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Old 11-08-13, 08:42 PM   #1
WorldPax
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The Commutinati

Read the following page with tongue planted firmly in cheek.

http://www.velominati.com/the-rules/

Rule 9 seems to account for commuters, but I think we need our own set of Rules as these are pretty roadie-centric. I vote for retaining Rules 9, 5, 12 and perhaps a couple others.

How about it guys and gals?

edit: Here we go. I will edit and add Rules as we go. All respect and credit due to those magi of the spandex who chiseled the original tablets with the ends of their broken aero-spokes.

We are the Commutinati and these are the Rules.

Rule #1- Velominati
If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
Fair-weather riding is a luxury reserved for Sunday afternoons and wide boulevards. Those who ride in foul weather &#8 211; be it cold, wet, or inordinately hot &#8 211; are members of a special club of riders who, on the morning of a big ride, pull back the curtain to check the weather and, upon seeing rain falling from the skies, allow a wry smile to spread across their face. This is a rider who loves the work.

Rule #2- WorldPax
No indoor Trainers! None.
We don't believe in them. It's roll outside or no ride.

Rule #3 -Jim from Boston
Jim's Laws (Better than Murphy's law because Jim told Murphy to STHU in an Irish tavern once.)
a) No matter how well-paved or lightly-traveled the Road, a vehicle is likely to pass on the left as you encounter an obstacle on the right.
b) Like a gun, approach every parked car assuming it is loaded (with a driver or passenger ready to exit).
c) When riding in the dark, watch for cars, not just headlights.

Rule #4- Medic Zero
Signal your pass!
Doesn't matter if it's a bell, whistle, or a hearty belch, let a guy know your coming around. Violators of this rule are subject to whatever spit or snot-rockets they incur.

Rule #5 - Velominati
Harden The "F" Up.

Rule #6 - Velominati
Free your mind and your legs will follow.
Your mind is your worst enemy. Do all your thinking before you start riding your bike. Once the pedals start to turn, wrap yourself in the sensations of the ride &#8 211; the smell of the air, the sound of the tires, the feeling of flight as the bicycle rolls over the road.

Rule #7 - surfjimc
Utilize your enviroment.
It is acceptable to draft large vehicles, cut through lots and/or do whatever it takes to decrease your commute time should you be in a hurry. Otherwise we remain in the now.

Rule #8 - thenomad
We never lose!
If you pass a roadie on your commute, then it was of course a race. If a roadie passes you on your commute then no race has occurred, it was merely a commute. The only exception is if the roadie is also commuting, at this point a special session of the Commutinati will be convened to determine the winner based on a handicap system that takes into account the bicycle types involved, attire worn by the competitors, and amount of accessories used.

Rule #9 - Erwin8r
The correct number of lights to have is L+1.
Some lighting is good, more lighting is better, too many lights is just right. L+1 should never be less than 2 and is only limited by the number of mounting locations on bicycle or person.

Rule #10 - sci_femme
Embrace the gadgets.
Your frame can be pristine or loaded with pump, cable lock, U-lock, saddlebag, handlebar bag or whatever you darn well please. Cockpits can be spartan or closely resemble an F-22 Raptor cockpit. - whatever makes you feel safe.

Rule #11- sci_femme
PHred is fine.
It's not about the look. Whatever works is fair game. No Commutinati can reach Nirvana unless they have at one point constructed and run a set of kitty-litter panniers. (milk crates and plastic bins bolted or zip-tied to the rack are acceptable substitutions.)

Rule #12 - Velominati
The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
While the minimum number of bikes one should own is three, the correct number is n+1, where n is the number of bikes currently owned. This equation may also be re-written as s-1, where s is the number of bikes owned that would result in separation from your partner.
If s is defined by the existence of partner p, then for n>=s, the Commutinati is bound to define p2. The theoretical upper limit, q, is determined by a far more rigorous and complex equation involving the differentials of square footage in the garage and a fractional of the living room, relative to annual income normalized by the current commodity market prices of green arabica, west brent crude, and an annual Rails to Trails membership. In practice, as s approaches 0, q approaches too hard to bother with so p <-- p2 and the whole equation is simplified again to n+1.

s-1 is like dividing by 0. It is undefined for the Commutinati.

