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Clydesdales/Athenas (200+ lb / 91+ kg) Looking to lose that spare tire? Ideal weight 200+? Frustrated being a large cyclist in a sport geared for the ultra-light? Learn about the bikes and parts that can take the abuse of a heavier cyclist, how to keep your body going while losing the weight, and get support from others who've been successful.

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Old 09-30-12, 05:00 PM   #1
vesteroid
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Buried, in pieces below the dog house

Aaaaaaccccckkkkkkkk!!!!!

Uhm,

The wife opened MY credit card statement where I had bought a "few" bike toys and had a ...well...she still one day later is not talking to me

Now before I get a lecture, I have the money in the bank to pay for this, and it doesn't effect our ability to do one darn thing....it is however more than SHE believes a set of wheels and DI 2 upgrade should cost.....

Wonder how many pairs of shoes it will take to even this out?

/ ducks
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Old 09-30-12, 05:14 PM   #2
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A saying comes to mind here. Something about permission and forgiveness, but the specifics escape me. Mostly because my wife is reading over my shoulder.
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Old 09-30-12, 05:16 PM   #3
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good for you and he11 to the wife.
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Old 09-30-12, 05:19 PM   #4
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This is why I have a "bike purchase change jar". That way whenever I buy something bike related, it comes from the change jar. OK, sometimes the change jar is an Amex card but it comes from a combined discretionary fund/safety equipment fund. After all, the Loved Ones want us home safe.
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Old 09-30-12, 05:37 PM   #5
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I have a tab at the lbs. I get my stuff, pay the dude in increments that seem reasonable to her (she doesn't have to know how many) and my wife never knows how much my toys cost. If she did she wouldn't want to talk to me for ... a long time.
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Old 09-30-12, 05:39 PM   #6
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Sounds like a dozen roses and a nice dinner is in order. Then talk about setting up a budget that will work for both of you for your toys. Hers too! I don't have a "other" but I have a budget of $100 a month I can spend. If I need more then I just save up.
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Old 09-30-12, 05:41 PM   #7
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If you work, and shes not paying for your toys, just tell her to piss off. I openly tell my wife all the crap I buy, and shes happy for me, as I work my ass off. If she considers wheels are much cheaper, then you write down to her the stuff you want, and tell her to go get it at the best price, while you have a cold beer on your yard.
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Old 09-30-12, 05:53 PM   #8
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Sounds like the ultimate weapon is needed. ....... Jewelry.
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Old 09-30-12, 06:16 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by vesteroid View Post
Aaaaaaccccckkkkkkkk!!!!!

Uhm,

The wife opened MY credit card statement where I had bought a "few" bike toys and had a ...well...she still one day later is not talking to me

Now before I get a lecture, I have the money in the bank to pay for this, and it doesn't effect our ability to do one darn thing....it is however more than SHE believes a set of wheels and DI 2 upgrade should cost.....

Wonder how many pairs of shoes it will take to even this out?

/ ducks
Ha ha... I wish I could say I've never lived that story! Apparently it's a one way street because she "needs" her stuff but mine's toys. She did open my pay pal account one day and found a $1200 item, that was funny. Good thing she didn't scroll down! I bought a lot of camera gear over the last few years, that's all I can say.

I take extra special care not to criticize her purchases, and like you, we pay for them all each month so there's no fear of living in the street. I did ask/inform her that I was buying a bike frame off ebay back in Feb, which surprised her. Maybe you should go that route next time. Whomever said it's easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission clearly never met my wife.
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Old 09-30-12, 06:27 PM   #10
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We have to get away from this mindset where anything a woman does is OK and anything a man does is wrong.
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Old 09-30-12, 06:54 PM   #11
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I actually discuss my purchases with my wife... I have a compulsive'ity problem... in that I'll compulsively eat, spend, or do random things that I otherwise wouldn't do.

I haven't compulsively eaten in a long time, so my attention has focused to "GAS" Gear Acquisition Syndrome... I run my purchases by her and my justifications for said purchases... she doesn't understand that a new set of wheels could cost $2k... or that the bike I want (when I hit 240lbs)... will end up costing $3500 and not have pedals... but that's because she doesn't really upgrade things that are "working".

Otherwise, we have a $400 a month discretionary fund that both of us get and we can use it for whatever we want... I also consult on the side and she directs theater shows on the side.. and that money is fair game. Our normal paychecks pay our bills, and whatever is left goes into our savings... I wanna retire some day!
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Old 09-30-12, 06:58 PM   #12
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You can have some of my wine if you want! Might help ya forget for a little bit.
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Old 09-30-12, 07:15 PM   #13
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We have to get away from this mindset where anything a woman does is OK and anything a man does is wrong.
Amen brother Jim. Seems like American men have lost their collective cojones.
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Old 09-30-12, 07:38 PM   #14
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shake it off and get another wheelset
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Old 09-30-12, 07:45 PM   #15
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We have to get away from this mindset where anything a woman does is OK and anything a man does is wrong.
Hum. Not seeing it. What I see is where one spouse is really into biking and the other is not. The one that isn't into biking doesn't have a good feel for the cost and just doesn't see the value in what we buy. My husband cannot believe what I spend on biking stuff and is somewhat disapproving.

