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Commuting Bicycle commuting is easier than you think, before you know it, you'll be hooked. Learn the tips, hints, equipment, safety requirements for safely riding your bike to work.

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Old 12-07-07, 10:56 PM   #1
Hydrated
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Commuting made this old guy just one of the girls today!

I've been riding for many many years, and I commute 10 miles each way to work on my 1984 Trek 520. My work group is relatively small (about 20 people in my section) so it would be impossible to miss the fact that I'm a cyclist. My coworkers know that it takes a lot to keep this old boy off of the bike.

This morning, a female coworker called me over to her desk to ask me a question. It seems that last night, she and three other ladies from our office went to try out a spinning class at a local gym. But there was a problem.

She leaned closer... and lowered her voice as she whispered, "Is it supposed to feel that way when you start riding a bike?"

"Well, your butt has to get saddle ready. So yeah, your behind will be sore at first," I answered.

"No... you don't understand. My... errr... my 'monkey' hurts. It feels like it's on fire!"

I stood there stunned at first... What does a guy say to a girl with an angry monkey making it difficult for her to walk? After a few seconds, I recovered enough to explain about sit bones and seat adjustments... but she soon stopped me.

"Wait just a second," she said. Then she phoned the other three who had gone spinning with her. Watching each of them hobbling up the hallway, I knew exactly what the problem was! They ALL had searing, burning pain in the nether regions.

It was quite a surreal scene... I was surrounded by four pretty women while I carefully explained to them why their vaginas hurt so badly! After questioning them... I found out that the stationary bikes that they used at the class were adjusted very poorly, and their soft tissues took a beating.

As we broke up the impromptu gynecological analysis, one of them said to me, "You're our girlfriend now... and girlfriends have to keep their secrets. Right?"

"I wouldn't tell a soul."

Right.
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Old 12-07-07, 11:08 PM   #2
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I was really expecting that story to have a Penthouse Letter twist.

Damn.
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Old 12-07-07, 11:16 PM   #3
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I was really expecting that story to have a Penthouse Letter twist.

Damn.
That part comes AFTER they recover.


*ducks and runs*
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Old 12-07-07, 11:41 PM   #4
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Forget the vaginas - let's see your bike. Here's my '84.
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Old 12-08-07, 12:23 AM   #5
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Forget the vaginas - let's see your bike.
"A man with his priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine bicycle."

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Old 12-08-07, 01:07 AM   #6
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LOL Cooker....
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Old 12-08-07, 01:22 AM   #7
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Old 12-08-07, 01:32 AM   #8
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It was quite a surreal scene... I was surrounded by four pretty women while I carefully explained to them why their vaginas hurt so badly!




("monkey"?)
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Old 12-08-07, 02:19 AM   #9
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Wow I've heard a lot of euphemisms in my day, but 'monkey'? That's simply disturbing!
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Old 12-08-07, 02:20 AM   #10
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Mebbe the best post I have ever read here.

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Old 12-08-07, 07:41 AM   #11
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Mebbe the best post I have ever read here.

+2 on that
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Old 12-08-07, 09:59 AM   #12
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Forget the vaginas - let's see your bike. Here's my '84.
mine is an '84 but its a 720




Great story by the way.
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Old 12-08-07, 11:02 AM   #13
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what's a "monkey"? pics?
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Old 12-08-07, 11:12 AM   #14
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"Would you like to touch my monkey? Touch him! Touch my monkey!" (from an old SNL sketch )
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Old 12-08-07, 11:17 AM   #15
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funny and endearing all at the same time.

it's great that you were able to be of assistance; hilarious to have such a er, sensitive discussion in a work context.

reminds me of when i bought my first ergonomic (cut-out) saddle and was trying to explain to the bike shop employee - who i just happened to have a massive crush on - that my squishy bits kept going numb!

i guess you won't be able to refer them to bike forums for the rest of their questions until this thread gets buried...
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Old 12-08-07, 11:19 AM   #16
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hilarious
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Old 12-08-07, 11:40 AM   #17
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Hillarious post.


so I guess if I ever want to get in touch with my feminine side I can get advice from you..LOL
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Old 12-08-07, 11:51 AM   #18
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"Would you like to touch my monkey? Touch him! Touch my monkey!" (from an old SNL sketch )
Yep... this flashed through my addled male brain!

I can just see Mike Meyers saying, "Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance."

But the worst problem that I had during this episode was: "Where do you look while you're talking to a woman about her monkey??"

I found it very difficult to look the ladies straight in the eyes during this particular discussion... and staring at the crotch area seemed out of the question... what's a guy to do? I hope I didn't look too befuddled.
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Old 12-08-07, 12:09 PM   #19
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Hydrated, I think you did very well. I commend you for your bravery, kindness, chivalry, and sense of humor. So many women give up their bikes because of pain like this and no one to help them that they feel comfortable approaching.

When women feel like they can approach a man they're not related to and who isn't their physician with a problem like this, I think it says that man is a fantastic human being.
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Old 12-08-07, 12:34 PM   #20
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Or the woman lost a bet
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Old 12-08-07, 01:11 PM   #21
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A friend of mine went for her first road ride not that long ago [she's been mtn biking for years]. After the 60 km ride she only had one complaint - her "nuun" hurt. She's Quebecois, so I'm sure that's QC slang for monkey.
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Old 12-08-07, 02:25 PM   #22
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Ya know, maybe the world is getting to be a better place after all.
This conversation wouldn't have been possible in many places in the past.

Plus points: I read it to my wife and she completely cracked up
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Old 12-08-07, 03:51 PM   #23
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"Would you like to touch my monkey? Touch him! Touch my monkey!" (from an old SNL sketch )
Easily my favorite song of the past 5 years.
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Old 12-08-07, 03:57 PM   #24
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Wow...I wish i worked in an environment with four pretty young ladies....
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Old 12-09-07, 04:09 AM   #25
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You should have offered to kiss 'em and make 'em all better...

Wait, that should have been saved for Foo!
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