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  1. #1
    Fat Guy Rolling dcrowell's Avatar
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    Have I given up?

    I'm sitting at a pizza place nursing a beer pondering a few things.

    Have I given up weight loss?
    Am I happy with where I'm at in life?
    What is a good trade-off between making my weight goal and enjoying life?

    I don't have the answers yet.

    I had a appointment this morning with a new family doctor. We talked about my eating and drinking, my bicycling, weight loss goals, and my neck issue, living car-free, and trade-offs. He's a great doctor who may push me in the right direction.

    I have a new relationship that is (mostly) built upon eating and drinking. I'm probably going to have surgery on my neck this year. My bike miles are way down, and my weight is up.

    I know *how* to lose weight, but it's hard to stick to the plan. I'm busy living. My social life and love life revolve around food. I have an unhealthy relationship with food.

    I suffer depression. I "drown my sorrows" in food (and beer).

    I went on a ride after work with a friend. We talked about much of this. I cut the ride short due to neck pain. He went home, but I went out for food and beer.

    Maybe I'll just continue down this path until my neck is fixed then choose a new path. Then again, that will further ingrain this behavior.

    Sorry for the rant. This is the way my life has been for months.
    Car-Free IT Geek
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  2. #2
    Senior Member goldfinch's Avatar
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    Sounds to me like the new relationship leaves something to be desired. . .

    Take care, d.

  3. #3
    Watching and waiting. jethro56's Avatar
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    What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!

  4. #4
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    Well I don't think I've ever posted in the Clydesdale/Athenas section, but I check out the postings here often and I am a 217 pound Clydesdale which is just about 6 pounds down from my all-time heaviest weight of around 223 (I'm 47 years old).

    For me one big thing is being able to move around physically, it does seem that if you don't "use" it you lose it, meaning at some point if it becomes so uncomfortable to move around, a person is going to move as little as possible and it is going to "feed" upon itself. I suppose if one didn't have to move around to make a living and was content to never be active again perhaps they could be content being a couch potato. I couldn't really respect myself if I chose that path. I want to feel that I have some ability to deal with a physical situation, be it defending myself, running for my life, shoveling snow, riding my bike, etc.

    When I hit 208 (after having back-issues at 220 and being down to 195 for a while and being virtually pain-free) I was getting more aches and pains in my legs and lower back(mostly on my left side), stretching has helped a lot but I think losing around 15-20 lbs (from my current 217) would do me a lot of good to keep potential problems in check. Also (with out getting into details) I fear I'm flirting with diabetes at my current weight, and I don't want to go down that road. I guess the more immediate thing that bothers me about too much weight is the feeling of being less agile and mobile and feeling (and yes, looking) older because of the extra weight.

    I do understand the temptation (and have often given in to it) of living for today and not worrying about tomorrow, but if we are still around when tomorrow comes we will have to live with the consequences of our earlier decisions and I want to keep my regrets to a minimum. If weight goals lead to undeniable and arguably life-saving/extending benefits then I think they are worth having and reaching.

  5. #5
    I'm a Cyclist! Missbumble's Avatar
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    I agree that the relationship is really not ideal.....there's got to be more to life than eating and drinking.....I feel like I am all talk as my weight is standing still and I need to lose 40 lbs....however if being heavy is not where u want to be...than a relationship built on consumption...is built on what u don't want for your life and is a lie.....

    Do not give up..... Hit the gym, the bike, put down the food, come back and post and help inspire me and others to follow ur lead.


    Make it happen....
    Hopefully I will follow my own advice!

    The bee

  6. #6
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    If she's worth it, you can change the things you do together to not center around food. That's one thing my wife and I struggle with, finding a date in winter that's not dinner. It can be done though.

    Also, take small steps if you can't deal with the big ones right now. Order something different, have a beer rather than two, go on a short ride more often if the long one hurts. I have depression issues too and keeping good habits in small ways makes it easier to get back to what you need to be doing rather than giving up. Also, regular exercise=regular endorphins, probably the best anti depressant.

    For a few years I lost 20 lbs in the spring and summer and gained it back in the winter. This year I managed to keep it off by keeping the small things going, weights, ok diet etc... While I haven't had the time I need to do everything that I need to, I'm still doing what I can. In a few weeks I'll be recovered from nose surgery and some other things should be better. I'm in reasonable condition to do the heavy work needed, which I wouldn't be if I were starting from zero yet again. Hopefully I can get the last 40 off finally. Baby steps can take you a long way if you let them.

