  14. #14
    Senior Member Mithrandir's Avatar
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    I have to agree with everyone so far. You can't make someone want to bike. Hell, last summer, I wanted to bike but refused to do it for fear of looking ridiculous. In the end, it's up to him to figure it out.

  15. #15
    Senior Member david58's Avatar
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    It was a couple of college kids that got me going again. That, and my wife and I were volunteers (thanks to the college kids) at a local sprint triathlon. When we saw the very heavy folk giving it a go, we realized that we, too, could do that. Helps that we used to ride (almost 25 years ago), and really, really enjoy riding together. Your husband has to want it - what got me going was the cyclocross racing looked fun to me (the Portland Cross Crusade is, well, unique), and I was sick of myself.
    2011 BMC SR02; 2010 Fuji Cross Comp; n+1 on hold today, due to college tuition and a wedding. Some day, some where, over the rainbow, I will get that 29er....

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    You mentioned that he had an experience "collapsing" a bike due to his weight when he was a teen. That's got to have been embarassing and could definitely be behind the curent heistancy.

    Here's a possibility - what about a trike/quad? Except for something like a Worksman, a TerraTrike Rover/Rambler has a higher weight limit then most bikes. Stable under most conditions - zero balance issues at low-medium speeds. Potentially easier on the knees. . Rider is able to rest whenever, wherever one wants literally without getting off the trike/quad. Ability to carry snacks, water, whatever is "easier" than on a bike (for some people).

    Just a thought.
    Last edited by drmweaver2; 11-21-11 at 02:04 AM.

  17. #17
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    the artical Arva posted is outstanding!

  18. #18
    Lover of Old Chrome Moly Myosmith's Avatar
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    First: You are definately not the problem. You are concerned for your husband's health and happiness and are trying to introduce him to something that would probably benefit him greatly. Whether he ever rides or not, do not blame yourself. We have limited ability to motivate others. You can stoke the flame but you can't light the fire. The primary motivation must come from within him.

    See if you can get your husband to go in for an annual physical to make sure there is not medical reason he shouldn't ride. If he checks out OK, then maybe something less threatening, like going for a daily walk, would be a way to get things rolling (no pun intended). When you get him on a bicycle, take short pleasurable trips and don't overdo it. Don't focus on weight loss, focus on being active and feeling better as well as the enjoyment of doing things together.

    Good Luck

  19. #19
    Godbotherer dwellman's Avatar
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    I read a stat couple years ago that most men begin exercise because their wives start to. Operative word: most. The other caveat: for a lot of people: weight loss gets harder, not easier, as the weight loss progresses. That's a huge psychological barrier to do more work and see less results.

    Alternatively: men only fitness group. My "new" church has one. I've not been, but I understand it's quite popular, among the men AND the women (for some reason or other).
    "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize"
    "So I do not run like someone who doesn't run toward the finish line. I do not fight like a boxer who hits nothing but air."
    "And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."
    "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

  20. #20
    Senior Member marmot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StephenH View Post
    ...To actually lose weight bicycling, you have to keep at it pretty religiously, you have to ride when the weather is unpleasant, when it's dark, or whatever it takes...
    Very true. I can't imagine biking hard enough to lose weight without making any other changes in diet or lifestyle.
    On the other hand, cycling -- even on a fairly casual level -- can supercharge your dietary changes by boosting your calorie deficit substantially. I lost 70 pounds over a year and a half -- an easy and very sustainable one pound a week -- without any special diet, just portion control and boosting the good stuff and reducing the bad. More salad, less meat; more veggie sticks, fewer chips; more fruit, less ice cream. That alone would have been enough to take some weight off, but you can speed things up and greatly enhance your overall wellbeing by adding in some exercise. If it's something fun, like riding a bike, you're more likely to stick to it. And the more you do it, the more enjoyable it gets.

