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Old 09-13-08, 05:31 PM   #1
w2brdbkr
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it's been a while

It's been a while since I've been on here but lots has happened in the last few months.

I'll start with the good news, I am now over 3,500 miles on my bike, I was hoping for 5,000 this year but I'm not sure if that will happen. I figure for my first year of riding I have done O.K.

It helps when you have such great people to ride with as I do. They have kept me going when I didn't/don't feel like riding, they are very supportive so it is all good.

Now for the bad news, me & the wife have had our troubles over our 26 years of marriage but last month she told me she was finished, done, didn't want to work on our marriage anymore so she moved out 3 weeks ago.

She took our two dogs but I wasn't going to split them up since they are getting old & our son goes to a private school that most kids live on campus & wanted to move into the dorm this year being his senior year so it has been very quite around here.

I am taking some classes called Divorce Care at a local church & they have been very helpful, that gives me something to do on Tues. nights then Weds. is our ride night with the club so a couple nights are filled.

Even though I really enjoy riding my bike it has been very hard to get motivated to get out, it is just so much easier to just set at home so I have to really work at getting myself out.

When the wife moved out I asked her if she felt like she had done everything she could have done & she said; no probably not but she was done.

Two years ago we separated for 7 months & I tried to better myself but it sounds like maybe I didn't do the right things & I am learning that I wasn't the best husband but I hope to work on that. Maybe not for this relationship but at least for me down the road.

I hope to be back checking out this great site & yes I will be O.K.!!!! I have a bike that is great therapy for me.



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Old 09-13-08, 06:10 PM   #2
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it takes 2 so don't put all ofthe blame on yourself,and sitting around doing nothing that is very easy to do blaming yourself
about 5 years ago my wife and I seperated for 9 months fortuantely we worked things out but i understand where you are coming from.
best of luck to you
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Old 09-13-08, 06:45 PM   #3
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That might have been part of the problem after we got back together after our separation, I didn't set around and wait to see what she wanted to do.

I lost 60 pounds during the separation, tried eating healthier, and she just sat around reading her book, but that was only part of it, I didn't do the best I could being a husband but I'm working on that now.

Her best friend passed away about 2 months after we got back together & that didn't help either because she just wanted to set at home & I was out riding my bike with new friends.
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Old 09-13-08, 08:04 PM   #4
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my wife left me in 1996 and she should have we got back together in 1997.I left heri n 2000 and I should have after 3 months we got back together.I left her again in 2006 and I should have got back together in 2007.first two times I sat around and felt sorry for myself the last time I went on with my life and it wasn't bad almost didn't go back .A good friend told me I should take her back because I had screwed up one woman and didn't need to go screw up another one lol.
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Old 09-13-08, 08:48 PM   #5
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Good news: Good to see you back.

Bad news: Sorry about the wife. She was a good SAG driver.

After 16 years, my ex left me for someone half my age back in '96. Best thing that every happened to me. The no good, two-timing, gold-digger was dropped like a hot potato when his new boyfriend found out I was the gravy train. Hehehe... Since then, he's gone from fat to enormous, had two heart attacks and has Type II diabetes. Last I saw a couple of years ago, he hobbled around with a cane, huffing and puffing.
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Old 09-13-08, 08:50 PM   #6
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My wife of 25+ years walked out on me and my 2 youngest boys (11 and 13 at the time). I know what you're gong thru. Sorry you're going thru this. Don't blame yourself. Two people are involved in every marriage and breakup.
Not sure if there's a reason or purpose but it will get better. It definitely did for me.
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The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. - Psalm 103:8
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Old 09-13-08, 10:17 PM   #7
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Been there, done that. Twice!

It takes time to heal. Be good to yourself. Sometime down the road you'll realize it doesn't hurt anymore, really it does get better. It can be a time of personal growth and discovery.
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Old 09-13-08, 10:47 PM   #8
card
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Quote:
Originally Posted by w2brdbkr View Post
It's been a while since I've been on here but lots has happened in the last few months.

I'll start with the good news, I am now over 3,500 miles on my bike, I was hoping for 5,000 this year but I'm not sure if that will happen. I figure for my first year of riding I have done O.K.

It helps when you have such great people to ride with as I do. They have kept me going when I didn't/don't feel like riding, they are very supportive so it is all good.

Now for the bad news, me & the wife have had our troubles over our 26 years of marriage but last month she told me she was finished, done, didn't want to work on our marriage anymore so she moved out 3 weeks ago.

