PatrickGSR94

How many of us bike commuters have spouses who are almost overcome with anxiety and worrying while we're out riding to or from work? What have you done, if anything, to help overcome your spouse's fears?

Earlier this week it was reported a cyclist was killed on a state highway in my county. Later the details came out that the guy was from Canada, riding to New Orleans, and was riding on the wrong side of this 65-MPH divided highway (has traffic lights so not limited access). Apparently he "swerved in to the traffic lane" and was creamed by an 18-wheeler.

The next day I wanted to take my son to swimming lessons with the bike and trailer. My wife practically begged me not to because of hearing about that other cyclist the day before. Then she also said every time I ride to work and come home after 6 in the evening she's always worrying that I may not make it.

While that cyclist death is a tragedy of course, he was doing a lot of things wrong. I always wear high-viz, have BRIGHT flashing lights, use a mirror, ride WITH traffic, and use the full lane by default in most cases. It works for me very well. I tried to explain those things to my wife but it didn't do much.

Is there anything I can do to reassure her? Maybe some iPhone app where she can look on hers and see where I am, and see that I am "in motion" while coming home from work?

Bustaknot

This was flipped for me.

My partner bikes to work in Toronto while I took public transit. I was regularly concerned with her safety as biking through city traffic can get hectic. She encouraged me to bike to work myself and I wanted to but I always feared that traffic.

What helped me? She took me biking along her route and we biked together to her office one monday morning. I saw what the conditions were like and it calmed my nerves. Instead of envisioning her weaving through traffic, I saw her, and road with her on calm side streets all the way to work.

She has also done a few things that steadied my nerves, such as use some fancy lights I bought for her bike.

Would your spouse be up for a bike? Would taking her along your route be something that might calm her nerves?

Booger1

Quit watching the news.....It's just death and destruction anyways....

I can tell you tomorrows news and it hasn't even happened yet!

Take your better half for a ride with you.....It's normal for people to be fearful of what they don't understand.

Leisesturm

I fail to see how that could help. What happens the day you flat and stop for 20 minutes. Are you going to call her every time you have to stop? If you don't have the kind of spouse that can simply let go... ... seriously, don't start down that road. Clearly she isn't stopping you from riding. I'd call it very good.

H

treadtread

My wife worries too - I imagine everyone's spouses worry. Similar to Bustanot's story, my wife rode along with me on my route when I first started. It wasn't a deliberate, let-me-alleviate-your-worries ride, but it did help. She hasn't ridden with me on my current route, but we have driven that way often so she knows the road conditions. And I keep trying to make my route safer - e.g., I currently take a road that has very little traffic, but has a steep hill instead. We have driven that road too ..

joeyduck

I have a high vis vest, she bought me a high vis under armor running shirt (I love it), I have two rear flashers during the day (one solid at night), I add more in winter. I have one flashing front at day, it is solid at night, two in winter solid and flashing.

I had a road id. I downgraded when we moved to a pet tag with contact info (no medical issues or else I would wear it).

My sons rear mounted seat has a high vis vest attached.

I have to make sure she does not watch the news after dinner for general world anxiety. She assumes every cyclist accident is me. Though less so with my shorter/safer commute. I do not usually ride from Dec to Jan, inclusive, for her and me. Drivers here are idiots and I have a high sense of self preservation.

I also do not tell her about close calls. I tell her about the times I bailed due to stupidity. I do not tell her I ride on the bridge deck.

I call or text when I get to work and when I leave.

She thinks I ride aggressively. I just use road positioning as necessary, I find it hard to justify to her.

She also rides, but it is a much shorter commute (minutes). So I do not worry, except in the night when she has no lights. Then I get upset.

Mark Stone

For me, really the only thing to do was to keep riding and let her get used to it as time passed. Now that we both are going through ours 60s, however, she sees another aspect of my riding. I am not on medications, am strong and mobile, have low BP, no chronic disease, etc.etc. while a lot of family members are chained to doctors and drugs. In the long run, my riding produced a lot less worry for her.

joeyduck

Our Google android phones are linked with our Google accounts and we have location history turned on. It is fairly real time.

gregjones

It does help quite a bit to leave the idiot anger on the road. I find that quite the opposite has helped. I mention when it even looks like a driver sees me, and boast about the times I'm told that my lights sure attract attention.

joeyduck

I forgot about that. I tell her those points. Especially the first day I wore the new shirt she got me a guy pulled up and said it was great. And that thing almost glows.