It shouldn't really be an issue as I use my discretionary fund for the purchases. But, I want to buy a couple more bikes, I have the money, but haven't made the purchases partly because of spousal disapproval. And I am a bit too impulsive so a bit of self restraint isn't a bad idea. After all, in the year and a half since I started biking I have bought two bikes for myself, two bikes for spouse (one used, to serve as a winter bike), a new bike for one sister, a new bike for another sister, and a couple of used bikes for other relatives. Um. Kind of a lot of bikes.

I think about my BIL and his spouse. They are comfortably upper middle class. And they both complain about how the other spends money. Each have different interests and neither much values the other's interests. One likes clothes and travel. The other likes toys. I think that they both end up spending about the same amount.
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Old 09-30-12, 07:53 PM   #16
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Amen brother Jim. Seems like American men have lost their collective cojones.

And you don't qualify?
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Old 09-30-12, 08:04 PM   #17
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And you don't qualify?
He knows right where they are - in a jar on a shelf over his wife's night stand.

It's got nothing to do with right/wrong or cojones or manliness either, nor is it about splitting expenses so that each of you gets exactly $423.59 to spend each month.
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Old 09-30-12, 08:28 PM   #18
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And you don't qualify?
I own my own house, put our kids through private schools and college. I pay for most, if not all, our household expenses. Bought my wife a nice car (matching cars actually). And put money away for the future.

After all of that, I will be damned if let my wife tell me how to spend discretionary income.

I know that you may be in the doghouse now, but if you have the money and your kids aren't going barefooted in order for you to buy toys, then (IMHO) your wife has no right to ***** at you.

If cycling is something you truly enjoy and you are good at managing your money, then she needs to back off.

I am 100% with 009jim on this one (and it is otherwise hard for me to agree with a guy that has an ostrich as his avatar).
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Old 09-30-12, 08:36 PM   #19
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He knows right where they are - in a jar on a shelf over his wife's night stand.

It's got nothing to do with right/wrong or cojones or manliness either, nor is it about splitting expenses so that each of you gets exactly $423.59 to spend each month.
Actually TH my cojones are firmly attached to me, where they belong.

I am not going to get into a polemic about cojones and manliness. I don't really have a dog in this fight so...MEH!

But I firmly believe that 009jim is into something here.

Why should any of us be in the doghouse, or under it, for spending money that we earned and it is not otherwise needed for household expenses/savings?

My wife and I pool our resources for major things, including savings. What is left over is hers and mine to spend for the things that make us each happy.

I don't care what she spends her play money on and I don't tell her what I spend mine on. All my bikes are in plain sight, all she has to do is Google them and she knows exactly how much I have spent.

This way I get to keep my cojones, my man card and my toys.
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Old 09-30-12, 08:39 PM   #20
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Actually I was referring to the American men comment...
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Old 09-30-12, 08:41 PM   #21
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Sounds like a dozen roses and a nice dinner is in order. Then talk about setting up a budget that will work for both of you for your toys. Hers too! I don't have a "other" but I have a budget of $100 a month I can spend. If I need more then I just save up.
+1 on this - At least in my relationship with Mrs. Tractorlegs, communication and openness is the key to the peaceful ability to buy bike stuff (what she refers to as "Bike Crap" whenever I get a delivery from Nashbar). Another thing is age (I'm 59)- she realizes that I'm much more healthy cycling than sedentary, so she sees the practical aspect too.
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Old 09-30-12, 08:53 PM   #22
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I think that somewhere between strutting around in your tighty whiteys yelling "I'm a MAN dammit" and rolling over to the modern feminist movement, there's a lot of room for successful financial management in a relationship. Everybody's situation is probably a little different but I suspect that the trouble usually arises when a woman thinks her man is sneaking around on her, whether it be monetary or otherwise.

eja, you won't mind if I don't ask you to prove your statement about the location of your bits and pieces
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Old 09-30-12, 09:10 PM   #23
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I can spend earned $ on bike stuff but dont. I get a huge kick out of trawling yard sales and buying/selling items on craigslist or eBay to finance my bikes. I have made some nice fun-money and its become a fun challenge.

Example:
I decided last year I needed a $90 brooks saddle. I went out yardsailing that weekend and picked up a box of old slot car track and cars. After selling off the cars, I made over $200 on a $2 investment. Ive been riding around on my 'free' brooks for over a year now.

There have been way too many instances to list but if I wanted the bike item my wife would be 100% fine with me buying it from joint savings. She's thrilled that the bike gives me an interest that is good for the mind and body. I just get a kick out of turning yard sale lemons into bike-stuff lemonade
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Old 09-30-12, 10:19 PM   #24
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No no no pour some more gas on the fire! Say good wheels/parts are about safety, where as whatever they buy (make up, clothes, jewelry, cell phones) is just a waste of money! I'd love to see that At least you don't spend the grocery money at the pub.
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Old 10-01-12, 03:55 AM   #25
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My wife says she always knows when I'm planning on something big as I all of a sudden start working overtime and she knows how much I hate working it.
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