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  1. #1
    Senior Member hshearer's Avatar
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    What are your best one-liner come-backs?

    We've all heard it before... "get on the sidewalk!". Does anyone have some great one-liners to share to use as a response to that or some of the other common set-ups motorists provide us? I like using "the side-WHAT?', since a) it's not too inflammatory and b) might actually cause the guy to think when he shouts out the punchline. But I bet there are some other gems out there! What motorist complaints do you commonly hear (after HONK!)? What good come-backs do you know? What do you say to the guy with his window down who's passing way to close? Or did you once blurt out something totally hilarious in a situation that will probably never ever crop up again?

    I plan to be prepared to take (or pretend to take) a photo and call police if I'm ever feeling really threatened, but I know I'll at least be THINKING what I'd really like to say out loud, instead of feeling totally flustered. One of my other favourites that I saw somewhere else on this forum, but will never (I hope) say out loud, was "I'm trying to see your point of view, but I CAN'T GET MY HEAD THAT FAR UP MY ASS!"

  2. #2
    This steel horse I ride Skones MickLoud's Avatar
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    I let my Ka-Bar do the talking.
    The mission is the one that begins and ends with the mission.

  3. #3
    Senior Member lil brown bat's Avatar
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    Silence.
    You have the right to your own opinion. You don't have the right to your own facts.

  4. #4
    Packfodding 3 caloso's Avatar
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    Smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave.
    Cyclists of the world, unite! You have nothing to lube but your chains!

  5. #5
    Senior Member
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    Yeah. Besides, drivers around here tend to be considerate.

  6. #6
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    Blow em a kiss

  7. #7
    Bikus Commuterus CFXMarauder's Avatar
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    Somebody here said "Smile and wave as if they were a friend you'd not seen in years" . I personally haven't taken that advice but really need to..Most here have been great..

  8. #8
    Senior Member wheel's Avatar
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    Kill them with kindness.
    Smile and wave!

  9. #9
    Senior Member
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    I whip out my AK-47 and blow them away. (that only happens in my mind, I just lower my head and keep pedaling)

  10. #10
    Call me The Breeze I_bRAD's Avatar
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    Once I was at an Issac Hayes concert with an aisle seat and a woman asked me "Is this 'U'?" I responded "This is so me, baby..."

  11. #11
    Buh'wah?! Amani576's Avatar
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    I turn into VC (Vehicular Cycling) Man and move further out into the road. I've taken the whole lane for almost 200 feet before a turn before cause I get tired of getting over taken and buzzed, which has been happening more and more frequently lately.
    I hate people.
    (You all are cool, though)
    -Gene-

  12. #12
    Senior Member
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    I called a guy a big baby and asked if he needed his diaper changed. Besides that one my comebacks always come an hour later.

  13. #13
    Gears? CliftonGK1's Avatar
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    If you were really that important, the city would give you lights and a siren for your car.
    "I feel like my world was classier before I found cyclocross."
    - Mandi M.

  14. #14
    Goathead Magnet aley's Avatar
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    I like to look confused and point at my ear, as though I can't hear them. They'll usually repeat whatever they said louder. I do the same thing, and eventually they'll either get bored and drive off, or realize they're being played and drive off in a huff. Either way, I win - I've avoided stooping to the level of a shouting match on the street, and they've left.

  15. #15
    Senior Member cyclefreaksix's Avatar
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    I read on these forums about somebody who had an interesting approach. Apparently a car pulls up beside him and starts lambasting him with the usual. He just gave the peace sign and yelled,"Jesus loves you man". I liked it so much I've used it several times. Really tends to completely throw them off their game. If that doesn't work, I'll ask them to pull over so we can discuss things further.

  16. #16
    Randomhead
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    Quote Originally Posted by aley View Post
    I like to look confused and point at my ear, as though I can't hear them.
    This is almost as good as waving like an idiot. I think I'll try it. People that honk at me from behind always get a wave.

    Yelling doesn't work unless you are going the same speed. Does happen sometimes, but it's pretty rare.

  17. #17
    Fresh Garbage hairnet's Avatar
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    Maybe the next time someone honks at me from behind I'll just start pedaling with one leg.
    Quote Originally Posted by Scrodzilla View Post
    I'd rather ride a greasy bowling ball than one of those things.
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  18. #18
    aka Tom Reingold noglider's Avatar
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    A friend told me that he was riding his bike and a motorist yelled, "get on the sidewalk!" So my friend replied, "I'm not allowed!"
    You don't read my signature anyway, do you?

    Tom Reingold, noglider@pobox.com
    Residences: West Village, New York City and High Falls, NY
    Blogs: The Experienced Cyclist; noglider's ride blog

  19. #19
    Primate Metzinger's Avatar
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    I always go with "jerk store".

  20. #20
    Senior Member d2create's Avatar
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    It's called a sideWALK for a reason, Einstein.
    2008 Rivendell A. Homer Hilsen
    Pics and Specs Here!

    2010 Specialized Rockhopper 29er

  21. #21
    Senior Member wharfrat's Avatar
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    I had a mid 30's woman in an SUV come up to a right turn at the same time and she wasn't going to slow dowm for the turn..she had her windows down and said something like "you need to watch the crosswalk sign" or something to that effect. I didn't make any gestures, shake my head, or say anything. I just made the turn behind her then kept riding. Next light up the street and I caught up again. Pulled up next to her again and I could see her a lot better looking in from the passenger side. This time I leaned down and told her I bet she's look smokin' hot as hell in some tight cycling clothes and should come out and ride with us sometime if she had a bike. She started blushing and looking real embarrased. She also apologized and said she'd look out for me next time. .. and then asked about where I ride and gave me a number.

  22. #22
    Senior Member lil brown bat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wharfrat View Post
    and then asked about where I ride and gave me a number.
    Video or it didn't happen.
    You have the right to your own opinion. You don't have the right to your own facts.

  23. #23
    Senior Member MikeM21's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DataJunkie View Post
    I called a guy a big baby and asked if he needed his diaper changed. Besides that one my comebacks always come an hour later.
    Me too. I had a guy pull up to me, roll down his window and in a thick latino accent he said, "The sidewalk is over there" as he scowled angrily. I was out of breath and couldn't really come up with anything. About a 1/4 mile later he's still in sight when it hit me - "The bus back to your country is over there!!!" I pedaled like crazy to catch him but his light turned green and all I could manage was a one-finger salute!

    MM
    There are no tailwinds. There are headwinds and days when I'm awesome!

  24. #24
    aka Tom Reingold noglider's Avatar
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    MikeM21, we're all immigrants.
    You don't read my signature anyway, do you?

    Tom Reingold, noglider@pobox.com
    Residences: West Village, New York City and High Falls, NY
    Blogs: The Experienced Cyclist; noglider's ride blog

  25. #25
    Older than dirt CCrew's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noglider View Post
    MikeM21, we're all immigrants.
    Nope, sorry, I was born here. As were my parents and their parents.

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