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  1. #1
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    The perks of being 50+

    Saw this is a publication we handle and thought you'all might see the funny side of it...

    • Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
    • In a hostage situated you are likely to be the first released.
    • No one expects you to run into a burning building.
    • People call at 9.00 pm and ask: “Did I wake you?”
    • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
    • There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
    • Things you buy now won’t wear out.
    • You can eat dinner at 4.00 pm.
    • You can live without sex but not without glasses.
    • You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
    • You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
    • You have a party and the neighbors don’t even know about it.
    • You no longer think of speed as a challenge.
    • You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks in the room.
    • You sing along with elevator music.
    • Your eyes won’t get much worse.
    • Your investment in health insurance is finally starting to pay off.
    • Your joints are more accurate meteorologists then the weather service.
    • Your secrets are safe from your friends because they can’t remember them either.
    • Your supply of brain cells are down to a more manageable size.

    //k

  2. #2
    genec genec's Avatar
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    You tell people you did a 20 mile bike ride and they are REALLY impressed.

  3. #3
    In Memory of One Cool Cat Blackberry's Avatar
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    Good ones.

    Your favorite party games are Spin the Bottle of Mylanta and Hide and Go Pee.
    Dead last finish is better than did not finish and infinitely better than did not start.

  4. #4
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    Pretty young girls hold the door open for you and call you sir.

    W.P.

  5. #5
    Around now and then DnvrFox's Avatar
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    And of being 65+

    Folks talk very slowly to you with small words and repeat everything at least twice, and call your wife "dear" and "sweetie."
    DnvrFox - still bicycling, swimming, walking and weight lifting at 74yo is participating a bit in BFN 50+.

  6. #6
    King of the molehills bcoppola's Avatar
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    You can flirt with cute young women and they won't take offense. They figure you're harmless.

    (Not sure if that's a good thing, but...)

  7. #7
    Senior Member NOS88's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kakman
    Saw this is a publication we handle and thought you'all might see the funny side of it...

    • Things you buy now won’t wear out. //k
    My Dad's in his 80's and recently had to have a new roof on his house. The roofer aksed him if he wanted the 30 year shingles.
    A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. - S. Wright

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by NOS88
    My Dad's in his 80's and recently had to have a new roof on his house. The roofer aksed him if he wanted the 30 year shingles.
    yep, i don't buy green bananas anymore

  9. #9
    Around now and then DnvrFox's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NOS88
    My Dad's in his 80's and recently had to have a new roof on his house. The roofer aksed him if he wanted the 30 year shingles.
    I hope my wife's Shingles don't last 30 years!
    DnvrFox - still bicycling, swimming, walking and weight lifting at 74yo is participating a bit in BFN 50+.

  10. #10
    Fred E Fenders fthomas's Avatar
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    Then there are always the "Senior Discounts" (much smaller portions of course, which should be reserved for the plump kids I see today) and my new friend AARP.

  11. #11
    Junior Member Bigburd's Avatar
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    54 and loving every minute, bring on those senior discounts.

  12. #12
    Around now and then DnvrFox's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fthomas
    Then there are always the "Senior Discounts" (much smaller portions of course, which should be reserved for the plump kids I see today) and my new friend AARP.
    One thing my wife and I do when we eat out is we now always share a single meal. Portions today are huge. 1/2 is usually more than enough. Also saves a lot of money.
    DnvrFox - still bicycling, swimming, walking and weight lifting at 74yo is participating a bit in BFN 50+.

  13. #13
    Elitist Troglodyte DMF's Avatar
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    Less time needed for sleep.

    -> Easier to wake up for morning rides. Or live Tour dey France coverage! Mr. Landis is unbelievable.
    Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?

    - Will Rogers

  14. #14
    In Memory of One Cool Cat Blackberry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DMF
    Less time needed for sleep.

    -> Easier to wake up for morning rides. Or live Tour dey France coverage! Mr. Landis is unbelievable.
    I played hookey from work to watch an hour or so. I cought the rest of it on Velonews live updates. Can't wait for the replay tonight. I'm not sure if he's possessed by God or the devil. Either way, what a show!
    Dead last finish is better than did not finish and infinitely better than did not start.

  15. #15
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    Strange things that I encountered recently being 50+-

    I'm 57 years old, actually today is my birthday. Last week, I was riding and stopped at a "United Dairy Farmers" convience store to pick up a couple of 24oz beers to take home after a hot long ride. Can you believe that they actually asked me to check my ID??? They were serious. Luckily I carry a copy of my driver's license with me on rides.

    Then the very next day-

    My wife's parents are both in a nursing home. I routinely do their laundry for them. I was bring their clean laundry through the nursing home lobby when a couple of nursing home residents remarked that I must have been out doing my own laundry. Evidently, they thought that I must live there! So, which is it? Am I possibily too young to buy beer, or I do I look old enough for a nursing home? Very wierd.