    Do what you can and it will reward you later.

  7. #7
    Neil_B
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    Hmm. Have you given up? Doesn't sound like it. Instead it sounds like you need a friend to talk to. One who will give you good, and at times strong, advice.

    It sounds like you are coming to terms with something many people who lose large amounts of weight need to learn - that losing weight doesn't mean you lose the problems that made you fat. (That group includes me, by the way.) I wish I could give a simple piece of advice on how to resolve all your troubles, but I can't. However, I'll say that you are strong enough to blaze a path through them.

    Wish I could advise you on the romantic relationship, but I'm not very successful in that area. :-(

  8. #8
    Senior Member zonatandem's Avatar
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    You need some backbone, not another excuse for more beer 'n pizza!
    The truth hurts . . .

  9. #9
    Fat Guy Rolling dcrowell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by goldfinch View Post
    Sounds to me like the new relationship leaves something to be desired. . .

    Take care, d.
    The issue is me, not the relationship. I can eat and drink what I want. She's not stuffing it down my throat. She's actually talked about making a lifestyle change. We'll see. This behavior existed before I met her.

    Quote Originally Posted by jethro56 View Post
    What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
    I giggled.

    Quote Originally Posted by mawtangent View Post
    Well I don't think I've ever posted in the Clydesdale/Athenas section, but I check out the postings here often and I am a 217 pound Clydesdale which is just about 6 pounds down from my all-time heaviest weight of around 223 (I'm 47 years old).

    For me one big thing is being able to move around physically, it does seem that if you don't "use" it you lose it, meaning at some point if it becomes so uncomfortable to move around, a person is going to move as little as possible and it is going to "feed" upon itself. I suppose if one didn't have to move around to make a living and was content to never be active again perhaps they could be content being a couch potato. I couldn't really respect myself if I chose that path. I want to feel that I have some ability to deal with a physical situation, be it defending myself, running for my life, shoveling snow, riding my bike, etc.

    When I hit 208 (after having back-issues at 220 and being down to 195 for a while and being virtually pain-free) I was getting more aches and pains in my legs and lower back(mostly on my left side), stretching has helped a lot but I think losing around 15-20 lbs (from my current 217) would do me a lot of good to keep potential problems in check. Also (with out getting into details) I fear I'm flirting with diabetes at my current weight, and I don't want to go down that road. I guess the more immediate thing that bothers me about too much weight is the feeling of being less agile and mobile and feeling (and yes, looking) older because of the extra weight.

    I do understand the temptation (and have often given in to it) of living for today and not worrying about tomorrow, but if we are still around when tomorrow comes we will have to live with the consequences of our earlier decisions and I want to keep my regrets to a minimum. If weight goals lead to undeniable and arguably life-saving/extending benefits then I think they are worth having and reaching.
    I'm far from a couch potato. I live car-free and get around by bicycle. I've done little riding other than what I have to since the end of December due to neck issues. I need surgery on my neck, but that's not excusing the eating habits. Some would say I have a "stuck intake valve".

    I KNOW I'm flirting with diabetes. It runs in the family. So far, my test results have been good, but that won't hold forever. My weight has caused no issues yet, but I know it's a matter of time...

    Quote Originally Posted by Missbumble View Post
    I agree that the relationship is really not ideal.....there's got to be more to life than eating and drinking.....I feel like I am all talk as my weight is standing still and I need to lose 40 lbs....however if being heavy is not where u want to be...than a relationship built on consumption...is built on what u don't want for your life and is a lie.....

    Do not give up..... Hit the gym, the bike, put down the food, come back and post and help inspire me and others to follow ur lead.


    Make it happen....
    Hopefully I will follow my own advice!

    The bee
    I can usually ride the 'bent pain-free. Maybe I need to take off on a long ride on that this weekend.

    Quote Originally Posted by Neil_B View Post
    Hmm. Have you given up? Doesn't sound like it. Instead it sounds like you need a friend to talk to. One who will give you good, and at times strong, advice.

    It sounds like you are coming to terms with something many people who lose large amounts of weight need to learn - that losing weight doesn't mean you lose the problems that made you fat. (That group includes me, by the way.) I wish I could give a simple piece of advice on how to resolve all your troubles, but I can't. However, I'll say that you are strong enough to blaze a path through them.

