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Old 08-20-07, 09:28 AM   #1
Hermes 
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Sandbagging Cyclists

Do not shoot the messanger...I did not create these. Although, I did laugh at a couple.


Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They'll say
anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this happen to you. Study
this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they
say:

"I'm out of shape"
Translation:
I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford
administration.
I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts.
My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape" ---
Translation:
I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering.
I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic.
I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray
energy drink in your eyes.

"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation:
I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope.
I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared.
It weighs less than a fart and costs more than divorce.

"It's not that hilly"
Translation:
This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign.
Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward.
You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"You're doing great, honey"
Translation:
Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight.
This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating
chocolate.
I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.

"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation:
I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

"It's not that far"
Translation:
Bring your passport
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Old 08-20-07, 09:33 AM   #2
BSLeVan
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Made me chuckle.
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Old 08-20-07, 09:37 AM   #3
card
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You're doing great, honey.

Someone will be sleeping on the couch if that translation gets out.
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Old 08-20-07, 09:44 AM   #4
Rosso Corsa
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*kicks messenger down bottomless pit*

THIS IS SPARTAAAAA
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Old 08-20-07, 09:54 AM   #5
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Every sport has 'em but I think you're right. They want to sneak up on you. "The money is always made on the first tee" kind of approach. Very funny.
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Old 08-20-07, 10:44 AM   #6
n4zou
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This is going up on the board at the LBS!
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Old 08-20-07, 10:53 AM   #7
stonecrd
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You ever notice that when you catch up to riders they always have a story:

I'm just doing a recovery ride
I did 200 miles yesterday
I just got a new saddle I'm dialing in

No one ever says, man I was going flat out and you caught me.
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Old 08-20-07, 11:02 AM   #8
Bud Bent
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That's too funny. I stole a copy of that for my local forum.

stonecrd, the flip side of that happened on the last 200k brevet I rode. I was hanging with a group of 5 others that was way in front of the main group, and feeling good about how well I was riding, until someone in the group pointed out that I was the only one of the six who hadn't ridden a 200k the day before.
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Old 08-20-07, 12:15 PM   #9
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Two of my favorites are
"Speed is overrated" and "You call that a hill?"
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Old 08-20-07, 12:58 PM   #10
stapfam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stonecrd View Post
You ever notice that when you catch up to riders they always have a story:

I'm just doing a recovery ride
I did 200 miles yesterday
I just got a new saddle I'm dialing in

No one ever says, man I was going flat out and you caught me.
Easier than that and we all have the same excuse and can use it when the young bloods catch us- "Its my birthday and I'm riding my age." They take one look at me looking drawn and haggard and believe me. Even after 70 miles into the 100 milers. By that time I look and feel a lot older than I should.
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Old 08-21-07, 07:52 AM   #11
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Great post.

One of my favorites is "Let's ride easy today". I think the translation is "I am going to kick your butts or die trying."
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Old 08-21-07, 06:55 PM   #12
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That's some funny stuff. Thanks.
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Old 08-23-07, 07:35 PM   #13
TrackGuy
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Hilarious

Runners and skiers are no different. When I lived in Banff, one of things I heard all the time was "These are my rock skis".
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