Last night I was blasting down the pitch black bike path at about 25 mph.
It was dark and I had my lights off, I did not want to scare any cars as I blasted through all the road intersections at full speed. I felt pretty safe, I was driving my new jet black Hummer. The knobbies were giving out that cyclist and deer warning sound they always do (whirrrr). All of a sudden some idiot on a bicycle ! starts coming right at me. Like he owns the @#$%^&* road...uh..bike path.
He aims this stupid blue light right in my eyes. I kept looking into the light to see what he was doing, but that made it harder to see. Who knew?
The idiot rode straight into my grill on my new Hummer! I went into a complete panic! I jumped out and ran to the front of the Hummer...........to check for damage to my new baby. That !@#$%^ cyclist bent the corner of my license plate and but a huge 3" scratch in my bumper. I was ripped! But I got back in to go home. When I took off it felt like one of the tires went over a big log or some kind of bump. At the same time there was a terrifying scream !!
Even though my Hummer has bullet proof glass and three inch thick solid steel blast protection in the sides and the bottom, I was really scared of that screaming sound, let me tell you, I was petrified. !!! I rolled up the windows, turned on the 26 speaker stereo and cranked it up to 400 watts, there was no way unless he had been racing he could have kept up to my radio, and floored it to get out of there. I was so afraid of that screaming I could not drive on the bike path anymore. I went out onto the road and turned my lights on. I made it home, but the @!#$%^&* traffic held me up for almost 15 seconds.
If I ever see that cyclist again, I’m going to run him off the road. I think I'll swerve into his bike lock with my side window!
Elvis has left the building