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Old 07-30-14, 05:56 PM   #1
jyl
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My Sexy Opthamogist Tried To Kill Me

Cripes. I went to the eye doctor. I like going to the eye doctor. My opthamlogist is a very pretty brunette with a remarkable shape under her modest smock. She looks deeply into my eyes and asks me to talk about myself. Swoon. The climax of our annual assignation is when she dilates my eyes and pronounces them healthy. I leave with a head full of fantasies involving exam chairs, eye charts, and lingerie. Then I step outside, and try to ride home in the unbearably bright sunshine, with eyes that can't see well. The route home involves streetcar tracks, heavy traffic, bridges, narrow bike lanes, and today it seems an inordinate number of large trucks. I can't see my helmet mirror. When I look behind me I see glare and whiteness. Looking ahead is a shifting blur of roadway and large moving things. I know the route well so I ride it partly from memory. Of course today happens to be a blazing hot day with not a speck of cloud to attenuate the midday sun. Somehow I made it to the refuge of my shady neighborhood pub where I am giving thanks for my survival with a thick black pint. My eyes are almost normal and the three blocks home should be drama free. I hope it was as good for her as it was for me.
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Old 07-30-14, 06:09 PM   #2
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cool story.
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Old 07-30-14, 06:16 PM   #3
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And you left without her number?
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Old 07-30-14, 06:35 PM   #4
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Old 07-30-14, 06:38 PM   #5
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Having had my eyes dilated a few times in my life, I'm amazed you were able to ride off and arrive unscathed.
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Old 07-30-14, 07:27 PM   #6
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jyl,

I see you have over 3500 posts. I doubt any other was finer than this last one.

p.s. I once had a perky podiatrist, so I kind of know what you mean.
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Old 07-30-14, 07:47 PM   #7
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For me its the girl who does the teeth cleaning. Wow is she adorable! Too bad when I see her, she's doing a gross disgusting thing to me. Oh well, I'm married anyways and so is she.

Dialated eyes, doesn't seem to bother me much. I get along fine after the eye appointment.
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Old 07-30-14, 08:01 PM   #8
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That is a great story. I wish we had more examples of such fine prose.
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Old 07-30-14, 08:19 PM   #9
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Heh. I can relate to this story.
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Old 07-30-14, 08:23 PM   #10
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I think I need my eyes checked...
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Old 07-30-14, 09:02 PM   #11
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PDX VA MED CTR Eye Clinic has a lot of students from the Casey School on the same hill working there .. Interns and such.
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Old 07-30-14, 09:18 PM   #12
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I think I need my eyes checked...
+1

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Old 07-30-14, 11:31 PM   #13
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And you left without her number?
I have her number, but I have to pay every time we meet.
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Old 07-31-14, 12:40 AM   #14
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I have her number, but I have to pay every time we meet.


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Old 07-31-14, 01:24 AM   #15
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After the first few lines... I still couldn't figure out what this had to do with biking...
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Old 07-31-14, 04:51 AM   #16
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With my eyes dilated, I would have had to grope my way out of the room!
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Old 07-31-14, 04:55 AM   #17
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Wow, this thread is full of all sorts of creepiness....
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Old 07-31-14, 05:41 AM   #18
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That is a great story. I wish we had more examples of such fine prose.
I disagree, I want to hear more about her, not the ride home!!
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Old 07-31-14, 06:17 AM   #19
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Loved it. You are lucky that the traffic patterns are identical so that you can simply ride by memory.

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Old 07-31-14, 06:31 AM   #20
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All cyclists aren't jerks and snobs, it's just the ones who aren't out cycling.
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Old 07-31-14, 06:49 AM   #21
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Is it better, with dilated pupils, to drive a car or ride a bike? Tough call, I think. One risks you killing people. The other risks getting killed.

My eye doctor in NJ is a mensch, and while I don't have clothingless fantasies, I looked forward to seeing her every year or so. Unfortunately, I moved. I did fix her husband's MTB once. And one of these days, he's going to show me his Frejus.
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Old 07-31-14, 07:09 AM   #22
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Is it better, with dilated pupils, to drive a car or ride a bike? Tough call, I think. One risks you killing people. The other risks getting killed.
Hmm, it is darker in the car. I don't think I could ride the bike after the eye appointment. In a car you are under roof and you have the visor that you can flip down. The main problem when your eyes are dilated is really the bright sky. You can't block it on a bike, but you can block it fairly well in the car. Then again, my thoughts come from first, living out in the middle of nowhere, and second, living in PA where you only see a portion of sky that is directly in front of you because the hills and trees block the rest.
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Old 07-31-14, 08:01 AM   #23
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Sunglasses?
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Old 07-31-14, 08:09 AM   #24
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My eye doc has a big fancy machine that does the same thing without having to dilate your eyes (except in extreme cases).
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Old 07-31-14, 08:38 AM   #25
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Best thread subject line I've seen this year.
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