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  1. #1
    Infamous Member chipcom's Avatar
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    The one-liner thread

    Today some guy passed me across a double yellow on a hill, forcing oncoming traffic into the ditch. He stopped at the stop sign 500ft away to make a left and rolled down his passenger side window as I pulled up to make a right. I couldn't catch what he said, but I shouted:

    "******* Jack called, they're revoking your driver's license"

    "Let us hope our weapons are never needed --but do not forget what the common people knew when they demanded the Bill of Rights: An armed citizenry is the first defense, the best defense, and the final defense against tyranny. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military, the hired servants of our rulers. Only the government -- and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws" - Edward Abbey

  2. #2
    Senior Member JayButros's Avatar
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    I don't get it. Explain.

  3. #3
    wannabe
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    The DMV issued a revocation of your license since you tested 20/200 on the vision chart Mr. Magoo!!

  4. #4
    Infamous Member chipcom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JayButros View Post
    I don't get it. Explain.
    you're kidding, right?
    "Let us hope our weapons are never needed --but do not forget what the common people knew when they demanded the Bill of Rights: An armed citizenry is the first defense, the best defense, and the final defense against tyranny. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military, the hired servants of our rulers. Only the government -- and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws" - Edward Abbey

  5. #5
    Senior Member JayButros's Avatar
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    ^^

    No

  6. #6
    Senior Member Chris Pringle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JayButros View Post
    ^^

    No
    The person driving got his driver's license out of a ******* jack box. Hilarious!
    Handcrafted panniers and bags for the discerning cyclist


  7. #7
    Senior Member JayButros's Avatar
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    Ahh ...that is funny.

    Continue...please.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Seattle Forrest's Avatar
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    I had a roommate who used to shout "sorry about your penis!" to obnoxious drivers.
    Don't believe everything you think.

  9. #9
    nashcommguy
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    Quote Originally Posted by chipcom View Post
    Today some guy passed me across a double yellow on a hill, forcing oncoming traffic into the ditch. He stopped at the stop sign 500ft away to make a left and rolled down his passenger side window as I pulled up to make a right. I couldn't catch what he said, but I shouted:

    "******* Jack called, they're revoking your driver's license"

    Say it in French and Morticia is yours.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris Pringle View Post
    The person driving got his driver's license out of a ******* jack box. Hilarious!
    ******* Jack's standards are probably higher than DMV's...

  11. #11
    Senior Member dynodonn's Avatar
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    Pretty much gave up on one liners, I now just video the dumb asses.

  12. #12
    In the right lane gerv's Avatar
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    Two-liner I used a couple of time, "Where the **** did you get your license? You should ask for your money back."

  13. #13
    rebmeM roineS JanMM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thorsteno View Post
    The DMV issued a revocation of your license since you tested 20/200 on the vision chart Mr. Magoo!!
    Mr. Magoo tested more like 20/2000.
    RANS V3 (steel), RANS V-Rex, RANS Screamer

  14. #14
    Senior Member MNBikeguy's Avatar
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    "Was I on your road?" usually shuts them up.
    "I thought of that while riding my bike."
    - Albert Einstein on the theory of relativity

  15. #15
    Stealing Spokes since 82' Fizzaly's Avatar
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    "don't worry you're the only one that matters" and others but I don't think I can type them here

  16. #16
    It's true, man.
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    (Riding in Fort Worth, to a pushy driver) "You learned to drive in Dallas, didn't you?"

  17. #17
    Infamous Member chipcom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by truman View Post
    (Riding in Fort Worth, to a pushy driver) "You learned to drive in Dallas, didn't you?"
    That reminds me of the timeless classic used by cyclists and drivers alike...

    "GO BACK TO JOISEY!"
    "Let us hope our weapons are never needed --but do not forget what the common people knew when they demanded the Bill of Rights: An armed citizenry is the first defense, the best defense, and the final defense against tyranny. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military, the hired servants of our rulers. Only the government -- and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws" - Edward Abbey

  18. #18
    Senior Member crdean1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by truman View Post
    (Riding in Fort Worth, to a pushy driver) "You learned to drive in Dallas, didn't you?"
    Greatness, and effective.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Grishnak's Avatar
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    What about "don`t be a (fill in own favourite here) ALL your life,have a day off!

  20. #20
    Descends like a rock pallen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seattle Forrest View Post
    I had a roommate who used to shout "sorry about your penis!" to obnoxious drivers.
    I knew a woman that used to say that to middle-aged men in sports cars

  21. #21
    Wheezing Geezer Bud Bent's Avatar
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    I don't remember ever hurling a great one liner at anyone while riding. It's usually the driver giving me the one liner. Of course, the most popular two are the ones that every recumbent rider hears, "Where's your TV?", and "Don't fall asleep".

    My favorite, though, came from a Fort Worth police officer behind the wheel of his cruiser. I was riding north on the Crowley Road shoulder at dark-thirty one morning with a great tailwind behind me when he slowed, lowered his passenger window, leaned over, and with a very serious look on his face, said, "Just so you know, I clocked you doing 25."
    Last edited by Bud Bent; 03-09-11 at 12:01 PM.
    Bud
    * 2009 RANS XStream
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    My Blog - uneasy-rider.com

    They told me it's ok to post mileage over in the commuting forum, so you'll probably find me there these days.

  22. #22
    Je pose, donc je suis.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grishnak View Post
    What about "don`t be a (fill in own favourite here) ALL your life,have a day off!
    After a pretty calm discussion with an idiot driver, I summarized the situation with, "Your life will be so much better once you decide to stop being an *******."

    I rode away shaking my head at myself for ruining an otherwise civil explanation of his idiocy.

  23. #23
    Senior Member AltheCyclist's Avatar
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    Is ******* Jack still around? I haven't had a box in decades...

  24. #24
    Senior Member Aloe's Avatar
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    Here's a few I've used over the years for track to 'encourage' my team-mates or to just talk out of my bum.

    For complainers:
    "Tampons, aisle three."
    "I'm sorry your vagina hurts."
    "Nice kick. Sike."

    Before/during races:
    "How fast are you? Too fast."
    "Cya."

    In terms of biking, I haven't been as vocal, but here are a few.

    For those without helmets:
    "Nice helmet, Roethlisberger."

    For poor cyclists in general:
    "Get off the road 'Qui no sabe.'"

    For jerk drivers during:
    "Man, traffic is terrible, eh?"
    "You suck." (illicit's a great response during the summer when windows are down)
    "Get a brain, moran."

    All time best one-liner for any scenario: "I feel sorry for your mother."

  25. #25
    Infamous Member chipcom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aloe View Post
    For those without helmets:
    "Nice helmet, Roethlisberger."
    If I couldn't ride and chew gum, I'd wear a helmet too!
    "Let us hope our weapons are never needed --but do not forget what the common people knew when they demanded the Bill of Rights: An armed citizenry is the first defense, the best defense, and the final defense against tyranny. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military, the hired servants of our rulers. Only the government -- and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws" - Edward Abbey

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