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Old 03-08-11, 03:57 PM   #1
chipcom 
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The one-liner thread

Today some guy passed me across a double yellow on a hill, forcing oncoming traffic into the ditch. He stopped at the stop sign 500ft away to make a left and rolled down his passenger side window as I pulled up to make a right. I couldn't catch what he said, but I shouted:

"******* Jack called, they're revoking your driver's license"

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Old 03-08-11, 04:09 PM   #2
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I don't get it. Explain.
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Old 03-08-11, 04:23 PM   #3
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The DMV issued a revocation of your license since you tested 20/200 on the vision chart Mr. Magoo!!
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Old 03-08-11, 04:27 PM   #4
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I don't get it. Explain.
you're kidding, right?
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Old 03-08-11, 04:52 PM   #5
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^^

No
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Old 03-08-11, 05:03 PM   #6
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^^

No
The person driving got his driver's license out of a ******* jack box. Hilarious!
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Old 03-08-11, 05:04 PM   #7
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Ahh ...that is funny.

Continue...please.
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Old 03-08-11, 05:15 PM   #8
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I had a roommate who used to shout "sorry about your penis!" to obnoxious drivers.
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Old 03-08-11, 07:54 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chipcom View Post
Today some guy passed me across a double yellow on a hill, forcing oncoming traffic into the ditch. He stopped at the stop sign 500ft away to make a left and rolled down his passenger side window as I pulled up to make a right. I couldn't catch what he said, but I shouted:

"******* Jack called, they're revoking your driver's license"

Say it in French and Morticia is yours.
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Old 03-08-11, 08:34 PM   #10
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The person driving got his driver's license out of a ******* jack box. Hilarious!
******* Jack's standards are probably higher than DMV's...
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Old 03-08-11, 08:49 PM   #11
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Pretty much gave up on one liners, I now just video the dumb asses.
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Old 03-08-11, 09:00 PM   #12
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Two-liner I used a couple of time, "Where the **** did you get your license? You should ask for your money back."
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Old 03-08-11, 09:19 PM   #13
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The DMV issued a revocation of your license since you tested 20/200 on the vision chart Mr. Magoo!!
Mr. Magoo tested more like 20/2000.
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Old 03-09-11, 08:21 AM   #14
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"Was I on your road?" usually shuts them up.
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Old 03-09-11, 08:28 AM   #15
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"don't worry you're the only one that matters" and others but I don't think I can type them here
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Old 03-09-11, 09:10 AM   #16
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(Riding in Fort Worth, to a pushy driver) "You learned to drive in Dallas, didn't you?"
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Old 03-09-11, 09:20 AM   #17
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(Riding in Fort Worth, to a pushy driver) "You learned to drive in Dallas, didn't you?"
That reminds me of the timeless classic used by cyclists and drivers alike...

"GO BACK TO JOISEY!"
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Old 03-09-11, 09:34 AM   #18
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(Riding in Fort Worth, to a pushy driver) "You learned to drive in Dallas, didn't you?"
Greatness, and effective.
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Old 03-09-11, 09:45 AM   #19
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What about "don`t be a (fill in own favourite here) ALL your life,have a day off!
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Old 03-09-11, 09:57 AM   #20
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I had a roommate who used to shout "sorry about your penis!" to obnoxious drivers.
I knew a woman that used to say that to middle-aged men in sports cars
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Old 03-09-11, 11:58 AM   #21
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I don't remember ever hurling a great one liner at anyone while riding. It's usually the driver giving me the one liner. Of course, the most popular two are the ones that every recumbent rider hears, "Where's your TV?", and "Don't fall asleep".

My favorite, though, came from a Fort Worth police officer behind the wheel of his cruiser. I was riding north on the Crowley Road shoulder at dark-thirty one morning with a great tailwind behind me when he slowed, lowered his passenger window, leaned over, and with a very serious look on his face, said, "Just so you know, I clocked you doing 25."

Last edited by Bud Bent; 03-09-11 at 12:01 PM.
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Old 03-09-11, 12:07 PM   #22
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What about "don`t be a (fill in own favourite here) ALL your life,have a day off!
After a pretty calm discussion with an idiot driver, I summarized the situation with, "Your life will be so much better once you decide to stop being an *******."

I rode away shaking my head at myself for ruining an otherwise civil explanation of his idiocy.
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Old 03-09-11, 12:16 PM   #23
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Is ******* Jack still around? I haven't had a box in decades...
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Old 03-09-11, 12:22 PM   #24
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Here's a few I've used over the years for track to 'encourage' my team-mates or to just talk out of my bum.

For complainers:
"Tampons, aisle three."
"I'm sorry your vagina hurts."
"Nice kick. Sike."

Before/during races:
"How fast are you? Too fast."
"Cya."

In terms of biking, I haven't been as vocal, but here are a few.

For those without helmets:
"Nice helmet, Roethlisberger."

For poor cyclists in general:
"Get off the road 'Qui no sabe.'"

For jerk drivers during:
"Man, traffic is terrible, eh?"
"You suck." (illicit's a great response during the summer when windows are down)
"Get a brain, moran."

All time best one-liner for any scenario: "I feel sorry for your mother."
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Old 03-09-11, 12:52 PM   #25
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For those without helmets:
"Nice helmet, Roethlisberger."
If I couldn't ride and chew gum, I'd wear a helmet too!
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