Rule #13 - WorldPax
Cars are the enemy.
Sitting behind the wheel of a motor vehicle immediately diminishes a persons IQ and the ability to display any form of common courtesy. Cars are not to be trusted and avoided if at all possible.

Rule #14 - OneGoodLeg/Jim from Boston
The Invisibility Equation.
A commuter's visibility to other traffic is inversely proportional to the amount of bright or reflective clothing they are wearing.

Rule #15 - kimokimo
Leave no man/woman behind.
Passing a fellow rider in distress requires that any member of the Commuitnati stop and render assistance.

Rule #16 - wphamilton
Jeers and Cheers
Jeers are generally spontaneous outbursts reflecting the confines and limitations of motor vehicles and the driver's frustration with having to suffer such a fate, It is obvious to the Commutinati that jeers are an expression of envy, hence are non-sentient, impersonal and to be ignored.
Cheers, are sincere expressions of respect and admiration for the commuter personally and should be returned with a casually deliberate wave.

Rule #17 - Telly
The death of bling.
In the eventually of a fall, the most expensive, hard to find, impossible to tune component/add-on is always going to be the first thing broken, while the cheapest of the cheap, bargain basement, bought in a basket, components/add-on's will never have any damage.

Last edited by WorldPax; 11-17-13 at 08:38 AM. Reason: add Rules
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Old 11-08-13, 08:46 PM   #2
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Those three (along with #6 ) are the ones I hold to be universally true as well.
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Old 11-08-13, 10:03 PM   #3
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This one made me smile.

Rule #9// If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.


Fair-weather riding is a luxury reserved for Sunday afternoons and wide boulevards. Those who ride in foul weather – be it cold, wet, or inordinately hot – are members of a special club of riders who, on the morning of a big ride, pull back the curtain to check the weather and, upon seeing rain falling from the skies, allow a wry smile to spread across their face. This is a rider who loves the work.
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Old 11-09-13, 01:14 AM   #4
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.

I'd like to add a rule:


#?

Frigging signal when you are about to pass! Not as you come abreast of the other rider. I don't care if it is bell or voice, but if you don't want to have me accidentally hawk a loogie in your face, or worse, crash into you as I dodge a new pot hole that appeared overnight and was hiding in the dark and rain, then let me know you are there.

(Yes, I do have a mirror, besides the fact that still, on occasion, someone surprises me, it's just polite. And wise.)

Last edited by Medic Zero; 11-09-13 at 01:20 AM.
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Old 11-09-13, 05:04 AM   #5
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kitsch, no?
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Old 11-09-13, 10:16 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by WorldPax View Post
...Rule 9 seems to account for commuters, but I think we need our own set of Rules as these are pretty roadie-centric. I vote for retaining Rules 9, 5, 12 and perhaps a couple others.

How about it guys and gals?

edit: Here we go. I will edit and add Rules as we go. All respect and credit due to those magi of the spandex who chiseled the original tablets with the ends of their broken aero-spokes...
As a year-round cycle-commuter in Boston for decades, here are three of mine:
  1. Jim’s Law of the Road: “No matter how well-paved or lightly-traveled the Road, a vehicle is likely to pass on the left as you encounter an obstacle on the right.”

  2. "Like a gun, approach every parked car assuming it is loaded (with a driver or passenger ready to exit)."

  3. "When riding in the dark, watch for cars, not just headlights."

Last edited by Jim from Boston; 11-09-13 at 10:24 AM.
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Old 11-09-13, 12:36 PM   #7
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Rule #??
Large vehicles taking up to much roadway are not threats, but opportunities to draft and improve personal best times to work.
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Old 11-09-13, 01:24 PM   #8
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I love rule #9 as well. I've been out riding several times recently in proper torrential rain and got back in with shoes full of water and hands that needed prying off the grips .

