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Old 08-28-06, 11:34 PM   #1
dauphin
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Why the dark side?

...just when you thought questions were over.....why is road riding referred to as "The Dark Side?" Did Luke and Leia ride mtb's? Did Darth ride a Cervello with Campy Record? Splain, please.....
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Old 08-29-06, 12:14 AM   #2
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It's a mental health issue, Dauphin. Certain posters have a unique pathology that expresses itself as a need to get muddy on weekends and holidays. The technical name for this tragic mental condition is "Stapfamitisonocologis."

Mountain biking serves their desperate need for this dirtying of the body and machine, so they elevate such cycling to dizzying heights...while dismissing any other form of two wheeled adventure as somehow demonic or, in the parlayance you refer to, "dark."

Hope this helps...

Last edited by Big Paulie; 08-29-06 at 12:35 AM.
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Old 08-29-06, 12:48 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Big Paulie
It's a mental health issue, Dauphin. Certain posters have a unique pathology that expresses itself as a need to get muddy on weekends and holidays. The technical name for this tragic mental condition is "Stapfamitisonocologis."

Mountain biking serves their desperate need for this dirtying of the body and machine, so they elevate such cycling to dizzying heights...while dismissing any other form of two wheeled adventure as somehow demonic or, in the parlayance you refer to, "dark."
Once again, the "amateur psychologist in every crowd" rears his ugly head. And, once again, I have to ride to the rescue to straighten things out.

The condition commonly referred to as Stapfamitisonocologis is really a derivation of the larger, more deadly form of mental disease called Garyfisheritislimpusdiegois, which I'm proud to say was discovered by myself some 20 years ago while working with the natives in the greater bay area of San Francisco, California. What it amounts to, in layperson's nomenclature, is the inability to ride one's bike in an environment where one isn't the dominant specie. More specifically, certain cyclists are so threatened by the virility of the automobile, that to even ride over the same paved surface shatters their sense of self worth. Thus, the need go ride over dirt trails.

The further need to get all muddy on weekends (Stapfamitisonocologis) is just an outgrowth of Garyfisheritislimpusdiegois, and it's most often seen in the British Isles...
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Old 08-29-06, 12:58 AM   #4
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Once again, it's time to take a little trip through the No Spin Zone, and get the FAIR and BALANCED story. Felipe Diego, that left-winged bleeding heart liberal has to spin an "itis" for every two bit crumb-bum who won't take responsibility for his own behavior. He'd have you believe that EVERY cyclist who enjoys good old American trails has a mental illness. It's the trail-blazers who, well, blazed the trails in this great country of ours, Dauphin. And don't you ever forget that. And just for raising your question, I'm going to send you a copy of my new book, I'm Not Lying, I Made Up These Facts to Prove It!.

As always, Felipe, or whatever your name is, I'll give you the last word.
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Old 08-29-06, 01:04 AM   #5
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Hey -- I ride a mountain bike -- just ask Lance. Heh heh ...

It's not the Dark Side -- that's for the evil doers from the axis of evil who are trying to build those nucular weapons of mass instruction. I just want to assure the American people that when I'm out there on my mountain bike -- and it's hard work, riding a mountain bike -- I will STAY the COURSE. As long as i'm the Decider in Chief, I will stay the course.

That Brownie is doing a helluva job, isn't he?
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Old 08-29-06, 01:06 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by O'Reilly Diego
Felipe Diego, that left-winged bleeding heart liberal has to spin an "itis" for every two bit crumb-bum who won't take responsibility for his own behavior. He'd have you believe that EVERY cyclist who enjoys good old American trails has a mental illness. It's the trail-blazers who, well, blazed the trails in this great country of ours, Dauphin. And don't you ever forget that. And just for raising your question, I'm going to send you a copy of my new book, I'm Not Lying, I Made Up These Facts to Prove It!.

As always, Felipe, or whatever your name is, I'll give you the last word.
First of all, I've gladly participated in more right wing military coups in South America than you can shake an AK47 at, thank you very much. Secondly, when it comes to "blazing trails," you're current KY Jelly consumption would put things into perspective if it ever became public knowlege. Thirdly, I can count to three, which is a darn sight more than you or any of your viewers.

