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  1. #1
    I need more cowbell. Digital Gee's Avatar
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    Jun 2005
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    Reno, Nevada
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    2012 Masi Evoluzione, 2009 Specialized Globe Vienna 2
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    OT: Resume bloopers

    Been a long time since I wrote a resume (and I'm not writing one now). Came across these bloopers and thought y'all might get a smile out of 'em.

    * "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
    * "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms."
    * "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
    * "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
    * "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
    * "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
    * "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
    * "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
    * "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
    * "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
    * "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
    * "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
    * "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
    * "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. ... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
    * "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
    * "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
    * "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
    * "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
    * "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
    * "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
    * "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping.' I have never quit a job."
    * "Marital status: often. Children: various."
    * "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions."
    * "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
    * "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
    * "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

    Source: Robert Half, executive search firm.
    Visit my blog! The Leadership Almanac
    2012 Masi Evoluzione
    2009 Specialized Globe Vienna 2

    Proud member of the original Club Tombay

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Brighton, UK
    My Bikes
    Rocky Mountain Solo, Specialised Sirrus Triple (quick road tourer), Santana Arriva Tandem
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    Bless 'em all

    My son bought me my favourite T shirt. Plain dark blue, with on the front

    Perfectionis t

    He knows me

  3. #3
    Can't Re Member Nerdanel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    San Fernando Valley
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    2009 Randonee, 2014 Bike Friday NWT
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    Years ago I received a resume from a guy who worked for a performers' union. He listed as his duties: "servicing musicians in New York hotels."

  4. #4
    Senior Member Terrierman's Avatar
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    I've interviewed most of those guys at one time or another.
    It's all downhill from here. Except the parts that are uphill.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Terrierman View Post
    I've interviewed most of those guys at one time or another.
    Count your blessings, I've worked with all of them!!!

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