Click on #5 btw, very funny!
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Old 11-09-13, 02:16 PM   #9
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Rule additions have been added and credit given to the authors. Hope no one minds if I spice them up a bit. Over time the order may change and we can vote/discuss whether a Rule should remain or whether its position is correct.

edit: Oh and Rule #9 is now Rule #1 since I think it sets the foundation.
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Old 11-09-13, 02:42 PM   #10
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Worldpax, can we have this one?


"Rule #16

Respect the jersey.
Championship and race leader jerseys must only be worn if you’ve won the championship or led the race."

Or are we allowing the wearing of replica jerseys? Personally, I think they're a bit meh.
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Old 11-09-13, 03:14 PM   #11
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Worldpax, can we have this one?


"Rule #16

Respect the jersey.
Championship and race leader jerseys must only be worn if you’ve won the championship or led the race."

Or are we allowing the wearing of replica jerseys? Personally, I think they're a bit meh.
While I agree with the sentiment, I would argue that as Communiati we are less concerned with look and more with function, but this is a democracy. I am merely the instigator and will submit to the ruling of the masses.
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Old 11-09-13, 03:34 PM   #12
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"Embrace your gadgets"

"Better Fred than poseur. And proper spelling is PHred"

I vote for Commutinati spelling, original form reminds me of Communism
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Old 11-09-13, 04:45 PM   #13
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"Embrace your gadgets"
Could you elaborate on this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sci_femme View Post
"Better Fred than poseur. And proper spelling is PHred"
and this?

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I vote for Commutinati spelling, original form reminds me of Communism
Done and so shall it be.
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Old 11-09-13, 05:17 PM   #14
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We don't even follow the CVC, how are we supposed to follow bylaws?
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Old 11-10-13, 01:02 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post
As a year-round cycle-commuter in Boston for decades, here are three of mine:
  1. Jim’s Law of the Road: “No matter how well-paved or lightly-traveled the Road, a vehicle is likely to pass on the left as you encounter an obstacle on the right.”
  2. "Like a gun, approach every parked car assuming it is loaded (with a driver or passenger ready to exit)."
  3. "When riding in the dark, watch for cars, not just headlights."
I've noticed your # 1 myself. It's uncanny. You can be on a quiet country road that hasn't had any traffic at all in minutes, and then in the distance you see a jogger pushing a running stroller on the shoulder on your side of the road. As you near them, sure enough, in your mirror you see a vehicle approaching from behind. Invariably, you can tell right away you'll all be at the same spot on the road! Of course it happens in busier places as well too, it's just amazing how it is almost like a law of nature.

Last edited by Medic Zero; 11-10-13 at 06:01 AM.
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Old 11-10-13, 01:05 AM   #16
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Rule additions have been added and credit given to the authors. Hope no one minds if I spice them up a bit. Over time the order may change and we can vote/discuss whether a Rule should remain or whether its position is correct.

edit: Oh and Rule #9 is now Rule #1 since I think it sets the foundation.
Thanks!
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Old 11-10-13, 05:34 AM   #17
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We need something about how we embrace the YJA, instead of shun in like the Velominati. (I love the V website, they have some seriously funny people on there. I tend to read more when it's road season, though.)
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Old 11-10-13, 05:50 AM   #18
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Jim’s Law of the Road: “No matter how well-paved or lightly-traveled the Road, a vehicle is likely to pass on the left as you encounter an obstacle on the right.”

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Originally Posted by Medic Zero View Post
I've noticed your #1 myself. It's uncanny. You can be on a quiet country road that hasn't had any traffic at all in minutes, and then in the distance you see a jogger pushing a running stroller on the shoulder on your side of the road. As you near them, sure enough, in your mirror you see a vehicle approaching from behind. Invariably, you can tell right away you'll all be at the same spot on the road! Of course it happens in busier places as well too, it's just amazing how it is almost like a law of nature.
Thanks for your seconding of Jim’s Law. I have cited it to argue for the use of rearview mirrors. In fact I wear both left and right eyeglass mirrors and have posted about the advantages.