  21. #21
    invisible friend seenoweevil's Avatar
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    I have a friend that is quite overweight and in bad health and he is seemingly paralyzed from doing anything to start losing weight. He has 10,000 excuses for NOT swinging his leg over the saddle and just riding....or he did. I just kept inviting him to go for rides and whenever he started in commenting on my fitness and how well I've been doing, I'd mention it starts slow and easy, but you do have to START! He rode once last year with me. Now this year, he has slowly started to ride short distances. Last month he rode a "cruiser bike " local organized ride around town with me(6 miles). Last week we rode 10 miles, slow and easy. Now he is finally coming around and looking for reasons TO ride instead of not to. But it has taken a LONG time to get him to come around.
    Now, that said, I've done the same thing with my wife - inviting her to go around the neighborhood with me. She does occasionally, but she is just not into cycling(I know, shock!), and I think she just does it to spend a little time with me mostly...but I'm still working on that too!
    Ha!
    Last edited by seenoweevil; 11-21-11 at 12:11 PM. Reason: spelling
    Faster than a sundial.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Seattle Forrest's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spookeay Bird View Post
    Also I understand "He" has to want this.
    As his wife, you can make him want it. You're not allowed to pull the trump card very often ... but this sounds like it might be an appropriate time.

    This would probably start with "It's very important to me that ..." going into his health, knowing that he's been doing a good job of losing weight but also struggling to make it happen, how bikes help with that, and wrapping up with your love for the bike, and how much you would enjoy riding with him. And your bike knowledge (plus the fact that you'll be there for/with him) should help with any fears he has about wrecking the thing.
    Don't believe everything you think.

  23. #23
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    I would suggest that you cease pushing him to start riding. Rather, I suggest you focus on your concern for his health (and the potential consequences) and simply encourage him to increase his activity in whatever way he thinks he can enjoy. For instance, it could be as simple as the two of you going for afternoon/evening walks.

    Given time, if he sees that YOU enjoy cycling, he may decide to try it again. Particularly as whatever activity he settles on improves his fitness and he starts to experience the positives associated with that. Even then, he may never like the idea of riding a bike, don't let that narrow focus keep you from encouraging him on the real concern--his health.

  24. #24
    Humvee of bikes =Worksman Nightshade's Avatar
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    "AM I the problem pushing the issue to hard or is there another reason he may be afraid of it that I don't understand? "


    Yes, in a way you are a problem since you are TO close to hubby. Get friends involved to help him want to ride for the fun of it.

    Like it's said......nobody does anything they don't want to. The trick is making them want to!!
    My preferred bicycle brand is.......WORKSMAN CYCLES
    I dislike clipless pedals on any city bike since I feel they are unsafe.

    Originally Posted by krazygluon
    Steel: nearly a thousand years of metallurgical development
    Aluminum: barely a hundred, which one would you rather have under your butt at 30mph?

  25. #25
    Senior Member squirtdad's Avatar
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    What type of bike did you build for him? You bikes look nice and odds are you might have built him a bike the way you would build one for yourself.

    this may be way off base, but maybe if you find an older steel mountain bike and build it up (not a lot of build...but put smooth tires and bar ends on)you could put the message this way just to get him on the bike and then hope that bike magic takes plaes

    Dear I would love to share my love of bikes with you, and also get the side benefit of health.

    I hear your concerns so this bike is special to deal with them
    It strong as it is steel and based on a mtn. bike so don't worry about it....yo won't break it
    The bar is lower than a road bike so no problem with getting a leg over
    Bikes have gears to make it easy on knees, we are leaving your bike in the easiest/lowest gear to start
    we are going to ride just around the block to day or we can go some where no one is around (parking lot?) so you can get back in the saddle with out people watching

    this might work..... but some peope just don't like bikes as much as we do and I think we can have blinders to that. Case in point, even with a cool hip cruiser....my wife is just not into riding
    Here is a bike that is solid
    '82 Nishiski commuter/utility
    '83 Torpado Super Strada ... cafe commuter
    '89 Miyata 1400
    Soma rush Fixie
    '78 Univega gran turismo (son's Fixie/SS)
    06 Haro x3 (son's bmx)
    Electra cruiser (wife's bike)

    looking for: De Rosa 58cm ELOS frame and fork internal cable routing

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