  16. #16
    Around now and then DnvrFox's Avatar
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    Whenever I visit my mom (93) in her retirement community, folks ask me where I live in the community and am I a new resident.
    DnvrFox - still bicycling, swimming, walking and weight lifting at 74yo is participating a bit in BFN 50+.

  17. #17
    bici accumulatori pinerider's Avatar
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    The best one - you can blame everything on "mid life crisis"

    Hitting 50 affected me more than any other significant birthdays. Two years later, I'm still in the midst of mid life crisis. How long does it last????
    ...!

  18. #18
    In Memory of One Cool Cat Blackberry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinerider
    The best one - you can blame everything on "mid life crisis"

    Hitting 50 affected me more than any other significant birthdays. Two years later, I'm still in the midst of mid life crisis. How long does it last????
    Til you're about 97, I hope. I dealt with my mid-life crisis by buying a bicycle. It's called the Bad Boy Ultra. http://www.cannondale.com/bikes/06/c...ur_badboy.html
    Dead last finish is better than did not finish and infinitely better than did not start.

  19. #19
    Senior Member
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    You just bought it for the name & cuz you COULD! Bad Boy, indeed, MISTER BAD BOY BLACKBERRY!

    That's why my next bike is going to be a SURLY...and my moniker will become centexcurmudgeonwoody or maybe surlywoody, or centexsurly or centexsurlywoody...
    centexwoody
    They're beautiful handsome machines that translate energy into joy.

  20. #20
    Senior Member capejohn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lion Steve
    Strange things that I encountered recently being 50+-

    I'm 57 years old, actually today is my birthday. Last week, I was riding and stopped at a "United Dairy Farmers" convience store to pick up a couple of 24oz beers to take home after a hot long ride. Can you believe that they actually asked me to check my ID??? They were serious. Luckily I carry a copy of my driver's license with me on rides.
    You should have waited outside and paid some 22 year old kid to buy for you.
    Bike riding New England gentleman.

  21. #21
    Geezer Member Grampy™'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lion Steve
    I'm 57 years old, actually today is my birthday. Last week, I was riding and stopped at a "United Dairy Farmers" convience store to pick up a couple of 24oz beers to take home after a hot long ride. Can you believe that they actually asked me to check my ID??? They were serious. Luckily I carry a copy of my driver's license with me on rides.
    I was behind an older fella, way over 70 by the looks of him, and the same thing happened to him. The store has a policy that they card everyone with absolutely no exceptions. I ended up buying the guy his wine. I mean rules are rules, but c'mon! Think people!
    Carpe who?

  22. #22
    Elitist Troglodyte DMF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blackberry
    I'm not sure if [Floyd]'s possessed by God or the devil. Either way, what a show!
    Notice that El Diablo has been suspiciously absent from our TV screens for several days...
    Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?

    - Will Rogers

  23. #23
    Pinstriper SemperFi's Avatar
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    You can save money on shampoo, combs, hairbrush, toothpaste, toothbrush, etc, etc, etc.
    Specialized Sequoia Elite
    Ride On!

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by DnvrFox
    1/2 is usually more than enough. Also saves a lot of money.
    Ok, Dnvr. And your point is?? Are you saying that at 50+ you can't hold what is considered a standard serving in most restaurants, or, as a SC, you need the money, or what?

    I'm not ready to admit that my tummy won't hold the gigantic portions that are served (and charged for) today.

    Although I like saving money as much as the next guy. I wouldn't let that stop me from ordering what I want at a meal.

    (now, lest you take me wrong, Dnvr, I'm just kidding - I understand your point perfectly).

    But, there is no way I'm going to share my meal with the Mrs. Let her order what she wants, blah!

    Caruso

  25. #25
    Time for a change. stapfam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by capejohn
    You should have waited outside and paid some 22 year old kid to buy for you.

    Got a shock a couple of weeks ago. A young lad in front of me could not get served with beer- 18 is the age over here. Cashier asked for identity and he produced a photocop of a drivers licence. She would not accept it and told him to come back when he started shaving. Lad got upset and got noisy- until an old granny, and I do mean old- Hit the lad with her Walking stick. We now had a near riot in the shop. Lad holding his shoulder and swearing profusely-Granny being restrained from hitting him again, And the cashier laughing her head off. Manager came over and asked what had happened and the cashier eventually stopped laughing. She knew the lad from school and he was not 18. She was just about to push the Panic button as the lad was also a troublemaker, when this little old granny set into him- saving her from a lot of bother. It was a comical situation so next time you go to buy a beer- beware of granny's with walking sticks.
    How long was I in the army? Five foot seven.


    Spike Milligan

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