Dawn patrol in enemy skies
05-18-01, 06:17 AM
#1
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I knew an old and fearless Breton, sort of Popeye with a french twist, hero of the second world war, drinker of Calvados Brandy, smoker of Gitanes, feckless chaser of skirts, and unstoppable cyclist... He has since passed away, of rather mundane causes... advanced age being the major culprit.
He once gave me this advice concerning cycling in traffic:
"You are an unarmed spotter aircraft, deep in enemy territory. The views are beautiful, the sun and wind are invigorating, but beware...
All these (cars) are enemy fighter planes... they stalk your tail, they lurk in driveways and alleys, their sole mission is to prevent you from reaching your destination. They would delight in painting your silhouette on their engine cowling, after the kill.
These (trucks, busses, poids-lourds) are enemy bombers. They are so heavily armed, they can kill you without any effort, and will do so for sport.
Your mission is to reach your target. You must avoid the enemy using only your wits. You must know when to assert yourself, and when to run away....
... and you cannot shoot back."
If nothing else, he made me an extremely paranoid cyclist.
Thirty years later, I am still ever on the alert for bogeys...
...Hmmmmm.... yellow sedan, six o'clock and closing fast. Is he lining up for a kill shot? Can I roll out? Zoommmm, he goes past. Another miss for our hero. I begin to see broken bottles and roadside debris as AK-AK. The streetlamps lining the drive to my office park are obviously runway lights. Safely back on the ground, I taxi my plane to its hangar.... well, the PBX room in my building... and go to share a cup o'joe with (hopefully) friendly bomber crews.
Many has been the day that I wished I'd worn a leather helmet and a white silk scarf for my "dawn patrols."
Also on my wish list are twin handlebar-mounted .50cal machine guns. I would not mind the extra weight, honest.
He once gave me this advice concerning cycling in traffic:
"You are an unarmed spotter aircraft, deep in enemy territory. The views are beautiful, the sun and wind are invigorating, but beware...
All these (cars) are enemy fighter planes... they stalk your tail, they lurk in driveways and alleys, their sole mission is to prevent you from reaching your destination. They would delight in painting your silhouette on their engine cowling, after the kill.
These (trucks, busses, poids-lourds) are enemy bombers. They are so heavily armed, they can kill you without any effort, and will do so for sport.
Your mission is to reach your target. You must avoid the enemy using only your wits. You must know when to assert yourself, and when to run away....
... and you cannot shoot back."
If nothing else, he made me an extremely paranoid cyclist.
Thirty years later, I am still ever on the alert for bogeys...
...Hmmmmm.... yellow sedan, six o'clock and closing fast. Is he lining up for a kill shot? Can I roll out? Zoommmm, he goes past. Another miss for our hero. I begin to see broken bottles and roadside debris as AK-AK. The streetlamps lining the drive to my office park are obviously runway lights. Safely back on the ground, I taxi my plane to its hangar.... well, the PBX room in my building... and go to share a cup o'joe with (hopefully) friendly bomber crews.
Many has been the day that I wished I'd worn a leather helmet and a white silk scarf for my "dawn patrols."
Also on my wish list are twin handlebar-mounted .50cal machine guns. I would not mind the extra weight, honest.
05-18-01, 02:36 PM
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Ever have to bail out? Do you keep nylons and chocolates in you pannier just in case?
That's a great analogy. I'm sure I'll keep it in my head.
I fired back once. A squirt of water to the pilot's windshield. It didn't affect my opponent in the least, but it amused me.
That's a great analogy. I'm sure I'll keep it in my head.
I fired back once. A squirt of water to the pilot's windshield. It didn't affect my opponent in the least, but it amused me.
05-18-01, 03:06 PM
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Originally posted by Oscar
I fired back once. A squirt of water to the pilot's windshield. It didn't affect my opponent in the least, but it amused me.
I fired back once. A squirt of water to the pilot's windshield. It didn't affect my opponent in the least, but it amused me.
05-19-01, 12:37 AM
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Sumanitu taka owaci
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Originally posted by Cambronne
Safely back on the ground, I taxi my plane to its hangar.... well, the PBX room in my building... and go to share a cup o'joe with (hopefully) friendly bomber crews.
Safely back on the ground, I taxi my plane to its hangar.... well, the PBX room in my building... and go to share a cup o'joe with (hopefully) friendly bomber crews.
05-20-01, 07:41 PM
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Love Me....Love My Bike!
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Cambronne, that was perfect!
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05-20-01, 09:33 PM
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Originally posted by Cambronne
I knew an old and fearless Breton, sort of Popeye with a french twist, hero of the second world war, drinker of Calvados Brandy, smoker of Gitanes, feckless chaser of skirts, and unstoppable cyclist... He has since passed away, of rather mundane causes... advanced age being the major culprit.
I knew an old and fearless Breton, sort of Popeye with a french twist, hero of the second world war, drinker of Calvados Brandy, smoker of Gitanes, feckless chaser of skirts, and unstoppable cyclist... He has since passed away, of rather mundane causes... advanced age being the major culprit.
05-21-01, 12:37 PM
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It was posts like this that made Cambronne my bicycle commuting hero to begin with.
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If it ain't broke, mess with it anyway!
If it ain't broke, mess with it anyway!
05-21-01, 12:50 PM
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Originally posted by Cambronne
Also on my wish list are twin handlebar-mounted .50cal machine guns. I would not mind the extra weight, honest.
Also on my wish list are twin handlebar-mounted .50cal machine guns. I would not mind the extra weight, honest.
"what the heckh does that guy have on his bike??"
"looks like a machine gun"
"Oh-well, he's just a gay commuter"
"Lets take him out"
Vrooom Vroommm
"what is he doing?"
"I DUNNO!!!"
Bddddddddddddddddddddddddd,bddddddd,bddddddd
crash crash crash
groooooaaaaan
metal twisting
quiet
smoke
voices
"dang, I think we ticked off that commuter"
"do you think so?,I'm not so sure"
"Yeah, all he did was blow up our car"
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Booyah!!
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Last edited by coolio; 05-21-01 at 12:55 PM.
