The one-liner thread
03-09-11, 12:56 PM
#26
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Sacramento, California, USA
Posts: 40,865
Bikes: Specialized Tarmac, Canyon Exceed, Specialized Transition, Ellsworth Roots, Ridley Excalibur
Mentioned: 68 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2952 Post(s)
Liked 3,106 Times
in
1,417 Posts
"Nice drivin', Danica!"
03-09-11, 02:46 PM
#28
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Boise, ID.
Posts: 1,251
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 1 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time
in
1 Post
"*smile and wave* Jesus loves you!"
"Get on the ****ing sidewalk!" - "Go back to the gay bar!" (not that there is anything wrong with that, but it does infuriate the red necks around here).
"Get on the ****ing sidewalk!" - "Go back to the gay bar!" (not that there is anything wrong with that, but it does infuriate the red necks around here).
Last edited by unterhausen; 03-12-11 at 01:42 PM. Reason: spelling
03-09-11, 03:12 PM
#29
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 23,208
Mentioned: 89 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 18883 Post(s)
Liked 10,646 Times
in
6,054 Posts
Wow ... you must be really slow to have time to say all that! 
03-09-11, 03:27 PM
#30
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Sunnyvale, CA
Posts: 1,953
Bikes: '84 Centurion Accordo RS, '06 Gary Fisher Marlin, '06 Schwinn Fastback 27, '06 Litespeed Teramo
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times
in
0 Posts
"**** You!"
Simple, sweet and elegant.
Simple, sweet and elegant.
Last edited by unterhausen; 03-12-11 at 01:42 PM. Reason: spelling
03-09-11, 06:08 PM
#32
Bike addict, dreamer
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Queens, New York
Posts: 5,165
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times
in
0 Posts
Not everybody hosts a site with GoDaddy
I said to a taxi driver once who was honking at me: "lousy weather, you should have stayed home". He just looked at me with his mouth opened, didn't know what to say. I was laughing my ass off for the next few blocks.
I said to a taxi driver once who was honking at me: "lousy weather, you should have stayed home". He just looked at me with his mouth opened, didn't know what to say. I was laughing my ass off for the next few blocks.
03-10-11, 09:35 AM
#33
"Per Ardua ad Surly"
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Kitchener, Ontario
Posts: 1,416
Bikes: Bianchi Specialissima, Mongoose Hilltopper ATB, Surly Cross-Check, Norco City Glide
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times
in
0 Posts
I don't remember ever hurling a great one liner at anyone while riding. It's usually the driver giving me the one liner. Of course, the most popular two are the ones that every recumbent rider hears, "Where's your TV?", and "Don't fall asleep".
My favorite, though, came from a Fort Worth police officer behind the wheel of his cruiser. I was riding north on the Crowley Road shoulder at dark-thirty one morning with a great tailwind behind me when he slowed, lowered his passenger window, leaned over, and with a very serious look on his face, said, "Just so you know, I clocked you doing 25."
My favorite, though, came from a Fort Worth police officer behind the wheel of his cruiser. I was riding north on the Crowley Road shoulder at dark-thirty one morning with a great tailwind behind me when he slowed, lowered his passenger window, leaned over, and with a very serious look on his face, said, "Just so you know, I clocked you doing 25."
03-10-11, 10:09 AM
#34
Infamous Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 24,360
Bikes: Surly Big Dummy, Fuji World, 80ish Bianchi
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 4 Times
in
3 Posts
When sitting at a stop waiting for traffic to clear, speed isn't much of a factor, Gump. 
__________________
"Let us hope our weapons are never needed --but do not forget what the common people knew when they demanded the Bill of Rights: An armed citizenry is the first defense, the best defense, and the final defense against tyranny. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military, the hired servants of our rulers. Only the government -- and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws" - Edward Abbey
"Let us hope our weapons are never needed --but do not forget what the common people knew when they demanded the Bill of Rights: An armed citizenry is the first defense, the best defense, and the final defense against tyranny. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military, the hired servants of our rulers. Only the government -- and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws" - Edward Abbey
03-10-11, 10:30 AM
#35
Senior Member
I know most of the "go **** yourself" type lines that I throw out fall on deaf ears, but once in a while I'll catch up to someone and knock on their window but that's only come up a couple of times over the last few years... I seem to draw much more driver anger when I drive a car and go the speed limit, stop at signs, etc...
03-10-11, 10:40 AM
#36
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 7,384
Mentioned: 49 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 800 Post(s)
Liked 218 Times
in
171 Posts
The opening post of this thread just appeared on the Commuter Forum about 20 minutes ago; very funny and devastating:
"Conversation this morning:"
"Conversation this morning:"
Lexus driver shouting thru passenger window: You didn't stop at that last stop sign.
Me: You didn't either.
LD: Yeah, I did!
Me: Nope, I watched. You slowed, but never stopped. I chose not to pretend-stop, is all. (Stop light turns green)
LD (pulling away): You need to get off the street!!
Me: So does your mom. (I know he heard me because he slammed on his brakes, nearly stopped, and then drove off, while giving me the finger.
Me: You didn't either.
LD: Yeah, I did!