Last edited by Felipe Diego; 08-29-06 at 02:32 AM.
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Old 08-29-06, 01:13 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Felipe Diego
First of all, I've gladly participated in more right wing military coups in South America than you can shake an AK47 at, thank you very much. Secondly, when it comes to "blazing trails," you're current KY Jelly consumption would put things into perspective if it ever became public knowlege. Thirdly, I can count to three, which is a darn sight more than you or any of your viewers.
Let's just set the record straight, and remind everyone that you wouldn't be here at all, were it not for your obsequious knee kissing of Oprah Diego, who made you, her little boy toy, into a household name. Shall we talk about your first wife, pop-psycho-boy?
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Old 08-29-06, 01:16 AM   #8
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Oh my! I just deplore all this conflict! Big Paulie, can't you do something???
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Old 08-29-06, 01:18 AM   #9
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Oh my! I just deplore all this conflict! Big Paulie, can't you do something???
Butt out, sister. He's my man!
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Old 08-29-06, 01:24 AM   #10
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Butt out, sister. He's my man!
Excuse meeeeee???????? He may flirt with you, but he comes home to me.
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Old 08-29-06, 01:32 AM   #11
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Hi O'Reilly, you sweet thing! Can't wait to see you in hell!!!!!

What? You say you had no idea I was Kenny-Boy in drag?????
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Old 08-29-06, 04:04 AM   #12
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I always thought that MTB riding was the Dark Side.
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Old 08-29-06, 04:34 AM   #13
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I always thought that MTB riding was the Dark Side.
+1
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Old 08-29-06, 04:35 AM   #14
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Dauphin,

The real dark side is the sad state of affairs this great country of ours finds itself in by outsourcing jobs to the sweatshops of China, southeast Asia, and India. The Bike industry is a guilty party to this whole sordid affair as is the Office of the President. First off, how many bicycles are really made in America any more? Not many! Sure there are those custom high end boutique brand bikes that the average hard working plumber could never afford for his son or daughter. But now, Schwinns, Huffys, Columbias, you name it, all built someplace other than here, upon this our fruited plain! There are millions upon millions of our citizens who would love to pick-up a brazing torch, a paint gun, an air wrench, and build bikes the good ole fashion way, with American ingenuity. All that darkness spills out from our once proud but now shuttered bike manufacturing plants. The darkness pervades whatever kind of biking you do, road, MTB, BMX, bent, fixie, SS, down hill. How sad.

And it’s all the Presidents fault. Yes, I mean plural, reaching back at least to Dick Nixon, when he thought it would be fun to go to China. It just got worse from there including that lose zipper Billy Clinton, with his North American Free Trading Zone nonsense. Now JFK, he was a real man! Showed Castro and thing or two. He kept our borders safe. Under his watch Schwinn still built bikes in Chicago. It all went crashing down hill from there. You can still here the sucking sound as all those USA bike jobs were sucked overseas beginning in the 70s.
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Old 08-29-06, 05:32 AM   #15
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I believe Lou Diego needs to find better proof editors at CNN.

Mountain bike riding is only dark when you live east of the Mississippi River, where most of the trail riding is in the woods and it's dark in there. I never ever have to wear sunscreen! It's also dark for stapfam in the Fall and Winter across the pond in the UK because he lives so close to the North Pole. The poor chap has the sun set on him by mid afternoon come the beginning of November. He has to strap on a 1000 watts of illumination just to roll the tandem out of the bike shed.
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Old 08-29-06, 06:07 AM   #16
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This discussion is most disturbing to view at 5:30 am, yet I see most of it was written at about 1:30 am - 4:30 am. THAT is truly the "dark side."

Big Paulie
Felipe Diego
George W. Diego
O'Reilly Diego
Didi Diego
Sally Diego
Monica Diego
Liberace Diego
Lou Diego


It is all too much!

But the real question is -

Where are Webb Diego and Gary Diego? Are they busy losing weight in the weight loss thread?

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Old 08-29-06, 07:27 AM   #17
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Gosh, there is hope for my sense of humor even at my age. Very well gentlemen, its pistols at 50 paces. Now where are my glasses?
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Old 08-29-06, 08:35 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Monica Diego
Excuse meeeeee???????? He may flirt with you, but he comes home to me.
Paulie may come home to you, but big W comes home to me. Actually I sign into his house. 1600 is more than an address.
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Old 08-29-06, 11:21 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by DnvrFox
This discussion is most disturbing to view at 5:30 am, yet I see most of it was written at about 1:30 am - 4:30 am. THAT is truly the "dark side."

