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Old 07-16-07, 02:08 PM   #1
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OT: Talking to teens

Specifically, to 18 year old daughters who have a very different "sense of urgency" regarding getting a job than do I.

She goes out supposedly to fill out and submit some applications. Comes home. "How did it go?"

"K."

"Is that it? Do you have anything else to add?"

"I'm doing what you told me to do."

"Is this how we're going to communicate now?"

"I told you, I filled out a couple of applications." Rolling eyes.

...

A few minutes later... "I'm going out. See you later."

Sometimes, even a bike ride doesn't make me feel better.
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Old 07-16-07, 02:15 PM   #2
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Well, they could be 28 and you are having the same conversation.
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Old 07-16-07, 02:21 PM   #3
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What happened to her job with the realtor? As far as advice is concerned I raised two daughters now 29 and 34. Just keep trying, mine didn't turn into real people until about 22 or 23. Actually with the younger one it was more like 26. That 18 to 22 is a tough stretch. They are out of high school so they know everything, and you my friend are an idiot (that's what they think, not me). However, today they are both fine, sensible young ladies. I just couldn't tell you quite when that happened.
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Old 07-16-07, 02:22 PM   #4
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I know precisely how to add a significant sense of urgency to her job search. So do you. Sadly, it won't be all that pleasant for either of you in the short term.
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Old 07-16-07, 02:24 PM   #5
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Sounds to me like she is looking for a guy, cause she sure isn't looking for a job. I sure wouldn't hire someone THAT excited about finding a job. But hey, she's only 18 and will eventually learn.
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Old 07-16-07, 02:31 PM   #6
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One of sons were like that, but now after all those years, of trying to tell him if you want anything, you have to work for it. Now I can't stop him from working and don't want to.
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Old 07-16-07, 02:58 PM   #7
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Aren't you glad she's "normal" and your experience at parenting is shared by so many of us. My 20 year old college student son liked working at a lowlife pizza take-out because it was like, you know, so totally casual. He quit that job when the low rent neighborhood clientele got too scary. Went w/o income (i.e. gasoline) for a few months, then, in a flash of insight and practicality, cleaned up, bought the right clothes, and 4 months later is now shift commandant at Starbucks and a perfect employee asking for overtime. My 22 year old daughter went through a stage very similar to your daughter's but since has learned to budget, stretch a buck, defer pleasures, and is finishing college toward her career goal.

At one time all she wanted to do was be a competitive dancer until retiring at, presumably, age 65. My son at one time just wanted to be an Eminem (stocking cap thug) clone.

Take heart, DG, the Wheel of Time & Life grinds slowly but finely for most of us. Soon enough you'll have an adult version of your best bud daughter back.
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Old 07-16-07, 03:03 PM   #8
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How did you get so much information out of her?
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Old 07-16-07, 03:28 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Digital Gee
Specifically, to 18 year old daughters who have a very different "sense of urgency" regarding getting a job than do I.

She goes out supposedly to fill out and submit some applications. Comes home. "How did it go?"

"K."

"Is that it? Do you have anything else to add?"

"I'm doing what you told me to do."

"Is this how we're going to communicate now?"

"I told you, I filled out a couple of applications." Rolling eyes.

...

A few minutes later... "I'm going out. See you later."

Sometimes, even a bike ride doesn't make me feel better.

Clearly you are a terrible parent and your daughter hates you. So why should you be different that every other parent of an 18 year old daughter? We had one of those. Now she is a graphic designer for a major cable TV network and getting ready to buy her own condo--even asked my advice about it......but it didn't happen overnight. I once had a friend (raised 4 girls) who said "Whatever age a girl is, she is at the easiest age, 'cause it always gets harder. It doesn't get any better until they move home after their first divorce."
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Old 07-16-07, 03:31 PM   #10
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Thanks, everyone. This is making me chuckle and I needed that.

Plus, I just got a cell call from my daughter, who tells me she put in an application at a local, nice restaurant and they interviewed her immediately for hostess and she feels she did good. They said they'd let her know in 24-48 hours. We'll see. (She said they even overlooked her, um, eyebrow jewelry. )
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Old 07-16-07, 03:37 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Digital Gee
Thanks, everyone. This is making me chuckle and I needed that.

Plus, I just got a cell call from my daughter, who tells me she put in an application at a local, nice restaurant and they interviewed her immediately for hostess and she feels she did good. They said they'd let her know in 24-48 hours. We'll see. (She said they even overlooked her, um, eyebrow jewelry. )

Your post reminds me of the time my parents took their pack of five wild children to a nice restaurant. The owner later wrote to my folks to commend them on our family's excellent manners. My parents were floored. They were sure the poor guy had gotten us confused with somebody else and wrote to the wrong family.
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Old 07-16-07, 03:54 PM   #12
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I have two daughters- one went to Uni- Othere left school ASAP and drifted.
Both now working in jobs they love- both got qualifications that they had to work for and both love their Dad after all the moaning directed at them when things were not going the way I wanted it to.

For some it is just harder to think about a career? a Future? Keeping Dad happy.

Dad is always right- but it may take the kids 10 years to realise it.
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Old 07-16-07, 04:13 PM   #13
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Actually DG, it sounds to me like your daughter is fine. Like the other posters say, give it time. At 18 she's still a kid. One day she'll be emulating you.
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Old 07-16-07, 04:19 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Louis
At 18 she's still a kid. One day she'll be emulating you.
Now I'm worried.




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Old 07-16-07, 04:21 PM   #15
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My mom always said (she raised 6 of us kids), be very glad that teenagers are rebelling somewhat, that is how they learn to go on their own and grow away from their parents. I had to remind myself of this often, when I was raising my three, but if you go with this line of thought, there is some satisfaction in how well my kids did the rebelling!
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Old 07-16-07, 04:26 PM   #16
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Now I'm worried.




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Old 07-16-07, 04:29 PM   #17
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Mine are surely not perfect I"ll say especially my son for a few years, but I tried not to enable them to be lazy (ie) no free car you buy the gas and help pay the insurance. I was not an ATM available 24-7 That seemed to encourage them get jobs at 16 and they have never stopped working. They don't ask me for money and they seem to be saving for the future and if I know they are having some financial difficulty I will offer to help and they know I won't ask for it back they all have offered to though. She will eventually get it together. Hang tough and a little tough love doesn't hurt
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Old 07-16-07, 04:47 PM   #18
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D.G. Why is she so chatty? What's your secret to getting all this info and conversation from her.

I refer to this as Teenage Girl Syndrom (TGS). It may also aflict boys, I dunno as we have three daughters. My 22 year old has pretty much out-grown this but still suffers occasional relapses. My 18 year old twins are in the middle of this affliction now. My neighbor has three daughters also and assures me that this is totally normal teenage girl behavior. I feel your pain X3.

Happy Trails.
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Old 07-16-07, 04:58 PM   #19
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My 19 year old boy (man?) gives me many reasons to be proud, but summer job hunting is not one of them. I had an ally this year. I promised him he could have our 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee if he paid the insurance. When it became clear he planned on borrowing money from his college fund to pay for the insurance, I told him he had two weeks to get a job or the Jeep would have a "For Sale" sign attached. He applied for, and obtained a job by the end of that week.

When it comes to living with my two teenage sons, I like to remember Mark Twain's wisdom about his teen years. As I recall it went something like this:
"At fourteen, I was appalled to find out how ignorant my father was. At eighteen, I was amazed at how much the old gent learned in four years."
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Old 07-16-07, 05:02 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Digital Gee
... "sense of urgency" ...(
I have two male babies, one 23 and one 26. The 23 year old was born
an adult and the 26 year old is getting there. The are both self supporting
and (ta da!!) have their own health insurance. Think about changing your
goal for her to her own health insurance. I think it brings the right baggage
with it. This isn't an easy sell but it sets a tone that you may prefer. Of
course it'll take years, but you have time......
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Old 07-16-07, 05:20 PM   #21
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My oldest boy is 22 and most of our conversations inolve sentences from me and syllables from him. He went off to school in Statesboro a few years ago and is contemplating starting his 3rd Freshman year next month. I'd like for him to be a little more grown up by now, but he's way ahead of where I was at his age . At least he can hold a job. He's been cooking at the same restaurant/bar since his second year there and he is a shift leader and runs the weekly trivia night so he must know a few whole words. He also seems to be spending a lot of time with his Martin and his Telecaster. He's really getting good!
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Old 07-16-07, 05:43 PM   #22
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When I was 18 I thought that my dad was the most ignorant man on the planet. By the time I had turned 28 I was amaized at what the old man had learned.

This is a rough translation of a quote I heard but I don't remember the genius that said it.
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Old 07-16-07, 07:35 PM   #23
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I can relate to head wind's post, except in my case the birth-order correlation is reversed. Son #1 is spending the summer between his undergrad and graduate school years working very hard full-time at a career-related internship, and enjoying every minute of it. (He is also into road and mountain bicycling. )

Son #2, 18 and a fresh high school graduate, has a "social IQ" of about 900, but he needs to learn that champagne taste on a beer budget is the road to bankruptcy, and he still needs to find himself academically and to set some career preparation goals. The two are very different, just as my brother and I are or my father and my uncle are.
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Old 07-16-07, 07:57 PM   #24
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I feel your pain.

Mom of 17 year old girl...
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Old 07-16-07, 08:25 PM   #25
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I feel your pain.

Mom of 17 year old girl...
Yeah, and I've got another one -- a 15 year old daughter right behind my 18'er.
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