Me: Nope, I watched. You slowed, but never stopped. I chose not to pretend-stop, is all. (Stop light turns green)
LD (pulling away): You need to get off the street!!
Me: So does your mom. (I know he heard me because he slammed on his brakes, nearly stopped, and then drove off, while giving me the finger.
03-10-11, 10:53 AM
#37
Senior Member
I usually just go with the Red Foreman line, dumbash.
But a few months ago I was in 5:00 traffic and the right turn lane had cars all the way across the bike line that went straight through, and the one blocking the lane was also 4-inches from the curb so I couldn't go around and then cut in front with my customary crusty look. So I was standing there waiting for the light like everyone else and went off on a rant about how if I'm not supposed to be in your lane, you shouldn't be in my lane, bikes are keeping cars off the road.. I went on in a loud voice for a minute. It was 30F outside and I was pretty sure no one could hear me, I was just ranting. Apparently the woman in the minivan right next to me could hear because when she let me go through before crossing the bike lane, I looked over my shoulder, she was laughing pretty hard. I got the feeling she knew how I felt.
But a few months ago I was in 5:00 traffic and the right turn lane had cars all the way across the bike line that went straight through, and the one blocking the lane was also 4-inches from the curb so I couldn't go around and then cut in front with my customary crusty look. So I was standing there waiting for the light like everyone else and went off on a rant about how if I'm not supposed to be in your lane, you shouldn't be in my lane, bikes are keeping cars off the road.. I went on in a loud voice for a minute. It was 30F outside and I was pretty sure no one could hear me, I was just ranting. Apparently the woman in the minivan right next to me could hear because when she let me go through before crossing the bike lane, I looked over my shoulder, she was laughing pretty hard. I got the feeling she knew how I felt.
03-11-11, 07:56 PM
#41
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 38
Bikes: Cannondale T2, Motobecane Century Comp Ti, Bike Friday Silk, Motobecane LeChampion Ti Heat
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times
in
0 Posts
My favorite, though, came from a Fort Worth police officer behind the wheel of his cruiser. I was riding north on the Crowley Road shoulder at dark-thirty one morning with a great tailwind behind me when he slowed, lowered his passenger window, leaned over, and with a very serious look on his face, said, "Just so you know, I clocked you doing 25."
03-12-11, 09:30 AM
#42
Newbie
When I give someone a one-liner, it's usually because I'm mad and don't have time to say anything really "deep." I usually feel guilty later. 
Once I had somebody honk like hel at me and when they passed I saw it was young girls. They shouted at me, I waited until they were passing and they rolled down their window to say something. I looked over and smiled. They were having their Happy-Meals.
I said, "At least I'm not FAT!"
The expression on their faces was as if I had called them by the nastiest name imaginable.
Once I had somebody honk like hel at me and when they passed I saw it was young girls. They shouted at me, I waited until they were passing and they rolled down their window to say something. I looked over and smiled. They were having their Happy-Meals.
I said, "At least I'm not FAT!"
The expression on their faces was as if I had called them by the nastiest name imaginable.
03-12-11, 09:34 AM
#43
Banned
03-12-11, 09:42 AM
#44
Born Again Pagan
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Southwestern Ontario
Posts: 2,241
Bikes: Schwinn hybrid, Raleigh MTB
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 2 Times
in
2 Posts
...I saw it was young girls. They shouted at me, I waited until they were passing and they rolled down their window to say something. I looked over and smiled. They were having their Happy-Meals.
I said, "At least I'm not FAT!"
The expression on their faces was as if I had called them by the nastiest name imaginable.
I said, "At least I'm not FAT!"
The expression on their faces was as if I had called them by the nastiest name imaginable.
If I had time, I would say this:
"BREAKING NEWS: The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On and crashed into We All Have Problems before coming to a complete stop at Get the Hell Over It. Reporting LIVE from Quitchur B**chin'..."
Last edited by irclean; 03-12-11 at 09:51 AM.
03-12-11, 01:20 PM
#45
Charlotte, NC Commuter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 190
Bikes: Gary Fisher Wahoo with Mammoth wheels
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times
in
0 Posts
I guess I should turn down my music so I can hear the drivers and use some of these responses. Nah, not paying attention to them is better.
Ride safe,
Jeff
Ride safe,
Jeff
03-12-11, 02:09 PM
#46
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 11,375
Bikes: '08 Surly Cross-Check, 2011 Redline Conquest Pro, 2012 Spesh FSR Comp EVO, 2015 Trek Domane 6.2 disc
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 7 Times
in
6 Posts
The best one I heard during a ride last summer was "If I wanted to listen to whining and crying, I'd stay home with my kids."
__________________
"I feel like my world was classier before I found cyclocross."
- Mandi M.
"I feel like my world was classier before I found cyclocross."
- Mandi M.
03-12-11, 03:22 PM
#47
I am a caffine girl
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 1,815
Bikes: 2012 Stumpjumper FSR Comp...2010 Scott CR1 CF...2007 Novara FS Float2.0...2009 Specialized Hardrock Disc...2009 Schwinn Le Tour GSr
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time
in
1 Post
"Hey, I hear your cell phone ringing"
Sometimes, they actually pick up their cell phone and check for calls.
Sometimes, they actually pick up their cell phone and check for calls.
