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Thread: Lament of a MAP

  1. #1
    Banned. The Weak Link's Avatar
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    Lament of a MAP

    There is a point to my rambling. Be patient.

    It dawned upon me when I wrote on this site a while back that not only are we too old to die young, but we are too old to have a mid-life crisis.

    I was joking at the time, but it sent me into a deep and profoundly introspective melencholy, and I realized: it's true. We are too old to have a mid-life crisis. At least most of us.

    When you have a mid-life crisis you do stupid things like have affairs, wear Speedos on the beach, wear shorts that show most of your manly and muscular thighs, buy red sports cars, and think that the McDonalds girl at the window who gives you your order and smiles at you thinks you are really good looking.

    Then you wake up one day and realize it's all crap. All of it.

    Some might call it maturity, but I call it fatigue. I'm too tired for an affair, too poor for a sports car, have no muscular thighs to show off, and get turned off by the nose and eyebrow rings that the McDonalds girls are sporting.

    In this moment of insight I also realized: I can't be bothered to be an OCP.

    Yes, there are elements of it: an affection for bikes far better than you need (if in fact there can be such a thing), a desire to be color-coordinated to some extent, a Garmin-fetish. Many of the signs are there.

    But frankly, I like wearing clashing clothes because I really don't care. Which is to say because my wife hadn't washed them. Which is to say I'm too lazy to wash them myself. "And so it goes".

    So I'm not an OCP. I'm a middle-aged poser, an MAP if you will.

    Now that I got that off my chest, this is the problem MAPers have: fatigue.

    I ride two or three times a week. The mid-week ride is either a 15-25 miler, or a mountain bike ride of one to two hours.

    My weekend ride is either an LSD ride or, this weekend, a hammerfest.

    I was beyond exhausted all day yesterday, and pretty wasted today. I anticipate being pretty tired until Wednesday, at which time I'll do it all over again.

    Is there any hope for a MAP? Will there be a time that I can cruise with DnvrFox or hammer like jppe and not feel like the very essence of life has been sucked out of my body?

    And will it involve self-discipline, so I'll have to cut back on pie, ice cream, and things that make life worth living?

    Just wondering.

  2. #2
    Prefers Cicero cooker's Avatar
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    I think the whole point of your post is that you're not a poseur. Cheer up and do what you want. One of the advantages of being past the age of midlfe crises is that you dont have to care what the others think.

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    Senior Member Red Baron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cooker
    I think the whole point of your post is that you're not a poseur. Cheer up and do what you want. One of the advantages of being past the age of midlfe crises is that you dont have to care what the others think.
    Yep what cooker said.
    **Fate is a fickle thing, and in the end the true measure of a person is not fate itself, but how they master it**

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    His Brain is Gone! Tom Bombadil's Avatar
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    Ah, Grasshopper, you begin to show signs of wisdom.

    Just contemplate the meaning of these words: "And this too shall pass." When you truly begin to understand, you will be enlightened, and enlightenment does not pass.

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    Ride Daddy Ride Jet Travis's Avatar
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    Screw you weak link. If I want a mid-life crisis, I'm gonna have one. No matter how fat, old, and bald I am.
    "Light it up, Popo." --Levi Leipheimer

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    Banned. The Weak Link's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jet Travis
    Screw you weak link. If I want a mid-life crisis, I'm gonna have one. No matter how fat, old, and bald I am.
    Moderator, Jet hurt my feelings!

    I don't see why we have to drag my sex life into this.


  7. #7
    I need more cowbell. Digital Gee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jet Travis
    Screw you weak link. If I want a mid-life crisis, I'm gonna have one. No matter how fat, old, and bald I am.
    I'm with Jet on this one. +1!
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    Senior Member Terrierman's Avatar
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    Fatigue? Its that what that feeling is? I always just figured I was naturally lazy. And have been told so many times too.
    It's all downhill from here. Except the parts that are uphill.

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    Wheezing Geezer Bud Bent's Avatar
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    A friend told me the other day to just go on and buy the $6,000 bike I was admiring, and explain it to my wife as a midlife crisis. I had to tell him that would never fly; I'm too old for a midlife crisis.

