Advertise on Bikeforums.net



User Tag List

Results 1 to 13 of 13
  1. #1
    Elite Rider Hermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    San Francisco Bay Area
    My Bikes
    Too Many
    Posts
    7,807
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Sandbagging Cyclists

    Do not shoot the messanger...I did not create these. Although, I did laugh at a couple.


    Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They'll say
    anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this happen to you. Study
    this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they
    say:

    "I'm out of shape"
    Translation:
    I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford
    administration.
    I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts.
    My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

    "I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape" ---
    Translation:
    I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering.
    I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic.
    I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray
    energy drink in your eyes.

    "I'm on my beater bike"
    Translation:
    I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope.
    I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared.
    It weighs less than a fart and costs more than divorce.

    "It's not that hilly"
    Translation:
    This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign.
    Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward.
    You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

    "You're doing great, honey"
    Translation:
    Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight.
    This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating
    chocolate.
    I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.

    "This is a no-drop ride"
    Translation:
    I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

    "It's not that far"
    Translation:
    Bring your passport
    "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Einstein

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    S.E. Pennsylvania, USA
    Posts
    1,737
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Made me chuckle.
    Oh I used to be disgusted and now I try to be amused. But since their wings have got rusted, you know, the angels wanna wear my red shoes. But when they told me 'bout their side of the bargain, that's when I knew that I could not refuse. And I won't get any older, now the angels wanna wear my red shoes.

  3. #3
    Happy Rider
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Texas
    My Bikes
    Gold Rush, Moots compact, Bike Friday Pocket Crusoe
    Posts
    749
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    You're doing great, honey.

    Someone will be sleeping on the couch if that translation gets out.
    Bike to live, live to eat!!

  4. #4
    Senoir Membre Rosso Corsa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Southern Ontario, Canada
    My Bikes
    Centurion Le Mans, Bianchi Sport, Trek 3500
    Posts
    424
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    *kicks messenger down bottomless pit*

    THIS IS SPARTAAAAA

  5. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Denver, CO
    Posts
    47
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Every sport has 'em but I think you're right. They want to sneak up on you. "The money is always made on the first tee" kind of approach. Very funny.

  6. #6
    Scott n4zou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    My Bikes
    Too Many
    Posts
    2,393
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    This is going up on the board at the LBS!

  7. #7
    OnTheRoad or AtTheBeach stonecrd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Weston, FL
    My Bikes
    Ridley Noah RS, Scott CR1 Pro
    Posts
    2,161
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    You ever notice that when you catch up to riders they always have a story:

    I'm just doing a recovery ride
    I did 200 miles yesterday
    I just got a new saddle I'm dialing in

    No one ever says, man I was going flat out and you caught me.
    The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard and the shallow end is much too large

    2013 Noah RS

  8. #8
    Wheezing Geezer Bud Bent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Crowley, Tx
    My Bikes
    Bacchetta Corsa, RANS Stratus XP
    Posts
    1,782
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    That's too funny. I stole a copy of that for my local forum.

    stonecrd, the flip side of that happened on the last 200k brevet I rode. I was hanging with a group of 5 others that was way in front of the main group, and feeling good about how well I was riding, until someone in the group pointed out that I was the only one of the six who hadn't ridden a 200k the day before.
    Bud
    * 2009 RANS XStream
    * 2007 RANS Stratus XP
    * 2006 Bacchetta Corsa
    My Blog - uneasy-rider.com

    They told me it's ok to post mileage over in the commuting forum, so you'll probably find me there these days.

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    6,901
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Two of my favorites are
    "Speed is overrated" and "You call that a hill?"

  10. #10
    Time for a change. stapfam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    6 miles inland from the coast of Sussex, in the South East of England
    My Bikes
    Dale MT2000. Bianchi FS920 Kona Explosif. Giant TCR C. Boreas Ignis. Pinarello Fp Uno.
    Posts
    19,915
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by stonecrd View Post
    You ever notice that when you catch up to riders they always have a story:

    I'm just doing a recovery ride
    I did 200 miles yesterday
    I just got a new saddle I'm dialing in

    No one ever says, man I was going flat out and you caught me.
    Easier than that and we all have the same excuse and can use it when the young bloods catch us- "Its my birthday and I'm riding my age." They take one look at me looking drawn and haggard and believe me. Even after 70 miles into the 100 milers. By that time I look and feel a lot older than I should.
    How long was I in the army? Five foot seven.


    Spike Milligan

  11. #11
    Pat
    Pat is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    My Bikes
    litespeed, cannondale
    Posts
    2,795
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Great post.

    One of my favorites is "Let's ride easy today". I think the translation is "I am going to kick your butts or die trying."

  12. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Ohio
    My Bikes
    Trek 7500 Trek EX8
    Posts
    277
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    That's some funny stuff. Thanks.

  13. #13
    It's all about the Ort. TrackGuy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Western Queens
    My Bikes
    Centurion Trac; Carnielli; Ross Mt Hood; TREK 5200.
    Posts
    269
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Hilarious

    Runners and skiers are no different. When I lived in Banff, one of things I heard all the time was "These are my rock skis".

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •