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  1. #1
    Senior Member d2create's Avatar
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    The Stripper, The Mistress and The Wife

    Wow, the things one thinks about on the commute.
    So I'm riding in this morning and the following analogies came to me.



    The Road Race Bike: This is the Mistress of bikes. Hot, fast, looks (and is) expensive, plasticky and polished in all it's carbon fiber and titanium glory. She gets the looks everywhere you go. Other guys (and some girls) are jealous. Even if you're not riding her, you love to just sit and look at her and fantasize about her. You can ride her hard and fast and she loves it, begging for more. She only gets ridden occasionally when you can sneak in the time, but when you do it's on... oh it's SO on... for hours without stopping or just for nourishment. But when you're done, you're done. You hang her up until next time and go about your everyday life.

    The Mountain Bike: This is the Stripper of bikes. And they come in all shapes and sizes. Cheap or expensive. Hard tails, soft tails, 26's, 29'ers, even the occasional 650b if that's your poison. The mountain bike wasn't meant to be ridden in public (although some of you freaks like to anyway). She gets taken out into the woods, the back country, where no one will find you and see what despicable things you two are up to. When I said you ride the Race Bike hard, you don't go overboard. You still respect her. But not the Mountain Bike. She takes a licking and keeps on ticking, and this just makes you want to push her harder. Spanking that bike all over the trails and she's loving every minute of it, screaming for more... even if she is faking it, you don't care. She's a dirty little strumpet of a bike. The dirtier she gets, the more fun she is to ride. No babying this one. And when you're done... you need a long shower to get rid of all the filth... the dirty dirty filth. Bring lots of rubber, you're going to need it.

    The Commuter Bike: This is the Wife of bikes. This is the bike you bring home to Mom. If you could have only one bike, this would be it. She versatile. She can take you to work, take the kids to school, go to the grocery store and all your other errands. She's not limited to one kind of road, although you won't find her in the extremes, either. She's not that kind of bike. The Commuter comes in lots of different variations. Some are lanky and fast, some are pudgy and slow, some are athletic, some are flexible and compact. Some are gorgeous on the outside, but all are gorgeous on the inside. The Commuter is reliable and dependable, but not indestructible. The Commuter needs love, respect and the occasional pampering, but she is also strong... sometimes surprisingly so. What you give will be returned, two fold. Treat her right and she will be with you for the long haul. Forever.
    2008 Rivendell A. Homer Hilsen
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  2. #2
    Living the Dream stdlrf11's Avatar
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    That's great!

  3. #3
    born again cyclist Steely Dan's Avatar
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    because i commute everyday on my sexy titanium road rocket, i guess by your system you could say i married my mistress.
    The first rule: if you're riding a bike and not having fun, then you're doing it wrong.

  4. #4
    Senior Member d2create's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steely Dan View Post
    because i commute everyday on my sexy titanium road rocket, i guess by your system you could say i married my mistress.
    Hey, occasionally it happens!
    2008 Rivendell A. Homer Hilsen
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    2010 Specialized Rockhopper 29er

  5. #5
    Non sibi sed patriae thestoutdog's Avatar
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    Is it wrong to keep all three of them together in the garage?
    2013 Health Goals

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  6. #6
    Fat Guy Rolling dcrowell's Avatar
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    Okay, so I have three wives then. No strippers or mistresses (yet).
    Car-Free IT Geek
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  7. #7
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    Man, all I have is a wife... but I really want all three

  8. #8
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    Does this make a BMX a midget Stripper or a very tough low maintenance petite wife?

    What about Tandem bikes?

  9. #9
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    I've got 3 strippers, one is green and she wears lots of rubber. I got 3 wives and one that is also a stripper. My beach cruiser tandem would be a school teacher/sales clerk and you could ride in the front or back.
    Last edited by Leebo; 08-27-10 at 10:47 AM.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by fatdogvinn View Post
    what about tandem bikes?
    Twins!

  11. #11
    Senior Member d2create's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fatdogvinn View Post
    Does this make a BMX a midget Stripper or a very tough low maintenance petite wife?
    Yes! lol


    Quote Originally Posted by fatdogvinn View Post
    What about Tandem bikes?
    Sounds like a 3 way with the wife.
    2008 Rivendell A. Homer Hilsen
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    2010 Specialized Rockhopper 29er

  12. #12
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    d2create, that's hilarious. So true, and very well written. Puns all over the place.

  13. #13
    Senior Member EKW in DC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajames15 View Post
    Man, all I have is a wife... but I really want all three
    All I have right now is a wife, but all I really want is a better wife - maybe one who loves to travel and go camping (touring bike to replace hybrid). I might consider a mistress, too, somewhere down the line, but I really don't have much interest in a stripper.

  14. #14
    Blocking your fire exits coffeecake's Avatar
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    All I can say is, if you can't tell the difference between a woman and a bike, you may be in for some problems down the road.
    Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
    ~ Oscar Wilde

  15. #15
    born again cyclist Steely Dan's Avatar
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    i also have an old mountain bike that i have since transformed into a hybrid back-up commuter. so is that like an aging stripper that has gotten breast reduction surgery and finally decided to give up her wild youth and settle down with a good man?


    and how the hell would my folding bike fit into this paradigm?
    The first rule: if you're riding a bike and not having fun, then you're doing it wrong.

  16. #16
    Senior Member d2create's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steely Dan View Post
    i also have an old mountain bike that i have since transformed into a hybrid back-up commuter. so is that like an aging stripper that has gotten breast reduction surgery and finally decided to give up her wild youth and settle down with a good man?
    Exactly. Can't strip forever. Well, we hope, anyway. lol

    Quote Originally Posted by Steely Dan View Post
    and how the hell would my folding bike fit into this paradigm?
    I tried to reference that in my "flexible and compact" comment.
    2008 Rivendell A. Homer Hilsen
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    2010 Specialized Rockhopper 29er

  17. #17
    Old, but not really wise CptjohnC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fatdogvinn View Post
    What about Tandem bikes?
    Polygamy?

  18. #18
    Old, but not really wise CptjohnC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steely Dan View Post
    because i commute everyday on my sexy titanium road rocket, i guess by your system you could say i married my mistress.
    Generally known as a trophy wife, right?

  19. #19
    I am a caffine girl colleen c's Avatar
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    I got a Road Race, Mountain and Commuter bike. So that means I have a Mistress, Stripper and a wife.

    Does that make me a Lesbian?
    "Difference between a well dressed cyclist riding a two wheeled bicycle and a badly dressed cyclist riding a Recumbent is only a-tire"
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    Some people got their head so far up their butt such that the only thing they hear is muffle when trying to explain anything to them! I only wish they take it out sometimes to smell the roses.

  20. #20
    Senior Member
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    Colleen C. You could have a himbo, a guy stripper and a domestic partner/ housemaid ? ( himbo= guy bimbo)

  21. #21
    Senior Member Kojak's Avatar
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    I've got 3 mistresses, an old tired stripper, and a wife I guess, which is sort of a mistress with fenders and disc brakes. They all live in the house with me and my family. To that end, my wife has a stripper in the basement too..... I'm assuming a chipendales sort of thing, unless my (actual) wife isn't telling me something.

    I once took my favorite mistress to Europe for two weeks, although I wasn't married at the time, so I guess it was just my main squeeze.
    Last edited by Kojak; 08-27-10 at 11:46 AM.
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  22. #22
    Recreational Commuter
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kojak View Post
    I've got 3 mistresses, an old tired stripper, and a wife I guess, which is sort of a mistress with fenders and disc brakes. They all live in the house with me and my family. To that end, my wife has a stripper in the basement too..... I'm assuming a chipendales sort of thing, unless my (actual) wife isn't telling me something.
    This sounds like a badly-written soap opera. My brain hurts.
    Riding the Ohio MS Central Ohio Challenge tour, July 12th.

  23. #23
    I am a caffine girl colleen c's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leebo View Post
    Colleen C. You could have a himbo, a guy stripper and a domestic partner/ housemaid ? ( himbo= guy bimbo)
    LOL. I would like to get a himbo. Let see what we got here, that himbo will be my Hybrid
    "Difference between a well dressed cyclist riding a two wheeled bicycle and a badly dressed cyclist riding a Recumbent is only a-tire"
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    Some people got their head so far up their butt such that the only thing they hear is muffle when trying to explain anything to them! I only wish they take it out sometimes to smell the roses.

  24. #24
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    I have 3 commuters. Oh the polygamy!

  25. #25
    Single-serving poster electrik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thestoutdog View Post
    Is it wrong to keep all three of them together in the garage?
    Not wrong, but I certainly wouldn't want my wife, mistress and favorite stripper all in the same place, at the same time.

    At least, you should plan on never going back to the garage!

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