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  1. #1
    Banned. The Weak Link's Avatar
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    Barking Betty Bonzo Buzzkill

    Brief notes from the OKHT

    The annual Old Kentucky Home Tour is an annual event which goes from Louisville down to Bardstown on day one and returns on day two. One may take a 50, 70, or 100 mile route heading to Bardstown. The starting point is 5 miles from my house, so I chose to ride up to it and then down for the 70 miler, giving me a total of 75 miles. My longest ride to date had been 62, exactly one year ago.

    The first 5 miles were spent in chilly blissful solitude, then I encountered a large group of largely female riders, the Barking Betties. Fueled up no doubt by large amounts of caffeine generously laced by Estratest, these ladies screeched and barked the entire time I rode with them: "Car up! Car back! Stick! Squirrel on road!" I know some of this is proper on group rides but when carried to extremes and done with Hillariesque voices it was quite a nightmarish experience.

    On one hill that I used to go down without brakes and now feather them in deference to my glacially-receding reaction time, the Bettys hit the brakes, their bikes squealing as if in pain. I end up in the left-hand side of the right lane trying to avoid the maelstrom, only to have an alpha-Betty pull up and lecture me, "I hate to pass you on the right, but you shouldn't be riding on the left, and blah blah blah" as she sped off into the distance.

    Maybe I'll try the century

    The alpha-Betty experience reminded me to slow down and enjoy the ride, which I did, for awhile. The route took us through beautiful farmland, creek bottoms, rolling hills, cornfields, dairy farms, you name it. I loved it. By mile 40 I felt fine and started pondering perhaps going for 100 rather than 75. I made no effort to stay up with anyone: no pacelines, no "squirrel on left". It was very relaxing.

    About this average moving speed business

    Some hardcore riders complain that the OKHT is one big SAG interrupted by brief moments of asphalt. They'd be right, although I don't see it as a problem. There were five SAGs on the trip, which meant that I saw some riders pass me five times. I'm sure they had average moving speeds far higher than mine, and yet covered the same distance only 10-15 minutes quicker than I did. I'm not into numbers envy, so I guess it's OK with me, but I'm always skeptical when some of the folks make a big deal about their average moving speed. Mine was 13.4 MPH. I'm not sure that means much. I finished the trip on the same day. That is what I was aiming for.

    What part of me is not in pain right now?

    Unfortunately at or around mile 50 everything started to hurt: back, neck, legs, feet (a little) to the point where I amused myself by cataloging body parts that weren't hurting. That list was pretty short and included things like nares, left testicle, and a few other things, but everything else just hurt.

    First I decided that the 100 miler was not a good idea. Then I began to question why I was out there in the first place. I wasn't sure whether to go for an out-of-body experience where I just detached from all bodily things, or to go for an "embrace the pain and flow with it" zen/mortification approach. Mainly I just counted off miles until I was done.

    So how do you do it?

    That part was pretty discouraging. I've been pretty active in my cycling all year. I've been averaging around 240 miles a month, which is a lot for me. I know I've elongated the distance I can go before I wear out, but I just can't ever imagine going 100 miles, much less enjoying it. More power to some of you hammerheads out there. I'll never be able to keep up with you.

    Barking Betty redux

    So at mile 62 I encounter a big nasty hill on a road with a very poor surface. About two-thirds up the way I decide the pain/enjoyment ratio did not justify continuation so I stopped, hopped off my bike, and pushed it for about 20 yards. Riding up behind me was none other than the alpha-Betty who had read me the riot act about 4 hours ago.

    "That looks like a good idea! We're just having mechanicals, right? It's not like we couldn't make it if we really wanted to. It's hot out here. How come they don't have SAGs the last 20 miles when you really need them and blah blah blah".

    It was enough to motivate me to get my butt back on the bike and grind my way to the top of the hill. As I pedaled off I could still hear her prattle on about something. I didn't see her anymore for the rest of the ride.

    Day 2

    There was a 50 miler on day two. The weather is perfect outside: 72 degrees and sunny, light wind, gorgeous. I hope everyone had a good time. I slept in and woke up at 11:30 AM.
    Last edited by The Weak Link; 09-13-09 at 01:24 PM.

  2. #2
    I need more cowbell. Digital Gee's Avatar
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    So, how was the ride?
    Visit my blog! The Leadership Almanac
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  3. #3
    just keep riding BluesDawg's Avatar
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    Congrats on your longest ride to date.

    Did you not also ride the 5 miles home to make it 80 miles?
    The more you ride your bike, the less your ass will hurt.

  4. #4
    Small Member maddmaxx's Avatar
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    WL, you should write a column...........