I did try to tell her about close calls, but I think it added fuel to the concern canon.

When driving together I will comment and point out what other cyclists are doing and why I would never do that. Or why it is a good thing they are doing.

jaxgtr

I have the Garmin 810 and it sends her an email to her phone and computer. She can then check where I am and if I am progressing. I typically tell her where I am going and she generally knows how fast I ride and how long it should take me. She is not in general a worrier, but on occasion if I add a little distance, she might text me to ask how much longer I will be or if I am on my way back. She has only been "worried" once when I was going out for about 3 hrs and end up being out for 5.

Andy_K 

My wife worries quite a bit. There have been a couple of cases in the last 5 or 6 years of cyclists killed on roads that I sometimes use for my commute, so that hasn't helped. I was also involved in two auto-involved crashes in the first year that I biked to work.

The biggest compromise we've negotiated is that I don't bike in the rain after dark. Other than that, I let her know when I'm going to be getting home later than normal. I also periodically remind her of the amount of accidental death and dismemberment insurance I get through work. (Should I be worried that she's pacified by that information?)

Generally when there's a high profile bike crash in our area I try to find out all I can about it to understand how it might have been avoided. I do this for my own benefit, but often my wife and I talk about it.

Case like you mention with someone who "swerves into the traffic lane" for reasons that the investigators seem not to be able to identify are frighteningly common. I'm pretty sure that the elusive reason is usually that the person got caught in the air stream of a high speed vehicle and lost control. This is one of the reasons I avoid roads with high speed limits and/or frequent big truck use.

Obviously the risks are out there and some dangers can't be avoided or prepared for, but the more you learn the safer it seems.

KenshiBiker

Road ID has an app for that. Available for iPhone and Android (in Beta). If you stop moving for some programmable amount of time, e.g., 10 minutes, it'll send out a text or email to one or more contact groups, unless you disable it first. Looks pretty slick. I've downloaded the Android version, but haven't tried it out yet. Standard disclaimer - not associated in any way with Road ID, Google, or Apple.

gregjones

As if snake bites, alone, aren't reason enough to check air pressures!!!

bconneraz

I commute in car crazy So Cal where we average 1 bicycle death a month, just in Orange County. This year, it's been awful; I believe that we're up to 10 already in 2014; this Sunday is yet another memorial ride for 2 recent victims.

There have been 3 ghost bikes placed at different points on my regular commute in the past 2 years. It's sobering. That said, I love riding my bike. I take as many precautions as I can by wearing hi-viz clothing and helmet, multiple rear lights including a Dinotte, front lights, flashers, and I even have a friggen air horn. I obey traffic laws, and I practice patience. I wear my Road ID every time I'm on the bike, and I use Garmin's live tracking so my wife and family know where I'm at. Despite my best efforts, I know that I'm one distracted/drunk/impatient driver away from having a really bad day. Thing is, I could be taken out in my car on the 5 freeway too; do I think about that every time I get behind the wheel? nope.
I read a great quote once; "I don't ride my bike to add years to my life, I ride my bike to add life to my years" That pretty much sums it up for me. I just love riding my damn bike. My wife gets it, and so does my son. While I know they worry, I also know that I can make them worry less by taking precautions, and being selective on talking about close calls and the many idiots I encounter on my commute; many of which are other bicyclists.

There are risks in everything we do. For me, the positive benefits of riding and commuting on a bicycle far outweigh the negative.

