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Old 04-16-07, 07:59 AM   #1
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Help! Health Care and Family "issue"

Only peripherally bike related (I tell him to ride more), but we have a very troubling situation with my wife's brother. He's always maintained he'd die by 50 and wouldn't need any retirement planning. He has never held any job (no social-security earning history) and has always been "borrowing" money out of immediate family while he lives a casual, party lifestyle (lives in San Diego area). He's supposedly a decent mechanic and occasionally scores on some "deals" (we don't ask). But now he's 60 and is apparently having some health problems ..and is looking to family to take care of him. We won't abandon him but I'm not putting my retirement or kids' college funds into an endless hole of medical bills for him. My wife is beside herself when he calls begging for money so he can go see a doctor (and he always wants the money first).

I don't know what care or diagnostic services are available through free clinics, or even if they exist in So Cal. I have suggested we contribute toward an HMO plan for him, and will research that option. I worry that getting a diagnosis of a condition prior to joining an HMO may disqualify costs for that problem.

I'm open to any suggestions.
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Old 04-16-07, 08:17 AM   #2
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DBG...

Check to see if your state has a guaranteed/assigned risk pool for health insurance.

Here is the California link: http://www.mrmib.ca.gov/MRMIB/MRMIP.shtml

He may not qualify immediately, but after a certain time period he might, even for pre-existing conditions.

It probably won't be cheap. The cost of the insurance, should you choose to contribute, will be much less than paying out of pocket.

It might be a few months, but that is better than nothing.
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Old 04-16-07, 09:26 AM   #3
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If he's unemployed and has no assets he may be eligible for Medi-Cal. He can find out at the nearest Social Services County office.

Good luck -- tough love can be tougher than you think.
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Old 04-16-07, 09:46 AM   #4
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I can relate. My deadbeat relative is my oldest son. There is no end to what a family member will put other family members through. My strong advice is to provide nothing more or less than what YOU are comfortable with, on this one your wife has to yield to your judgement. This is a potential bottomless pit. Stay away from the edge and do what you can to cut that tie. Tough love really is tough on everybody. I feel for both you and your wife. Good luck.
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Old 04-16-07, 02:20 PM   #5
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He's probably blowing the money on drugs, and using his "health" as a way of getting some quick cash out of you.
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Old 04-16-07, 05:00 PM   #6
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Next time he asks for money so he can see a doctor, offer to take him there yourself so you can pay the doctor in person (so you'll know exactly where your money goes, and how much). If he refuses, then refuse to give him the cash until he agrees. Don't let him out of your sight with the cash, make sure you see exactly where it goes. Otherwise, you may enable him to do much worse than he's already done to himself. In California, Medi-Cal may help. Help him find other alternatives... give him the phone numbers and other resources for him to contact himself. If they can help him but he refuses to use them, them don't hand out your cash. Free hand-outs only relieve him of facing his own responsibilities.
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Old 04-16-07, 06:06 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yen
Next time he asks for money so he can see a doctor, offer to take him there yourself so you can pay the doctor in person (so you'll know exactly where your money goes, and how much). If he refuses, then refuse to give him the cash until he agrees. Don't let him out of your sight with the cash, make sure you see exactly where it goes. Otherwise, you may enable him to do much worse than he's already done to himself. In California, Medi-Cal may help. Help him find other alternatives... give him the phone numbers and other resources for him to contact himself. If they can help him but he refuses to use them, them don't hand out your cash. Free hand-outs only relieve him of facing his own responsibilities.
Very sound advice. Enablement is likley what helped get him where he is today.
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Old 04-16-07, 06:11 PM   #8
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I have the same thing going on in my family and all I tell him, you made your bed now sleep in it. It's been going on for years and I know it's not over yet. It really sounds cruel, but it's got us beating our heads on the wall, like how this could happen. You would be shocked at how many people I talk to that have some what of the same problem going on. I lived in Chicago most of my life, and I know there is free care around, not the best, but better than nothing. My heart goes out to you, and all I can say is good luck.
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Old 04-16-07, 06:57 PM   #9
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If you pay pay the doctor directly, what you describe is suspicious. Like it or not your wife can waste her share of the money her way. Financially Mexico might be a better deal all around for everybody.
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Old 04-16-07, 10:56 PM   #10
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He's a liar as he didn't die at 50. He's had a good time and did not contribute to his own or others 'welfare.
Sounds cruel . . . but tell to go out and get a job.
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Old 04-17-07, 05:35 AM   #11
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Well at 18 or 20 years old is one thing,,, a grown man over 50 and does not work?? What the hell is this? Drop him of at a hospital and they HAVE to take care of him. The important part is not to sign him in or take any resposibilitity for him or the hospital will call you to pick him up. The State system will either put him in a hospital of some kind of shelter. This is what he needs, maybe he'll wake up if not so.......
The citizens of the US will not be losing anything if he drops dead.

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Old 04-17-07, 05:49 AM   #12
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You also need to worry about whether or not he qualifies for Medicare at 65, absent any Social Security earnings record. It may be vital that he get SOME sort of job for a few years in order to qualify.

