billh

You may remember my ongoing feud with a fellow bicycle commuter, who I call . . . duh duh dunnnnn . . . The Scofflaw because he . . . BLOWS . . . THROUGH . . . EVERY . . . SINGLE . . . STOP. Blatantly. Not slow down, look. It's full speed ahead. Maddening. Plus he is older than me. Fitter than me. And rides a 5 speed Schwinn Stingray with girly handlebars. In contrast, I'm an out of shape ex-Cat 4 racer with a tricked out cross bike. With an attitude. But I insist on righteously stopping at every stop sign, within reason.

I hadn't seen him for awhile so I've stopped looking over my shoulder on the long, slow hill. I'm chugging up the hill, when out of nowhere comes . . . The Scofflaw, blowing by me, spinning gears like Lance dropping Ulrich. He doesn't give me The Look, but I see him adjust his helmet mirror. The race is on. I tick up the pace and approach within 20 meters. There are three stop signs before the main street. I squeek to a stop at each one. He BLOWS THEM COMPLETELY. After each one I sprint back to within 20m. We approach the big street with a right turn. There is a line of about 10 cars. He hops on the sidewalk. I'm right behind him. We make the right together on the sidewalk. He hops back on the street. I follow. We're on a big 2 miles straight. I'm shadowing him, waiting for the long left hand turn arrow into the park. Predictably, he veers across 4 lanes of busy traffic to the other side of the street, then on the sidewalk. I've seen this move so am prepared. I will NOT go that far into his Scofflawing behavior. I'm better than that. I stop at the double left. He weaves through stopped traffic into the park on the bike path. I'm in luck, the arrows turn green. I zoom into the park and see him 100m ahead. The path winds around but the street goes straight so this is where I make up time. I click it into to top gear on my 46x12 cross gear. Put my head down and time trial like David Millar on drugs.

At the zoo there are four sets of speed bumps on a downhill and a ped xing. I pray for no peds and get it. I hit the sweet spot on the bumps and maintain speed on the uphill. The bike path veers away from the street and as I look to the right, I've got the lead! My HR is maxed out as I grind up the hill to the stop light. I stop sucking air. The Scofflaw approaches on the path to my right. Will he stop? NO. He blows the stop LIGHT in the ped crosswalk. My blood is boiling now. Oh man, that takes the CAKE. I'm itching for the green and get it. I'm off. He's out of sight, but I've been this way with him before. Up by the soccer fields there is a long downhill straight. I've got the gears. I see him maybe a mile up ahead. Stop sign, stop sign. I'm gaining. Almost there. On the last downhill, he is out of gears, chin on the bars, butt in the air like Beloki on a downhill. I click it up a couple and peddle up to his wheel within 2 ft. He comes out of his crouch and adjusts his mirror. Yeah, Scofflaw, it's me. Your worst nightmare. We blow by the last stop sign together. Yes, I've lowered myself to his level. But I'm not thinking anymore. I just have to pass him. We spin up the last short steep hill. I KNOW I've got him. I time my move, stand up and pass. He doesn't respond. I emphatically stick out my left hand and indicate STOP. I stop at the sign. He BLOWS BY ME ON MY LEFT to turn. No problem. I've made my point. Take that, Scofflaw. I've got your number. Until next time . . .

newbojeff

I'd been up at night wondering about the scofflaw...

The sequel is off to a great start! But can it rival the original!? Will our hero again catch the scofflaw?!! Will the Scofflaw be flattened by cross traffic?!

Will stay tuned...

gbcb

I kept wanting to jump to the end to see how it ended, but that would make me no better than The Scofflaw. Can't wait for the next episode!

Nykon

That was great, I needed that this morning. I am off to ride now

godspiral

awesome!! ... I'll search for earlier episodes

jyossarian

I wonder if the Knave has moved? Hip hasn't seen him in a while...

pinkrobe

I'm pretty sure the Rascal [Knave's cousin] and the Malefactor [Scofflaw's son] are on my route.

oboeguy

Man, that out of shape ex-racer was on my a55 again today. Goodie-freaking-two-shoes kept yo-yoing behind me. WTF? Doesn't he know we're supposed to treat stop signs as yield signs? Dude should lay off the starches if he wants to hang with me riding his fancy bike on the hills without popping a vein on his head. Dumb road-nerd is never gonna learn.
















(come on, somebody had to do a parody!)

ryanparrish

Had something like that a pair of women on trek road bikes they slightly slowed down on each stop on a bike path. The bike path is in the country so tall grasses block the view well I was like you can't tell till you look arround the corner

billh

I had another chance today to some "enforcing". This recreational rider was heading up the slow hill to the park, BLOWING . . . EVERY . . . SINGLE . . . SIGN. pissed me off. It's my opinion that scofflaw behavior is the number one excuse for motorist anger. They don't like us on the street anyway, but scofflawing gives them a REASON for not liking us, when the real reason is they don't like WAITING. Fortunately, I'm stronger and faster than 90% of the rec riders and commuters out there so I can "teach them a lesson" by pulling in front of them and then stopping at the sign in front of them.

This morning, this rec rider on some beater 10 speed, no helmet, running shorts, followed me up the long slow hill. I stopped at the first sign. He blew by. I cranked it up on his wheel. Construction. He actually stopped but I hit the sidewalk to pass. I stopped at the next sign. He blows by me. I pass him. Stop, look back. Empty, must have turned. I cruise on up the hill, look back and there he is again. I stop at the next sign and kick it into high gear. He PASSES ME on the flats, obviously carrying momentum through a blown stop! Grrrrrrr. I catch his wheel and manage to pass him before the turn. He goes straight.

Hopefully he got the message "You're supposed to stop at signs, Dumbo". Either that or "That guy is a total jerk!" I think I've found my new mission in life . . . The Enforcer.

Banzai

This is too entertaining. It's like a bad character in some radio noir play.

Maybe one of these days, if you ever get his forward momentum stopped, you should actually try to talk to him about how he's going to get himself killed.

Better yet, tell the cops. They may wait in ambush and pull him over for failure to obey posted signs.

ZachS

the BASTARD - running a red light on a PEDESTRIAN CROSSING? how terrible! he must have run over so many people!


p.s. i like your story!

lyledriver

I can't believe you blew a stop sign to catch him =[
My image of billh is shattered.

billh

Talk? Nahhh, too easy. We Enforcers are men of action. We walk the walk, er, ride the ride. Eh, anyway, it's more fun to illustrate moral principles through complete domination.

jyossarian

If it were me, I'd just think you were some high-minded vigilante who thinks jaywalking is punishable by death. But then again, I do rolling-stops at reds and stop signs. But I also live in a concrete jungle filled with heathens and I gotta tell ya, being a heathen is fun.

hotwheels

Very funny stuff! Though running the stop sign showed the Scofflaw's evil influence overpowering you. I wonder if Scofflaw's power's are greater than you concede