    Wish I could advise you on the romantic relationship, but I'm not very successful in that area. :-(
    My friends are often eating and drinking with me. Seriously though, I do have friends, here, in person, via email. Most of them are fat too. Some have lost weight, some never *really* tried.

    Due to discussions here, I consider you a friend, even if in a distant way.

    Quote Originally Posted by zonatandem View Post
    You need some backbone, not another excuse for more beer 'n pizza!
    The truth hurts . . .
    The truth doesn't hurt. I've been aware of it for a while. I just chosen to ignore it for the past 18 months or so. I do need another backbone. My cervical spine is shot. I want one made out of titanium please.

    I was asleep for a couple of hours and woke up and decided to check out BF. I'm glad i did. This is a nice outpouring of support, even if it's because I was sitting at a pizza place eating myself to death. This is what I like about the C&A forum.
    Car-Free IT Geek
    My blog: fatguy.org

    Bikes: Surly Big Dummy, 1980s Raleigh Record single-speed conversion, Bacchetta Agio

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by dcrowell View Post
    My friends are often eating and drinking with me. Seriously though, I do have friends, here, in person, via email. Most of them are fat too. Some have lost weight, some never *really* tried.
    I'm replying to this more for me than for you - cause I need to actually do the things I'm saying.

    Eating and drinking with friends isn't bad - it's WHAT you are eating and drinking. Order water (there is something very satisfying about a cold glass of water) and a salad. Go ahead and have ONE beer, and ONE slice, but then hunker down with the water and salad. Your friends might tease you, but if they are real friends, they with encourage you. And, one of them might eventually join you. If not, they aren't really your friends.

    And another thing - the name for your blog is all wrong. Is your self identity a "fatguy"? I'm trying to get the inner athlete to come out of the rolls of fat that I have - so my identity is an out of shape athlete.

  11. #11
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArtM View Post

    And another thing - the name for your blog is all wrong. Is your self identity a "fatguy"? I'm trying to get the inner athlete to come out of the rolls of fat that I have - so my identity is an out of shape athlete.
    Bingo. ArtM nails the problem. Or one of them, at least.

  12. #12
    Senior Member iforgotmename's Avatar
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    I'd have to agree with the identity issue...look at the name of your blog.

    The only way you will change is if YOU want to...

  13. #13
    Fat Guy Rolling dcrowell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neil_B View Post
    Bingo. ArtM nails the problem. Or one of them, at least.
    True. Self-image is a big part of it.

    I forget when, and can't seem to find it on my blog right now, but there was a time I didn't consider myself fat anymore. I wish I could find it. It would be funny if I weighed more than I do now.

    I guess the issue is you feel good when losing weight and feel bad when gaining. I've been gaining for 18 months, which means 18 months of poor self-image. I guess I need to get over that.

    I wrote a blog post early this morning (couldn't sleep) about realizing I need to change: Wake Up?
    Car-Free IT Geek
    My blog: fatguy.org

    Bikes: Surly Big Dummy, 1980s Raleigh Record single-speed conversion, Bacchetta Agio

  14. #14
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by dcrowell View Post
    True. Self-image is a big part of it.

    I forget when, and can't seem to find it on my blog right now, but there was a time I didn't consider myself fat anymore. I wish I could find it. It would be funny if I weighed more than I do now.

    I guess the issue is you feel good when losing weight and feel bad when gaining. I've been gaining for 18 months, which means 18 months of poor self-image. I guess I need to get over that.

    I wrote a blog post early this morning (couldn't sleep) about realizing I need to change: Wake Up?
    Yes, you do feel bad when gaining weight. However, it's not going backward. During the time you weighed less you experienced life as a thinner man, and you armed yourself with the tools to take action again. You need to think of yourself as a 200 pound guy who overindulged than a 300 pound guy who lost weight and is going back to his old self. That old self isn't you.

    As for the name of your blog.... well, here's a story for you. About five years ago there was a middle aged, overweight guy who had never ridden a bike. Before he bought a bike, he'd gotten shorts, jersey, and helmet. He knew he was massively insecure about about many things, including riding. He had to see himself as a cyclist, not as a fat guy on a bike. He looked in the mirror, and saw a cyclist looking back at him. And I haven't looked back since......

    Ditch the fat guy label. You aren't one.

  15. #15
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    David: I don't think you have given up. I believe you have lost direction right now and need to find something to get you back on course.

    Bryan

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