He may meet some governmental definition of disability which would give him more immediate access to medicare.

??It may be difficult to get private medical insurance for someone over 65, due to the vast plurality of folks who do qualify for Medicare??


http://ssa-custhelp.ssa.gov/cgi-bin/...hp?p_faqid=400

There are many ways to qualify for Medicare. There are two parts of Medicare, each of which has its own requirements:
Hospital Insurance (also known as Part A)
If You Are 65 or Older
Most people 65 or older are eligible for Medicare hospital insurance (Part A) based on their own—or their spouse's— employment. You are eligible at 65 if you:

receive Social Security or railroad retirement benefits;
are not getting Social Security or railroad retirement benefits, but you have worked long enough to be eligible for them;
would be entitled to Social Security benefits based on your spouse's (or divorced spouse's) work record, and that spouse is at least 62 (your spouse does not have to apply for benefits in order for you to be eligible based on your spouse's work) ;or
worked long enough in a federal, state, or local government job to be insured for Medicare.
If You Are Under 65
Before age 65, you are eligible for Medicare hospital insurance if you:

get Social Security disability benefits and have amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (Lou Gehrig's) disease; or
have been a Social Security disability beneficiary for 24 months; or
have worked long enough in a federal, state, or local government job and you meet the requirements of the Social Security disability program.
If you receive a disability annuity from the Railroad Retirement Board, you will be eligible for hospital insurance after a waiting period. (Contact your railroad retirement office for details.)

Eligibility For Family Members
Under certain conditions, your spouse, divorced spouse, widow or widower, or a dependent parent may be eligible for hospital insurance when he or she turns 65, based on your work record.

Also, disabled widows and widowers under age 65, disabled divorced widows and widowers under 65, and disabled children may be eligible for Medicare, usually after a 24-month qualifying period. (For disabled widows/widowers, previous months of eligibility for Supplemental Security Income (SSI) based on disability may count toward the qualifying period.)

If You Have Kidney Failure
There are special rules for people with permanent kidney failure. Under these rules, you are eligible for hospital insurance at any age if you receive maintenance dialysis or a kidney transplant and:

you are insured or are getting monthly benefits under Social Security or the railroad retirement system; or
you have worked long enough in government to be insured for Medicare.
In addition, your spouse or child may be eligible, based on your work record, if she or he receives continuing dialysis for permanent kidney failure or had a kidney transplant, even if no one else in the family is getting Medicare.

If You Do Not Qualify Under These Rules
Certain aged people who do not qualify for Medicare hospital insurance under these rules may be able to get it by paying a monthly premium. They must also always enroll in medical insurance (Part B) to get this coverage. Certain disabled people who lost premium-free hospital insurance due to work can get Medicare hospital insurance again by paying a premium.

Medicare Medical Insurance (also known as Part B)
Almost anyone who is 65 or older or who is under 65 but eligible for hospital insurance can enroll for Medicare medical insurance by paying a monthly premium. Aged people don't need any Social Security or government work credits for this part of Medicare.

Last edited by DnvrFox; 04-17-07 at 06:17 AM.
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Old 04-17-07, 06:08 AM   #13
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I believe in helping those that can't help themselves.

I don't believe in helping those that WON'T help themselves.
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Old 04-17-07, 09:06 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geo8rge
If you pay pay the doctor directly, what you describe is suspicious. Like it or not your wife can waste her share of the money her way. Financially Mexico might be a better deal all around for everybody.
Take him to Mexico and have him sneak back to the US illegally.....set for life.
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Old 04-17-07, 10:33 AM   #15
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This thread is breaking what's left of my heart. DGB's original scenario is one my second-born pup is re-writing. It's drugs and all the evil sequale thereto. . .crime, evil friends, poverty, sloth, dependancy. It's been a kind of death. . .his "walking" death, the death of hope, the death of family love even between us "suvivors", the death of mother-love [which I long held to be immortal], death of future, death of sweet memory. THEN. . .THEN. . .just when I think I've shed my last tear. . .he finds a way to bring on more.

My rational mind reminds me that any resource needs he claims will be ruinous for the rest of us. I have resolved that this will not happen, but it will probably spell the end of my marriage [already wrung dry by this] and put a strain on my relationship with my own mother. I have LONG ago given up hope of retaining my good name in the community. Such considerations seem quaint after all this.

Then there's the guilt, a whole other chapter.

Gotta' say it tho', this message has given me some hope that I can salvage something of my life. . .maybe the marriage. There're some good tactical tips here, too. Thanks.

Good luck DGB; my heart goes out to you.

One last thing. . .god-damn the pusher-man.
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Old 04-18-07, 05:21 PM   #16
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He can lie about his age and join the army . . . free medical care (to some degree) . . .
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Old 04-18-07, 06:55 PM   #17
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Hey Coyote, I, like you, kept looking where I went wrong, guess what we didn't. I have another son who is very successful, and they were brought up in the same house, same conditions, and you hit it on the head, the pusher man. My son thought the pusher was his friend and not his family. I try not to think about it and after moving from Chicago almost 5 years ago it's starting to work. Anyhow good luck and take it easy on yourself, it wasn't you, George
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