Big Paulie
Felipe Diego
George W. Diego
O'Reilly Diego
Didi Diego
Sally Diego
Monica Diego
Liberace Diego
Lou Diego


It is all too much!
But the real question is -

Where are Webb Diego and Gary Diego?
What's disturbing to me, you idiots, is that you find it "all too much." All too much? Poor babies! How about having an IQ of 280 like me and having to read the drivel in this forum day after day, night after lonely night, week after week, month after month, year after year?

Indeed, if there is a darkside on this life, it is this forum, and those who post their ignorant, hilariously non-intelligent thoughts. Did I mention I have an IQ of 280? Did I mention that I have to spend so much time monitoring this crap that it cuts into my time better spent curing disease and saving the planet? I blame all of you for keeping me from the glory I deserve. Morons...

As for the missing Diegos, I had to use my time machine, go back to the 50's and have them all aborted before birth. Their stupidity was unbearable to my delicate and brilliant psyche. Did I mention I have an IQ? And that it's 280? You can look it up, as that dreary oracle of Americana Yogi Berra once supposedly yapped. Is he a member of 50+? Probably not. Too intelligent.

No, the real question is why I -- who can design a carbon fiber bike in my mind with the precision of a computer, craft it in my sleep, and then compete in every pro race in the world and win -- aren't more famous. It's a tragedy Shakespeare would have loved to bring to the stage. I would have played the lead. Brilliantly, of course. I do have an IQ of 280...

Last edited by Cranium Diego; 08-29-06 at 11:42 AM.
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Old 08-29-06, 12:05 PM   #20
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Mountain Biking is the lighter side of Biking- So the other serious form is the Dark Side.

As to the pathological necessity to go out and get muddy at the weekends- How else would we know when to have a bath.
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Old 08-29-06, 12:53 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranium Diego
What's disturbing to me, you idiots, is that you find it "all too much." All too much? Poor babies! How about having an IQ of 280 like me .
You may have an IQ of 280, bird brain, but the correct grammar for the end of your sentence is "like I."

Quote:
No, the real question is why I -- who can design a carbon fiber bike in my mind with the precision of a computer, craft it in my sleep, and then compete in every pro race in the world and win -- aren't more famous.
And, err, that would be "am not more famous."
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Old 08-29-06, 01:05 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by DnvrFox
You may have an IQ of 280, bird brain, but the correct grammar for the end of your sentence is "like I."
And, err, that would be "am not more famous."
I rarely stoop to replying to the underlings who haunt this forum, but in your case, I must make an exception. As a "man of the people" when it suits my mood, my grammar often relects contemporary vernacular. Deal with it, choir boy!!!
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Old 08-29-06, 01:07 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranium Diego
I rarely stoop to replying to the underlings who haunt this forum, but in your case, I must make an exception. As a "man of the people" when it suits my mood, my grammar often relects contemporary vernacular. Deal with it, choir boy!!!
Wrapping yourself in the "protection" of your IQ clothes, Emperor?
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Old 08-29-06, 01:09 PM   #24
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Why the Dark Side?

All I can figure is that mtn bikers have figured out that a constant diet of asphalt, whizzing cars spewing noxious plumes of deadly emissions creates in the roadie population a condition known as "Optho-neuro-rectitus". They just call it the Dark Side because, hey, we all know mtn bikers can't spell.
Optho-neuro-rectitus is an inflamation of the nerve that runs directly from the brain to the a**hole. It induces in the aflicted a sh**ty outlook on Life. I am not saying they are correct. I ride both. But lurk in the Roadie forum awhile and I can see where some would get that idea.

IMO, any type of bicycling is worthy. And all of us are better for it, no matter if it is in the dirt or on the pavement.
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Old 08-29-06, 01:29 PM   #25
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I rarely stoop to replying to the underlings who haunt this forum, but in your case, I must make an exception. As a "man of the people" when it suits my mood, my grammar often relects contemporary vernacular. Deal with it, choir boy!!!
As a "man of the cloth" I do believe my cousin Cranium needs an exorcism. He is certainly possessed. I must confess to all my good children here on BF that OCD and certain other disorders of the mind run in the Diego family genes. These challenges can be controlled, but only with great discipline and spiritual rigor. Many of the Diegos have not found the will power to do so. Just look at poor Carnium's need to mention his IQ. Gary's flagrant and overt sexuality. Webb's issues regarding control of others. Felipe's desire to heal everyone's hurt. Even I, your good father, fall into this trap with my need to hear all your juicy confessions. Have mercy upon us. Thankfully, the Creator does.

Your Good Father
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