She took our two dogs but I wasn't going to split them up since they are getting old & our son goes to a private school that most kids live on campus & wanted to move into the dorm this year being his senior year so it has been very quite around here.

I am taking some classes called Divorce Care at a local church & they have been very helpful, that gives me something to do on Tues. nights then Weds. is our ride night with the club so a couple nights are filled.

Even though I really enjoy riding my bike it has been very hard to get motivated to get out, it is just so much easier to just set at home so I have to really work at getting myself out.

When the wife moved out I asked her if she felt like she had done everything she could have done & she said; no probably not but she was done.

Two years ago we separated for 7 months & I tried to better myself but it sounds like maybe I didn't do the right things & I am learning that I wasn't the best husband but I hope to work on that. Maybe not for this relationship but at least for me down the road.

I hope to be back checking out this great site & yes I will be O.K.!!!! I have a bike that is great therapy for me.



OK, this will be one of the only serious posts I will ever do. I was married for 29 years before I divorced. We have two children. They took their mother's side. About 6 yrs later, they figured out what happened and decided maybe I was the good one in the relationship. I went to the shrink for 4 years--the one the ex picked out to make the marriage work. The shrink told me that I had better find some friends because that was all I was coming out of this relationship with. She told my ex I was totally changed and the only thing about me that was the same was that I processed info the same way.
The ex quit going after 2 months---she chose going the the counselor--she chose the counselor. Your situation sounds too familiar. I didn't screw around on her, but I'm happier now than I've ever been, and I hop the same happens for you.

Now, back to the cynical AH mode.
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Old 09-13-08, 11:05 PM   #9
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sorry to hear your news. Similar to RonH, my wife abandoned our children (two sons) while I was in the Gulf playing soldier. Suddenly I was a civilian and single Dad. It took awhile, but life goes on. Because of the boys, it gets funner every day. The boys and my bikes helped me hold it together until I got squared away. Took awhile to learn it wasn't me. Took awhile to learn that life is still good. Like others have said.... Get out and ride (often.) Find something to laugh about (real belly laughing... almost pee your pants laughing) every day. Smile lots. Know that you have friends.

and....

be well,

jim
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Old 09-14-08, 06:34 PM   #10
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I decided not to ride today & work on the inside of the Duplex. One of the many things me & the wife disagree about was how clean the house should be. In my younger days I could care less but now that I'm getting older I like it cleaner then she did. When we got back together after our 7 month separation I was doing all the cleaning, cooking, and most of the laundry.

Like I said her best friend passed away about 3 months after we got back together & I really feel that had a lot to do with it as well because she didn't feel like doing anything & now I'm learning & understanding why it affects people but she never shared any of her feelings with me.

When she moved out she left a miss & it just helped me see the true person she had become.

So today I painted a wall in the dining room that was a really light pink. I was told that is not a color you would want in a bachelor pad. I was also told I needed glass drinking glasses, I had always used plastic so I had bought a set of glass drinking glasses but they just weren't big enough so today I bought four 20oz. glasses to go with the set so I'm set there.

I have three sisters, ride with some great gals, & work with some that keep me motivated so I'm learning what to do & what not to do. Now will it help I don't know, I am a little thick headed.

Everyone tells me I'll be fine, they tell me I'll be better off, & I also feel that I'll be better off as well but it sure is hard going threw this. I wished I could just come out the other end but then I would miss all the lessons that come with a divorce so I might as well try & be positive & learn as much as I can.



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Old 09-14-08, 06:48 PM   #11
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I have been married a long time and on a few occasions we have had pretty big disagreements. On these occasions I have found it hard to concentrate at work or anywhere else, so I can only imagine how much it must be on your mind. It sounds like you have some supporting family and friends. I think you will come out of this just fine with their support. I know for me riding is a great stress reliever.
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Old 09-15-08, 06:29 AM   #12
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I was a single parent for 20 years.

Get on with your life, don't look back, try to stop thinking of the way things were.

Each day you will get further down the road.

It ain't fun but it happens.

We have been there and we understand.
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Old 09-15-08, 06:39 AM   #13
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Life is hard. We all do the best we can to make it through. Sometimes the best we can do falls short of what the situation needs, but as I said.... life is hard. Hope your future roads are a bit less bumpy.
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Old 09-15-08, 10:27 AM   #14
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SHE TOOK THE DOGS?!?
The woman has a cold heart.

Enjoy the ride.
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