  5. #5
    Banned. The Weak Link's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BluesDawg View Post
    Congrats on your longest ride to date.

    Did you not also ride the 5 miles home to make it 80 miles?
    It's not a loop, it's an out one day and back the other.

    Last year I stayed at some friends at Bardstown but this year I had my wife pick me up and go back to Louisville. I'm glad I did that. I was too tired to be sociable this year.

    Sunday includes an out-and-back option. That's what I would have done today. But today, I got nothin'.

  6. #6
    gone ride'n cyclinfool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by maddmaxx View Post
    WL, you should write a column...........
    +1 - I always enjoy your posts.
    "Of all the things I ever lost I miss my mind the most." Mark Twain
    If all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Kurt Erlenbach's Avatar
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    I've found that the key to riding centuries or other long rides is to make a plan regarding eating, drinking, and resting, and then stick to it. Stop and eat when planned, no matter how good you feel. Drink the right amount no matter whether you feel well-hydrated. Stop and stretch and walk around no matter how good you feel. Beyond that, it's a matter of getting the old body used to riding for six or seven or eight hours.

  8. #8
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    For the pain.....Recumbent.

    For the non-stop talking......I wish I knew. I work with a similar woman 12.5 hours a day, 4 days per week, 52 weeks per year.

    Great report.

  9. #9
    Slo Spoke Jim kjc9640's Avatar
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    Weak Link, great story, I'm glad you had a good time. Have you signed up for next years ride yet?
    SloSpoke Jim

  10. #10
    Senior Member kr32's Avatar
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    I enjoy your posts reports alot. Makes me laugh and feel like I am there with you, well for a breif time as I would more than likely move on past at some point. No harm just I ride faster and with no pain.
    Your report makes me know why I like solo rides too. I was riding today and did 57 and I saw a Local Ride of some sort and there were bikes everywhere. They were going the opposite direction and I was glad because I sure would not have wanted to get into that mess. I was waving at them until I noticed that nobody was waving back, weird. A few smiled but come on give a wave people.
    Maybe they were just tired? I dunno.
    Anyway congrats on your personal longest ride to date!

  11. #11
    Senior Member MinnMan's Avatar
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    Great story. I'm glad you're philosophical about missing the second day's ride. 75 miles in a day is more than 99.9x% of the population could handle.

  12. #12
    Let's do a Century jppe's Avatar
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    Nice writeup!!

  13. #13
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    "Barking Betty"... I nearly fell off my chair laughing.

  14. #14
    His Brain is Gone! Tom Bombadil's Avatar
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    75 miles! Congrats! Doubt I'll ever do that.

    With this ride you have now passed me on our longest rides. I was at 64, you at 62.

    So you let the alpha-Betty get your goat, eh? She got you back up on your bike.
    "Too often I would hear men boast of the miles covered that day, rarely of what they had seen." Louis L'Amour

    There are two types of road bikers: bikers who are faster than me, and me. Bruce Cameron - Denver Post

  15. #15
    Senior Member Allegheny Jet's Avatar
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    Nice ride report and congrats on a PR. I'll attempt to avoid squirrel loving Barking Betties on future rides, thanks for the tip.
    oldschool areodynamic brick

  16. #16
    Time for a change. stapfam's Avatar
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    People get upset because I use an I-Pod. At least that has a volume control.
    How long was I in the army? Five foot seven.


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  17. #17
    Banned. The Weak Link's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stapfam View Post
    People get upset because I use an I-Pod. At least that has a volume control.
    I took BD's advise heart on Saturday: no pacelines and no IPods. I think that was pretty good advise.

  18. #18
    Elite Rider Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Weak Link View Post
    I took BD's advise heart on Saturday: no pacelines and no IPods. I think that was pretty good advise.
    My feelings are hurt. I thought I gave you that advice. However, clever report and great result.

  19. #19
    Yen
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    Surly Girly Yen's Avatar
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    Hilarious report, thanks for the laughs, and congratulations on your new milestone. It's all downhill from here.
    Specialized Roubaix Expert
    Surly Long Haul Trucker

  20. #20
    Senior Member gcottay's Avatar
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    Is there a way to expunge "Barking Betty" from one's mind?

    A friend, though a great lady, is an Alpha Betty all over and I am sure to start calling her Betty rather than ________.

    Reading good writing is often a mistake.
    George
    Laissez les bon temps rouler

  21. #21
    Senior Member kr32's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gcottay View Post
    Is there a way to expunge "Barking Betty" from one's mind?

    A friend, though a great lady, is an Alpha Betty all over and I am sure to start calling her Betty rather than ________.

    Reading good writing is often a mistake.
    Just be careful not to tell her to stop barking at you!

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