Mr. Hairy Legs

I have a decent life insurance policy, so no... She doesn't worry.

metz1295

i didn't read through all the long scripts above, so i'm sure there is some repeating. before i started commuting, i showed my wife my route. i broke it down to as many side or low volume streets as possible. i also avoid rush hour as much as possible. most mornings i'm at work before 7. this allows me to leave before 4. if i get in later, i don't leave work till after 5:30. first 2 days, she wanted me to text her when i got to work. after that, she seemed to settle down about it.

not too long ago i planned a century ride. i taped directions for my route to my top bar. gave her a copy of the same set. as i hit benchmarks on the way, i snapped a pic (for fun) and sent her a text.

keeping her informed will help calm her nerves. if she recites news stories of bad deals, analyze the story and find the cause. explain how you prepare and would deal with situations like in the story. if you have a close encounter, let her know. one, she will see that they don't happen that often. and two, she'll learn to trust your preparedness and judgement when under fire.

basically, get her to trust your judgement, your bike and the road the way you do.

or could could try preaching that you're less likely to die on a bike than in a car, but she probably won't appreciate that.

PatrickGSR94

My commute is 31 miles round trip, hilly, on mostly 2-lane rural roads. So no, her riding with me on my route really isn't an option. I think 10-11 miles has been her longest ride so far, and that was almost all on quiet neighborhood roads.

ItsJustMe

I've noticed that people at work seem to want to tell me about every person on a bike that gets killed within 1000 miles of here, but none of them seem to think that 100 times that many people getting killed in car accidents is in any way relevant.

gregf83 

I usually turn on glympse on the way home which shows the last 15 min of my ride. I send an email when I get to work in the morning.

This morning I drove to work for the first time in 4 months and had a colleague come into my office at 9am to check and see if I was OK. He didn't see my bike in it's normal spot outside the building.

Null66

At night with no lights, I would be upset too...

Batteries died (before they should have) and my light went out the other night. Fortunately, her light lasted long enough. Still I was quite uncomfortable.

My SO is really uncomfortable with the idea of me replacing my motorcycle... Unfortunately, the numbers support her, as does my personal experience.

She's fine with riding, though she is awesome in traffic. I try to be as good.

As it stands my couch is the biggest risk in my life, as it is for most all Americans. Inactivity is by far the most common cause of death and illness. Bicycles are a great cure for that! OBTW, this far offsets the risk imposed by riding a bike. Even when you use the numbers for general populations... There are very strong patterns in bicycle deaths. Half of the deaths involve: Riding wrong way, and alcohol. Oh. Riding on side walks is involved in many cycling deaths.

So our behavior can radically reduce our risk.

bulevardi

My commute to the nearest railway station on weekdays is 4,6 km. Totally nothing. (in weekends it's 15km)
But, I'm wearing a helmet for 'safety', even there is no really dangerous traffic.

I actually am the only person wearing a helmet when I'm at the bike parking at the railway station.
Apparently, other bikers think it's ridiculous here to wear it.

I use lights and reflecting stuff when it gets darker of course.

bulevardi

Hehe, I see.
But actually, statistically there are maybe 100 times or more commuters going by cars than by bike too. It's logically.
We could compare which ones are more dangerous when there is 50% bikers and 50% cars compared to each other.

benda18

My s/o is awesome. She worries less than I do, but I don't really understand why.

We have an 11-month-old that we cycle with all over the city - in traffic - because that's how I prefer to travel. she was very hesitant to bring him into the equation at such an early age. I was willing to concede this but the more i thought about it I didn't want to give up another season of cycling (not much riding last year b/c she was pregnant, we moved across the country and both got new jobs - it was a busy year). I think she eventually overcame her concerns (I didn't pressure her) and we've been riding with our son in a Yepp since April (he was just able to hold his head upright). There are studies that suggest the health benefits of bicycling out-weigh the risks of riding in traffic. There is anecdotal evidence that bicycling makes me a much happier person and much easier to live with. I'm not sure what contributed in her change in heart.

I don't have any recommendations to the OP on how to overcome the spousal fear other than try to make bicycling an activity the two of you can do together. Sometimes fear is irrational and a little bit of seat time will help her better understand the real risks, plus seeing how well you mitigate those risks compared to others won't hurt either.

Ridefreemc

My thoughts are related to Tratorlegs comment. She can worry now (also keep in mind that most people who worry to that degree aren't going to be helped, no matter what you do), or worry later when you are complaining of all the sedentary related problems that were caused by you not riding.