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  1. #1
    johnliu@earthlink.net jyl's Avatar
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    My Sexy Opthamogist Tried To Kill Me

    Cripes. I went to the eye doctor. I like going to the eye doctor. My opthamlogist is a very pretty brunette with a remarkable shape under her modest smock. She looks deeply into my eyes and asks me to talk about myself. Swoon. The climax of our annual assignation is when she dilates my eyes and pronounces them healthy. I leave with a head full of fantasies involving exam chairs, eye charts, and lingerie. Then I step outside, and try to ride home in the unbearably bright sunshine, with eyes that can't see well. The route home involves streetcar tracks, heavy traffic, bridges, narrow bike lanes, and today it seems an inordinate number of large trucks. I can't see my helmet mirror. When I look behind me I see glare and whiteness. Looking ahead is a shifting blur of roadway and large moving things. I know the route well so I ride it partly from memory. Of course today happens to be a blazing hot day with not a speck of cloud to attenuate the midday sun. Somehow I made it to the refuge of my shady neighborhood pub where I am giving thanks for my survival with a thick black pint. My eyes are almost normal and the three blocks home should be drama free. I hope it was as good for her as it was for me.
    Your signature contains too many lines and must be shortened. You may only have up to 2 line(s). Long text may have been implicitly wrapped, causing it to be

  2. #2
    Senior Member brianmcg123's Avatar
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    cool story.
    Everyone's a roadie, they just might not know it yet.

  3. #3
    Hi-Tech Redneck Johnny Mullet's Avatar
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    And you left without her number?
    Find some awesome places to ride in Ashtabula, Ohio
    Ashtabula Crank Bicycle Club - Search us on Facebook

  4. #4
    Member johnlp37's Avatar
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    Freds are people too

  5. #5
    Super Moderator no1mad's Avatar
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    Having had my eyes dilated a few times in my life, I'm amazed you were able to ride off and arrive unscathed.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cyril View Post
    Ride what and in what manner pleases you. Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind. srsly.
    Community guidelines

  6. #6
    commuter and barbarian scroca's Avatar
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    jyl,

    I see you have over 3500 posts. I doubt any other was finer than this last one.

    p.s. I once had a perky podiatrist, so I kind of know what you mean.
    2011 Felt Q620
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  7. #7
    Senior Member mrodgers's Avatar
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    For me its the girl who does the teeth cleaning. Wow is she adorable! Too bad when I see her, she's doing a gross disgusting thing to me. Oh well, I'm married anyways and so is she.

    Dialated eyes, doesn't seem to bother me much. I get along fine after the eye appointment.
    Ride no faster than your Guardian Angel can fly!

  8. #8
    Senior Member himespau's Avatar
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    That is a great story. I wish we had more examples of such fine prose.
    Punctuation is important. It's the difference between "I helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse" and "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse"


  9. #9
    Senior Member Mr. Hairy Legs's Avatar
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    Heh. I can relate to this story.

  10. #10
    Junior Member
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    I think I need my eyes checked...

  11. #11
    coprolite fietsbob's Avatar
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    PDX VA MED CTR Eye Clinic has a lot of students from the Casey School on the same hill working there .. Interns and such.

  12. #12
    Senior Member TransitBiker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Cyclopath View Post
    I think I need my eyes checked...
    +1

    - Andy
    I can't wait for the next pint of good chocolate milk after a long ride.

  13. #13
    johnliu@earthlink.net jyl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny Mullet View Post
    And you left without her number?
    I have her number, but I have to pay every time we meet.
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  14. #14
    Senior Member TransitBiker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jyl View Post
    I have her number, but I have to pay every time we meet.


    - Andy
    I can't wait for the next pint of good chocolate milk after a long ride.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Ozonation's Avatar
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    After the first few lines... I still couldn't figure out what this had to do with biking...
    Rivendell Sam Hillborne and Hunqapillar; Brompton M6R Sage Green; Salsa Mukluk 3 FAT Bike; Nerdy Academic; Nikonian; Wing Chun; and a Patridge in a Pear Tree.

  16. #16
    Senior Member
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    With my eyes dilated, I would have had to grope my way out of the room!

  17. #17
    Senior Member Ziemas's Avatar
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    Wow, this thread is full of all sorts of creepiness....

  18. #18
    Senior Member jrickards's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by himespau View Post
    That is a great story. I wish we had more examples of such fine prose.
    I disagree, I want to hear more about her, not the ride home!!
    Yeah, I've been thinking about it and I've come to the conclusion that being an adult isn't going to work for me.

  19. #19
    Senior Member
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    Loved it. You are lucky that the traffic patterns are identical so that you can simply ride by memory.
    Last edited by mgw4jc; 07-31-14 at 07:23 AM.

  20. #20
    Member
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    All cyclists aren't jerks and snobs, it's just the ones who aren't out cycling.

  21. #21
    aka Tom Reingold noglider's Avatar
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    Is it better, with dilated pupils, to drive a car or ride a bike? Tough call, I think. One risks you killing people. The other risks getting killed.

    My eye doctor in NJ is a mensch, and while I don't have clothingless fantasies, I looked forward to seeing her every year or so. Unfortunately, I moved. I did fix her husband's MTB once. And one of these days, he's going to show me his Frejus.
    I have made this longer than usual because I have not had time to make it shorter. --Blaise Pascal

    Tom Reingold, noglider@pobox.com
    Residences: West Village, New York City and High Falls, NY
    Blogs: The Experienced Cyclist; noglider's ride blog

  22. #22
    Senior Member mrodgers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noglider View Post
    Is it better, with dilated pupils, to drive a car or ride a bike? Tough call, I think. One risks you killing people. The other risks getting killed.
    Hmm, it is darker in the car. I don't think I could ride the bike after the eye appointment. In a car you are under roof and you have the visor that you can flip down. The main problem when your eyes are dilated is really the bright sky. You can't block it on a bike, but you can block it fairly well in the car. Then again, my thoughts come from first, living out in the middle of nowhere, and second, living in PA where you only see a portion of sky that is directly in front of you because the hills and trees block the rest.
    Ride no faster than your Guardian Angel can fly!

  23. #23
    Senior Member
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    Sunglasses?

  24. #24
    Senior Member RPK79's Avatar
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    My eye doc has a big fancy machine that does the same thing without having to dilate your eyes (except in extreme cases).

  25. #25
    The Fat Guy In The Back Tundra_Man's Avatar
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    Best thread subject line I've seen this year.
    '81 Panasonic Sport, '02 Giant Boulder SE, '08 Felt S32, '10 Diamondback Insight RS, '10 Windsor Clockwork

    Visit me at the Tundra Man Workshop

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