Last edited by Jim from Boston; 11-10-13 at 06:04 AM.
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Old 11-10-13, 05:58 AM   #19
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Rule additions have been added and credit given to the authors. Hope no one minds if I spice them up a bit. Over time the order may change and we can vote/discuss whether a Rule should remain or whether its position is correct.

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Originally Posted by WorldPax View Post
Rule #3 -Jim from Boston
Jim's Laws (Better than Murphy's law because Jim told Murphy to STHU in an Irish tavern once.
a) “No matter how well-paved or lightly-traveled the Road, a vehicle is likely to pass on the left as you encounter an obstacle on the right.”
b) "Like a gun, approach every parked car assuming it is loaded (with a driver or passenger ready to exit)."
c) "When riding in the dark, watch for cars, not just headlights."
Jim’s Law of the Road is expressed only as Rule #3a. I suggest sections a), b), and c) of Rule #3 each be separately enumerated as individual Rules. After all, there are 93 Velominati Rules b’gosh and begorrah!

Last edited by Jim from Boston; 11-10-13 at 06:02 AM.
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Old 11-10-13, 06:53 AM   #20
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Jim’s Law of the Road is expressed only as Rule #3a. I suggest sections a), b), and c) of Rule #3 each be separately enumerated as individual Rules. After all, there are 93 Velominati Rules b’gosh and begorrah!
but they fit so well together. and you have your own Rule named after you, which ensures your rightful standing in Commutinati history. Surely this is a quality vs quantity situation.
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Old 11-10-13, 08:52 AM   #21
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If you are passing a roadie... the commute is a race. If you are being passed by a roadie, you are just commuting.
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Old 11-10-13, 11:27 AM   #22
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Some lighting is good, more lighting is better, too many lights is just right.
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Old 11-10-13, 03:55 PM   #23
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"Embrace your gadgets"
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Could you elaborate on this?
I propose the rule as antithesis of V's #29 , 30, 31, 32, 34. Your frame can be pristine or loaded with pump, cable lock, U-lock, saddlebag, handlebar bag, what have you. Your cockpit can be as spare as cyclocomp and light, or it could be Tour de France meets the Hoarders - whatever makes you feel safe. Also see Erwin8's below.

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"Better Fred than poseur. And proper spelling is PHred"
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Originally Posted by WorldPax View Post
And this?
Again, V's #14 , 18, and 34. Sure, we look like Freds, but we already know that. So PHred for PHtooey!

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Some lighting is good, more lighting is better, too many lights is just right.
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Old 11-10-13, 04:38 PM   #24
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I propose the rule as antithesis of V's #29 , 30, 31, 32, 34. Your frame can be pristine or loaded with pump, cable lock, U-lock, saddlebag, handlebar bag, what have you. Your cockpit can be as spare as cyclocomp and light, or it could be Tour de France meets the Hoarders - whatever makes you feel safe. Also see Erwin8's below.
Got it, and done.

Erwin8's was already up there.
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Old 11-10-13, 06:10 PM   #25
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Rule #3 -Jim from Boston
Jim's Laws (Better than Murphy's law because Jim told Murphy to STHU in an Irish tavern once.
a) &#8 220;No matter how well-paved or lightly-traveled the Road, a vehicle is likely to pass on the left as you encounter an obstacle on the right.&#8 221;
b) "Like a gun, approach every parked car assuming it is loaded (with a driver or passenger ready to exit)."
c) "When riding in the dark, watch for cars, not just headlights."
a)...&#8 220; and &#8 221; (???)
May I have my " and " back please?

Last edited by Jim from Boston; 11-10-13 at 06:16 PM.
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