    And yes, it's bit of a downer, realizing that. Would senility be a more plausible story?
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    His Brain is Gone! Tom Bombadil's Avatar
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    Technically a mid-life crisis can begin as late as 50 and last as long as 10 years. So the argument can be used up until you hit 60.
    "Too often I would hear men boast of the miles covered that day, rarely of what they had seen." Louis L'Amour

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    Old Fogy
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    Well now, I am 67 years old and, uh, um, uh, never mind, I forgot what I was going to say.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Bombadil
    Technically a mid-life crisis can begin as late as 50 and last as long as 10 years. So the argument can be used up until you hit 60.
    Damn!

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    I've passed the mid life point, my cycling poseur days are long over, I've done all the requisite centuries, metrics, birthday rides, club rides, etc. etc. I am relatively financially secure, I have no goals except to enjoy life. I am a WOOP, (well off older person).

    Or, in the cycling world, I am now a LAF, (latter aged fred).

  14. #14
    I need more cowbell. Digital Gee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louis
    I've passed the mid life point, my cycling poseur days are long over, I've done all the requisite centuries, metrics, birthday rides, club rides, etc. etc. I am relatively financially secure, I have no goals except to enjoy life. I am a WOOP, (well off older person).

    Or, in the cycling world, I am now a LAF, (latter aged fred).
    But you're NOT too old to adopt, and I, sir, am available. Just sayin'
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    True. However, it seems I am constantly proving I am too old to adapt.

  16. #16
    I need more cowbell. Digital Gee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Weak Link
    There is a point to my rambling. Be patient.

    It dawned upon me when I wrote on this site a while back that not only are we too old to die young, but we are too old to have a mid-life crisis.

    I was joking at the time, but it sent me into a deep and profoundly introspective melencholy, and I realized: it's true. We are too old to have a mid-life crisis. At least most of us.

    <snip snip>

    So I'm not an OCP. I'm a middle-aged poser, an MAP if you will.
    I'm confused. How can you be too old to have a mid-life crisis, and yet define yourself as a middle-aged poser? Either you are middle aged, and thus eligible for a crisis, or you're not, thus revoking your status as a MAP.

    So which is it?
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  17. #17
    Banned. The Weak Link's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Digital Gee
    I'm confused. How can you be too old to have a mid-life crisis, and yet define yourself as a middle-aged poser? Either you are middle aged, and thus eligible for a crisis, or you're not, thus revoking your status as a MAP.

    So which is it?
    Both. Neither. Il n'y que le hors-text.

    MAPs are too tired and lazy for mid-life crises. They are middle-aged and yet not middle aged, in the sense that light itself is both a wave and a particle (photon), and an electron is both
    a particle and a wave. Can one realize he knows all of importance and yet preserve his humility?

    I hope that cleared it up.

  18. #18
    The Grampster tlc20010's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Bombadil
    Technically a mid-life crisis can begin as late as 50 and last as long as 10 years. So the argument can be used up until you hit 60.
    Yeah, we think of 50 to 60 as middle age because so many folks live to be 100 to 120.......we kid ourselves about a lot of other things, also. Wait, ya mean that the girl at Mickey Dee's wasn't hitting on me????
    The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
    --Ben Franklin

  19. #19
    Banned. The Weak Link's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Digital Gee
    But you're NOT too old to adopt, and I, sir, am available. Just sayin'
    ::scratches head, wonders what DG was saying::
    So DG is up for adoption?

    Or Louis is up for adaption?

    Or the two are considering cohabitation?

    There's nothing wrong with that.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Retro Grouch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Weak Link
    There is a point to my rambling. Be patient.

    It dawned upon me when I wrote on this site a while back that not only are we too old to die young, but we are too old to have a mid-life crisis.

    I was joking at the time, but it sent me into a deep and profoundly introspective melencholy, and I realized: it's true. We are too old to have a mid-life crisis. At least most of us.

    When you have a mid-life crisis you do stupid things like have affairs, wear Speedos on the beach, wear shorts that show most of your manly and muscular thighs, buy red sports cars, and think that the McDonalds girl at the window who gives you your order and smiles at you thinks you are really good looking.

    Then you wake up one day and realize it's all crap. All of it.

    Some might call it maturity, but I call it fatigue. I'm too tired for an affair, too poor for a sports car, have no muscular thighs to show off, and get turned off by the nose and eyebrow rings that the McDonalds girls are sporting.

    In this moment of insight I also realized: I can't be bothered to be an OCP.

    Yes, there are elements of it: an affection for bikes far better than you need (if in fact there can be such a thing), a desire to be color-coordinated to some extent, a Garmin-fetish. Many of the signs are there.

    But frankly, I like wearing clashing clothes because I really don't care. Which is to say because my wife hadn't washed them. Which is to say I'm too lazy to wash them myself. "And so it goes".

    So I'm not an OCP. I'm a middle-aged poser, an MAP if you will.

    Now that I got that off my chest, this is the problem MAPers have: fatigue.

    I ride two or three times a week. The mid-week ride is either a 15-25 miler, or a mountain bike ride of one to two hours.

    My weekend ride is either an LSD ride or, this weekend, a hammerfest.

    I was beyond exhausted all day yesterday, and pretty wasted today. I anticipate being pretty tired until Wednesday, at which time I'll do it all over again.

    Is there any hope for a MAP? Will there be a time that I can cruise with DnvrFox or hammer like jppe and not feel like the very essence of life has been sucked out of my body?

    And will it involve self-discipline, so I'll have to cut back on pie, ice cream, and things that make life worth living?

    Just wondering.
    Is this an apology for wearing brown socks while riding your bike?

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Bombadil
    Ah, Grasshopper, you begin to show signs of wisdom.

    Just contemplate the meaning of these words: "And this too shall pass." When you truly begin to understand, you will be enlightened, and enlightenment does not pass.

    You do know the rest of the story behind the "you will be enlightened", yes? The young man went to study with the master who told him that the path to enlightenment was, to carry water and chop wood. He did this for years, until the day the master told him he was now enlightened. The now somewhat older man asked, "What do I do now?" The master replied, "Chop wood and carry water." And, so it goes.

    I can't think of a time in my life when I didn't have periods of fatigue. With age, however, I have come to chop wood and carry water with a different attitude and with more efficiency. I also have a clearer senes of why I'm chopping wood and carrying water, and don't do it when it doesn't need to be done.
    Oh I used to be disgusted and now I try to be amused. But since their wings have got rusted, you know, the angels wanna wear my red shoes. But when they told me 'bout their side of the bargain, that's when I knew that I could not refuse. And I won't get any older, now the angels wanna wear my red shoes.

  22. #22
    Elite Rider Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Weak Link
    Now that I got that off my chest, this is the problem MAPers have: fatigue.

    I ride two or three times a week. The mid-week ride is either a 15-25 miler, or a mountain bike ride of one to two hours.

    My weekend ride is either an LSD ride or, this weekend, a hammerfest.

    Is there any hope for a MAP? Will there be a time that I can cruise with DnvrFox or hammer like jppe and not feel like the very essence of life has been sucked out of my body?

    And will it involve self-discipline, so I'll have to cut back on pie, ice cream, and things that make life worth living?

    Just wondering.
    Serious response...more zone 2 work. If you fatigue for a long time after a hammerfest, you have the guts/balls but not the base endurance to recover. This is not necessarily an age thing. Hammerfests spend too much time in zone 3 which makes you tired without any more benefit than zone 2. The best way to get better is zone 2 rides, recovery rides and pragrammed interval training. Group rides are great socially and for improving pack and tactical skills but tiring.

    Real reason MAPs cannot recover...too much sex with too many young beautiful women. That is what you have to give up.
    "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Einstein

  23. #23
    Senior Member Road Fan's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=The Weak Link]

    Can one realize he knows all of importance and yet preserve his humility?

    QUOTE]

    YES!!!

  24. #24
    Senior Member Road Fan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hermes
    Serious response...more zone 2 work. If you fatigue for a long time after a hammerfest, you have the guts/balls but not the base endurance to recover. This is not necessarily an age thing. Hammerfests spend too much time in zone 3 which makes you tired without any more benefit than zone 2. The best way to get better is zone 2 rides, recovery rides and pragrammed interval training. Group rides are great socially and for improving pack and tactical skills but tiring.

    Real reason MAPs cannot recover...too much sex with too many young beautiful women. That is what you have to give up.
    Oh, yeah, this is my problem for sure!!!

    the Zone 2 thing, not the hotties. I should have such a problem!

    Road Fan

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